Chapter Twenty

Ivy

I'd never seen a rowdier group of individuals before in my life. Everything about them exemplified family, fun and lots of laughter. Sitting under one of the trees, I watched while brothers drank, chased kids around, and just had a good time, as if all they cared about was around them. The women mothered children or sat in their men's lap, relaxing and enjoying themselves. Seeing Luc rocking a sleepy Soleil in his arms, while he stood talking with Reaper, Bullseye and Wraith, was a sight to see. He was so gentle with her. I'd never seen anything like it before. He treated her like she was the most precious person in the world, and I guess she was. All the kids were, even Jesse, who not even an hour after he apologized to me, needed to be saved once more because the little boy had climbed a tree and couldn't get down.

It was strange to watch the adults interact with the kids and the men as they interacted with the women. I found myself captivated by every little thing they did, watching, waiting for any sign that Luc had lied to me. Only the longer I watched, the more I began to understand.

That was how my childhood was supposed to be.

And that's when I realized something.

I was jealous.

Jealous of them all.

"I know that look," Remi said, taking a seat next to me and handing me a beer.

"What look?"

"The how the fuck did I end up with a shit childhood look?"

"That obvious?"

"Yep," the pretty blonde woman replied, sighing. "I had that same look. Still do sometimes when I see Jesse laugh and play with his friends or just sleep in his bed at home. I know it's wrong, and I shouldn't be envious of my own son, but fuck, what I wouldn't give to have experienced one day of his perfect existence."

"You seem to have a pretty good life from what I can see."

"Looks can be deceiving, Ivy. I, more than anyone here, know how you feel."

I huffed. "No one knows how I feel. Not even Luc."

"Let's see," she started, taking a swig of her beer. "You're scared you found something wonderful, and you're terrified you'll mess it up. You're scared that no matter how hard you try to forget your past, you're petrified you will never let go. You're scared of others judging you, blaming you. You're scared that whatever you do won't be enough. But mostly, you're scared because you are starting to feel things for Luc that are foreign to you, and it's confusing you."

Looking at the woman, she continued, "I'm more like you than you realize, Ivy. My father cut me out of my dead mother's body. Then, not even a few days later, he got rid of me. If that wasn't bad enough, my so-called adoptive parents only had me for twenty-four hours before some jagoff stole me from them and handed me over to the worst fucking people on the planet who used me as a bargaining chip to further their own agenda. I've been molested, kidnapped, beaten, raped, tortured, sold, and used more ways than I can count, but somehow, I am sitting here next to you, in this beautiful state park, enjoying a beer while we watch my family have a good day. So, trust me when I say, I know what you are feeling, and, honey, everything you are feeling is normal."

"I don't know how to be what Luc needs," I whispered.

"Sweetie, he doesn't want you to be anything but yourself."

"I'm mentally sick, Remi. I have something called D.I.D."

She nodded. "Dissociative Identity Disorder. I've heard of it, and so what? Solomon has autism. Daphne has Asperger's, and my husband is fucking stupid. We all have our vices, Ivy."

I chuckled at that.

"Look, what I am trying to say is don't worry about what you can't control. Just be yourself, and fuck those who think they know any better. Only you know what is best for you."

"Remi, how can I be myself if I don't know who I am?"

"What do you mean?"

"I grew up in a BDSM club in Miami, Florida. All I know is sex. My father trained me from the moment I could walk in how to pleasure a man. Men have used my body for their perversions for so long, it's all I know. I've never even had a real kiss."

"Luc hasn't kissed you?"

I shrugged. "No."

"That son of a bitch," she groused. "Fuckers have no problem sticking their dicks in our holes, but God fucking forbid they show any kind of affection first. Oh no, all they care about is nutting and how fast they can fall asleep."

"It's different with Luc and me. We prefer the harder side of sex. There really isn't room for all the emotional shit."

"Sweetie, I don't give a damn if he ties you to a fucking tree and pisses on your leg. If he can't take the time to show you how much he cares for you before he sticks his dick in you, then he is no better than a fucking dog humping a bitch in heat."

"Remi, can I talk with Ivy for a minute?" Solomon said, stepping up behind us, making himself known.

"Yep." The sweet woman smiled, getting to her feet. "Gotta go check on Jesse anyway. I'm sure he's found some trouble to get into by now."

"He's with Massacre over by the bikes," Solomon quickly said.

"Thanks, and, Ivy, if you ever need to talk, just reach out. I'm always available for a sister."

"Thank you, Remi," I muttered while the woman walked off.

Looking up at Solomon, I said nothing as he frowned, before sitting on the ground next to me.

Neither of us spoke for the longest time. I guess we really didn't need to. We'd both seen each other at our worst, and because of him, I was alive today. I often thought about the day he saved me and what I would say if I ever saw him again. I wanted to tell him back at the clubhouse but didn't because there were too many people around.

"Thank you, Solomon."

"For what?"

"You know what for."

He grumbled, shrugging his shoulders as his brows furrowed.

"Didn't come over here to talk about that."

"Okay," I whispered, unsure what to say next.

"How is he treating you?"

"Luc?" I asked, as Solomon glared at him. "Good, I guess. Why?"

"You happy with him?"

I shrugged, looking over at the larger-than-life man, still holding his sleeping granddaughter, as he turned and smiled at me.

"Sorry I didn't get to you sooner."

Facing him, I frowned. "What?"

"That day. I should have killed them all. Would have saved everyone a lot of trouble."

"Solomon, you did kill them. You killed the men raping me. You stopped them from hurting anyone else ever again. Because of you, I escaped."

"I should have done more."

"What more could you have done? You weren't much older than me. We were kids, trying to fight off grown men. You did what you could and helped me get away. You didn't have to do that, but you did."

"They were hurting you."

"They were hurting you too," I stated when I saw Sunny smiling at us. Smiling back, I asked, "Tell me about Sunny."

I watched when Solomon's eyes sought his wife and the most serene smile I'd ever seen washed across his face. "My sunshine."

"She's beautiful."

"The most beautiful sun, next to my Soleil."

"Sunny told me she was going to have a baby. Are you excited?"

"No."

Curious, I asked, "Why not?"

"Scared this one's gonna go away, too."

"She lost a baby before this one?"

He slowly nodded.

"That means this baby is special. A rainbow baby."

"A what?"

"When a woman loses a baby and gets pregnant afterward, those babies are called rainbow babies because they represent so much love, hope and new beginnings."

"I like that name—Rainbow."

I was sad to leave.

Just when I was finally relaxing and starting to enjoy myself, Luc walked over and told me it was time to go. After saying goodbye to everyone and even getting a hug from Soleil, I found myself on the back of his bike as we headed home to Destiny. My head was still reeling from everything Remi and I had talked about. I'd never met anyone with a background remotely similar to mine. In a way, it was kind of refreshing to know that I wasn't the only one, and yet it was sad. She was a wonderful woman. I could see the love radiating from her, but to know her past damn near mirrored mine broke my heart. Still, after everything she'd survived, she'd found a way to move forward, have the life she always dreamed about, even if her husband was in the doghouse.

I watched him relentlessly throughout the day. How he was able to enjoy time with his brothers, make sure his son was behaving, and still keep a watchful eye on Remi. No matter who she talked to, where she walked, what she did, Reaper never let her out of his sight. I could clearly see the longing in his eyes. The regret for whatever he'd done to receive her anger. He wanted so much for her to forgive him.

"What did he do?" I asked the second Luc cut the engine of his bike. Parked back at the clubhouse, I stayed seated, waiting for him to answer.

"Who, Reaper?"

"Yes."

"He lied to his wife to protect her."

"That doesn't seem so bad," I said, swinging my leg off the bike. Stretching my back, I added, "I've heard of people doing a lot worse."

"It's how he went about it," Luc stated, dropping the kickstand before standing. "Men like Reaper have a one-track mind. When a woman enters the picture, their focus shifts until all they care about is the woman they love, and make no mistake, Reaper loves Remi. However, sometimes a love like theirs can be blinding and, in Reaper's case, it is."

"Still don't see what the big deal is."

"And you wouldn't because you've never been in love."

"Who says I haven't?"

"Me."

Well, he wasn't wrong.

Shrugging, I headed for the entrance, waving at Hannibal while I walked inside the clubhouse. I hoped no one wanted to talk to me because I needed to pee badly.