Chapter 6

It takes Elijah until we get to his car and are driving to the after-party to start interrogating me about Chris. “So you gonna tell me what that was all about back there?” I shift in my seat, pasting an innocent look on my face that doesn’t fool Elijah in the least. “You know exactly what I mean, sweet cheeks, so don’t give me that sweet and innocent look. What was going on back there with you and Chris? Because from where I was sitting, you two looked like you were eye fucking each other.”

I pull on the seat belt strap. It feels like there’s not enough air in the car, like I’m suffocating. I’ve never had this visceral of a reaction to anybody, even Oliver, and it’s throwing me in a big, bad way.

“I’m not judging you, by the way. I think it would be good for you to put yourself out there again. You need to move on, Dani.” Elijah stares straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel tightly. “Oliver’s long gone, and he messed you up badly towards the end. You deserve to see what else is out there.”

I stare down at my hands, picking at my nails nervously while I contemplate his words. I don’t know if I’m ready to move on yet. Not really. “I don’t know what that was. He just came over to say hello. That’s all.”

Elijah scoffs at me and glances out of the corner of his eyes. His face is bearing a stern look that I rarely see on him. “You and I both know damn well that he came over to do more than just say hi. Lie to me all you want, babe, but don’t lie to yourself. If he makes a move on you tonight, which, by the way, he’s going to, what are you gonna do? Are you just gonna keep denying yourself happiness? How long can you keep going like this? Oliver is gone, and he’s clearly not coming back.” Eli reaches over to me, gripping my hand in his and giving it a tight squeeze. “I know it hurts. But you gotta move on.”

“I… I don’t know what I’ll do if he tries. I-” I can’t finish the thought because all words have escaped me. What would I do? The correct answer would be to deny him. Right? But is that what I really want? I can’t help the very real connection between us. That energy I felt when he stood in front of me was exhilarating.

More importantly, I felt something for the first time in years. That first moment when Chris found me in the crowd and locked his eyes with mine, a spark ignited deep inside of me. I’m so used to being numb. Shattered. Broken. When I looked into his eyes, the smoke began to clear. I can’t explain it.

I’ve seen many beautiful men over the last two years, and not a single one of them made me feel like this. This is so very real, and I’m absolutely terrified of it. I’m way too fragile and untrusting to give my heart to somebody else. I would always be wondering if they were seeking the comfort of another behind my back. I can’t even begin to trust myself, much less another person. “I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment yet. I know I need to move on. I really do. But I just feel… broken,” I murmur, the last words spoken under my breath. That’s not even something I can bring myself to say to Elijah.

“Okay, okay. You’re not ready for a relationship yet. I get it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a night of mind-blowing sex with an unbelievably attractive man.” He waggles his eyebrows at me. “An unbelievably attractive man who couldn’t stop staring at you, might I add.”

I suppose he has a point, as much as I hate to admit it. Sighing deeply, I say, “You know, I will never get tired of your pep talks. Thank you. I love you more than I can say, Elijah.” I lift our interlocked hands up to my lips and kiss the back of his hand.

* * *

Elijah and I stand in the crowded kitchen of Todd’s AirBnB, a spacious mansion off the main drag with a gorgeous kitchen and massive living space. Loud pop music, an unexpected sound given who the afterparty is being thrown for, is blasting through the speakers in the living room. People are clustered around the room in small circles, some dancing, others shouting conversations over the music. Plush couches and chairs litter the living space, occupied by horny people who are doing everything but having sex—if the way their tongues are lodged down each other’s throats is any indication.

There are plenty of kegs, liquor, and good old-fashioned red solo cups at the ready. Just off the kitchen, there’s a stunning mahogany table surrounded by a crowd playing a match of beer pong. Cheers erupt loudly with each landed ball, boos following from the opposing side.

Elijah is giggly, the way he always gets when he’s tipsy. “Let’s go dance, Dani. I’m riding this buzz and need to move my body!” We grin at each other, completely in sync. We make our way out into the midst of bodies in the living room.

I’m definitely feeling a little more than just buzzed. And that means I just want to move my body and lose myself to the music. Who better to do that with than my best friend? My devious, drunk mind supplies a quick flash of warm brown eyes moving over my face, lighting a fire in me, but I shove the flash memory aside and jump into a bump-and-grind rhythm with Elijah.

We’re moving in unison, and, to anyone who doesn’t know us at all, we look pretty sexual together. Years of friendship has eroded any barriers between us, so it’s become kind of our thing—aim to confuse. Elijah is also an excellent dancer, so it makes it easy to just lose myself with him while dancing, swaying, and grinding our bodies on one another. I feel okay. I’m having a fun time with my best friend, dancing in this crowded living room after a great concert, forgetting all of the pain from my past. Here, in this moment, I’m just Danica Gray.

The energetic song playing comes to an end, and I laugh wildly at Elijah, flinging my arms around his neck. “Thank you so much for dragging me out of the house tonight. I really needed this.”

He twirls me around in place, arms locked around my back, my feet barely skimming the ground. “The look on your face right now is all I was hoping for, babe. You look so happy,” he says. There’s laughter in his tone, but underneath it, there’s hope. My descent into depression hasn’t just taken a toll on me; it has hurt the people I love the most, too. I make a vow to myself, here and now, that I will finally try to work on getting better for my best friend and myself.

Sugar by Sleep Token starts playing through the speakers, and the energy of the room shifts. Couples are dancing much slower, holding on to each other and swaying, hands darting to unseen places in the darkness.

Elijah backs away from me slightly, staring over my shoulder at someone, or something, behind me. A wide grin spreads slowly across his face, and a mischievous look fills his eyes. “I’m gonna go refill our drinks.” Elijah raises his eyebrows at me and, when I start giggling uncontrollably at his over-the-top expression, walks back toward the kitchen, leaving me alone in the living room.

I feel someone come up behind me, the hair on my arms stand straight up at the intense energy of this person, whose breath is hot in my ear, my mysterious man leans in closer to me “Hello, little kitten.”

My body freezes for just a second at the voice—Chris’ voice. The sound is husky and deep, a somewhat salacious whisper, making my body want to melt into him. My cheeks are flushed, and my pulse is out of control when I finally turn to face him.

My breath catches in my throat as I catch my first post-concert glimpse of him. Somehow, he looks even more handsome after taking a shower and cleaning up, than he did when I first saw him at the venue. I let out a trembling breath. “Hi, Chris.” Still holding his gaze, I push a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Are you having a good time?” he asks with a slight tilt of his head, gaze intense as he watches me. God. I can’t fucking breathe when he looks at me like that. Where did all the air in this room go?

Is he feeling what I’m feeling? I’m weak in the knees, something that I previously thought was just an expression, and can’t think straight. I want to pass out just being in his presence. “Yeah, it’s a pretty cool party,” I smirk at him, feeling some of my spirit return to me. “Also, what’s up with you calling me little kitten?”

Chris lets out a soft chuckle as he says, “What, do you not like it? I think it suits you. You’re feisty. And cute as hell, just like a kitten.” His gaze goes molten when I pout at his response, and he steps in closer, almost touching but not quite.

“And you’re just a dog. A little puppy chasing the little kitten around.” I flutter my lashes at him saucily.

He lets out a loud laugh, and whatever confidence I had vanishes in the face of that sound. It’s so beautiful, that I could listen to it for hours. “Yeah, you got me there. I like chasing around the little kitten.” His eyes dart around my face like he’s engraving it into his memory. “But,” he leans in to murmur into my ear, still far enough away that I can feel a bare whisper of air between us. “I think the little kitten likes it when I chase her.”

I mean… he’s not wrong. But I can’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that not only do I like it when he chases me, but I want to stop so he can catch me. I breeze past his confident sexiness and instead ask, “And why is the little puppy chasing me around?” My nipples are pebbled underneath my shirt where my chest is resting against his, and I ache for him.

He lets out a low growl from deep in his chest. “Hm, I’m definitely not a little puppy, given the things I want to do to you. But, let’s just say you’ve intrigued me, little kitten. I’d like to get to know you better.” He tilts his head and gives me a smirk, that stupid fucking dimple making its first appearance of the party. “If that’s okay with you. Do you want to dance with me?”

Oh my god. He has to feel the same way I do. It’s just that all of this is too much. If I accept his offer to dance, one thing will lead to another, and the next thing I know, we’ll be tearing each others’ clothes off. A part of me thinks this an excellent idea. But the other part of me, the sensible part, is telling me I shouldn’t. This is too intimate. Too real. And I… I could get hurt badly by someone like Chris. I can’t deal with that again.

I back away one step and give him a shy smile. “I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I should go find Elijah.”

He stares at me with a disappointed look on his face as I try to pass him to find Elijah. Before I can move more than a single step, Chris steps in front of me to block my path. “Okay, we don’t have to dance. We can do something else—anything you want. I just want to spend time with you. I don’t care what we’re doing, so long as I’m doing it with you.”

My heart clenches at his words. God, is he really this sweet? A spark of hope glints in his eyes when I pause. “What do you have in mind then, little puppy?”

He inhales deeply, his chest expanding so aggressively that I almost think he was holding his breath waiting on my response. “Anything.” He lifts his wrist and stares at the back of it like he’s glancing at a watch. But there’s no watch sitting on his wrist. “I’ve got all the time in the world.” He looks back up at me with a sheepish grin.

If he was cute when he was pleading with me, he is devastating when he’s playful. I scoff at his terrible dad joke, a slightly mocking smile spreading across my lips. “Okay then, we can just… talk? I don’t know. I don’t socialize much, unless it’s with Elijah.” I look away nervously, embarrassed that I just admitted that out loud. He throws me off balance so much that my filter, already impaired by drinking on and off throughout the night, is simply gone with him.

“Okay, sure. We can go somewhere more quiet.” He lets out a muffled cough, and before my eyes, his confidence fades a bit. “Uh- I didn’t mean it like that. Not like, to a bedroom.” He lets out a nervous laugh. “I just meant that it’s pretty loud in here. I want to give you my undivided attention.” He gives me a shy smile, holding my gaze intently.

Okay, I can just talk. Talking is good. Talking is fine. And we will be fully clothed. I can do that. “Lead the way to somewhere quiet then, little puppy.” I bat my eyelashes at him.

Chris smirks at me and shakes his head. Lifting his arm towards the back door that leads out to the back patio, he gestures for me to walk out with him. “After you, little kitten. B ut like I said, I’m no little puppy. I do have a strong bite that I would be happy to introduce you to.”

I glance over my shoulder at him as I walk towards the back door. He’s following me closely, but not close enough that he’s touching me. “Oh really, please do elaborate.”

He lets out a breathy laugh. “All in due time.” Suddenly, Chris stops walking, his hand frozen on the door to the backyard over my head to push it open.

He turns his head, almost as if he’s listening for something, and, in seconds, his face turns serious, all laughs and playfulness forgotten. Redirecting his attention back to me, he frowns. “I’m afraid we’re gonna have to rain-check this conversation, little kitten. But now, I need you to listen to me very closely. You’re not safe here. You have to find Elijah immediately, and you both need to leave. Right now.”

That is… not at all what I expected him to say. “Wait… What? Why? What are you talking about?” I glare at him, firmly planted in place. I’m not leaving without an explanation. His expression changed so quickly, and he almost looks… afraid. What has him so spooked?

“Dani, this is not a fucking joke. I’m not being funny. You need to leave. Right now.”

My heart sinks into my stomach in disappointment. I sigh. It’s probably good that he’s showing his true colors now. If I’m this disappointed after just a few minutes with him, I can’t imagine how upset I would be if I got to know him better. I raise my eyebrows at him in frustration. “Nothing is even happening! I’m fine.” Twirling away from him, I slightly stumble over my foot before righting myself quickly. “See? I’m safe. Clumsy but safe. If you didn’t wanna talk to me, you should’ve just said so. Saved us both some time.” I need to get away from him before I make a complete fool out of myself. I’m clearly not in the right state of mind to interact with him, if I can’t even keep my balance properly. The drinks from the concert and the three beers I’ve had at the party must be catching up with me.

I start to move through the door but trip over the threshold. It looks like I’m going to actually fall this time, but Chris manages to catch one of my arms before I can go down. In that moment, the entire world stops. His fingers are wrapped around my upper arm, and jolts of lightning radiate from where he’s touching me. I can’t hear anything, I can’t see anything but him. It feels exactly like it did when he touched my lip after the concert, but a million times stronger. If I thought the tingles on my mouth were a fluke, this proves otherwise. Fuck, my blood is on fire, and every part of me is ablaze, throbbing at what feels like too much blood in my veins. I need more. More of him. I crave his hands on every inch of my body. Touching me, searching me, exploring me.

Chris’ eyes widen, and a sharp groan rolls from the back of his throat. There’s a shocked look on his face that tells me with absolute certainty that he feels this, too. Chris’ lashes lower as his eyes trail down my face, stopping at my lips. “You are fucking intoxicating. So goddamn beautiful.” His voice is quiet and worshipful, almost as if we’re standing in a church rather than in the middle of a hallway while a party rages around us. It’s like Chris and I are the only people in the world right now.

Finding my voice once more, I begin to ask, “Did you just feel—?” But my sentence is cut short by a power outage. The house goes silent and dark. It feels almost claustrophobic, suffocating.

Chris’ grip on my arms tightens slightly. I can only see brief glimpses of his face in the darkness, but I can definitely hear how unnerved he sounds. “Shit. He’s here. I’m getting you out of here. You can be mad at me about it later.”

Fear grips my heart at his words. What the hell is he talking about? His hands wrap around my waist, lifting me off the ground slightly, and I start kicking almost out of reflex. “Fuck, Dani, I need you to let me get you out of here,” he grunts as my foot connects with some part of his anatomy. Just as he almost gains the upper hand in our struggle, the lights turn back on. He drops me in surprise.

The house is fully illuminated once more; people are talking again, and the music comes back on. I’m barely paying any attention to the track playing until I hear a familiar guitar rift, followed by a melodic wail that’s more familiar to me than my own voice… oh god. The song now playing over the sound system, audible throughout the house, is the Soulstorm Serenade song that Oliver dedicated to me. My world feels like it’s definitely ended, indeed.