Epilogue

EPILOGUE

I wasn't sure why I did it. Maybe I was a glutton for punishment.

Jack was waiting for me in the bedroom. The screens were pulled, a movie was ready to play, and a bowl of popcorn was ready to devour. It was just a normal Friday night. As normal as our Friday nights could get without getting a call from dispatch.

But I was hiding in the bathroom, preparing myself for putting certain hopes and dreams back on the shelf. I looked at the drawer full of pregnancy test boxes and felt my skin get hot—maybe out of shame or anger or embarrassment—I wasn't really sure. But there was a defiance in me that pulsed with every beat of my heart, and I vowed to myself that a dream of a family was one I wasn't willing to give up on. I had Jack, and that was enough for now. We were a family.

I scooped up all of the pregnancy test boxes up and dumped them into the trash can. All except for one. That last pregnancy test symbolized the end of a chapter. I knew there were all kinds of stories, and sometimes they had different endings that didn't look like what we thought they would. Our human expectations were almost always our greatest disappointments.

Mentally preparing myself to put the dreams of motherhood back on the shelf, I took the last pregnancy test, prepared to accept the finality of seeing another negative result.

"If you leave me out here much longer I'm going to fall asleep before the movie starts," Jack said on the other side of the door. "And FYI, I've already eaten most of the popcorn." He knocked and tried the knob when I didn't answer. "Jaye, are you okay? What's going on?"

My hands were so cold they were numb and I fumbled with the lock to get the door open. Jack's smile disappeared when he saw me and worry was etched on his face.

"Hey, what's wrong? I've seen sheets with more color than you. Are you sick?"

I shook my head and held up the test. "I'm pregnant."