Chapter 26

When I wake up, I’m more comfortable than I’ve been in a long time. I slowly open my eyes, blinking, when I realize I’m lying with my head on Chris’ chest, my limbs tangled around him under the blanket. He has one arm wrapped under my body, slowly stroking my back as he holds me close, mindlessly scrolling through a social media app on his phone. How did I end up here? I definitely remember falling asleep on the opposite side of the bed.

Annoyance hums through me, and I push myself away from him, instinctively dragging the covers up to cover myself, even though I’m fully clothed. “I thought I told you no touching. We’re just friends, Chris.”

Chris smirks, not even looking away from his phone. “You came to me, kitten.”

“No, I did not! When I fell asleep, I was on the other freaking side of the bed!” I huff.

Chris shifts his attention to me. “You started on the other side of the bed. And then, through the rest of the night, you kept inching closer, and closer to me, until you were on top of me.” His expression is serious now, but his eyes are playful as he raises his brow. “What, was I supposed to wake you up and push you off me?”

No. “Yes,” I snap, before rolling over to grab my phone. I have a new text from Elijah, telling me that he’s doing okay and not to worry. I quickly shoot him a text back, telling him to call if he needs me and that I love him. I’m backing out of my message app when I catch a look at the time. Holy shit! “Did I really sleep for ten hours?”

“You did.” He laughs when I gape at him in shock “I do recall telling you once, that you sleep for an unnaturally long time. And you snore, by the way. And drool.” With a sudden wicked grin, he tugs at the covers, which slither out of my grasp.

“I do not!” I scoff, trying to avoid looking at Chris. He’s normally handsome, but as I look at him with his shirt off laying casually in bed, he’s even more breathtaking. Shaking those thoughts away, I look at the time again. Well, at least I slept most of the trip to Michigan. It shouldn’t be too much longer until we get there for their concert tonight. Shit. I need to start getting ready now, since there are only two bathrooms and seven people, all of whom have to apply makeup.

“You do too. You have, like, a light snore. It’s cute.” The fond look he gives me as he pushes his hair into place takes my breath away.

I give him the middle finger and a sneer. “Whatever.” Showing him the time, I ask, “Don’t you need to get ready for tonight?”

“Well, I was waiting for you to wake up so we could shower together and-”

I cut him off. “Excuse you! What the fuck, Chris? We are most definitely not doing that!”

Chris is already laughing before I finish my sentence. With a stretch of his arms, he sits up in bed. “I’m just kidding. I like to see you riled up. And it usually doesn’t take me long to get ready.”

“Don’t you all, like, put on makeup and stuff for your performance?”

“Yeah.” He leans his head back against the headboard, eyes heated as they settle on me. “Why? Does it turn you on when I put on eyeliner and eye shadow, kitten?”

My pulse stutters at his gaze, and I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. Maybe? I don’t know. “No,” I respond, abruptly. “This conversation is over. I’m going to shower.” I hop out of bed, with the hope that putting more distance between us will make me feel more in control.

Chris clicks his tongue at me, then gestures to the bathroom. “There’s towels in the cabinet in the bathroom. I’m gonna go hang with the boys while you get ready.” Gracefully, he rises from the bed and saunters out of the room, towards the front of the bus.

I can’t tear my eyes away from him as he leaves the bedroom. After he’s gone, I sigh deeply. There’s definitely something going on between us, and it just keeps getting stronger with each minute I spend with him. I don’t know what it is, and I have no idea why we’re synced the way we are. I just know that when I’m with Chris, I feel… happy. I enjoy being around him, no matter how much shit I give him.

And every time I give him shit, it’s like he knows I don’t really mean any of it. Which is frustrating, and doesn’t really help with the whole “we’re just friends” vibe I’m going for. Even though being with him makes me feel right, in a way I haven’t in a long time, I still feel like I’m doing the right thing by keeping him at arm’s length. Because of Oliver.

I sigh. Everything always comes back to Oliver. My first love. The man who still makes my heart ache. He may be a raging homicidal maniac now, but we’re missing something. I know it’s stupid to need that closure. I shouldn’t feel this way after what he’s turned into, but I do. I don’t think I can move on—with Chris, my traitorous mind whispers— until I can finally get some sense of clarity about what that missing piece is.

* * *

After an hour, I’ve showered and done my hair and makeup, then I take one last look at myself in the mirror. It has been a long time since I went to a concert as a friend of the band, but I fell back in to my old uniform from my days with Oliver—black high waist skinny jeans, a plain white long sleeved shirt, and my leather jacket over top of it all.

I wonder if Chris and the boys are ready yet, since we need to be at the venue in about an hour. Bloodstained is the headliner, so they’ll play last, with a few local bands playing first to open.

As I leave the bedroom, I notice Cade still lying in his bunk, reading a book. Although I know I’m living on a tour bus with a bunch of men, strangers really, it stills startles me when I see the actual men themselves just chilling around.

Cade’s a little shorter than Chris, thin, with one of those boyish faces, surrounded by disheveled curly brown hair that makes him look like he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Cade looks young, and, if he weren’t a vampire, I would probably guess he was around my age. Although that makes me realize that I don’t actually know any of the guys’ real ages. How old are they all anyways? Add that to the list of things I need to ask Chris.

“Hey, Dani,” Cade says, resting his book on his stomach as I approach.

I give him a shy smile. “Hi.” I’m searching for something to say when my eyes catch on the book on his stomach. “What are you reading?”

Cade picks up the book, flipping it over to show me the cover. “Just a really graphic horror novel.”

“Ah. I guess that’s fitting for a vampire.”

He feigns a look of offense. “What? A dead man can’t enjoy some horror?” His mouth quirks in a wry smirk at the look I give him. “Relax, I’m just kidding.” He picks the book back up and gestures toward the door with it. “Chris and the other guys are out there, doing god knows what. Tell them they need to get ready soon, ’cause Benji and Bash take fucking forever to put on their face paint.”

I chuckle and start walking away. “Okay, I’ll pass on the message.”

Cade nods at me, his focus already back on his book as I walk towards the main area.

Through the door separating the sleeping quarters from the main room, I can hear shouting and insults. Are they fighting? Is it even safe for me to go out there? I force myself to open the door, and instead of the bloodshed I was afraid of, I see Benji, Bash, and Tyler playing on the Xbox, arguing about the game they’re playing—something about not keeping up with the team. A soft laugh slips from my mouth as I watch them sit there, waving their arms around while they yell at each other over a video game. It all feels so… normal. Like they were just normal human men.

I glance around for Chris, finally finding him sitting at the kitchen table. He’s hunched over, with his back to me, doing something I can’t see with his hands. Across from him, Todd’s sitting, frowning down at his laptop and looking lost in his work. How he can manage to focus with those buffoons yelling behind him, I’ll never know.

As I approach the table, Todd glances up briefly. “Danica, welcome to tour life. Nothing quite like it, huh? And yes, before you ask, they are always like this.” He gives me a smile, but his eyes are already back on his laptop screen.

Ahead of us, we hear loud boos. “Dude! Where the fuck were you? You just got us killed, man!” Bash shouts at Benji, in a voice so deep it sounds like a rolling thunderstorm. Benji just looks at Tyler and cackles in response. Bash shoots daggers at the boys with narrowed green eyes, pushing his long, curly brown hair out of his face with a huff of annoyance, turning his attention back to the TV screen.

“Chill out, bro.” Benji catches sight of me. His eyes meet mine, which are colored, like rich pools of molten chocolate, and waves the controller at me in greeting. His straight onyx hair is tied into a loose top knot, wisps and tendrils of hair frame his face and sway with his movement. He’s wearing a neon blue tee shirt, that makes his tan skin stand out, paired with black sweatpants. “Hey, Dani. Don’t mind Bash. He’s just a sore loser who takes this shit too seriously.”

“You get this way too sometimes, dick head,” Bash grouses at Benji, before glancing at me. “Hey, Dani.” He mellows as Tyler tosses a controller at him, and the boys, including Bash, burst into laughter. Tyler gives me a too wide, shit-eating grin and waves with one of his very muscular, tattooed arms. None of these men look like they’re about to put on a concert in a few hours, except for Tyler. His short, curly jet-black hair is styled to perfection, not a hair out of place. His stage makeup is already applied, the dark black eye shadow making his creamy brown eyes pop.

Chris turns just as I start giggling at them, and his face lights up when he sees me. “Hey, kitten.” His mahogany eyes rake over me. “You look beautiful.” My face heats at his compliment, but instead of hiding, I walk over to him. “Sorry for my friends. They’re idiots, but they mean well.” He scooches further down the bench and nods his head at the space next to him. “Come sit with me.”

I drop into the seat, my eyes falling to where he is… painting his nails. Black. What a shocker. “You really keep up the goth boy persona, huh?”

Chris laughs as he strokes another layer of black onto one of his nail. “It’s for our look on stage. But I don’t mind it, so I usually just leave it on. And it has to be black or I wouldn’t be a proper goth boy.” He notices my hand resting on the table next to him. “You want me to paint yours?”

My eyebrows jump up. “You want to paint my nails?” I glance down at my nails. Since I got my acrylics taken off, I haven’t really had the chance to get them redone.

“Sure. Why not? I’m pretty much finished with mine anyway.”

I glance at his nails. He didn’t actually do that bad a job. “Okay, fine. But next time, you’re painting our nails pink.”

He gives me a disgruntled look. “Hm, I’ll paint your nails pink and mine black.”

“One pink nail on each of your hands.” I counter.

“Okay, challenge accepted, kitten. Now give me your hand.” I slide my hand across the table, and he bends over my nails, carefully painting each one black. It’s actually kind of sweet how carefully he’s spreading the polish across each nail, so determined to get each one just right.

“So I was thinking about something.”

Chris snorts, his head still bent over my hands. “That’s not ominous at all.” He sweeps the polish brush across my thumb nail, before he lifts his eyes to mine.

I tease him and roll my eyes. “Anyways. You never told me how old you are. ’Cause you look like you’re still in your twenties, but, since vampires are immortal, I’m guessing you’re older than that.”

“Two hundred and six.” Chris continues painting my nails, as if he didn’t just drop a bombshell.

But I freeze, my eyes going wide as I consider what a two-century-old man has been through. I never really thought about it before, but now I can’t stop going through everything he would have survived. The Civil War. Both world wars. Disco in the ‘70s. Holy shit. The sheer reality of how long Chris has actually lived on this earth. I know he’s a vampire, but hearing him say that shocks me.

As if he can hear my thoughts, Chris stops what he’s doing and glances at me. “Does that scare you?”

Background sounds, like Bash shouting at the game, filter in, snapping me out of my thoughts. “No, I don’t think so. I think it just kind of surprised me, I guess.”

Chris’ shoulders drop in what looks like relief, and he goes back to my nails. “If you think I’m old, Todd here is ancient. He’s pushing 500.”

I swallow hard, turning my head to look at Todd, who honestly just looks like a normal dude in his thirties.

Todd raises his head when he hears his name, and shrugs when he realizes we aren’t actually talking to him, going back to his laptop.

“Oh.” I draw in a deep breath. “How did you…” I start, then stop. Is it even appropriate to ask how he died? It must be rude to ask.

“How did I, what? Die?” He lets out a soft laugh that sends shivers down my spine.

“Um. Yeah. I mean, you don’t have to tell me if it’s weird or…” I trail off. I’m not sure if this is a hard subject for him or not. The little voice in my head asks when I started caring, but I shush it viciously. He’s over 200 years old. Maybe he’s over it.

“I died in 1818.” I gasp at the harsh reality that he is really fucking old. “I worked in the mines to help support my parents and younger sister, Elizabeth. You would have liked her—she was a handful. Anyway, there was a local tavern I liked to go to. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to do for fun back then for an unmarried man at my age, besides drink and fuck. And I enjoyed both.” He looks up at me with a smile.

I can feel the hand he’s not working on curling into a fist under the table, jaw clenching at his words. My heart aches in my chest, just thinking about him being with another woman. Wait. Was I jealous? It has been so long since I felt this fiery anger that I can barely recognize. No. Definitely not jealous. He can fuck whoever he wants. “You never married?” I ask, trying to keep my voice casual.

“No. My father tried pressuring me into it, but I never wanted to. I just cared about doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.”

Todd grunts at that. “Never changed.”

Chris rolls his eyes at his tour manager, and pulls my other hand from out under the table so he can paint those nails. His eyes dance over the fist I’m still making out of that hand. “So I went to this tavern a lot. One night, a group of men walked in. I didn’t know it at the time, but they were Balor’s sired. They started killing everyone inside the place. I tried to run, but one of them caught me and beat the absolute shit out of me—tossed me around like a toy. He broke almost every bone in my body. I guess he took special pleasure in killing me. He had just started feeding on me when…” He nods his head towards Todd. “Todd showed up with his men. The one feeding on me just dropped me, and left me for dead. I was bleeding out pretty bad when Todd found me. He gave me a choice. He would give me a swift death, or he could give me eternal life, and I would leave everything behind and help fight for Aeliana’s cause.” He sighs, examining my nails too closely to be anything but avoiding thinking about his death. “I think it’s obvious what I chose.”

I swallow hard. My heart aches for him, for everything that he suffered through to get to this moment, here with me, painting my nails. “That sounds pretty intense. Did Todd sire all of you? The band, I mean.”

Todd answers this time. “I did. All of these fuckers were in a pretty bad way when I found them. Left for dead, by some Balor massacre or another. I gave’em all a choice. They chose to fight. Most of the time, they’re a huge pain in my ass, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. They’re the closest thing I have to a family.”

The rest of the boys had migrated to surround the table, and were listening intently now. Tyler speaks next. “Yeah, Todd taught us everything we know. Bet he never thought he’d end up with 5 young sired, who would all become brothers and get into as much trouble as we do.” Although the boys are cracking up, Todd’s just giving them a dead-eyed stare.

“We actually thought we were invincible together. Todd had to save our asses when we all tried to infiltrate a huge Balor operation by ourselves. Nearly got ourselves killed.” Benji chuckled. “We almost died that night, for real that time. Pretty indescribable feeling.”

“Stupid, is a word that comes to mind to describe it,” Todd quips in a monotone.

I share a small grin with Todd at the insult, but I can’t stop thinking about Chris. He mentioned he had a family and a sister, and I’m suddenly curious about his past. “Chris, you said you had to make the choice—to become a vampire and leave everything behind. Does that mean you left your family too? Did you ever see them again?”

Chris goes completely still, the nail brush hovering just above my nail. I look around the room; everyone has stopped talking and are now looking away from us, including Todd who’s staring a hole in his laptop screen. I turn back to Chris, whose face is drawn. Oh shit. Bad topic. “Chris, I’m really sorry if that wasn’t okay to ask.”

Chris draws in a shaky breath, dragging the brush across my pinky nail. “I don’t want you to hate me, and you will if I tell you what happened,” he whispers.

I pull my hand back. “Chris, look at me,” I say, sharply

He looks up, and his eyes are filled with sorrow. Whatever happened to his family was bad. “I killed them.”

I gasp without thought, and his body tensing at the sound.

“When you first become a vampire, your blood lust is hard to control. It’s almost impossible. Todd told me that it would take a long time before I could control myself around humans, but I didn’t listen. I thought I could handle it, so I snuck away one night to see my family. I’d never been away from them that long, and I missed Elizabeth so much. She always picked flowers from our mother’s garden and gave them to me when I got home from the mines. So I went home. I killed my parents, and Elizabeth that night.” His breathing is too fast. In my chest, I can feel my own heart rate increasing, and I know it’s because his is too.

I place my hand over his heart, putting just a bit of pressure on it to make him focus on me. “I don’t hate you, Chris.”

His lips tremble, just slightly, as he raises his eyes to mine and holds my gaze, his hand coming up to cover mine. His breathing begins to slow with every second that we sit there. “I’m glad you don’t. I hated myself for a long time, and was absolutely fucking devastated by what I’d done. I shut off my emotions for a while, because I couldn’t deal with the grief of what happened—of what I did.” His features soften as I rub my thumb over his heart.

Todd fills the silence, even though Chris and I are barely paying attention to him. “It took us some time, but we brought him back from that too. Chris is our family, and we’re his. Every single one of us has made mistakes we feel like we can’t come back from. It’s in our nature to feed on humans, but we don’t need to kill. That’s what I taught these boys. Just takes time to learn how to control it.”

Hearing Todd say that, admit that they’re a family, warms my heart. As the only daughter of emotionally absent parents, I never really had anything like that—except for Elijah. I’m happy that the band had Todd to look out for them. At the same time, though, I feel like such an asshole for bringing all of that up. I had no idea what Chris’ life was like before all of this. I blink at the realization that it’s because I never asked. I never cared enough to ask Chris anything about him. God, I’m such a fucking bitch.

Cade strolls out of the back room, his eyes scanning his bandmates. His lips twist in anger. “None of you have even started getting ready yet?” He raises an eyebrow at me, and I’m suddenly reminded that I told him I would get the boys moving.

Oops. I shrug, my palm still resting on Chris’ chest.

“God, okay, we’re on it now,” Benji says, following Bash and Tyler towards their bunks.

“I suppose you need to as well,” I say sweetly to Chris, pulling my hand out from under his to rest it in my lap. Which I immediately regret. I hate that I’m not touching him anymore.

“Let me see your nails, kitten.” I display my unfinished hand to him. Only my thumbnail needs a fresh layer. Chris finishes the final touches, before sealing the nail polish back up and leaning in towards me. “Thank you,” he murmurs.

My cheeks heat, and I don’t even know why. “For what?”

“For listening. For even asking in the first place. And, for not hating me for what I did.”

I glance down at my nails, trying to avoid the emotion in his eyes. “You didn’t mean to. I’m sorry all that happened to you.”

Chris brushes a loose piece of hair behind my ear, his fingers tracing along the shell of my ear. “Me too.” He clears his throat. “Come help me with my makeup and face paint, kitten?”

My eyes shoot back up to his at the request. “That’s a big thing to trust me with, puppy. I could easily make you look like a clown.” I give him a devious smile.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Chris returns the look, featuring that damn dimple.

“Okay, fine. Come on, let’s go.”

* * *

After we get to the venue, Chris plants me at the side of the stage to watch them perform. I didn’t miss that where he placed me has a direct line of sight to his position on the stage. It’s always so surreal being on this end of a concert, overlooking the crowd going wild and singing along to the songs.

Before he went onstage, Chris gave me some ear plugs to protect my ears from the noise. I wear one but leave the other out at times, because I want to hear them as if I’m in the crowd. Experience the magic that is Chris performing, when I’m not completely blindsided by the electric chemistry between us like I was at that first concert.

They’re all in their element, and they look so happy to be together. They’re all natural artists, but their chemistry on stage is mesmerizing. I’ve never seen anything like it, down to their synchronized head-banging during certain breakdowns in the song. They perform so well together. And, after the conversation on the bus, I know it’s because they’re brothers. A family.

Despite how talented they all are, Chris is the one that my eyes keep finding, the one that takes my breath away. His vocals are a mix of heavy screaming and clean melody, that washes over me. He has an amazing voice that makes me feel emotions I can’t even name. He looks so sexy with his black eye makeup, which I did a damn good job on.

While I applied his concert look, we talked some more about his past. Nothing heavy, just minor things, mostly because Benji kept interrupting us. So far, I’m not hating being on tour with them. I wrap my arms tightly around myself. Before tonight, before Chris, I was so scared of change. Scared of leaving my normal sad girl routine. But that wasn’t living. Being here tonight, I know I want to live again. It’s like I’m breathing fresh air for the first time in years. And so much of it has to do with the man—the vampire—with his emo boy painted nails, and black eye makeup, now charming the audience.

“This next song is called Sanguise!” Chris says into the microphone. The crowd loses their minds, roaring so loudly they actually drown him out for a second. It’s one of their more popular tracks, a heavy love song.

I find myself wondering whether Chris has ever been in love. Did he write this song for someone? About somebody? Someone must have given him inspiration for the lyrics.

With the first note, Chris turns to look at me. He sings the entire song with his eyes locked on my own. My lips part, my heart pounding in my chest, and even though I’m overwhelmed, I hold his gaze. We’re just friends. Right? But this doesn’t feel like just friends. Why would he choose me? He could probably get just about any girl he wants, without all the hang-ups that I have. Maybe I’m overthinking it, though. It doesn’t mean anything. I’m sure. Mostly.

The song ends, and Chris presses his hand to his chest, right over his heart, before lifting it to his lips and blowing a kiss towards me, eyes still lingering on mine. Behind him, I can see Benji give Bash a look at Chris’ gesture, but I lock my focus back to Chris and can’t look away.

With a final smirk at me, he turns to face the crowd again, and finishes the concert as normal. But my mind is still spinning. He just blew me a kiss, after a freaking love song . I don’t even know whether I should bring that up. That’s going to open up a conversation I don’t think I’m ready to have, and it definitely indicates that this “just friends” thing is a pipe dream, at best.

Tonight, after the concert, we’ll travel through the night to our next location in Indiana. We won’t be lingering around here long, and when we get back to the bus, I’ll just crawl into the bed and go to sleep. Maybe I’ll forget that ever happened. We will just pretend.