HARLEY

I was in the back of the cab alone when it happened. The first flashback that I’d had in years while being awake. Night terrors didn’t plague me as much as they had when I’d been a kid, but now and then, I still woke up, drenched in sweat, heart racing and being right back there under his thumb in my dreams. But it had never happened while being awake before. Not when I still lived at home and never since I’d been in LA.

Tony had been the only person I’d felt safe with in those last moments at the club. Ron had always scared me, but fearing Ace was more than my heart could bear. I truly don’t know what I would have done without Tony there.

As the cab drove off, I stayed curled up in the back seat. Mascara still running down my face, my body still trembling from the shock of it all. And that’s when it happened. It came on slowly. First, my throat closed up, and I coughed. Not once, but twice, three times. Again and again as I tried to catch my breath in between. But soon it was more than a cough, soon all the air inside the cab had disappeared and I was fighting for my life. Everything felt fuzzy, blurry, and confusing. One minute I was in the back seat of a cab and the next, I’d fallen down a dark hole that took me back in time to a place I thought I’d never see again.

The words that had haunted me my entire life now echoed repeatedly in my head. I became lost, gone, and drowning in the darkness.

You know what happens when you don’t listen, when you don’t do as I say… Remember what happens when you don’t listen, little one?

Things were changing now inside my mind; the image of Ace yelling was getting further away and the backseat of the cab was slowly morphing into that place, the only one that could send me spiraling. And no matter what I did, it would not leave my mind. Suddenly my vision cleared, and I was back in Chicago, in my parents’ basement. It wasn’t like a memory, where you watch the situation play out like a movie. No, this was real. Or at least, it felt real. Too real. Scared and shivering, I found myself sitting in a dark, damp basement on a very familiar, rickety old stool. Clothed in nothing but my underwear, arms hugging my naked body and flinching, as my crusty, old grandfather berated and insulted me, for refusing to do the disgusting things he wanted from me.

Without even trying, I reverted to one of my old techniques. One by one, I began spelling all the states backwards inside the recesses of my mind. I focused in on large black letters as they appeared on the chalkboard in front of me. Imagining my hand to be the one writing each letter as they came into my mind.

Mississippi… I-P-P-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-M

Oklahoma… A-M-O-H-A-L-K-O

Nebraska… A-K-S-A-R-B-E-N

The harder I focused, the more the surrounding scene faded. The terror all around me slowly dissipated as my hand moved at the speed of light. Chalk dust floated off the board and into the air around me. Dust upon dust until the entire room was white. It was hard to breathe. I gasped and eventually choked, coughing up what felt like mounds of chalk.

“Harley!” The sound of my name was loud enough for me to notice, but still very far off in the distance. Too far to even turn my head in that direction. Desperate for air, I became frantic, throwing my arms around, pushing, hitting the surrounding walls. My chest felt rock hard, my heart drummed against the confines of its bony prison.

Hands reached out and grabbed me just as my vision narrowed. Less than a second later, my world went completely dark.

***

“Harley? Harley? Come on baby, wake up.”

Someone was brushing my hair back away from my face. It felt comforting, warm but also….

The sound of own screams combined with my body flinging itself into an upright position jolted me into consciousness, like never before.

“Where am I?” I croaked. Looking around and not recognizing anything inside the strange vehicle.

“Baby? Baby? You’re back. Oh my god, I was so worried!” It was Ace. He was next to me, arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly in his lap.

“Are you okay, Miss?” The cab driver poked his head around the open door.

We had parked on a quiet street; I stared at the driver and then up at Ace, confused.

“Baby…” He cooed, rubbing my arm. “Are you okay?” He asked, readjusting the cold ice pack on my forehead.

“I passed out?” I mumbled.

“Uh, yeah… there was a lot of screaming first, though. You sounded terrified, and you were hyper-ventilating. Honestly, H… I think you had some kind of panic attack.” Ace said quietly.

I kept my eyes down and didn’t answer. What was I supposed to say? Yes asshole, I did and seems like you’re the reason it happened? Ugh, whatever. I still felt shaky, clammy, and definitely not in the mood to talk. Especially not to him. In fact, I wanted to be wherever he was not.

Shifting away from him, I moved into a seated position with my feet planted on the curb. He immediately jumped out on his side and came around to mine. Kneeling down, he cupped my face in his hands and we made eye contact for the first time since before I passed out.

“I need to go home. Alone.” The words came out flat, cold and just about as dead as I felt inside.

I didn’t owe him anything. Not an explanation, not an apology, nothing. Not because he wasn’t right about me breaking a promise, but because he was too damn self-absorbed, jumped to conclusions too quickly and didn’t respect me enough to confront me about it privately.

Those stunning inky eyes that had been pleading with me to wake up just moments ago now hardened. Nodding, he stood up, walked back around to the passenger seat and signaled to the driver to continue on.

Good. He finally got it. Hopefully.

We drove the rest of the way in complete silence.

I was ready to bolt before we even turned down my street. With my bag tucked firmly under my arm, my plan was to jump out and run in before Ace could follow me. Although I had made it clear that I needed to be alone, I also knew that Ace would never back down willingly. It was going to be a mad dash to the door and there was no way I was letting him beat me to it.

True to my plan, I flung open the cab door and jumped out before the cabbie had put the car in park. It should have worked. With Ace paying the cab driver, I should have been able to make it in time. But of course, Murphy’s Law hit me in the ass once again.

A couple of shaky trots in my stilettos towards the front stoop and inevitably, the broken paving cement got the best of me and down I went. Pain seared through my ankle, knees and hands as the contents of my purse spilled out all around me.

“Shit!” I cursed under my breath. Why does everything always happens to me? I could swear that sometimes it felt as if the world was conspiring against me.

“Where do you think you’re going so quickly?” Ace asked, as his firm hands scooped me up under my arms and set me back on my feet. “Ah… shit! Now you’re bleeding!” He exclaimed, throwing an arm up and letting it slap back down against his leg.

“What are you annoyed about?” I grumbled, limping closer to the door. “I told you that I need to be alone. Get back in the cab before he leav…” I trailed off, as I looked back to the street and saw the cab do exactly that.

“Fuuuuuck!” I screamed out as the cab disappeared down the street.

“Har…?” Ace was standing at the door of my building, holding it open for me. His eyes were darker than normal as he squinted at me and motioned for me to enter.

“What are you doing, and how did you open the fucking door?” I grumbled.

That was it. Now, I was furious. Marching over to him with a sore ankle, blood trickling down my bare legs and huge raccoon eyes, courtesy of my melting mascara. I must have looked insane, but I didn’t care.

“Fuck you, Ace. We are done. Get the hell out of my way.” I spat as I attempted to push past him. He wasn’t having it.

“No, Harley. We will not leave things like this, and we most certainly are not over.” He thundered.

There was barely any time to react before he was on me. My feet flew off the ground as his lips crashed into mine while he spun me around. With his mouth firmly pressed to mine, he held me captive as his tongue forced my mouth apart and claimed it for its own.

I could feel that we were moving up the stairs and towards my apartment and despite all the rage that he’d ignited inside me, I couldn’t fight this. We’d been apart one full week, and we were ravenous for each other. Our mutual hatred of each other’s behaviour quickly melted into a desperation I’d never felt before. I wanted him, needed him, felt like I might die without him. It was reckless and crazy, but I no longer cared.