Chapter 37

When I wake I’m comfortable, nestled in a cocoon of the softest blankets I’ve ever felt. I crack my eyes open, squinting at the sun I see rising in the sky outside. Fuck. How long did I sleep? I roll over in bed, reaching for Chris, but his side is empty. I shoot up straight in bed and look around the room, my brows drawing down in confusion. Where is my sanguis? “Chris?” I call.

No answer.

This isn’t like him, and I’m trying not to panic at his absence. I check my phone and see that I don’t have any messages from Chris, but I had indeed slept for almost 24 hours. I guess having hours and hours of passionate, rough sex will do that to a person. I roll out of bed, padding over to the closet, and slip on one of Chris’ tee shirts. It fits like a dress on me, coming down to almost my knees. And it smells like him. My heart aches. Where is my sanguis?

I open the bedroom door hurriedly and start down the spiral staircase. As I descend the steps, I can smell something unpleasant. It smells like something is… burning? I recognize the scent and shoot down the stairs, skidding into the kitchen, my eyes scanning for the source of the fire. When I finally catch sight of Chris, I burst into uncontrollable laughter.

“Um, I’m sorry, kitten. I tried to make you breakfast,” Chris says with a sheepish grin.

Thick, black smoke rises from the stove, billowing around Chris’ face. Mumbling curses under his breath the entire time, he shuts off the burner and takes the pan off the stove, dropping it onto one of the cool coils.

I take a seat at the kitchen island, tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks and a wide grin on my face as I watch the kitchen nightmare unfold. “How it’s going in here, puppy?”

He nods, and then the movement quickly turns into a head shake as he looks down at the pan. “I got bored while you were hibernating like a bear. So I went to the store and got the ingredients to make you some breakfast. I didn’t think it would be that hard.”

Laughter is still rolling out of me at his disgruntled expression. “Now the crispy grilled cheese makes sense.”

“Well, I can make some things. That grilled cheese wasn’t half bad! But please don’t ask for anything outside of that because-” He gestures at the stovetop and starts plating the extra-crispy whatever-they-are and sets them down before me. “Well, obviously, fire is a concern when I’m trying something new.”

I glance down at the plate in front of me. The round disc-shaped food is charcoal. It looks so sad. “What, uh, what exactly is this supposed to be, puppy?” I ask, breath coming in gasps as I try my best not to start laughing again.

“Pancakes,” Chris responds, his voice deeper than usual, in what I can only assume is an attempt to talk through his own amusement.

Thinking I finally have my giggles under control, I raise my eyes to Chris, whose eyes are alight in amusement. The minute our eyes meet, we both dissolve into laughter.

I finally pull myself together enough to give Chris a saucy smile as I extend my hand. “Well, give me a fork.”

“No fucking way are you eating that sad excuse for a breakfast. I’ll take you somewhere.” He comes around the island and kisses my forehead. “I’m sorry, kitten. I tried.”

I grin wide, just the thought of this incredible man trying to cook for me sending a thrill through my veins. “It was a really incredible effort. Gordon Ramsay would have been proud of you.”

He snickers at my remark, glancing down at the burnt pancakes sitting in front of me. “Honestly, I think he probably would have called me an idiot sandwich for managing to burn a three-ingredient breakfast.” Shaking his head, he slides his hand along my shoulder, tugging me into him to kiss the top of my head. “By the way, I had Bash bring your clothes over from the bus. So go get ready, and I’ll take you to get a real breakfast that couldn’t also double as a hockey puck.”

His hand is just resting on my shoulder. It’s a gentle touch. But that’s all it takes for me to be squirming with need again. “I think I’m hungry for something else right now.”

Chris spins the stool and gets in close to me, his body splitting my thighs around his hips. “And what might that be, little kitten?”

I bite my lip, tucking my fingers into the band of his sweatpants and tugging him in for a quick hard kiss, before pushing him away enough that I can drop from the chair and lower myself to my knees before him. With trembling fingers, I pull his sweatpants down to let his rock-solid cock to spring free. “For worship,” I say softly, bringing the head of his cock to my mouth and kissing the tip softly. I flick my gaze to meet his just as I swipe my tongue along his entire length, stopping at the tip so I can swirl my tongue around the velvet-smooth skin.

Chris groans, low and drawn out. “I’m gonna fuck that perfect, bratty mouth.” He grabs a fist of my hair, guiding my lips down over him. Thinning my cheeks, I move my head back and forth, smoothing my tongue along his length. “Look at me, kitten.”

I do as I’m told, lifting my eyes to his.

Chris grits his teeth, grunting as he forces his hips forward, fucking my mouth. Using his grip on my hair, he draws my head forward and backward at his own pace, his cock sliding to the back of my throat with each thrust. Tears roll down my face as he drives into my mouth faster and harder, until I feel his cock twitching at the back of my throat. I’m already soaking for him, for the way he’s snarling above me as I take him deep, but that one twitch signaling how close he is from just my mouth alone is almost my own undoing.

“Fuck, kitten, your mouth feels so good, but I’m not ready yet,” he sighs, pulling out of my mouth completely before he picks me up and sets me down on the island. Wrapping a hand around the back of my neck, he drags me to him, kissing me so passionately that I almost can’t breathe. Our tongues battle for dominance.

Pulling back, Chris lifts the tee shirt I’m wearing, tosses it away from us, and leans down to lick and suck on my peaked nipple. I moan and comb my fingers through his hair. He moves to my other breast and does the same, swirling and nipping at my sensitive nipple. I’m rolling my hips against him desperately, already overcome with need. “Get inside me now. I need to feel you. Please,” I beg, my voice raspy with desire.

He groans, a smile splitting his face as he grasps my thighs, bringing my core closer to him. “God, I love you,” he says as he enters me in one swift move.

“I love you, baby. God, I love you so much!” I cry brokenly, the feel of him filling and stretching me wide overwhelming me. I wrap my hands around his neck as he brings his forehead to mine.

He’s pumping in and out so slowly, just watching me while I writhe beneath him. He drops one hand down, flicking a finger over my swollen clit before rubbing it in a gentle circular motion that only makes me more wild for him.

“Harder!” I cry. I crave him. I need all of him right now. Release is simmering low in my core when he finally thrusts harder, picking up his pace as he rubs my clit determinedly. With a stifled moan, I cry out in sweet bliss, my muscles tightening as I climax, pleasure flooding my body.

Chris growls, and, with one last deep thrust, he comes hard, filling me to the brim with his seed, his hips rolling for one last hard drive before he sinks his head down to my chest, breathing heavily.

With a chuckle, he lifts his head, kisses me, then pulls away and helps me off the island. “Get dressed, kitten. You need real food.”

I giggle and head upstairs to get dressed, filled with a sense of peace and joy that are completely unfamiliar to me. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. I pause in the bedroom doorway, realizing that I don’t think I’ve ever actually been this happy.

Chris saved me, and I think I saved him too. I finally feel whole and complete—my heart and soul reassembled once more. I’ll never let this feeling go.

* * *

Chris and I sit in a booth at a local breakfast joint near his house—our house. Still getting used to thinking of it that way, but that beautiful house with the laughing, handsome vampire who makes me burnt pancakes and eats my pussy like it’s his breakfast, is more of a home to me than the one my parents abandoned me in back in New York. I did what I could with it, but I realize that, in a way, that house was my own tomb filled with the disappointments of my parents and my own depression. Sitting here in a brightly lit restaurant with Chris, who’s determined to make sure I get pancakes to make up for the fiery breakfast, it’s hard to believe that I ever mistook my life in New York after Oliver for anything other than the cry for help that it was.

The waitress brings my order of buttermilk pancakes and a black coffee for Chris that I know he won’t drink. We wait until she leaves to look down at the fluffy golden pancakes in front of me.

“So, uh, that’s what they’re supposed to look like.” Chris rubs a hand across the top of his head. “I dunno what the fuck I made, but it wasn’t pancakes.”

I take a bite and groan. I need to start remembering to eat food because this is divine. “Are you telling me you’ve never even seen what they look like?” I ask with a raised brow.

He gives me an awkward smile. “I mean, I have. In passing. But I never really committed to memory what they looked like.”

He chuckles as I fork another huge bite into my mouth. “Would you be able to give them up? Human food, in general, that is?”

My eyes go wide. I asked him to let me sleep before he asked. I’ve slept, so I guess we’re getting serious now. I purse my lips and look down at my plate. And I really think about his question. If Chris turns me into a vampire, I’ll never be able to enjoy the foods I love again—no more caramel iced coffee, no more wings, no more mac and cheese.

I sigh. The lack of human food isn’t the only concern, though. When you first turn into a vampire, you’re consumed with blood lust. What would I even be like after the transition? Would I even be the same person? I love what I have right now with Chris. I’m safe and happy.

I trust him with my life, though. I trust him with my heart. And I don’t think I could let myself age and die while he stays young and beautiful and very much alive. It wouldn’t be fair to him to lose his sanguise when we could spend eternity together if I became a vampire.

“Dani, if you don’t want to, I understand. I’ll still be madly in love with you when I’m helping you with your walker.”

My cheeks flush. Oh my god.

Chris chuckles. “I mean it, though. The decision is yours. Even if I want to be selfish and keep you with me until the sun burns out and the earth is no more.”

“I want that.” I inhale deeply. “But not yet. I want to indulge in human delicacies and iced coffee, especially iced coffee, for just a bit longer before I give it up forever. But I would very much love to spend an eternity at your side, and there really is no other way for me to do that.” I smirk. “You do understand that, once you turn me, that’s thousands of years with my mouth?”

Chris leans back into the booth, splaying an arm over the seat back. “I can think of a few ways to manage that bratty mouth of yours.” He gives me a wicked grin. “And now I’m hard again.”

I squeeze my thighs tight against the rush of desire that surges through me. “You’re insufferable,” I say, shoving another bite of pancakes into my mouth.

“Hurry, before I bend you over this table, little kitten,” he says, a low growl behind his words.

I shake my head and continue eating my pancakes. I’m going to savor every last bite. I don’t know when I’ll be ready to give myself to him eternally, so I’ll enjoy every bite of human food while I still can.

Chris stares at me with a hunger in his eyes that makes me truly believe he will honor his threat to bend me over this table and have his way with me. Which honestly, fills me with a rush thinking about it, but I would never do something like that so publicly. I don’t think I would, that is. I look down at my pancakes and think about what this would also mean for me when I’m no longer a human. Blood. “I remember you saying that after you were turned, you couldn’t control your lust for blood for some time. Does that mean I won’t be able to see Elijah for a while? How would I even go out into public? Will I hurt people?” My mind races now, thinking of all the possibilities that my new life will bring me.

Chris rests his elbows on the table and rubs his chin with a smirk. “Well, it’s true you won’t be able to control your hunger for some time. It’s hard to say for how long, everyone adjusts differently. It took me a few years with Todd’s help to finally learn how to get my cravings in check.”

I stop chewing my food and stare at Chris with wide eyes. “A few years? I can’t imagine not seeing Elijah for that long…” I trail off. The longest I’ve gone without seeing Elijah was a month, and that was only because he went to California to spend time with his grandfather, who was dying of lung cancer. If I turn, no, when I turn, I will have to keep my distance from him for who knows how long to keep him safe—and that really fucking sucks. “That’s gonna be really difficult. But the alternative would be worse, I never want to hurt him.”

“You won’t hurt him, I will be with you every step of the way. The transition is hard because of everything you have to give up in the beginning. When you first see Elijah again, I will be there making sure nothing bad happens, I promise. You won’t have to worry about that.” Chris’ features turn serious before he continues. “It would be best to avoid large crowds; there would be too much temptation for you. A vampire experiencing blood lust is hard to control, but with practice and the help of my brothers and I, you will learn to manage it in no time.”

I set my fork down on the plate and wring my hands in my lap. This whole conversation is making me feel anxious. “But you won’t let me hurt anyone, right? I don’t want to kill anyone,” I whisper, staring down at my hands.

“Look at me, Dani.” I lift my lashes to meet his harsh stare. “You will most definitely hurt people.” I wince at the surety in his words. My stomach feels like it’s sinking, nausea rolling through me at the thought of causing harm to someone—the thought of killing someone. I think back to the concert with Oliver and the rest of Soulstorm, all of the carnage and death they caused, without even blinking an eye. I’ll never forget the sight of Hannah on my doorstep, her headless body lying on my porch. I don’t want to become a monster. “It’s inevitable. It’s our nature to drink blood and feed on humans, yeah there’s ways around it, but it’s not sustainable long term. We become weak over time if we don’t drink directly from the vein of a human. When you taste blood for the first time as a vampire, it’s unlike anything you have ever experienced before. You will lose yourself at times when you feed, not able to focus on anything other than blood—your conscious thought escapes you, and you won’t even care if you kill them in that moment. I will try to stop you before any serious damage is done, but I can’t promise it won’t ever happen.”

Dread surges throughout me when I think of the future as a new vampire. I think back to when Chris told me what happened with his family after he turned. That could easily happen to me with Elijah, if I’m not careful. “Good thing I have a stalker, who rarely leaves my sight, to keep me in check,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

Chris softly bites his lower lip and hooks his lips into a wide grin. “I will stalk you until the end of time, baby. You can’t escape me.”

I roll my eyes with a smile. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I place another bite of pancakes into my mouth. “You know, I hate to bring him up, but Oliver turned two years ago and was surprisingly able to stop himself from killing me. Even though he wants to turn me, he never came close to losing control around me. Maybe it won’t take that long to—”

Chris cuts me off. “That fucker is not like the average vampire, especially after his confession about what he experienced as a human with Balor controlling his mind. I wouldn’t base your experience off of his. He’s never actually drank from you, either. So, we don’t know if he would have been able to stop.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “It was just wishful thinking that maybe I would be able to curb my hunger earlier than you think.”

“I know. I’m sorry, kitten. We just won’t know until it happens.” Chris sighs deeply. “Tell me about him.”

My eyebrows fly to my hairline. “Tell you about Oliver?” I snort a laugh. “What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know, anything you want to share. I hate the guy for obvious reasons, but he was a major part of your life,” Chris grumbles playfully. “I want to know everything about you.”

“Hmm, you sure you won’t get all jealous, puppy?” I tease.

Chris’ eyes darken. He reaches across the table, grabs my hand, and brings it to his lips. “I will always be jealous when it comes to you, kitten.” He kisses the back of my hand softly. “But I promise I want to know about him. What’s important to you is important to me.”

My breath catches as I feel his lips on my skin. Warmth is pooling in my core to the sound of his words. I clench my thighs together and pull my hand away. “What’s to say? I met him in high school. He was my first love and… my first everything.” I give him an awkward smile at my confession, but he asked. Chris’ jaw tics, but he doesn’t stop me. “He wasn’t always a psychotic murderer. Before I found out what he was doing behind my back, I used to think he was really good to me. He was kind and thoughtful. I really thought he was the one—I thought he loved me the way I loved him, I mean, maybe he did but that doesn’t matter now. His friends became my friends, and vice versa with Elijah. He was honestly my whole world back then, so when he and the band disappeared, it really broke me.”

“I’m sorry that was your first experience with love. If it makes you feel any better, I think he did love you in his own way. But Balor corrupted him entirely and made him do horrible things to you, so he says. Even still, you never deserved that.”

I tilt my head slightly as I hold his gaze. Here I thought it was impossible to fall more in love with this man, but he continues to prove me wrong. “I love you.”

Chris flashes his dimple and grins. “I will always love you, little kitten. Now, let’s get outta here we can talk more on the way home. You’ve been wearing those clothes for way too long.”

My cheeks flush, and I giggle softly. “Okay, puppy. Let’s go home.”