Chapter 32

I wake to the sound of light knocking on the door. After hours of crying, I finally fell asleep on the floor and, sometime during the night, curled into the fetal position with my back against the door. I don’t want to move. I barely want to exist, after everything that happened.

I feel so fucking broken inside, shattered and brittle. Chris lied to me. For weeks. He knew how badly Oliver destroyed me with his lies, but he still hid the truth from me. My lip quivers. After everything I’ve been through, how could I be so stupid to start to trust him? I started to believe him. That we weren’t just… friends.

Apparently, though, we are so much more than just friends. More than I ever could have imagined. The electricity that raced through my body the first few times I saw him. The shock that goes through me whenever he touches me. The connection linking us together. He fucking knew what that was. The entire time! He knew why our hearts beat as one, and he chose not to tell me. More than anything, I’m so angry at myself for falling for his shit. For falling for him… I jerk to a sitting position against the door. God damn it, I fucking fell for him. I bury my head in my hands just as the knock on the door sounds again. “Go away,” I say in a low monotone.

“It’s me, Scarlett. I figured you could use a friend right about now.”

“Nope. I’m good.” I sigh deeply. I’m tired and brokenhearted, despite every effort I made to keep Chris out. I’d really rather just be alone.

“Dani.” Her voice is laced with concern. “I know what you’re going through. I went through this too.” I inhale sharply. “I rejected Benji at first. I didn’t want the bond.” So that was true.

I force myself to stand and rest my hand on the doorknob. “It’s only you out there?”

“Yes, I promise it’s just me,” she answers. “No lurking Chrises. I shooed him away a few hours ago.”

I unlock the door but don’t open it, instead going to sit on the edge of the bed. “You can come in.”

Scarlett slowly enters the room. Her features are solemn as she gazes at the wreck that is me for a few seconds before closing the door behind her. “Hey.” Her voice is calm and reassuring, and I have a wild thought that she’s talking to me like someone would talk to a scared dog that they’re trying to calm down.

I shrug, pushing my hair behind my ears. The comparison isn’t terrible. “Hi.”

She crosses the room, dropping next to me on the bed, and then just dives right into the heart of everything. “When I first met Benji, I was married. To someone else. Obviously.” A nervous laugh bubbles from her lips. “I knew right away what he was to me. That he was my sanguis. You feel the connection immediately, the electricity that surges through you when you first lay eyes on them. Did that happen to you?”

I shudder against the sob bubbling in my throat, but meet her stare head-on and nod. “That spark is your connection. The bond threading the two of you together. But it’s not finite. You can accept it, or you can fight it. Although rejecting the bond is exceedingly hard to do, and, honestly, I haven’t actually ever heard of somebody managing to completely escape it. You can distance yourself as much as you want, but it’s like the universe just brings you back together somehow.”

My throat is raw from my hours of crying and shouting last night. I swallow hard. “So why did you try to reject it?”

“Because I loved my husband. I was a noblewoman married to a rich man whose family owned a profitable company. He was a human, but I didn’t care. I loved him anyway, and he loved me. He knew what I was and kept my secret. It felt pretty fucked up that I thought I found the love of my life, and then Benji comes along and proves me wrong. So I rejected him. The bond. But once I knew who he was, what he was to me.” She spreads her hands and sighs deeply. “One thing led to another, and here we are.”

“What happened to him? Your husband?” I ask in my hoarse voice.

“I told him what Benji was. That I couldn’t stay away, and I didn’t want to. I never cheated on him, though; let me be clear. I left him before it ever got to that point because he didn’t deserve that, and if I stayed with him, there was no way we wouldn’t have reached that crossroads. He was angry. Told me that he hated me and never wanted to see me again. I knew he wouldn’t understand.” She gives me a sad smile. “I watched him for the rest of his life from afar. Just to make sure he was okay. He lived to be 81 years old. He remarried and had children, and he seemed happy.”

I pucker my lips. I can’t imagine having to go through something like that, either as the person being left or the person leaving. “Did you ever regret your decision?”

“No. Not once did I ever regret it.” Her sad smile transforms into something bright and fulfilled; she’s beaming as she talks about Benji. “I found my sanguis. Once I accepted the bond, my whole life changed. I meant it when I said that it’s like a love I’ve never known before. I was in love before Benji; I know what it’s like to have a love that’s not fated, and it doesn’t even compare. So, no, I wouldn’t change my choice for the world.”

I glance away, my fingers tangling in my lap. I appreciate her openness and honesty; and honestly, having a love like that sounds incredible. But it’s the lack of transparency from Chris that’s the problem. Chris lied to me, even if it was just by not telling me the complete truth and letting me come to my own decision. I exhale, and I suddenly feel emotionally exhausted. “Chris lied to me, though. For weeks. He knew the whole time and never told me, even though he knows how much trust and honesty mean to me. After everything that happened with Oliver, who’s my ex, just in case you didn’t get that memo, it was so hard for me to trust anybody. And then Chris came in, and he’s so sweet and just wants to be with me, and I couldn’t keep him out, no matter how hard I tried. So to find out he lied to me about this massive life-changing thing? That really fucking hurts.” My bottom lip trembles slightly, and, for a moment, I feel the familiar pulse of aggravation that I can’t get myself together. I let out a huff of frustration.

“I can’t say why he chose not to tell you. It’s not my place, and I honestly don’t know why he wouldn’t. But I imagine he had a good reason for it. I’ve known Chris for a century, and he isn’t an untrustworthy person. He loves deeply.” Her words falter, but she finishes her thought when I look back at her. “I can see that when he’s with you.”

A tear escapes my eye and runs down my cheek. Love. Such a fickle word. How can you lie to someone but still love them? The little voice in my head gives me a small reminder. I suppose I was lying to Chris, too, though. To myself. Trying to pretend that what I’ve been feeling was nothing more than lust and friendship. Love is funny. Love is unkind. Love leaves you stupid and blind. “Does he love me?” I can’t look at her, instead staring down at my upturned palms.

Scarlett hums in thought. “Honestly? I think you need to ask him that, because I don’t know the answer. I can tell you what I saw last night, though. He was pretty torn up, and sat outside that door for hours. He never left for the couch. I’m pretty sure he sat on the floor outside your door the entire night. When we reached our destination, he sat alone outside for a while, then came right back to the door. I had to shoo him away so that I could get you to open the door. He wouldn’t really talk to anyone. I have a feeling he only wants to speak with you. You should talk to him.” Her hand passes into my vision as she reaches for my own and squeezes it tightly. “Keep in mind, too, Dani. None of this should even be possible. A vampire with a sanguis bond attached to a human is unheard of. What you two have is not just rare. It’s impossible, and it’s special. I just thought you should know that.”

Another tear rolls down my cheek, and I blink to try and clear my eyes. This is too much for me to even begin to process. “Thank you. For coming to talk to me. I’m not ready to see him yet, though. It’s… a lot.”

“I understand. Just so you know, we’re all so happy to have you here, especially me. I’m not used to having a girl in our group, so I was so excited to see you were here. And you being connected to Chris in this way means you’re one of us. We’ll all protect you, Dani.” She squeezes my hand again before standing and smoothing out her dress. “You should start getting ready. Their concert starts in, like, two hours.”

I gasp. I didn’t realize it was so late in the day already. For the concert to only be two hours away, I would have had to sleep the remainder of the way to Ohio and then some. “I don’t feel up to going.” I can’t bring myself to face Chris right now.

Scarlett places her hand on her hip and tsks at me. “We stay together at all times. Remember?”

I fling myself backward on the bed and drag my hands down my face. “Fuck.”

Scarlett chuckles. “Just get dressed and be ready in two hours. I’ll have them leave first. When the coast is clear, I’ll take you over there with me. So no awkward interactions before the show.”

I groan, tossing my head back. “Fine.”

* * *

I’m standing at the bar with Scarlett, my third mixed drink resting in front of me. Or maybe it’s my fourth? I don’t know, who’s counting? Regardless of which number of drinks I’m on, I’m already tipsy. I’ve been avoiding Chris like the plague since we got here, even managing to avoid being too close to the stage while he performed.

They put on an amazing show, as always, but I couldn’t help but notice that Chris didn’t seem to have the same energy that he normally does on stage. He didn’t interact much with the crowd, just rolling from one song to the next. The concert ended about an hour ago, but we’re still here because they had meet-and-greets with the fans.

Chris stands with his friends by the merch table, in front of a backdrop placed so fans can walk up and take pictures with the band. Chris tries to put on his best smile for his fans, who are all so excited to meet them. There were a few girls who even got a little handsy with the men, but none of them even batted an eye or took a second glance.

Then an unbelievably beautiful woman in a revealing low-cut shirt, and shorts that showed her lower ass cheeks is next up in line. I scowl as I watch her make a beeline straight to Chris and hug him tightly, shoving her breasts against his chest. He pulls away, and she keeps touching his arms, her face tilted up with a coy smile as she talks to him. I wonder what she’s saying to him. No matter what, even if she’s just reciting the ingredient list of the lipstick she’s wearing, she’s so pretty there’s no way he would turn her down. Shit, I wouldn’t turn her away if I was into girls.

“You gonna be okay? You look like you want to murder someone.” Scarlett stares at me, a small laugh in her voice.

“Look at that. She’s all over him,” I grunt, my voice slightly slurring.

Scarlett turns and sees the woman that’s still all over Chris. He’s trying to pull away from her, an angry frown on his face. “Fans do that sometimes. But he doesn’t even look slightly interested, Dani,” Scarlett observes.

I grab my drink from the bartop, drain the rest of it, and slam the empty glass back down. Fuck it. I’m going to confront Chris. Maybe bitch slap the gorgeous woman pawing at him. I stumble slightly as I whirl around. Wow, I am a little bit more drunk than I thought. “How could he not be interested? She’s stunning. I’m going over there.” Determined, I make my way towards the merch table, only weaving a little bit.

“Get your man, girl!” I hear Scarlett cheer from behind me with a clap. I scoff at her remark. Chris isn’t my anything. I just don’t like when other women talk to him or touch him or are in his general vicinity. That doesn’t mean he’s anything to me.

I’m near where the fans have lined up to meet with the band, and that girl is still standing with Chris. I feel myself getting angrier the closer I get to them, even though Chris has backed away from her completely, hands by his side and a scowl on his face. Oliver would have probably fucked her already. Chris probably would have, too, if I wasn’t here. Stupid men are all the goddamn same. Liars and cheaters. I’m glaring at Chris with each step I take until I’m in front of the ropes they stand behind. I can hear their conversation clearly now.

“If I could just have your number, I promise I’ll take care of you tonight. I’m a huge fan,” said the slut.

I cross my arms carefully, trying not to stagger from moving too fast.

I can see the exact minute Chris notices I’m there, every single emotion passing across his handsome face. “Kitten.” He’s staring at me, his lips parted. “Beat it,” he says to the girl without looking at her. “Not interested even a little bit.” He’s moving towards me before I even realize what he’s intending to do. He leaps over the rope, his steps quick as he tries to make his way to me at a human speed. The closer he gets, the faster my heart rate goes. He collides with me, dragging me into his arms and picking me up. “Hi, little kitten.”

I instinctively wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck.“Fuck you, puppy,” I slur. He smells amazing, the cologne he’s wearing and a smell that’s unique to him invading my nostrils. I inhale the scent greedily, damn, I can’t get enough of it. I wrap my legs around his waist and squeeze—like I can’t get close enough.

His arms are tight around me, just holding me, while the breath from his laugh ruffles my hair. “Let’s go,” he murmurs into my ear.

“You sure you don’t want to get your cock sucked off by that girl, first?” I ask angrily. But I’m not even angry, not now, as he holds me in his arms like I’m the only thing that matters to him. I’m just drunk and talking shit, and clearly jealous that she tried to claim him.

His laugh is louder this time. “Never. You’re all I see. My one and only. I could never want anyone else.”

I whimper and squeeze his neck tighter. “Let’s go,” I whisper.

Chris doesn’t waste a second; he doesn’t even glance back at the rest of the band, the girl, or the other fans. We just leave, me still wrapped around him and his face buried in my hair. Behind us, I can hear the fans screaming, asking where he’s going, begging him to come back. He doesn’t seem to care one bit, his stride never stopping as he carries me the whole way to the tour bus.

Once we’re in the main area, he sets me down on the couch, staring down at me with something that looks like amusement. “Don’t laugh at me!”

His lips tilt upward at the corners. “You’re quite drunk, kitten.”

I lean back against the couch, sinking into the plush leather. “And?” I sneer as I cross my arms. “I still hate you.”

All laughter vanishes from his expression, and, in its place, I see sorrow. Guilt. Chris kneels in front of me, placing his hands on my thighs. “I’m so sorry, Dani. It was never my intention to lie to you, or hide anything from you. I didn’t understand what was happening, and… I was just trying to make sense of all of it myself, and I didn’t want to scare you away. I shouldn’t have done any of that. I should have trusted you to stay, even if you knew.”

I just roll my eyes at him in reply.

Chris rolls his back at me jokingly, a slight smirk on his face, and stands up. He tugs his phone out of his pocket and is tapping away on it.

“You apologize, then pull out your phone? Typical asshole idiot move.” I ramble.

Chris laughs, just as music starts playing throughout the main area. It’s Sugar by Sleep Token. The song that was playing when I first ran into him at the party. It feels like so long ago now; my world completely changed by the man standing in front of me. He puts his phone back into his pocket and holds his hand out to me. “I’d like that dance now. Let’s start over, Danica Gray.”

I lick my lips and let out a shaky breath. Whatever I do now will change my life, just as much as going to that very first concert did. I take his hand, and he helps me up, stabilizing me as I tilt forward unsteadily. I definitely drank too much. As he pulls me into his arms, I’m giggling wildly. He holds me and tries to twirl me around, one hand on the back of my neck, the other sitting on my lower back. He’s in control the whole time, and he’s not going to let me fall. Not now, not ever. “Chris, I’m Danica Gray, and I’m your sanguini—or whatever it’s called—but you’re gonna lie about it, I think. Are we still starting over?”

Chris barks out a laugh, the hardest one I’ve ever heard him from, before pulling me against his chest. I can feel the vibrations from his laughter rumbling against my head where it’s resting against his chest. “What’s so damn funny?”

He cups my cheeks in his hands and tilts my head back so I’m looking up at him. “You are my sanguise. The other piece of my soul. My other half.” He pulls one hand away from my face and places it over my heart; I do the same to him, feeling the steady thump of his heart under my palm. “We are one. You are mine, and I’m yours. From now and for eternity. This is forever, Dani. Even if we’re separated, I will always find my way back to you.”

I don’t even realize I’m crying until he wipes a tear from my cheek. “Does that mean you love me?” The question comes out, quiet and uncertain, without any thought from me.

He stares at me intently, his eyes passionate on mine. “You once asked me who I was in love with before, do you remember?” I nod my head slowly. He leans in and kisses my forehead. “I love you, Danica Gray. It’s always only been you.”

My breath hitches, little jolts and sparks crackling and fizzling throughout my body. It feels like there’s an invisible cord in my body, sparking to life and creating something new inside of me. His head is still tilted towards mine, but slowly he pulls away.

I don’t know what to think. I can’t understand why he’s putting distance between us. He loves me. “Why don’t you kiss me, then?”

He swipes his thumb slowly over my lower lip and pulls it down slightly. “I want to. God, you have no idea how badly I want to. But you’re drunk, kitten. If I kiss you right now, it won’t just stop there. You’ll thank me for it tomorrow.”

“No, I won’t-” I don’t even notice the vomit rising until it shoots out of me, partially getting on Chris and partially splattering across the floor. Chris grabs the trash can, placing it under my mouth with one hand and pulling my hair out of my face with the other as I just stand there puking my guts into the bin. How embarrassing. After I’ve thrown up literally everything in my stomach, I wipe my mouth. “Holy shit, I’m sorry.” My eyes catch on his ruined shirt. “God, that’s so embarrassing.”

Chris chuckles. “It’s okay, little kitten. Let me get you into bed.”

I run my hands over my face and sigh. I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow. How did I forget that I’m a massive lightweight? Oh, right. The jealousy.

Chris lifts me into his arms and carries me into our bedroom, where he helps me change into my sweatpants and pulls my sweater over my head, making sure to avoid touching my face against the fabric. I’m already wearing a tank top under the sweater, so he just unclasps my bra and slides the straps down my arms before pulling it out from underneath my tank top. Even though I’m unsteady on my feet from puking everything out of my system, I can still feel electric tingles spreading across my back from where his fingers brush against my bare skin to remove my bra.

He’s sweet, not even trying to touch me inappropriately. Once he gets me settled into bed, he grabs me a bottle of water from the kitchen and gives me a stern order to drink all of it while he showers and cleans up the living room.

I must doze off after draining the water bottle because, next thing I know, Chris is sliding into bed with me, pulling my body into his so he’s spooning me. I feel his hard length against my ass, but still, he does nothing except kiss my shoulder and wrap his arm around my body, his hand resting above my breast. I grab his hand and hold it tightly in my own.

“I love you, kitten,” Chris whispers into my ear.

I hold our clasped hands close to my body, pressed against my chest, and drift off to sleep.