Chapter 22

Daelyn

My stomach plummets. This has already been a shitty day, and whatever Addie has to say will probably make it worse because she never says stuff like this. I’m never mad at her. I honestly can’t imagine her doing anything that would truly make me angry.

“What is it?” I keep my face buried in my hands, waiting for Addie to speak up. When she doesn’t, I glance over at her. “Addie, what is it?”

Her eyes widen, gaze sliding all over my face and then she does exactly what Ace had just done. She looks alarmed. “Holy shit, Dae.”

Shit, I forgot that I’m a mess. I immediately go into defense. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing .” She gets up, her hands balling into fists. “Did Kaleb do that to you?”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine!” she yells. “He’s such a fucking asshole, Daelyn. Why do you still hang around him?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Nothing can be that fucking complicated. He hurt you.” She tosses her hands up. “Again!”

I shrink in on myself, very aware that out of the two of us, Addie has the most sense.

“Oh my god, that’s why we got a new TV, isn’t it? He fucking love bombed you with a flat screen.”

I’m not about to correct her and say he only replaced what he broke in a fit of rage. It’ll further prove her point, which I don’t need.

“You have to get away from him,” she says. “Fuck that fucking dick. I’m gonna kill him.”

“I’m working on a way to get him out of my life. But it’s taking me time.”

“Like years ?”

I hate that she’s entirely too accurate.

“It’s complicated,” I stress again.

“Well, it’s a good thing he never comes into this house. I’ll put a bullet in his head if he ever does.”

I bite my tongue and let her carry on, because she’s a stronger, better person than me. If one of us is going to die in the gutter, it will not be Addie.

“He’s such a psychopath, Dae. Ace even told me that—”

“Do not talk to Ace about stuff, Addie.” I stand up and jab my finger at her. “ Ever . He’s just as bad as Kaleb.”

“He’s nowhere near as crazy as that monster.”

I once argued on behalf of Kaleb the same way she is for Ace. “Red flags are red flags, no matter what they’re made of, Addie.” She goes to open her mouth and argue but I cut her off before she has the chance. “Don’t defend him. He does Kaleb’s dirty work, and that makes him just as bad.”

“And what does that make you then, huh?”

My heart collapses. “It makes me bad too,” I admit quietly.

“No. It makes you stuck. Just like Ace is stuck.” She fists her hair, frustrated and angry.

Holy crap, I wonder how much Ace has shared with her. “I don’t want you involved in Ace or any of the other guys Kaleb runs with. Understand me?”

She clamps her mouth shut. Then she storms up the steps and slams her bedroom door closed.

Great. I don’t know why I thought raising a teenager would be easy. And the hoops I jump through to keep her are eventually going to break my legs. But she’s worth it. Even when she hates me, I love her with my whole heart.

Trudging up the steps, all my aches and pains roar to life and I’m so ashamed of myself for a million and one reasons. I know she can hear me knocking on her door, even with her music blasting. She has every right to be mad. Kaleb is dangerous, and I’ve had to keep him around. I haven’t shared what I do for him because the less Addie knows, the safer she’ll be.

Or so I thought.

But if Ace is confiding in her, that puts a big rip in my flimsy safety net.

Addie’s right. Ace is as stuck as I am. It sucks. It’s not fair. But I’ll be damned if I let Addie fall into this hole with us, too.

Wanna hear one of my worst secrets? I sometimes wish Addie lived with Tasha’s family permanently. They’re well off and care about her enough to let her stay over all the time. She’d be safe and happy and loved there.

But I can’t imagine asking them to do that.

In my desperate moments, I stare at the number to Addie’s current case worker and almost call her and tell her to come get Addie and re-home her because I’m failing miserably at giving this beautiful soul the life she deserves. Except I know what would happen if I did that. Addie would fight it. She’d hate me. I’m not sure I could survive it.

Plus, I can’t risk the chance that they’d re-home her somewhere else, and that place might be a million times worse than her home here with me. She’d run. Get caught. Be sent to a group home until they found placement for her elsewhere. I can’t stomach the thought of putting her in that position. I love her too much. I’d give my fucking life for her.

And I don’t want to live without her.

Does keeping her make me no different than Kaleb? Because he keeps me for the same reason. For love. But is it love or something more toxic like… fuck, I don’t even know. I’m so confused and hate myself for everything I’m doing.

“Addie?” I knock again.

She swings the door open, her eyes bright with tears. She looks so young like this, her upset expression reminding me of when she was little. Her freckles have popped out across her nose and cheeks from all the sun she’s been getting, and her full face is rosy and flushed.

We stare at each other while her music screams from her little speaker. Then we wrap our arms around each other and squeeze hard.

“I’m so sorry,” I cry against her shoulder. “I’m trying. Please know I’m trying my best to do right by you.”

“You don’t have to do right by me ,” she sobs. “Do right by you , Dae. You’re worth more than this.” We hold on tight for a long time until she says, “You’re getting snot in my hair.”

I back away, snorting, and wipe the tears off her cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Walking into her room, I plop down on the edge of her bed and sigh. Time for a conversation change. “So, what is it you wanted to tell me before we got distracted?”

“Forget it. It’s not even important.”

“Everything about you is important to me. Spill it.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Sounded like one downstairs.”

“Yeah, well, that was before I saw your face. What the hell happened to your eyes?”

“I busted a few blood vessels puking.”

“Eww. Why did you puke?” Her eyes blow wide. “Jesus, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

I smack her arm playfully. “No, I just had an upset stomach and yacked my breakfast in the restaurant bathroom.”

“My worst nightmare comes to life.”

Addie doesn’t deal with vomit. Hers, or anyone else’s. She could have won an Oscar for the performance she put on when she had the flu last fall.

“So?” I push the subject.

“So what?”

“What is it you want to tell me?”

Her shoulders droop and she climbs onto the bed next to me, sitting with her legs crossed. “Okay, look, I know it’s super last minute but…” Her cheeks pinken, but the look in her eyes is more excitement than fear.

“Just tell me, Ads.”

“Tasha’s parents have invited me to go to the beach with them,” she says in a rush. Her brows pinch tightly together, and it looks like she’s holding her breath, too.

“When?”

“Tomorrow.” She chews on her bottom lip. “I don’t have to go. It’s too last minute, anyway. And I have to work so—”

“You’re going.”

Addie gawks. “What?”

“Call off work. You are one hundred percent going to the beach.”

She beams at me like a kid on Christmas morning. “Really? I can go?”

“Hells yes.”

“Oh my God!” She squeals and tackle-hugs me. “You’re the best !”

“I mean, I am pretty cool. I’ve got rizz and everything.”

Addie pushes off me. “Please. For the love of God. Don’t ever say those words again.”

I giggle, feeling lighter than I have in weeks. “Why did you think I’d be mad about you going to the beach with Tasha’s family?”

“Because I feel bad,” she says, slumping. “You’ve never been to the beach and now I’m asking to go… without you.”

“Addie.” I choke back several emotions cramming up my throat. “Babe, I will never be mad about something like that. You should get to experience all the great things out there.”

“But going to the beach is something you’ve always wanted to do, too.”

“I’ll get there someday.”

Her brows pinch again.

“Hey.” I shake her. “Don’t wait for me to have your best experiences. If we share them, great. If we don’t, I’ll wait for you to come home and tell me all about them. I will never ever hold you back from living your best life, Addie.”

She sniffles and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “I still feel bad.”

“Well don’t. I’m happy to get you out of my hair. You’re annoying and loud.”

She flips me off, huffing a laugh.

“Seriously though, I’m glad you’re getting an opportunity like this. That’s really nice of them to include you in their family vacation.”

“I was shocked they invited me. I think I gawked like a fish at them for like five whole minutes. It was embarrassing.”

“How long is the trip for?”

“Just until Sunday.” Addie blows out a sigh. “We’ll drive most of the day tomorrow and come back late Sunday. Tasha’s mom says I don’t need to pay for anything.”

Tasha’s mom, Corrinne, is a saint.

“Well, I’ll send you with money, anyway. And I want to talk with Corrinne first about all this, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Her excitement has her vibrating.

“You’re going to the beach.”

“I’m going to the beach.”

“ You’re going to the beach !” I squeal.

“ I’m going to the beeeeeaaacccchhh !”

We scream and laugh and kick our feet.

Soon after, I go into my bedroom and call Corrinne, who confirms everything Addie’s told me. Turns out they have a beach home they’ve rarely used and are thrilled Tasha will have a friend coming along for once.

I dig into my emergency fund and hand over an extra two-hundred dollars for Addie to blow on whatever she wants. If one of us is going to be happy, I’m glad it’s her.

Peeking into her bedroom, I find my girl rummaging through piles of clothes all over her floor and bed. I think she’s pulled her entire wardrobe out of the closet.

“I’ll be back in about two hours,” I say.

She looks up with a bikini in her hand. “Where are you going?”

“The hardware store.”