Chapter Thirty Three

GRAYSON

Somehow, I find myself still standing in front of the first pew. All these strangers keep coming up to me, to extend their condolences. I appreciate their kind words, even if I don't know them from Adam. The service wrapped a half hour ago, and the last group of people are finally exiting now. Ma leans in for an extremely tight hug, finally showing me her full strength this time.

Her fingers comb through the hairs on the back of my head. "You didn't tell me you boys had expected twins," she says in an almost whisper.

"I haven't had much of a chance," I retort. "Thirty years of life events is a lot of ground to cover," I add, patting her back. "It's gonna take me a whole month to tell you everything."

"Well, I'm sorry you went through that," Ma says, pulling away to look me dead in the eyes. "I can't imagine what it feels like to lose children permanently," she adds. "Let alone those who didn't even get a chance to enter the world at all."

Alex interrupts this small, yet significant moment. "Lunch anyone?"

Miles ushered Amelia and her mother back out to the car, while Julio's aid wheels him closer to me. He takes my hand in his, all the while rivers keep raining down both cheeks.

"Thank you for taking such great care of my son," he says. "He told us how much he loved you, but I can see you may have loved him even more."

Seeing a man well into his seventies weeping so ferociously just razes my gut. Judging by the grip of his hand, I can tell his sentiments are genuine.

"And for the record," he adds. "I accept your relationship with Julian, and I hope that you will consider still being a part of our family."

I nod agreeably. "Yes I will," I acknowledge. "You're still my in-laws."

Julio shakes his head in disagreement. "None of that in-law mierdo," he huffs. "You're family period."

Julio's healthcare worker leans in to advise him that he's overdue for meds and that he probably needs to go to the bathroom before heading in the opposite direction towards Union Parish. I wave him off as she wheels him up the aisle, while the credence of his words fills my heart. I can feel the monsters which have weighted my soul for the past ten days have somehow dwindled. And the pit in my stomach is improving. Of course, I will be a part of their family. It's what Julian would have wanted. I'll treat them with just as much love and respect as I did him.

Miles arrived at the decision for us all to meet at a steakhouse in Franklinton. He sent Amelia and Sophia on their way to gather a big table for everyone. Jake and Ma rode in his Expedition, while Miles and Alex are following behind me on the journey away from the church. Away from Julian. The simple reminder stings me slightly—I won't be seeing his body ever again. I've said my goodbyes and that's all she wrote. I reach a steady enough speed to turn on cruise control while I reach over to my bag to retrieve a cigarette and my lighter.

After surviving Julian's service, I deserve two or three of these fuckers. But there's only one left. I lean over the wheel, lighting the last smoke. A long drag allows the nicotine to excite my lungs, while the satisfying tingle affords me a state of total Zen once the smoke dances from my nostrils.

Halfway through Felton, I find myself stuck at Chase Street behind the punishment light. As per usual, it's the one part of town with the lightest traffic. And by that, I mean absofuckinglutely zilch. My head raises, taking note of my shimmering teddy bear pendant dangling from the rearview mirror. Since I've just said my formal goodbye to Julian, it's only appropriate that I unwrap it from the mirror and wear it for the rest of the day. While the stoplight lingers on red, I raise the pendant to my neck, clasping it firmly in the back.

Finally, the light switches green when my foot lays into the gas pedal. No sooner do I reach the middle of the intersection, when I feel the impact of a larger vehicle smashing my driver's side door. My head sways with the movement from left to right. Glass shatters all around me as the airbags expand, and the strong flavor of blood saturates my throat. That fear has returned to my body—if it even left in the first place—impaling from within me as I close my eyes in the hopes that this is all a terrible fucking dream.

Pain throngs my entire skull while I feel the car moving sideways. And when I open my eyes, I'm confronted with the truth. This is not a dream at all. An instant chill comes over me, numbing every muscle and tendon from head-to-toe. And lastly, my vision grows heavy as lead, causing my eyelids to struggle remaining open. In a split-second, my lungs falter with extremely shallow breaths. And all that's left to see is an endless ocean of black.