15. Cassidy

I"ve donea few things in the last twelve hours I"m not proud of. One, I stopped Hayden from destroying Roman's stupid face. And two, I"m waking up sprawled out across Hayden's naked body because he slept over... again.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I move slowly so I don"t wake him up, and because I can, I take a second to watch him sleep. He"s so gorgeous it"s ridiculous. Sleep has mussed his dark hair, and his full lips are slightly parted. For a second, I let myself remember how they felt on mine in the dark last night, before we fought and fucked until we passed out.

Shit.

I slide off the bed and grab his t-shirt off the floor, pulling it on before walking into my tiny kitchen. If I pull it up and take a sniff of his scent, well… we're not gonna talk about that.

I need coffee and a plan because I have no idea what to do about Roman.

He's not going away, and he looks at me like I'm his property.

The thought makes vomit crawl up the back of my throat.

Hayden does that whole mine thing, but with him it's not the same as it was with my ex. I don't know how to explain it, but the intent behind Roman's eyes was calculating and poisonous. Hayden looks at me like he wants to save me from myself. Like he wants to drown the world and strand us on a deserted island together so I'll have no choice but to be the center of his world and him mine.

I start the coffee and lean against the counter, staring out the window as the sun rises over Seattle. Not that I can see it behind all the clouds, but the gray is slowly getting lighter. The city that I love is suddenly feeling like it"s closing in on me and I don"t know what to do about it.

Hayden comes up behind me and wraps his strong arms around my waist, pulling me back against his chest. His lips brush my ear as he murmurs, "Don't make me wake up to a cold bed again. I don't like it."

I shiver and settle back into him, letting him take some of my weight. It"s so easy to forget who he is when he"s not being an asshole or trying to make me stupid with his magical dick. But that"s all he"s good for. I absolutely, one hundred percent will not get attached.

I'm definitely getting attached. Like a moron.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you we don't always get what we want?" I say, trying not to show him that his gravelly morning voice is hitting me straight between the legs.

Hayden stares down at me, dark eyes burning down into my soul. "No."

He leans down to kiss me, but I push him away and grab two mugs from the cupboard, pouring us each a cup of coffee. He sighs and takes the mug I offer him, leaning against the counter across from me. His pants are unbuttoned and hang low on his hips, showing off his muscles and that V that scrambles my brain.

"What are we doing today?" he asks, taking a sip of his coffee and watching me like he knows exactly what"s going on in my head.

I lift a shoulder and let it drop as he eats me alive with his eyes. I shiver but try to ignore the way he sets my body on fire without even having to touch me. "I don't know what you're doing, but I'm working." I turn to glance at the clock. "There"s a game tonight, right? Don"t you have a morning skate or something?"

Okay, yes, I"m trying to get him out of my apartment before I jump him and go for the ride of my life… again. I don"t understand why I keep letting him in when I know it"s only going to end up with me crying into a pint of my favorite huckleberry ice cream and wanting to kick my own ass for ignoring my shiny new rule about hockey players. But, here I am. The guy"s hot and persuasive as hell.

Also, I need him out of here. Immediately.

I"m starting to get a flood of subscribers to my OnlyFans and they"re getting impatient for new content. A twinge of guilt twists in my stomach, another thing I"m choosing to ignore. Hayden isn"t my boyfriend as much as he might like to think he is. I don"t owe him anything, and especially not this truth.

I'm not doing anything wrong.

I'm not.

Hayden nods and takes another sip of his coffee before setting the mug on the counter and stalking toward me with a feral sort of glint in his eye that doesn't match up with his words. "I do have practice." He stops in front of me and grabs my hips, pulling me against him where he's hard in all the places. "How about I come over after?"

I push him away, ignoring the way he smirks at me like he knows exactly what I"m doing. I swear the more I push him away, the more determined he gets. "I don"t know if you noticed, but I've got a life outside of you." We're going to ignore that most nights I'm either at the bar or in the tub with a smutty book and my favorite toy living my best single girl life.

Unfortunately for me, Hayden's dick is better than any dildo or vibrator I've tried so far. Shocking, I know.

"Besides," I press a little closer because I can"t help myself and his hands immediately find my hips again. "Don't you have, like, semi-famous hockey player things to do?"

He tilts his head and lets out a quiet laugh. "Semi-famous?"

"It's hockey, not the NFL," I say, and he lets go of my hips and digs his fingers into my hair instead, kissing me hard. It's almost like he's trying to punish me with his tongue for mocking his level of celebrity, and I'm totally getting off on it. If this is the way he responds when I shit talk him, I'm definitely going to have to do it more.

His stubble is rough as it scratches against my skin and his tongue ring does miraculous things inside my mouth.

Ugh, it"s hard to resist him when he"s using that thing like a weapon.

"You love testing me, don't you?" His lips are a whisper against mine with his words. Then he's pulling back and brushing his thumb across my bruised bottom lip.

"You test me, too," I say, not sure why I admitted it out loud. My voice was almost silent, so maybe he didn't hear.

But he does. I can tell by the way the corner of his mouth lifts in his trademark smirk.

He makes me want to believe him when he says he wants me. That he wants to be here for me. But I can"t depend on him. I've never been able to depend on anyone but myself.

Look at what happened when I leaned on Roman. Now he"s holding the debt over my head and I"m having to sell my body to pay him back and get him the hell out of my life.

After he banged some slutty groupie right in front of my face.

Life's really fucking unfair sometimes.

Hayden leans in for another kiss, but I dodge, stepping away from him. If he kisses me again, my crumbling self control will disintegrate completely. "Time for you to go."

He grins at me and grabs his mug off the counter, draining it before setting it down and walking toward the bedroom to grab his clothes. I definitely do not watch his ass as he goes. "Don"t think for a second we"re done here." He looks me up and down as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head, taking away my spectacular view. "I"ll be back after we win tonight."

"No, you won't. And if you come by, I won't be here."

He stalks closer, backing me up until I hit the wall. I pretend like my legs aren't shaking and my nipples aren't poking into his chest through his t-shirt that I'm still wearing. "And where the fuck will you be? Because I know it won't be out with another guy. Not unless you want to see him dead."

Okay, that? That shouldn't make me have to bite my tongue to hold back a whimper. A damn whimper like I'm some helpless little puppy begging its master for scraps. Nope. I'm not about to let this big-dicked asshole turn me into that girl.

"I've already told you, I'm not—"

He cuts me off by kissing the shit out of me, his tongue ring clacking against my teeth while I try to bite him and suck his taste into me in equal measure. When he pulls back, there's blood smeared on his bottom lip and the taste of copper on my tongue.

I don't know which one of us it belongs to, maybe both.

We're both breathing hard and his fingers press harder into the skin at my neck until sucking in oxygen starts to become a challenge. "If you try to lie to us both and say you're not mine, I'm going to lose my fucking mind."

My mouth snaps shut and his hold loosens as he leans his forehead against mine. "We go on the road tomorrow. I need to be inside of you as much as possible before then." I open my mouth to tell him off, to tell him to go find someone else to fuck, but even the thought of that almost sends me running to the bathroom to throw up my coffee. My fingers tighten in his shirt and I didn't even realize I was holding on to it. I have to force myself to pry my fingers away and Hayden wastes no time pulling my hand back and putting it against his chest like he needs me touching him everywhere he can get me.

The same way I seem to need to be touching him.

I may or may not curl my fingers back into his shirt, hoping I dig them into his skin hard enough to leave marks so he can't go be with whatever fictional person my brain dreamed up ten seconds ago.

I'm disgusted with myself.

How the hell could I have let this happen? I've gotten attached.

Gag.

"I think you've been inside me enough, Hitman. Your memory works fine. Better get used to using it because it's not happening again." I shove him toward the door and away from me. The smell of him is still on my skin. I hate how much I love it. "Now go."

He walks backward to the door, fucking me with his eyes until he has to stop and open it. He steps into the hallway, but turns around at the last second. "No need to wait up for me, Princess. I'll let myself in." The gravel in his voice sends liquid fire into my veins because I know he's not just talking about letting himself into my apartment. Waking up with him between my thighs that first time showed me how little he cares about or needs my permission for what's happening between us.

I wish knowing that turned me off, but I've proven time and time again I'm weak for unhinged men.

I flip him off and slam the door in his face, leaning against it for a few deep breaths before pushing off and walking back into my kitchen. That sinking feeling in my stomach at the thought of Hayden going on a road trip? Yeah, I"m not going to examine that. If the idea of him fucking someone else makes me want to projectile vomit, the thought of not seeing him for days or weeks, of him not being around to push his way into my life sends my heart splatting onto the floor and making a big old mess out my feelings for the guy.

I have no idea how I"m going to handle any of this bullshit, but I know one thing for sure: I"m not giving up without a fight.

Hayden likes to say that I'm his? Well, I just decided he's mine.

And as for my ex?

Hayden's the best person I know at fighting dirty. As much as it pains me, I might have to let him in and help me with this. I"m not above taking advantage of his obsession with me if it means getting my cheating shitbag of an ex off my back.

Decision made, I move toward the bathroom, ready to shower and start my day, but stop short when I notice my back window"s open over the fire escape. A cool breeze makes goosebumps rise on my arms and I rush over to shut and lock it.

Hayden must"ve opened it and then forgotten to close it. I grab out my phone, tempted to tell him off by text, but decide not to feed into his game. If anything, that"s what he wants and I don"t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me by freaking me out.

And I"m especially refusing to admit that I sort of maybe like his games.