Chapter Eleven

Ty sat and watched Nick and Digger argue over the dartboard, his chin held in his hand as he leaned on the table. He was smiling crookedly without caring he was doing it. This was the playbook they usually followed. Go out, start drinking in some nice, respectable dive, then get into a meaningless argument over something stupid that would create chaos and mayhem around them and eventually get them kicked out.

Right now the debate was whether the tip of the dart had hit the green or the red. Of course the dart had been yanked out several minutes ago, so it was a pointless argument and both Digger and Nick knew it. They were both grinning as they called each other creative names and pointed their darts in each other's faces.

Ty smiled wider as he watched them. The waitress brushed his shoulder and set a basket full of hot wings down on the table. He looked up at her and nodded. "Thank you," he murmured.

She smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. "You boys need anything else?" she asked, keeping her hand there as she moved behind him.

Ty arched an eyebrow as he looked across the table at Owen and Kelly. They both answered the waitress with shakes of their heads and muttered "no, ma'ams." Ty shook his head as well and craned his neck to look up at her. "Thank you, darlin'," he said softly.

"Any time, sweetie," she answered, the flirtatious undertone to the words hard to miss. She smiled as she let her hand slide off his shoulder and moved away. The touch felt good, and Ty let himself enjoy the attention. He didn't respond to it like he would have a year ago, though.

Nick whistled low as he pulled out his chair and sat with a thump beside Ty. "And you're waiting for what?" he asked Ty as he watched the pretty little waitress move away.

Ty cocked his head at her appreciatively as she moved through the crowded bar, then sighed and turned back to the table, propping his elbows on the scarred wooden top and reaching for a stick of celery out of the wing basket. "I guess I've slowed down in my old age," he told them wryly before crunching down on the celery.

Nick raised a disbelieving eyebrow as he leaned closer. Ty glanced at him and looked away quickly before the man could read anything in his face. Nick knew him all too well, though. He knew when to call bullshit.

"Tell us," Nick ordered with a wide grin.

Ty glanced at him, trying to judge his mood. This was the perfect opportunity to tell Nick and the others the truth. He'd come close to confessing to his best friends dozens of times over the years, telling them he was bi or even that as he grew older, he was beginning to realize that he definitely preferred men over women. The fear of being exposed and kicked out of the military and then simply the fear of losing them, especially Nick, had always stopped him. But the military was behind him, and if they were the men Ty thought they were, they wouldn't care. Ty reminded himself that if he could tell Zane he loved him, he could do just about anything.

"Grady? What aren't you telling us?" Nick asked quietly.

Ty winced. "I never was good at hiding much from you," he said in resignation. Nick laughed, shaking his head. Ty held his breath and glanced at the others.

"Garrett and I..." Ty put his palm to his chin and swiped at it, glancing down at the table nervously and then looking up at Nick as he tried desperately not to back out. Nick's green eyes were on him, watching him with a mixture of confusion and concern. "We're a little bit more than partners."

Nick shook his head, frown lines deepening. "I don't understand, man. What does that mean?"

Ty took in a shaky breath and turned the beer bottle in his hands compulsively as he tried to decide how to word his response.

"You saying you're... what, he's working black ops with you now?" Kelly asked.

Ty came up short. "How do you know about that?"

"Know about what?" Kelly countered with an innocuous blink.

"Ty, focus," Nick muttered.

Ty shook his head and tried to swallow. His mouth had gone completely dry. Kelly and Digger laughed, taking his silence as being sly rather than being sick with nerves.

Nick snorted. "Ty, come on. I'm too buzzed to read your mind tonight."

Ty closed his eyes and smiled, just stepping off that ledge like he'd always done. "We're fucking," he said frankly, not surprised when the public admission caused his stomach to roil even harder with nerves. He looked at the other three, then at Nick, breathless as he waited for their reactions.

They were all staring at him, agog. "Are you shitting me? 'Cause that's not funny," Nick blurted.

Ty swallowed hard and his jaw tightened. A cold dread began to settle in his chest. If Nick didn't handle this well, Ty didn't know what he would do. The others would follow Nick's lead. He shook his head minutely. "Dead serious," he murmured, voice going just a little cooler.

"What're you... are you saying you're gay?" Digger asked slowly, as if trying to come to terms with information he didn't quite understand.

Ty swallowed with difficulty and wet his lips. His gut was churning as if he truly were in free-fall. He leaned forward. He couldn't read any of them, and that alone made Ty more than a little worried. He nodded anyway. "Yeah. That's what I'm saying."

He held his breath as he waited for any of them to react, and they took their sweet time.

Nick watched Ty for a full minute before he finally looked away. "Well," he said slowly, obviously still thinking about how to respond. "I'm a little surprised," he finally decided with an uncomfortable laugh. He jerked his hand over his shoulder, pointing his thumb in the vague direction of Ty's row house. "And he's the best you can do?" he asked with a growing smirk as he looked sideways at Ty.

Ty stared at him, shocked by the relatively easy acceptance.

"Bullshit," Owen said suddenly. He didn't look surprised at all, merely angry.

Ty lowered his chin and looked across the table at him, waiting for the reaction he'd dreaded and known at least one of them would have.

"Owen," Nick said with a slight laugh. He held his hand out across the table. "What's it matter, man?" he asked good-naturedly.

"It's bullshit," Owen repeated with a shake of his head.

"No," Ty said quietly.

"All those years in the field and you knew this?" Owen asked angrily.

Ty cocked his head, narrowing his eyes at Owen without saying a word. Nothing he said or did would make it better if Owen was pissed. He was surprised it was only Owen, in fact.

"Owen, man, it's not like it's catching or anything," Kelly said quietly as he sat back in his chair. Ty glanced at him in mild surprise, then back at Owen as the man stood up suddenly.

"You telling us all those fucking years you were supposed to have our backs you knew you were queer and didn't tell us?" Owen growled.

Heads began to turn.

"Jesus Christ," Digger said angrily as he stood and grabbed at Owen's collar. "What's your problem, jackass? This is Grady you're talking to!"

Ty merely sighed and began rubbing at a spot of tension in the back of his neck. It had been there for a solid week now.

"Let him go," Nick told Digger calmly. Digger turned to look at him, scowling mutinously, but he released Owen's shirt, giving him a small shove just to make himself feel better.

"I'm outta here, man," Owen snarled as he grabbed his coat off the back of the chair, tipping the chair backward. It crashed to the floor as Owen turned on his heel and stalked out of the bar.

They watched him go in stunned silence.

"What a fucking prick," Kelly finally said in a shocked voice.

"Don't worry about him," Nick said to Ty softly.

Ty gave him a weak smile and nodded. "Handled it better than I thought he would," he admitted.

"Fucking asshole," Digger muttered as he picked up the chair and righted it, then sat back down heavily, still watching the door where Owen had disappeared.

"Forget it," Nick said with authority. Ty glanced at him, and Nick actually smiled at him and leaned toward him. "Grady, nothing you can tell us after all this time will truly surprise me," he whispered seriously, though he was still smiling. He held out his hand to Ty, palm facing his chest in the same manner he had thousands of times before. Ty reached out and pressed his palm to Nick's, grasping his hand and crossing their wrists. It pulled their faces closer together, a position they'd been in many times over the years as they'd reminded each other not to get shot during a mission.

Nick's voice was low and warm when he spoke. "I can see the fear in your eyes. But I don't give a damn if you're queer, man. And you owe me an apology for thinking I would."

Ty felt like crying in relief, but he managed to just smile and shake his head at the audacity. "You're right," he conceded in a whisper. "I'm sorry for thinking you might be a prick."

Nick patted him on the shoulder with his beer bottle, then let go of his hand and leaned back. He propped one foot up on the chair Owen had vacated and tossed back the bottle, taking a long gulp. "So. I mean, really, is he the best you can do?" he asked again, teasing.

Ty rolled his eyes and took his time drinking a few swigs of beer. "I love him," he finally answered, giving it to him straight. He looked at Nick and nodded, lips pressed tightly together.

"Seriously?" Nick asked in honest surprise. "Like, with-the-heart love or with-the-dick love?"

Ty snorted. "To be honest, it's a little of both."

"He knows, right? You said you're fucking, so I assume it's a relationship?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah. He knows." His chest tightened. It was a relief to be able to talk about Zane with someone besides Deuce. He bit his lip and finally looked up to meet Kelly's eyes.

"But?" Kelly prompted.

"I told him I loved him after the last UC case we worked," Ty admitted with a slight flush.

"Wow," Nick offered.

"Couldn't help it."

"But?" Kelly repeated with a deeper frown.

"When I told him, he didn't really say anything."

His three friends gave him a chorus of pained noises in response.

"Shit, man," Digger practically shouted. "Go pick that waitress up and make yourself feel better!"

Ty laughed out loud and closed his eyes, rubbing at his forehead with the heel of his hand.

"Jackass," Digger grumbled disconsolately.

"At least he didn't say thank you," Kelly pointed out wryly.

Ty laughed before putting his bottle to his lips and taking a long, relieved gulp of his beer. This had gone better than he'd ever imagined it would.

"So, he doesn't feel the same?" Nick asked, confused.

"No," Ty answered, shaking his head. "No, he does. I'm just not sure he knows it yet."

"You can't do anything easy, can you?" Kelly asked, laughing.

"Bet that waitress would be," Digger grumbled.

The others began laughing and talking once more, drowning the silence.

But Nick watched him, still frowning in confusion. Ty waited for him to comment, unconsciously holding his breath.

"You love him. You think he loves you, but he hasn't said it," Nick finally laid out.

Ty shrugged and nodded.

"What if you're wrong?"

"Then I'll get to throw his shit off my balcony. Should be fun." Nick snorted, staring at him in wonder. "How do you live life without looking back or forward? God, I envy that."

Ty merely smiled enigmatically at him. It wasn't the first time he'd heard that. Not many people—not even Nick, who'd lived through his past with him, or Zane, who woke up to his nightmares—knew just how hard it was for Ty to shake off the past and the future and just live in the here and now.

"So it's been like two months, and he still hasn't manned up and decided if he loves you, right? But you're still fucking."

Ty just stared at him, trying to decide if that was an accurate statement. They didn't know Zane like he did. Ty knew his partner had to take the issue from every angle, analyze it to death, resurrect it, and then study its dead, rotting body to see the results. Yeah, it might take Zane four months to decide if he loved someone, and then more to decide if that was a good idea.

Ty didn't mind waiting.

"What a prick," Nick muttered as he put his bottle to his lips and looked out over the barroom with a disturbed frown.

Ty didn't comment. He leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the chair beside Nick's, crossing them at the ankles. One foot rocked slowly as they drank in silence.

"So are you the guy or the girl?" Digger asked abruptly.

Ty barked another laugh, almost snorting beer up his nose. "It doesn't really work that way," he managed to answer.

"So how does it work?" Kelly asked in his typical soft, amused voice.

Ty stared at them for a moment, surprised that not only had they accepted the news fairly easily but seemed to be showing genuine interest.

He shrugged. "We're still dealing with the dynamics," he said vaguely. He had never been a kiss-and-tell type of guy, regardless of who he'd been with. They knew that. They weren't asking about sex. They were asking about the relationship itself in the only way they knew how, and Ty had no answers for them.

"He seems like the ‘get on your knees, bitch' type of guy," Digger grumbled under his breath.

Ty nearly snorted beer up his nose again. He coughed and sputtered as Nick smacked his back repeatedly, laughing heartily. Ty closed his eyes and felt himself blushing as they continued on with the conversation. Did it bother him that they now knew he liked to get on his knees and be fucked until he screamed? A little. He had always been their go-to guy, the brawn on point, the guy they knew they could throw at anything and he'd go in swinging. Why did his being gay have to mar that tough-guy personality?

Ty didn't know. But in his mind, it did, to an extent. He supposed that was his own problem, though. Or society's problem. He shook his head, concentrating instead on the flood of relief. Not only was it a relief that his closest friends had, for the most part, accepted the news with grace and ease, it was also a relief simply to have told them. To this point, the only people who'd known he was bisexual and leaned toward favoring men were his brother and any man he happened to be fucking. It was an intense relief to just say the words. Come out, as it were.

Nick's hand stayed on Ty's shoulder, as if silently offering support. Ty glanced at him, meeting his eyes briefly and nodding in thanks. How Nick knew it was difficult for him to do, Ty couldn't guess.

The conversation soon turned back to darts, beer, and the pretty little waitress they were intent on someone banging before the night was over. But despite the easy acceptance of three of his oldest buddies, Ty couldn't shake the ache of betrayal he'd felt when Owen had stormed out the door. It had hurt, as Ty had known it would. That pain and the unreasonable embarrassment were two reasons he'd kept it under wraps for so long even after being discharged from the Corps.

Digger and Kelly got up to go for one more round of darts, and Nick scooted his chair closer to Ty, leaning toward him to speak in low tones. "Tell me about Garrett," he requested as he leaned his arms on the table.

Ty shrugged uncomfortably. "You met him," he responded defensively.

"Yeah. And I gotta say, Ty, I thought you had better taste," Nick whispered disapprovingly. "He better be a phenomenal lay."

Ty snorted and shook his head. Zane hadn't made much of an impression on these boys, mostly because he'd been sedate and blind and having a spectacularly shitty week. But then, they hadn't been looking at him as a man, plain and simple. They had been judging him as someone who had to watch Ty's back. They were judging him from the eyes of Recon. Man versus Recon—the two were entirely different categories. Just because Ty trusted Zane implicitly didn't mean they did or ever would.

"He's a good guy," Ty found himself saying. "He's having a rough month."

"Yeah, the blind thing," Nick said dubiously.

Ty looked at him and tried to tell himself not to get defensive. He was not responsible for Zane's behavior, nor was he responsible for how other people thought of him.

He found himself fiddling with the USMC signet ring on his finger.

"So let me get this straight. You told the guy you loved him, and he didn't say anything in response?" Nick asked, offended, as he saw that Ty was growing twitchy. "He just... blew it off?"

"Pretty much," Ty said under his breath. He took a gulp of his beer to cover his gut reaction to the memory. He couldn't help but blush and wince. He'd made such a damn fool of himself. He'd been sure Zane wasn't in love with him when he said it. He'd been sure he wouldn't get a response in kind. At the time he'd have preferred Zane laugh in his face than just let it slide. It wasn't until weeks later that Ty had realized that Zane was still just processing and analyzing, his brain churning to catch up with his heart and what his actions were already saying loud and clear.

"So is he just fucking around with you?" Nick asked curiously. "In it 'cause you're a well-practiced screw?"

Ty glanced at him and shook his head. Zane had never made any secret of the fact that he was in it at least partially for the sex. At first they both had been. "Quit being nosy, O'Flaherty," he chastised, hating that the questions made him uncomfortable. He muttered under his breath. "Irish bastard."

"That's a yes," Nick huffed as he sat back. "Is it monogamous on his part?"

Ty licked his lips and glanced at Nick again, wondering just how much his friend really wanted to know. "Yeah. At least I hope it is, because we've been going without condoms for months."

"Oh God, Ty," Nick groaned as he ran his hand through his hair.

Ty closed his eyes and let his head fall back with a sigh, but he couldn't help but smile. "I know." It really was a departure from anything he'd ever done, trusting someone so much. It was a step to a new person, a step Ty didn't mind taking. But sitting here with Nick, it brought into stark contrast the differences in the person he had been and the person he was now. Sometimes he missed the man he'd been ten years ago. That Ty had been an utter badass. But that was about the only good thing that could be said for the man he'd been then.

"You're just hanging around, hoping he falls for you?" Nick asked, a combination of pity and amazement in his voice.

Ty nodded, unashamed, spinning his ring over and over around his finger. He didn't even have to think about his answer, although it wasn't exactly accurate. Zane had already fallen. Ty was just waiting until Zane was done running all the scenarios and crunching all the numbers.

Nick sat back with a small sigh. "Well, I'm sort of happy for you," he hedged. He reached out and petted Ty on the head for lack of anything better to do, and they both laughed and clinked their glasses together at the absurdity of it.

Ty was down to his last mouthful of beer when Nick finally spoke again. "You're a big ol' screaming bottom, aren't you?" he asked Ty with certainty.

Ty choked on the beer he'd been drinking. He lurched out of his seat to lean over the table and spit the mouthful of beer onto the floor before it went up his nose. Nick was laughing at him as he coughed and sputtered. He slapped Ty on the back and they both began laughing raucously.

"I'll get you another beer," Nick told him, snickering as he headed toward the bar.

"Christ," Ty hissed as he ran his hand over his face. Nick knew him far too well.

A couple of hours later, Nick was well into double digits, and Digger and Kelly had already stumbled off to find a cab and possibly kill Owen if they could find him. Ty was going slower, mostly because he wanted to be able to walk home tonight, but also because the more Nick talked, the angrier Nick got. And Ty was thinking he might have to drag him out and tie him down to keep him from violence before the night was over.

"Why'd it take you so long to tell me?" Nick asked him after a random ten-minute rant about the Red Sox that almost caused a fight with some guy in an Orioles T-shirt.

Ty glanced at him in surprise. He felt foolish now for keeping it a secret all these years, but no one could predict how a loved one would react to such a surprise. He tried to think of a way to put it in terms Nick could understand while blazed.

"Imagine if... I had told you I was a closet Yankees fan," he told Nick with a smile. "How would you have reacted?"

"That shit's not funny, Ty. You're not serious, right? I thought you grew up on Atlanta! How do you go over to the dark side just out of the blue!" Nick asked in true horror.

Ty laughed. "See? There was always the chance you might react that way," he said as he finished the last beer he planned to drink tonight. "It was a scary prospect."

Nick stared at him for a long moment. "But you're not really a Yankees fan, right?" he finally asked carefully.

Ty smiled and shook his head.

"Shit, man," Nick muttered. He threw back his bottle, emptying it and setting it down on the table between them with a loud clank. "Don't scare me like that."

Ty grinned and rested his head on his hand.

"You haven't told anyone else, have you?" Nick asked him suddenly.

Ty glanced at him, only to find Nick looking at him sadly. Ty shook his head.

Nick slammed his hand down on the table, rattling the bottles and causing one to tip over and roll toward the edge. Ty grabbed for it but missed it as it fell to the floor. It bounced noisily but didn't shatter. Nick didn't even bother trying to be discreet as he stood up.

"That's not fucking right, Ty," he railed angrily. "You shouldn't have to be afraid to tell anyone who you are or who you're in love with."

"O, calm down," Ty urged quietly as he stood and put one hand on Nick's shoulder.

"You know what? You fought and almost died for your country," Nick continued, undaunted. "What they did to us out there? What happened to us when that helo went down was—"

"Okay, we're leaving," Ty said firmly. He took the beer from Nick's hand and dug around for his wallet.

"You put away killers every day for a living," Nick continued with a point of his finger in Ty's face. Ty resisted the urge to reach up and grab his hand so he wouldn't get poked in the eye. "If you have to hide who you are from your closest friends, then fuck the world, man. It's not fair," Nick spat with a wave of his hand that almost turned into a backhand as Ty quickly leaned away.

"You are a hot mess, man. How many have you had?" Ty asked with a snort as he reached out and grabbed Nick's elbow to steady him. He slapped a few bills on the table and waved at the waitress to let her know they were leaving.

"And you know what else?" Nick went on without answering. Ty began to lead him toward the door, his arm around him to guide him. "This Garrett character? He's lucky to have a guy like you for a partner, much less have you in love with him. He can't find it in himself to return the feeling? Can't even fucking fake it for you? Well, fuck him too!"

Ty cleared his throat and tightened his grip on Nick's shoulders, pulling him closer in case he decided to continue ranting and get louder. They didn't want any trouble from the irate Orioles fans. "I think we need to take a little walk home," he muttered as they stepped out the door into a brisk wind off the harbor. They turned toward Fleet Street, cursing at the cold. But it was only a four-block walk, and Ty wasn't exactly worried about the two of them being mugged.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and tried hard not to think about anything as he and Nick started off. He wasn't sure what bothered him more, that Owen was so utterly disgusted and pissed off because he was in love with a guy, or that his talk with Nick had left his best friend with all this anger and worry over his relationship with Zane. Nick wasn't the first person to question it. Deuce had repeatedly expressed his concerns: what would happen when one or both of them got tired of the other, what would happen when someone got their heart broken? Except Deuce had been worried about Zane's heartbreak. Nick seemed to think it would be Ty's, in the end.

As they were passing the darkened side of the Broadway Market building, Nick suddenly reached out and took Ty's shoulder. "Ty," he said urgently.

Ty turned to look at him in bemusement, expecting more drunken rambling. Or, God forbid, another near-breach of national security. But despite the ranting, Nick's green eyes were clear and his voice sounded steady. Ty realized he wasn't sloppy drunk, after all. Not impossibly so, anyway. But Ty couldn't quite decipher the look in his friend's eyes. There was sadness there, and anger. And something else he didn't think he'd ever seen. Longing.

"I wish you'd trusted me with this earlier," Nick muttered to him. "If I'd known, all those years..."

He opened his mouth to say more, then closed it again with a frustrated sigh. Before Ty really registered what was happening, Nick had taken his shoulders in both hands and was kissing him soundly, right there on the street in the middle of Fell's Point.

Ty flailed, gripping Nick's elbows for lack of a better place to put his hands. His natural instinct was to pull him closer and deepen the kiss, but this was Nick! This was perhaps his oldest and dearest friend, kissing him without a hint of warning. The most disconcerting thing of all, though, was that it wasn't Zane pressed against him. Ty found himself returning the kiss tentatively, regardless, as Nick held him tightly and pushed him against the brick wall behind him. Guilt and shock warred for priority over the pleasure of a really amazing kiss in the brief seconds it took for it to end.

Nick abruptly stepped away from him, inhaling sharply. Ty found himself gaping at the man, unsteady as he leaned against the wall and unable to speak or even breathe.

"You ever get tired of waiting for him to come to his senses, you know where to find me," Nick told him breathlessly.

"Nick," Ty whispered in supreme confusion.

"I'm sorry. That was a shitty thing to do," Nick muttered. He put his head down and started walking.

Ty stared after him for a moment before lurching forward to go after him.

"I should probably go back to the hotel instead of... you know, home with you," Nick said as soon as Ty caught up to him. He was holding out a hand at the row of taxis waiting to take people home when the bars closed down. One of them turned on its lights and began rolling forward.

"O, wait," Ty pleaded as he grabbed at Nick's elbow. Nick turned and pulled him closer, kissing him again before Ty could anticipate it. He could feel his body reacting, though, whether he wanted it to or not. Nick delved into Ty's mouth with a swipe of his tongue before yanking away violently.

Nick pushed him away and put out his hand to stop Ty from coming closer. "God! We never were good at self-control." He wouldn't look Ty in the eye. "Just let me go."

"Okay," Ty agreed in a stricken voice.

Nick reached for the door of the cab and yanked it open almost angrily. "Oorah, Grady," he said with a sad smile before he disappeared into the dark car. Ty was left standing alone on the street as the taillights faded off into the night.

Ty tried to tell himself he didn't need to go home to Zane tonight. It was cruel to have alcohol on his breath around Zane, and he'd already done it once this week. His other choices were a hotel or Zane's apartment, but Ty had been drinking, so he couldn't drive, and he didn't want to have to catch a cab. Mostly, he really didn't need Zane to hear the guilt and confusion and myriad of other emotions Ty knew he wouldn't be able to keep out of his voice. He should just call Zane, tell him he and the guys were crashing at a hotel, hole up for the night, and pretend nothing had happened when he woke up hungover.

But he knew he couldn't do that.

When he got home, he was still warring with himself over whether he should even tell Zane about what had happened tonight. He'd outed not only himself, but Zane as well, without truly thinking it through. And then there was the kiss.

It wasn't like Ty had ever been celibate. Zane knew he'd gotten around and wasn't shy about sex. But Ty had never been with anyone he'd hidden from Zane, and since they'd been partnered permanently, Ty hadn't been with anyone else, period. Ty knew it was just a simple kiss, but for him there was no gray area when it came to sex. Either you cheated or you didn't.

He didn't believe Zane was fucking anyone else, but just the thought made Ty cringe. It seemed so unlikely, since they were together so much... but really they weren't. Obstacles and commitments separated them every day: different projects at work, the softball league, AA meetings, Ty's running and Zane's weightlifting, various and sundry other off-hours pursuits. Throw in the very necessary secrecy that shrouded their relationship, and it was kind of amazing that they were still together at all. But they were, every night that work allowed, despite everything that tried to divide them.

Ty didn't know if Zane wanted his loyalty, but he had it nonetheless. Semper Fi.

The real question Ty found himself grappling over was how Zane would take it when he told him about tonight. Would he see it as a threat? Emotional blackmail? Ty didn't think so, but he'd found there were still times he couldn't predict how Zane would react.

It was dark and quiet in the house. Zane must have gone to bed. A wave of desperate relief washed over Ty, and within minutes he was sitting on the back step with a cheap cigar and a couple of bottles to help extend the buzz and ward off the winter chill.

Uncounted minutes later, his entire body still pinged pleasantly, courtesy the two hard lemonades on top of the beer he'd had at the bar. He was just drunk enough that he didn't have to think too hard about what had happened tonight anymore. He held the cheap cigar in his fingers, puffing on it occasionally and blowing smoke rings into the dark. He didn't like to smoke the good ones when he was drunk. It seemed a waste.

The door behind him creaked open, drawing Ty's attention, and he closed his eyes as Zane stepped out onto the stoop. Nerves assaulted him all over again.

"Ty?" Zane asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I'm here," he answered immediately, not even entertaining the idea of not doing so. He had yet to take advantage of his partner's inability to see, even for fun and games. He wasn't about to start now.

Zane stepped just outside the door. "I smelled the cigar. You guys have a good time?"

Ty lowered his head as another wave of guilt and anger and regret and desire coursed through him. It was such a wash of confusing emotions he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it, and the alcohol wasn't helping. He looked back up and took another drag of the cigar, holding in the fragrant smoke and then exhaling heavily. Smoke billowed out in front of him. "I outed myself tonight," he told Zane in a marginally surprised voice.

Zane's eyes widened as his unfocused gaze shifted in Ty's direction. "What?"

"I told them," Ty said in the same shocked voice as he looked up at Zane. "About us. There was this pretty little waitress and..." He shook his head and looked off to the side, as if trying to figure out how it had happened. "I told them I wasn't interested," he tried to explain before putting the cigar to his lips again. He looked down, embarrassed to have to say it again. "They called me on it, and I told them I was in love."

Zane shifted uncomfortably as he slid his hands into his pockets. He didn't have a jacket on, just a thin, long-sleeved Henley. "How'd they take it?"

Ty shook his head, looking at the cigar with a heavy feeling that settled deep in his chest. He couldn't shake the memory of the look of disgust and anger on Owen's face.

"Owen stormed out of the bar," he answered in a hoarse voice, pushing those feelings away for another day. "Apparently being gay makes you incapable of having someone's back in a fight," he said bitterly. Zane's shoulders stiffened, and he frowned deeply, his lips pressing together hard. Ty nodded, flushing and looking away from Zane again. "The others took it pretty well," he went on, swallowing heavily. "Kelly was... very interested in the logistics of it all."

He took another long drag. He didn't plan on telling Zane what the other men thought of him. He knew Zane hadn't been in top form when they'd met him. He knew that wasn't the real Zane they'd seen, the Zane that Ty loved.

He closed his eyes, heat coursing through him once more as he remembered the way Nick's lips had felt against his. The embrace had felt right, in a way, at the same time as it felt so very wrong to be kissing anyone but Zane.

But two years ago, if Nick had kissed him like that...

Ty shook his head to push away that line of thought. He could torture himself endlessly with uncertainties and questions. Should he tell Zane what had happened? Would it sound like a threat? Would it seem like Ty was giving him an ultimatum? Tell me you love me, too, or I'm leaving?

Ty didn't want that, and he would never do that. But not telling Zane about the kiss felt just as wrong. It felt like... cheating.

"Nick kissed me," he blurted to Zane as he looked up at him.

Zane froze utterly, like he did when he was very upset... or very angry. Then he tipped his head just a bit, the motion indicating he wanted Ty to keep talking.

Ty shook his head, still in slight disbelief over the tale he was relating. He was sure he wouldn't have been able to do it if Zane could actually see him. "We were walking home because he was sort of... I thought he was drunk, but..." He trailed off and shook his head again, unable to meet Zane's sightless eyes as his cheeks flushed. "One minute he was ranting about risking your life for your country and being able to tell your friends the truth, and the next he was looking at me... and he kissed me," he rambled helplessly, telling the story with a variety of hand motions and numb, helpless looks up at Zane.

"And then?" Zane asked softly.

Ty stared at Zane's blank face, wondering at the emotionless reaction. It was like he was just relating another night on the town to his partner, instead of telling his lover about a kiss shared with someone else. He knew closing off like this was how Zane reacted to being devastated, but it still hurt Ty deeply. Why did Zane still have to hide from him?

It took him a long, painful moment to push the twisting sensation in his gut back down.

Somewhere out there Nick O'Flaherty was lying in a hotel bed alone, wondering if he'd done the right thing, hoping Ty would call him, hoping Ty wouldn't call him, thinking about what might have happened if they'd just told each other the truth eight years ago when they'd been discharged. Somewhere out there was a man Ty didn't have to put up a front of strength for. Someone he didn't have to fight with day in and day out. Someone he'd always liked and respected. Someone he didn't love but could surely fuck until sunup every night and no doubt be happy and angst-free with for the rest of his life. Nick and Zane were as different as the sun and the moon.

Ty put the cigar to his lips and inhaled slowly, his eyes losing focus as he stared out at the lights of the city. He couldn't tell Zane what Nick had actually said. When Ty got tired of waiting for Zane. It revealed too much about Ty and how well he knew his plodding partner, how long he would just hang around and wait. Zane should be allowed the delusion that he still had secrets, right?

He looked up at Zane guardedly. His cheeks flushed, and a wave of inexplicable loneliness coursed through him. "He just said I knew where to find him."

When Zane flinched, Ty caught a glimpse of emotion flashing across his face. It could have been pain, but it could just as easily have been anger. Or jealousy. Or Ty's own drunken imagination. It didn't make Ty feel any better.

"You've been friends a long time," Zane finally said, his voice noncommittal.

Ty hung his head, his eyes closed as he puffed on the cheap cigar. He had agonized over whether to tell him, and Zane didn't really seem to care one way or the other. That, or he was hiding his emotions behind that same damn mask, and what was the point? Would he ever get to a point where he could just be with Ty and not hide anything?

"Yes, we have," he finally murmured sadly.

Ty stayed where he was, sitting on the lower step with his head hanging, afraid to move or open his mouth again for fear of what he might do or say. He had put so much of himself on the line these last few weeks, getting so little in return. Less than nothing, really, since he'd lost an old friend and gained a myriad of new problems.

When Zane shifted his weight and pulled the screen door open so he could walk back inside, leaving Ty alone on the stoop, Ty couldn't let him go. Damn it, he needed someone to let him be weak just once, someone to let him break down.

"Zane?" Ty said shakily, his voice agonized and miserable. He breathed in deeply, trying to regain control of his emotions. One thing he did know for certain: he would get on his knees and beg Zane not to leave him alone tonight. He let out a gust of air, and when he spoke, his voice was calm. "I know I smell like cheap beer and cigar smoke," he told Zane as he stared out into the night. "But I just..."

He lowered his head and closed his eyes in embarrassment, unable to finish the request.

For a moment there was silence, and then the creak and snap of the screen door shutting. Zane's shoes scraped on the concrete of the stoop. He stood there, waiting. "You just what?" he asked, his voice rough in the still night air.

Ty turned his head, breath catching. His buzz was long gone, and his body was left trembling with nerves and emotions that he usually ignored or avoided. He could feel his breathing, uneven and difficult, and he knew his heart was absolutely pounding. He thought maybe Zane would be able to feel his racing pulse if he got any closer.

So many times he'd held his tongue, embarrassed to open up to Zane. So many times he'd chosen to be the hardass, the one who supposedly didn't feel anything, the rock for Zane's more volatile mood swings. It had worked for them. It had worked for him. Now it seemed like the house of cards was crashing down around him, and he was just as tired of hiding himself as he was of Zane doing it.

He closed his eyes and took one deep, calming breath, then stood and turned to look at his partner. "I really need a friend tonight, Garrett," he said roughly, determined to keep himself from breaking down, at least for tonight. At least until Zane's sight was back and they could put this chapter behind them. "You think you can handle that for me?"

After a moment's pause in the silence, Zane took a step to the side, pulled the screen door open, and held out his hand.

They lay curled on their sides, Zane behind Ty with his arm over Ty's waist as he waited for his breathing to slow and his pulse to calm. Ty had shocked him tonight. Scared him.

Coming out to his Recon team—and then admitting he was in love—Zane couldn't even imagine what kind of pressure Ty had felt. And on top of that, admitting who he loved? Zane was sure that hadn't gone quite as well as Ty had glossed over. They were his best friends, but he'd kept a pretty major secret from them for a long time, and the man he said he loved was a stranger to them. Not the best of situations.

And Nick. Nick, who'd invited him to dinner with the rest of the Recon team. Nick, who had been Ty's best friend since boot camp, who understood what Ty had lived and how to deal with him. Who had heard about Zane and made his own move to give Ty an alternative.

Zane knew why. As he tightened his arms around Ty and pressed his forehead to Ty's shoulder, he knew why.

Zane had wanted Ty since he'd met him, and every time chaos had crashed down on them—separation after the Tri-State case, Ty's near-death experience in the mountains, the danger on the cruise ship, even Ty telling Zane that he loved him—that attachment had grown more intense, despite every doubt and fear and weakness Zane took into consideration.

But Nick's attachment to Ty might be even stronger.

Zane didn't think he could bear to lose Ty now. He loved Ty. Painfully. Desperately. But now wasn't the time to finally get his head out of his ass and admit it, not after what Ty had said tonight. Ty would see it as a reaction to external pressure, not an honest feeling from the heart, and Zane's words would be set aside like the first time he had said them, slow dancing in Ty's arms.

As his unseeing eyes burned, Zane thought very seriously he might cry.