Chapter 35

Daelyn

Of all the things that Kaleb’s done, using Addie as the linchpin all along has finally made me snap. I’ll kill him before I let him touch her.

It’s surreal to feel the switch flip inside me. For half my life, I’ve protected that bastard, lined his pockets with money, helped him get power and respect. All he did for me was pretend to care and throw me breadcrumbs of praise or manipulate me into doing the next thing on his agenda. I knew it was happening most of the time, and I never stopped it because I trusted him.

Kaleb might do me dirty, but he’d never completely fuck me over. And if he did, he’d make it up to me somehow, and I’d be right back in his pocket where he said I belonged.

Like a well-trained dog, I’d go right back in my cage.

He bought the house I live in and charges me low rent, so Addie has a stable home in a decent school district. He paid my college tuition so I could get a degree and job that lets me work from home… so I could be close to Addie. He sends Ace over all the time, who’s always bringing us gifts and food. And who does Ace talk most to? Addie . Kaleb’s given me stacks of money to buy her clothes and even helped me pay for her leg when she broke it skiing—a trip he also contributed funds to. Maybe not directly, but with the jobs he sent me on and paid me for.

I’ve been so blind and dumb. Beaten, forced, fucked, and blackmailed over and over by that monster. Fear is no excuse for the way I’ve let him use and abuse me. No more . He’s not using my love for Addie to keep me as his pet ever again.

“We have to pretend we don’t know,” I say carefully. “We need to keep acting like it’s business as usual. Give me my cell.”

Dmitri hands it over without question.

Dialing Corrinne, I keep the nervousness hidden in my voice when she answers on the second ring. “Hey, Corrinne, just checking in. I tried calling Addie this morning, but her cell must be dead.”

“Oh yes, she mentioned needing to charge it last night, but I bet she forgot. They’re with Saul on a charter boat right now. If she charged it, she might not have reception where they are. Too far out from mainland.”

“Oh wow!” I taste the fakeness on my tongue like sugary poison. “A charter boat, huh? That sounds fun.”

“It sounds like seasickness waiting to happen to me. I wouldn’t be caught dead on a boat in the ocean.”

“Well now you get to kick back and relax on your own for a while, mama. Good for you.”

“Living the dream. I’m currently staking out my spot on the beach for the day. I plan to read a spicy book, drink some chilled wine, and live my best life till they all come back later this afternoon.”

“I wanna be you when I grow up.”

Corrinne’s laugh is beautiful. “Next time, we’re going to kidnap you and bring you with us. Addie’s so happy here, Dae. Beach life suits her. Bet it would suit you too.”

I think I’m going to throw up. “Sounds like a plan. Hey, thanks for bringing her.”

“Thanks for sharing her. We absolutely adore Addie.”

“Same.”

After we hang up, I dash into the bathroom and shut the door. I can’t feel my cheeks. I’m not even sure if my feet are on the ground. Gripping the counter, I stare at myself in the mirror, nausea swirling in my belly. I feel like I’m in another dimension. I can hear Dmitri in the other room, talking to someone, and I hang onto his voice to keep myself semi-grounded.

“Hey, get me all you can on Kaleb Brent Calloway. And I mean everything, Vault. Address, how many shits he takes in a day, the color of his fucking toothbrush. I want all there is on that cocksucker.”

I sink to the floor.

You wanted the bigger, badder monster, Daelyn. You did this to yourself.

I don’t know what Dmitri is going to do to Kaleb, and it’s terrifying. Betrayal swirls in my heart, infecting me with regret. How can I feel guilty about what I’ve just done? Kaleb deserves this. He’s a bad, bad man.

He’s also the only one who’s stuck by my side all these years.

“ It’s you and me forever, babygirl. ” I shut my eyes and try to block out Kaleb’s voice. “ No one knows me like you do. You’re the only one I trust .” I clamp my hands over my ears, like that’s going to help me not hear him. “ See you soon .”

“Daelyn?” Dmitri knocks softly on the door. “Can I come in?”

I’m too scared to tell him no. What if he just busts the door down if I do? That’s what Kaleb would do. No, scratch that. Kaleb wouldn’t even ask permission. He’d just barge in like it’s his right to invade my privacy.

“Listen,” D says from the other side. “For what it’s worth, I’m really proud of you. Speaking out is an incredibly brave thing to do.”

It’s not brave. It’s suicide. I climb to my feet and somehow make my way to the door and open it. Dmitri stands back a little, his expression guarded but soft.

“I’m a bad person,” I say, letting more tears fall. “I can’t turn off my guilt for this.”

It’s going to eat me alive.

“Then feel it, Firefly.” He hugs me tight and kisses the top of my head. “Feel every emotion that bubbles up. It’s okay.”

It’s not okay.

“I don’t know why I ever loved him.” I need to get all this shit out of me so I can hopefully think straight again. “I don’t even know what love is. But… he was there for me when everyone else only hurt me. He was there when I needed someone.”

Kaleb loves me, he just doesn’t show it like other people. He’s incapable of being soft because his life has always been hard.

Jesus, why am I grappling for some thread of an excuse to let Kaleb off the hook for what he’s done to me? How fucked in the head have I become?

“You do know what love is, Daelyn, and what it’s not.” He leans back and cups my face. “Love is doing anything for someone, taking care of them and being there for them. It’s what you do for Addie. What you have with Kaleb…” He stops for a moment, and a sigh rumbles out of him. “Maybe it started as love but grew toxic. Maybe it was never real to begin with. Maybe it’s a combo. But it’s not love now. No man should treat you the way he has.”

I know. Even when I was sixteen and he took my virginity, I felt sick about it afterwards. But I attached myself to Kaleb because he was a scary dog who bit everyone but me. He made me feel special.

Until he sank his teeth into me, too.

“Love is supposed to be unconditional,” I argue, more to myself than Dmitri.

“True, but not really. It’s one thing to love someone who has imperfections, but love should never hurt like this,” he argues, stroking his finger along the cut on my arm. “Or this.” He kisses my bruised neck. “Or this.” He lays a gentle peck by my bloodshot eye.

He’s right, and it makes me so sad. “I don’t know love-love. Not like the kind—”

I almost say like the kind I feel for you , but I hold that shit in and shut up. I’m not in love with Dmitri. At least I don’t think I am. I can’t be. I shouldn’t be. What I feel for him is only the effects of some kind of hero worship caused by a terrible event gone wrong and I’m clinging to a sliver of bright light as if it’ll save me from being devoured by the darkness of my miserable life.

Dmitri is that light. Even if I know, deep down, he can’t save me.

Even if I know, deep down, that I’m attracted to him because he’s just another version of comfortable chaos.

Love-love isn’t something I deserve. I’ve never had it from anyone. My foster parents didn’t love me. I was only a government check in the mail, which they spent on themselves. Teachers didn’t love me. I was one more body in the classroom, struggling to memorize useless information. I didn’t have friends. No one wanted to be near an unstable person like me. Any guy I tried to be with, Kaleb would interfere and ruin it. Hell, I don’t even know what unconditional love means, outside of what I feel for Addie, and she doesn’t count.

My whole existence is based on conditions. Be quiet. Be clean. And above all else, be obedient. If I didn’t do those things, I was severely punished or rehomed. Kaleb only amplified that lifestyle. Do as I say, or I won’t love you. Do this job for me, or I’ll be disappointed in you. Obey or I’ll make you regret it.

“I’ve never been in love,” Dmitri confides, bringing me out of my thoughts. “I mean, I love my friends. Hell, I’d die for every one of them, but I’ve never love-loved a woman in my life. I’ve never seen one and thought… There she is .”

His icy eyes soften as he stares at me. Silence spreads between us like invisible strings are pulling us in opposite directions of time and space. Even though he’s holding me in his arms, I feel like I’m floating miles and miles away from him.

I’m terrified of how this is going to end.

“I have an idea,” he says suddenly. “How about we go for a bike ride and get some fresh air?”

I don’t want to. In his concrete basement bedroom, I feel safe. Outside, I don’t. I’ll be looking over my shoulder for one of Kaleb’s men. I’ll be checking my phone, wondering if he’s tracking me.

“Can’t we just stay here and train more?” I’m on limited time. It feels like there’s too much to do for us to stop now and go on a joy ride.

“Trust me.” He pulls me along with him. “I’ll make it worth it.”

???

Dmitri might be right. Being a backpack on his motorcycle, with my arms wrapped around his body, the loud hum of his bike and the air whipping against my limbs makes me feel good. He takes us out of the city and onto a bunch of back roads. We stop and have lunch at this little joint that claims fame for their hand cut fries.

“Damn, that’s good.” He takes another big chomp of his smashburger. “I’m fucking starving.”

I left my cell at the Monarch. It’s better this way, and I don’t have to worry about missing a call from Addie because she’s in the middle of the ocean, fishing. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“How did you start working at the Monarch?” I pluck a fry and eat it.

Dmitri wipes his mouth with a napkin. “It’s a long story, but the club is Ryker’s, and we go way back. We’ve been through everything together. When he opened the Monarch, it was only natural I’d be his right-hand man.”

“So, you’ve always been a Dom?”

“No. I trained and studied for years. It’s not as easy as some think.” He stuffs a wad of fries in his mouth and chews. “Some idiots think using the title grants them permission to do whatever they want in a scene. There are safety measures to consider, after care, psychology. It’s not all whips and fun times.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it. Being trusted to make a woman feel good, to give her an outlet and watch her unfurl and explode is fucking phenomenal. Honestly, it’s the most rewarding job I can think of.”

I take a sip of my water and try to not let jealousy rear its ugly head. “How many subs have you—” I stop myself from finishing that question. “Will you always be a Dom, then?”

“I’m only a Dom when I’m interested in taking a sub,” he says. “Or if I’m chosen by a Butterfly.”

“What’s a Butterfly?”

“Every year the Monarch holds a Butterfly Ceremony. A selection of our members is bid on, and the one with the highest offer becomes the Butterfly for a month. She stays in the club, has full access to everything, and can choose any Dom she wants.”

“I bet they all choose you.”

His smile makes me think I’m right. “I’m intimidating. Most like the idea of me, but when it comes down to selection time, they chicken out or see someone they like better.”

I can’t imagine anyone better than Dmitri.

“I like being head of security more than I like being a Butterfly’s Dom, anyway. Training really isn’t my thing.”

“What do you train them in?”

“Sex.” He shrugs like that’s such an obvious answer. “A lot of them want to explore new kinks they’re afraid to try on their own. We offer a safe space for them to do that. And they sign an extra NDA tailored for Butterflies, so no one knows what we do with them for the month.”

“They live at the club the whole time?”

“Yeah. We’ve got a kitted-out suite dedicated to them. And whatever they want, they get.”

“Sounds like heaven.”

“It is… until it isn’t.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Most times, the highest bidder is their partner, but sometimes it isn’t. Either way, they will have shelled out a lot of money and they expect reimbursement.”

The way he says reimbursement makes me believe he’s not talking about paying them back with money. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh .” Dmitri leans back. “So far, we haven’t had too many issues with that in our club, but I have no clue what it’s like outside of the Monarch for our Butterflies. Hard to say what goes on behind closed doors, you know what I’m saying? But I would hope that if a former Butterfly had an issue, they’d come to us. Our time with them is spent building an unbreakable bond. They trust us to keep them safe. And we let them know that bond remains intact long after their month in our beds is over.”

A slow breath stutters out of me. Before I can ask anything else, Dmitri crumples up his trash and asks, “You ready to hit the road?”

I swipe my mouth with a napkin. “Yeah.”

Dmitri grabs our trays and I run to the bathroom before we climb back onto his Ducati. He takes us down another long stretch of road, and we end up parking by a bunch of trees. There’s a huge field behind us. We’re probably on private property and I missed the sign.

When I take my helmet off, the rich scent of flowers tickles my nose and the warm summer breeze kisses my cheeks. Closing my eyes, I let the sun soak into me and for a moment I trick myself into believing I’ve transported to another realm where no one can touch me.

Then Dmitri’s hand skates down my back. His mouth presses against my shoulder. Okay, he can touch me.

I lean into him and sigh. “I wish we could stay here forever.”

His breath on my heated skin makes goosebumps erupt all over and my nipples harden when he asks, “Does that mean you want me to keep you, Firefly?”

“Do you want to keep me?”

He tugs off my shirt and palms my breasts through my bra. Without saying another word, he kisses me slowly while his hands roam my body as if he’s putting every curve to memory.

“What do you want?” he asks against my lips.

I’m not certain what answer won’t get me into trouble.

“Daelyn.” He cups my jaw. “Don’t overthink this. Whatever you want, just name it.”

I’m not sure I should tell him. He’ll think I’m a freak. He’ll see how messed up in the head I am. “I want to…”

Oh my god, what am I doing?

“Just say it, Firefly. Whatever it is, it’s okay to tell me.”

Fine. Here it goes…

“I want to be punished.”