Chapter Thirty-Eight

Not only did Benjamin attract people like moths to a flame, but Alice did too. When I finally left my bungalow, wearing a simple blue dress, a straw hat, and a layer of sunscreen, I firmly decided that I would ignore Alice. There was nothing to talk about.

But when I entered the lobby, everyone was already gathered around Benjamin and Alice. Jessica was talking to her, her eyes slipping over the length of her body. Oh, Jess.

Alice turned to me, her hair hung in flowy waves, a tiny braid with a goddamned flower sat on one side of her head. She was wearing jean shorts and a white shirt that showed a cropped tank beneath it. Simple white sneakers complemented the look of the casual queen, the huge stone on her finger did not. I tried not to stare at the ring. She looked at me and smiled uncertainly. I looked away.

Everything about her made me angry. Just looking at those eyes I had drowned in before, left me enraged.

A text pinged on my phone, and when I unlocked the screen, a little smile crept onto my lips.

Thank God there is no Miranda's punch on that island. But there is rum and jet lag which can have the same effect, so please be careful. A hot tub with talks about literature can turn into naked swimming in the sea. And it's not that I'm against swimming naked. I would very much like it. Anyway, what I wanted to say is ... Forget it. I'm just worried. How are you?

I typed back: Already swimming naked (grinning emoji)

Three dots appeared and disappeared again.

A white minibus stopped right by the hotel entrance, and one by one, we filed inside. I climbed right into the back, hoping to sit alone, but Dave sat beside me. Alice and Olga were in the row in front of us.

Benjamin turned from the front seat and flashed his relaxed smile at us. His eyes flicked to the phone in my hand, and he smiled wider.

"Emily, could you please snap a picture of us from the back?" he asked.

I nodded and when I turned the camera to them, he shook his hand.

"A selfie, so everyone is in," Benjamin said.

I turned my phone and tried to fit every smiling face in. One of the most insincere smiles I had ever given tugged my lips as I snapped a few shots of everyone.

"Thanks!" Everyone chimed.

I nodded and slumped back. Even Dave who hated being photographed was smiling in the photo.

I sent it to Arthur, and then to Miranda.

You're snarling. And which one is Alice? Arthur asked in a text.

The one with the flower.

Blimey. Good luck, Emily.

I snorted. Dave turned to me from the window, raised an eyebrow, and looked back. I finally looked outside as our bus rushed through the streets. It honked aggressively, dodging colorful buses with blaring music. Everything about the roads in Sri Lanka was the opposite of serene, nothing like the serenity of the hotel and everything promised to tourists. Cows lounged on the side of the road—one crossed slowly without batting an eye at all the honking and shouting. Cars and bikes easily maneuvered around it. They didn't flinch as they brushed past the big animal.

It was such a different world, and I could not look away as my phone kept vibrating in my hand. I realized that Alice being there stopped me from even looking around. I had been shielding myself behind my phone's screen. As we rushed madly through the streets, I watched rows of fish drying in the sun, with a perfect view of the ocean and palm trees behind them. Stalls with numerous fruits, bright and unusual, were dotted along the side of the road, inches away from the rushing traffic.

But my phone kept buzzing in my hand. I looked at the screen and scrolled down to the end of the longest line of curse words I had ever seen. Miranda was furious.

Why the hell is she there?!

Those few years after Jake died, I had not really been alive. Only a shell-shaped form of me existed. My heart had shattered into pieces; Miranda had picked each of them up and tried to glue them back together. It was a slow process and I had healed with her help. And when I could finally take a breath without my chest feeling crushed, Miranda had confessed that she hated Alice. She hated her for leaving me. For leaving me knowing that I had lost my dad so recently. Even with that knowledge, she had chosen to disappear. Then the wave of bitter rage came for me, and it stayed. Miranda never forgave Alice. Neither did I.

I'll explain later.I texted back to Miranda.

And switched off the phone.

Dave was glued to the window, and I was too, but a few minutes later my eyes turned to the face I had loved before. Her soft lips moved sensually while she murmured to Olga. Olga, always business-like and all sharp edges, looked relaxed, smiling at Alice.

Alice, who always attracted looks wherever she went, had honed her soft skills, now looking more confident than ever before. As I watched her, I realized what was different. She was there, but a part of her was detached, untrusting.

I didn't know if everyone saw it, or if it was only me. Because the woman I knew was not there anymore. The same sort of polished shell I had lived in for so long was talking to Olga. But I had shed my shell years ago with the gentle help of Miranda and Brian.

But there was no one to help Alice.

And she still lived with it, with that pain, the girl I had loved before hidden somewhere deep inside. Alice noticed that I was looking at her and tilted her head a little, our gazes connecting.

My breath hitched in my chest because all I could see in her eyes was pain. She still hurt, even after those years, she was suffering. Only a smiling mask interacted with the outside world, while a soul screamed for help inside.

But I couldn't help. I didn"t want to. It was not my place anymore.