Chapter Twenty-Eight

Istirred a dark liquid in my mug as I sat in my kitchen a few hours later. One habit that crept into my life long ago was tea. Usually, I spent thirty minutes every morning on my tea. I brewed it in a small Chinese teapot and drank it in small cups. It was like a meditation. Mostly, I sat in silence and thought about the day that lay ahead.

But this time it was night, 2 AM. So I just brewed black tea directly in my mug and watched the leaves opening as they swirled in hot water.

I thought about the evening. Arthur was different from anyone I had ever met before, but he reminded me of myself. We had everything we needed, comfortable in our daily existence, but something crucial was missing.

Sitting in silence with him was the most intimate I had been with another human being in years. Just encompassing quiet understanding.

That was new. And it was not something I thought could possibly be found through a dating app.

I unlocked my phone and swiped. The blue icon of an app looked back at me. I opened it and clicked on settings. There was no hesitation when I tapped on Delete My Account. After that, I held my finger on the icon and when all the icons started shaking, I clicked on delete again.

It was gone for good.

* * *

The next day Arthur texted me that he had to fly to Tokyo again in the evening and asked if I was free for lunch. That's how I found myself sitting outside my office on a bench, in the shade of trees, eating an overpriced salad Arthur had brought.

"Better?" he asked and gestured to the bowl in my hands.

"Better, but still far from perfect. I have the idea that I will need to show you places where people cook food with soul."

"Does it have to be so poetic?"

"Okay, I'll show you places where people cook food that is amazingly mouth-wateringly delicious," I said.

"Great, what's the point in having this lean body if no one uses it. It's time to fatten up," he said pointing to his torso. I imagined a profoundly shaped six-pack under the shirt, but I could have been wrong.

"Poor Arthur," I said.

"Since you're off the dating app now, you can go with me on the journey of gaining a few pounds."

"Nah, I worked too hard to get to the point I am now," I said.

I watched as his gaze move down my legs, and up again.

"I can see that."

I took a forkful of leaves from my bowl. "If I'd have eaten only this and in fancy places like we were at yesterday, I would be half my size now."

"Next time I'll bring Mcdonald"s," he said.

"When are you coming back?"

"In five days."

"I can drive you to the place with the stars I talked about yesterday," I suggested.

He looked at me, smiling. "I can drive us."

I snorted. "No way, we'll go my way or we won"t go at all."

"What's about you and driving anyway?"

"You'll see."

Arthur had matched with me on the app after I removed any mention of the Mustang from my profile.

"Do you have friends?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

I got the feeling that these silences sometimes were more important than us talking.

"Two close ones, but they are both deep into fatherhood now, and have more topics to discuss between themselves than with me. They are …" his voice trailed off, he cleared his throat. "They are from before, before I moved to the city, before I became who I am now."

I nodded.

"What about you?"

I smiled. "Just two of them too. Miranda and Brian. They have been a couple forever. I met them at university. They," and I took a deep breath, "they saved me many times. It started with Miranda, but when Brian helped her, he saw the other sides of me too."

Arthur was silent for a second.

"Did you notice how both of us stumbled on describing them?" he asked.

I breathed out and scratched my wrist. I did.

"They saved me too. And now I'm afraid that with their lives changing, something so fundamentally important coming, something I don't have and even not sure I want. That?—"

"They won't leave you," I said. "They are the same. Deep down they are the same guys who saved you. They just need time to adjust to a new life, and maybe they need your support as much as you need theirs."

Arthur turned to me sharply.

"What?" I asked.

"You're good, Emily. You're good."

I bowed as Arthur finally smiled. That smile lit his features like a Christmas tree, and I saw how he wasn't used to smiling.

"Smiling suits you," I said. "You should do it more often."

"Not often I have a reason to," he said, and smiled wider, turning his face to the sun.

"Miranda and Brian are childfree by choice. She is an avid educator, and they even record a childfree podcast. She would be delighted to hear that you are not sure about kids. She believes that people should have kids only when they really want it and are ready for it financially. She is a solicitor by day."

"Are you going to talk to her about me?"

"Sure."

Arthur laughed. His phone pinged in his pocket, and he sighed.

"I have to go, Emily."

We both stood up and packed the empty containers back into a paper bag.

"Will you text me?" I asked quietly.

He stopped and looked at me. "Of course."

I nodded, looking down.

"I'll be waiting for that drive you promised," he said.

"Oh, you'll love it," I said, turning back to my office building. "Safe travels."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turning toward the guest parking. He was still smiling.