Chapter 28

The sound of shrill ringing forces me awake. I crack my eyes open in an attempt to place it, but see the light of my phone just before it rings again. I’m warm. Comfortable. I jerk as I realize I’m still wrapped in Chris’ arms. Where I fell asleep after… Oh god, what did I do last night? I told myself we wouldn’t cross that line. But we did. With absolutely no hesitation. With a groan, I sit up in bed, reaching for my phone.

“Good morning, kitten,” Chris says wearily.

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, but choose not to say anything. Looking at my phone, I see that it’s Elijah calling, and as I wipe the sleep from my eyes, I answer. I haven’t heard his voice since I went on tour with Chris the day after the massacre, and, especially after last night, I need to. “Hey, Eli. How are you holding up?” I say, biting back a yawn.

“I’m… okay. I just woke up and… I just wanted to hear your voice.” There’s a sad note in his tone that I don’t love, but he continues before I can ask how he’s really doing. “How’s the tour going, sweet cheeks?”

“It’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. But I miss home. And you.” I admit.

“I know. I miss you too.” His voice is energized when he speaks again. “But don’t hold out on me, girl. How are things with Chris? You two still just eye-fucking, or has it progressed to actual fucking?” Elijah chuckles.

“You… are not funny. Nothing’s going on with Chris. We’re just friends, Eli,” I say while looking at Chris pointedly.

“Yeah, we became really close friends last night,” Chris mutters, holding my gaze with a sly smirk.

Eli’s squeal practically deafens me through the phone. “I fucking heard that! Dani, if you do not stop lying to yourself-”

I cut him off before he can finish the sentence. “Okay, Elijah, I love you so much, talk later! Bye!” I hang up the phone, eyes narrowed on Chris. “Why the fuck would you say that?”

“What did I say that’s not true?” Chris laughs in spite of my death glare. “We’re just really close friends now. That’s all, kitten.”

“Just. Friends.” I jab my finger at him. “Last night was a lapse in judgment. A moment of weakness, if you will. Never gonna happen again,” I say coldly.

“Oh yeah?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

I nod steadily, eyes fixed on a point over his shoulder. He’s so handsome lying in bed next to me, that I can’t look at him for too long, or I’ll lose all control over every emotion I have about him.

As if my nod were a dare, Chris is on top of me in an instant, his body settled in between my legs. My core pulses with desire, and a smirk takes over his face. He leans his head in close to mine. “Have you envisioned me in this position with you yet? Have you thought about what it would feel like to have me in between your perfect legs, with no clothing separating us?” His mouth is tucked against my ear when he whispers, “Have you imagined what it would feel like to have my cock fucking you, instead of my fingers.” He moans the words into my ear, and his hard length settled against me tells me I’m not the only one who’s out of control here.

I’m already aching between my thighs, soaking my underwear just from his body against mine, and his words. I’m definitely imagining all of those things now. But, I refuse to say a word. I refuse to acknowledge how my body is reacting to him, even as Chris nibbles my ear lobe, and I can’t help but let out a breathy moan.

Chris reaches one hand down my side, grabbing my ass and lifting me into him. Without any actual direction from me, my legs wrap around his waist, grinding my core against his extremely hard length.

“Chris, w-we can’t,” I pant.

Suddenly, Chris’ weight on me is gone, as he rears back so that he’s sitting on his heels in the cradle of my legs. “Yeah, Dani. We’re just friends.” His voice is harsh, and his eyes flash that vibrant yellow. “Do all your friends make you scream the way I did? Do they make your heart race? Can they make you feel the way I do?”

His words spark my fire again. He’s presuming so much that I’m not ready to give him. Especially when I told him last night exactly what this was. I sit up, resting back onto my elbows. “Yeah, plenty of guys can make me feel good. You think you’re the only man to ever make me come, little puppy?” I snarl.

Chris’ face radiates fury, and I know I hit a nerve. His fangs snap out. “I wasn’t just talking about making you fucking come, although, if you wanna go there, kitten, I seem to recall making you scream your way through two orgasms, with my fingers alone just last night.” He frowns. “What I meant was… you know what? Fuck it, never mind. Doesn’t matter. It’s like you don’t even see me.” Chris moves out from between my legs and stands up.

“I’ve had good orgasms before, Chris.” I have, but I’ve never had an orgasm like the two he gave me last night. Ever. “And what do you mean ‘I don’t see you’? I see you just fucking fine!” I shout. “I see the man who agreed that last night was a one-time thing, and seems to think he can just change that without me agreeing to it!”

Chris’ face becomes hard, his yellow eyes darkening in rage as he stares at me from beside the bed, his arms crossed over his chest. “Say it. Say what you mean, Dani. ‘Cause all I hear right now is bullshit. You choose not to see what’s in front of you, and acknowledge what it means to you. Because you’re fucking scared.”

Is he being petty? Fine. I’ll show him petty. I shift on the bed, so I’m facing him on my knees. “Oh? You want me to say that Oliver gave me amazing orgasms too? ’Cause he did. You think I don’t see you, but I do. Crystal clear.”

Chris’ jaw hardens. “No. You really don’t.” Chris starts walking towards the door.

“Where the fuck are you going?” I demand. “We’re talking here!”

“Out,” he spits over his shoulder as he leaves, slamming the door behind him.

The door closes so forcefully in the silence of the room, that I jump and gasp. With Chris gone, though, I groan at every horrible, petty thing I just said. Something is seriously wrong with me. I want to chase after him, because this conversation is far from over. And I hate that he left angry. Fuck, my mouth is going to just keep getting me in trouble.

Chris has been nothing but kind to me, even though I can’t give him what he so clearly wants from me–his bandmates, his brothers, and Todd have been so welcoming to me. And I’m just a fucking bitch, broken and scared at how I care for him—of how much I actually do see of him. I see his big heart and how much he cares. I see how brave he is when he stands in the way of danger to keep me safe. I see how much he loves his brothers and Todd. I see how handsome he is, how funny and sweet. I see how he goes out of his way to try and make me happy. And I see how he looks at me. Like we’re so much more than just friends.

Sometimes, I catch myself looking at him the same way, too. I don’t mean to. But I see all of it, and can’t help myself. But he can’t know. He can’t know that I notice all of these things. Because letting on that I see him, the real him, that would be me finally acknowledging the truth. That I care. That I have feelings for him. More than just friends. More than something that’s just for one night.

My eyes drop to my painted black nails, and I stare at them through the tears blurring my vision.

I’m just not ready.

* * *

I took a shower and cried under the water, hoping it would drown out the sound from the others on the bus, then crawled back into bed. Chris hasn’t come back to the bedroom in hours. I’ve never seen him that mad. At least not directed at me. I really fucked up this time. Me and my big mouth, always getting me in trouble.

Sometime during the day, I found myself moving to his side of the bed, where it smells like him. I miss him. God, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Late in the day, I hear the low rumble in my stomach telling me that I need to eat something. I sigh and force myself out of bed. I’m going to have to face him eventually. I also need to eat something. With a deep breath, I walk out of the bedroom.

The bus is quiet as I make my way towards the main area. Benji’s sitting on one of the couches fucking with his phone. Bash is sitting next to him, playing a game on the Xbox. Everyone else is gone. Where did they all go? Fear runs down my spine. God, I hope they don’t all hate me now for making Chris upset. I’m assuming they heard everything.

I grab an apple from the fridge and turn back to the guys sitting on the couch. I’m not sure if my presence is welcome out here or not, so I start making my way back to the room.

“Dani! Hey, where are you going?” It’s Benji.

I turn slowly and give him a smile that I know doesn’t reach my eyes. “I was just a little hungry.”

“That’s all you’re gonna eat then?” He raises an eyebrow at the apple clutched in my hand.

“I, um, I guess. I wasn’t that hungry.”

“You haven’t come out of that room all day. There’s no way that’s gonna fill you up. Grab something else and come hang with us.” Benji offers me a warm smile.

“Yeah, stop cooping up in that room and chill out here. You play any video games? You could join me. Maybe you’ll be better to play with than this nerd,” Bash interjects.

I take a bite out of the apple, the rich flavor filling my mouth. My stomach rumbles in excitement at the taste. God, I’m really hungry. “I’m not very good at video games. You wouldn’t want me to play with you, believe me.”

Bash snorts out a laugh and turns his attention back to the screen.

I sit down on the bench at the kitchen table uncomfortably. Fuck it, I’m just going to ask. “So, you guys don’t hate me?”

Benji gives me an incredulous look. “No. Why would we hate you?”

“Chris didn’t say anything?”

“Oh, we know he was pissed when he left. He didn’t say why, though, because whatever it was about has nothing to do with us.” Benji shrugs. “And he’s a drama queen, so him being pissy is pretty standard. So, nah, we don’t hate you.” As if he can hear my thoughts, he adds, “And, Chris definitely doesn’t hate you either. Trust me.”

I pick at my nail beds. “I don’t know. I was kind of a bitch to him. It wasn’t fair to him, what I said.”

Benji saunters over to sit in front of me at the opposite end of the table. I know how fast he can move so it’s almost like he makes a conscious effort not to scare me. “Listen, Dani, I know he doesn’t hate you. He probably just needed some time to cool off and think through some shit. I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

I take another bite of my apple. “He very well could hate me after what I said. I didn’t even mean it,” I whisper in shame.

“Dani, look at me.” Benji’s voice is more serious than I’ve ever heard it.

I exhale and flick my eyes up to him.

“Tell him that. Chris is a great guy. I’m sure he’ll understand, especially since you’ve been through a lot recently. Everything with you two is still new. You’re both just figuring each other out, and you’re probably going to butt heads sometimes. Just cut him slack. He cares about you. I can tell. I’ve never seen that man look at anyone like he looks at you.” Benji leans back in his seat and chuckles softly. “Shit, I’ve never even seen him smile this much or… just be happy, in a long goddamn time.”

I swallow hard. “But we’re just friends.”

Benji tosses his head back and cackles. Fucking cackles. “I don’t think so, Dani.”

My eyes go wide, and I can feel that familiar frustration building back up inside me. “How would you-” Benji lifts his hands in front of him in a defensive gesture, and I notice a wedding band on his finger. Just as quickly as my irritation arose, it vanishes, and I lose my train of thought. “I didn’t know you were married. How come she isn’t on tour with us?”

He beams proudly. “Her name’s Scarlett. She’s my sanguise—the love of my life.” He smiles as he rolls the ring around his finger. “We’ve been together for 100 years. She usually comes on tour with me, although sometimes she leaves early to take some time for herself since, as you’ve seen, the band life can be a fucking handful. We’ve only been touring for the past 10 years, and she knows that eventually we will have to put this career to rest—due to the fact that we don’t age. Fans would start to wonder what kind of plastic surgery we were getting, to still look like we’re still in our 20’s when we put on a 40th anniversary tour.” Benji looks away, lost in thought for a moment, before expelling a breathy laugh. “Probably would have to fake our deaths or something, and lay low for a while to avoid the media’s eye. So, Scar knows this isn’t forever, she even stuck around when we performed blues music at local bars in the 30’s. Plus, she knows I’m not going anywhere, and I know she isn’t either. But with everything that happened with you, and canceling some of our tour dates, I told her to just go home and wait for this to blow over.” He pauses. “You know, it’s funny she rejected our bond-”

Bash is suddenly standing next to me. “Dani, let me teach you how to kill zombies in Call of Duty. It’s easy, I promise. Just gotta learn to aim and shoot. You can’t be any worse than this fucker over here,” he says, giving Benji an angry stare that feels way more furious than a video game deserves.

Benji throws his hands up and gives Bash an uncomfortable grimace.

“Okay, sure.” I laugh at Bash’s intensity before looking back at Benji, who looks… guilty? “What was that all about?”

“Bash is just really passionate about his video games, I guess.” The uncomfortable moment passes easily. “But I have a feeling you and Scarlett will get along. You’ll meet her soon. I asked her to come to the show after this one.”

“Well, I can’t wait to meet her,” I say, rising to take Bash up on his offer. Before I can make it to the couch, the bus door opens, and Chris stalks up the stairs.

He still looks upset, but his energy is different than it was before. Everything goes quiet, or maybe it’s just that I can only focus on Chris. The moment he sees me, his features soften.

I’m frozen in place as he walks over to me. My heart squeezes inside my chest at the apology I can see forming in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, holding his stare.

Relief passes over his face. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have left like that. I just didn’t want to say something in anger, that I would regret later.”

“I regret that I did,” I offer, my lips thinning. “I thought you hated me, after what I said.”

Chris softly caresses my cheek. “I could never hate you, little kitten.”

From behind me, I hear a muffled, “told you so,” but there’s no space left in my brain for anyone but Chris. My knees feel weak at his touch, the electric shocks that always happen when he touches me shooting through my body. “I’m glad.”

Bash clears his throat loudly, snapping us out of our moment. “I was just going to show Dani how to kill zombies in Call of Duty.”

Chris drops his hand, glancing over at Bash. “Oh, were you now?”

“Yup. You still want to?” Bash asks, gesturing his hand holding the controller towards the couch.

Chris grazes the back of his hand along my arm, sending goosebumps along my skin. “Go play, kitten.” He glances at the apple still in my hand. “Have you eaten anything?”

I look down at the apple, still whole except for the two bites I took out of it. “I had an apple.”

“She nibbled on an apple,” Benji corrects.

Chris laughs. “I’ll make you something. You need to eat.”

I glare at Benji, the tattletale. “You really don’t have to do that.” I finally notice the bag in Chris’ hand. “Did you go shopping? Also, where’s everybody else? I figured they left with you.”

“I, uh. Yeah, I went shopping.” He has a shy smile on his face as he lifts the bag to show me. “I was gonna show you later. It’s nothing special, I just saw this candle in a shop I stopped at, and wanted to get it for you.” He’s blushing. This adorable vampire is blushing because he got me a present after I mentioned that I loved candles, and commented on the general smell of men on the bus. Rubbing a hand along the back of his neck, he answers my other question. “And no, since we had the night off, they got a hotel room. It gets cramped in here sometimes.”

I’m still staring at the bag pointedly. “You can’t just tell me you got me a gift and then not show me. I wanna see!”

With another blush, Chris takes the candle out of the bag. It’s shaped like a pumpkin, and the stem of it lifts off, to reveal the candle nestled inside of the container’s base. “I’ll admit, I took stalking your social media to an embarrassing level when I was trying to find what kind of food you liked. I saw that you dressed up as pumpkin one year for Halloween—a very sexy pumpkin, by the way. So when I saw this, it reminded me of you, and I had to get it for you.”

A wide grin extends across my face, and I make grabby hands until Chris gives me the candle so I can sniff it. It smells like fall, the pumpkin spice scent that’s everywhere this time of year. “I love it!” I squeal. “Thank you, my little stalker puppy.”

“You’re welcome, kitten.” Chris smiles, taking the candle from me to light it. He sets it down gently on the black countertop, the flame and the candle itself adding a rich pop of orange color. “Now, go play your video game with Bash, so I can make you something.”

I nod, dropping to the couch next to Bash, who spends the next 15 minutes trying to teach me the zombie game he was playing, before handing me the controller. We quickly learn that I’m horrible at the game—every time I see a zombie running towards me, I’d playfully scream while making my character run away. I don’t even try to kill the zombies. I’m ridiculously bad at this. With every screech from my mouth, Bash would just laugh at me, no sign of irritation with me for getting us killed… repeatedly.

Chris makes me grilled cheese that is… very crispy with cut-up pieces of bananas and apples on the side. Interesting choice, and I’m not sure that he even put butter on the bread first. I laugh to myself and shovel it down regardless. For the rest of the afternoon, we just sit together, talking and laughing for hours. I love that they’re all so welcoming and kind, never once making me feel like a stranger, or awkward for being here.

It feels like, maybe, I’m supposed to be here with them, hanging out like old friends. Like I’m supposed to be here with Chris.

* * *

“I’m sorry for bringing up Oliver,” I say to Chris as we lay in bed with an ocean of mattress space between us. I don’t want a repeat of last night’s events. I’m curled on my side, looking at Chris, who’s lying on his back, with one hand underneath his head. I want so badly to curl up next to him and use his chest as a pillow, that it feels like an actual ache in my body. But I still hold out. I just can’t quite bring myself to let him in.

“Can I ask you a serious question?” Chris asks, turning his head to look at me.

I hesitate. “Sure.”

His face is so serious when he speaks, that I already know I’m not going to like what he has to say. “If Oliver tries to kill you again, I will probably have to put him down. If it comes to that, will you be okay?”

I stare at him in disbelief. “Chris, I don’t want to have this conversation.” We just got past this morning’s argument, and he decides now is the right time to bring up this question?

“We need to have it, Dani. Amanda is clearly involved with him. She’s terrorizing you in your dreams, and she’s already tried to kill you once. She’s gonna try again. The same goes for Oliver, even though he’s going about it in a different way. I won’t let anything happen to you, but we can’t keep doing this. If he tries to hurt you again, I may not be able to control myself next time.”

“So you’re asking if I would be okay if you kill someone I still have feelings for?”

“Yes,” he says roughly. His jaw clenches, and his eyes narrow on me before he continues. “That’s what I’m asking you.”

“I’m pretty sure you know the answer to that, or you wouldn’t be asking,” I sneer. “Obviously, I would be fucking upset. What do you think?”

Chris sits up. “Really? Him telling you he’s trying to kill you isn’t registering in your head as a sign that he doesn’t love you anymore?”

I glare at him. “I would quit talking while you’re ahead.”

“Nope. We’re gonna do this now. You still love a man that cheated on you, then vanished for two years. Who was fucking some crazy chick, while you were devastated over him, and has now explicitly told you he wants to kill you? Tell me how that makes sense, Dani. ’Cause I don’t get it.” He’s frustrated with me, I can hear it.

I understand his confusion, but at the same time, we’re talking about Oliver. No matter what he’s done, he’s still a man I loved deeply for years. “Have you ever even been in love?” I ask tiredly.

“Yes.” He responds blankly.

I blink at him. He never told me that before. He’s been in love before? With fucking who? I shake my head, trying to force the thought out. “You… have? With who?” I push myself up. I put my hand up to stop him from answering that. “Doesn’t matter. How do you not get it then? Honestly, you just sound jealous.” I’m stuck on him being in love with someone else. “Who were you in love with?” I demand again angrily.

“Oh, and I’m the jealous one?” He snorts.

“Yes. You are. I’m just… I’m not fucking ready to let him go, Chris. I can’t explain it to you. And quite frankly, I shouldn’t have to. So, to answer your question, I would be very upset if you killed him.” I shift my legs so that I sit on my knees. “I would also love to hear who stole your heart, Chris. Don’t hold out on me now.”

“Why haven’t you just run off to be with him then? You love him so much, then why haven’t you just let him take you?” Chris draws in a deep breath, his eyes searching mine wildly. He leans in closer to me. “And, who I loved should be of no concern to you, since you feel nothing for me. So drop it,” he sneers.

My eyes widen at his aggressive tone. This clearly isn’t the best time for that conversation, so I drop it. “Chris, just… I don’t know. Go sleep on the couch and leave me alone.” I turn away from him and curl into a ball on my side.

“Are you serious?”

“Very.” Tears form at the corners of my eyes, the skin around my eyes prickling with the effort not to let them fall.

I feel the bed shift as Chris gets up with a deep sigh. “As you wish, Your Highness. Keep deflecting and avoiding conversations that matter. I’ll just give you some damn space.” Then he leaves the room, shutting the door quietly behind him, and doesn’t come back. Just like I ordered him to.

I cry softly as I move to his side of the bed, holding his pillow tight against my body. Why couldn’t he just let it go? I didn’t actually want him to leave, I just wanted him to stop forcing this conversation about a man I still love. I want him to come back. I’ve grown used to him being in bed next to me, and now, lying here in this big empty bed without him, it hurts that he’s gone. And the fact that it’s all my own doing makes it hurt even more.