HARLEY

I N THE PAST

“C’mon sweet girl… come sit on my lap. Let’s play a game.”

The corners of his mouth shifted slightly upward in amusement as I fidgeted in my seat. My hesitation and fear seemed to only excite him further. With my arms wrapped around my body, I hugged myself tighter in a feeble attempt at protection.

“I don’t want to.” My voice was as weak and shaky as it felt, barely audible over the thundering of my beating heart. Shivering in the musty basement air, I allowed my hands to rub back and worth against my bare arms.

“Don’t be silly. You’re cold. Come sit with me and I’ll warm you up, sweet girl.” He patted the spot next to him.

There was a full smile across his wrinkled face. He knew he had me. Not that I ever had a chance. Escaping his grip was almost as impossible as not getting close to begin with.

Suddenly, his voice took a darker note. “Don’t make me ask you a third time.” He warned. “I’m sure you remember what happens when you don’t listen?”

I nodded, slid off the stool, and took a step forward. The burning sensation of punishment was immediately present in my mind.

He opened his arms to welcome me into hell.

I accepted because there was no alternative.

PRESENT DAY

The sound of my despair flooded the room before my eyes even opened. A low moan of desperation gurgled in the back of my throat, choking me.

Wake up, Harley! Wake the fuck up! I screamed inside my head.

Sleep was torturous at the best of times, but when I was trapped in the confines of a nightmare, the paralysis was all too real. Thrashing about violently was only tying me down in the blankets, trapped like an animal desperate to escape. Finally, the roar of my broken soul exploded into the air. “Nooooooo!” The sound of my terror finally raging through my sleep and jolting me back to reality.

Allowing only a sliver of light to infiltrate my heavy eyelids, I quickly pushed sticky strands of hair off my face. My heart raced as the sweat chilled on my skin.

“Fuck!” I yelled once again to no one.

That damn asshole had ruined yet another night of sleep for me. Fuck this shit.

As angry as I was, there was no time to lament my crappy life. I had things to do. I threw off the covers and sat upright, taking deep breaths to calm the anxiety that held me captive… or was it the rage? Sometimes I couldn’t even tell. The only thing that was a definite was the constant tightrope walk between the two.

“I should be over this shit by now.” I grumbled to myself as I slid out of bed and stomped over to the bathroom. With my eyes still half closed, my fingers searched the wall for a light switch. It flickered for a moment before revealing the 1970s style avocado green tiles that lined the tiny space. This apartment was decent for what I could afford, but it was sorely lacking in the current 1990s style. Not that it mattered. I didn’t spend enough time at home anyway to make a space worth decorating.

My eyes darted to the small clock on the counter. It read five o’clock. I had two hours before I was due onstage at Sunset Dreams. Just enough time to get ready and grab a coffee to go. Fortunately, I could eat there, Tony always made sure the girls had a good buffet options after our sets.

Making my way to the bathroom, I pulled off my sweat stained t-shirt and dropped my shorts to the ground before stepping into the shower and turning it on. The stream of warm water was soothing. It cascaded down my body, comforting my mind and soul. There was nothing a shower couldn’t fix. It washed away both the immediate pain and deadened the memories that I hoped one day would disappear for good.

After I’d cleaned up, I applied my usual smoky makeup, false eyelashes, and far more body glitter than was necessary. I needed something exceptional for tonight. An outfit that made me feel in charge and powerful, something that would enhance my assets. My sexuality was no longer something to be stolen from me. I was in charge now and I chose who and how I gave it out. No one would steal from me ever again… except in my dreams, the only place left where he could still hurt me.

I made it to the club in record time, poking Tony in the side as I squeezed past him.

“Hey!” He called out, surprised by my little finger sinking into his soft rolls.

“Gotcha!” I laughed as his cheeks broke out into a warm smile.

“If I wasn’t pressed for time, I’d come after you!” Tony called back, his finger wagging at me.

“Yeah… but all those people outside Ton! You’ve got to keep them in line, they’re rabid out there!” I joked, motioning to the lineup of regulars that had already snaked its way around the corner of the club.

Tony was the club bouncer and bounce he did. He kept the real assholes out, mostly, anyway. He couldn’t be too picky, though; his cousin and official club owner Ron was a slimy little shit who was always on his case. Tony wasn’t like the other guys. He was more of a jolly St-Nick, the one who made all the girls feel safe and cared for. When shit went down at the club, we all knew that we could always count on Tony to have our back.

“Stop playing around and get in here!” came an angry voice down the hall.

Rolling my eyes at Tony, I mouthed, “Gotta run!” as I turned on my heels and made a beeline for the dressing room. Ron, the face of Sunset Dreams, had a coronary if we weren’t all lined up ready for inspection when he showed up.

“Get your ass in here, Harley!” he yelled again, “And stop distracting Tony!”

As I slid around the corner, my tardiness was obvious. Everyone else was already in costume and lined up for Ron’s inspection. I was the last one to arrive.

Luckily, I was ready. Letting my coat slide off my shoulders, I tossed it on a nearby chair before slipping into place at the end of the line. All this just moments before Ron entered the dressing room and made his way down the line.

He gave me a quick once over and nodded gruffly. “At least you’re ready.”

My friend Becca rolled her eyes at me and mouthed, “You get away with such shit!”

I shrugged. Maybe I did. It wasn’t the first time I’d had a horseshoe up my ass.

“You’re first up tonight, Harley.” Ron chuckled. “That’s what you get for being the last one in,” he continued, as I rolled my eyes behind him.

Spinning round quickly, he locked eyes and stared me down. “You heard me?” He demanded.

“Yeah, yeah whatever, Ron. I heard you.” I mumbled.

Dude always had to stick it to me.

“Professionalism, girls, we are professionals here at Sunset Dreams! This ain’t no seedy after-hours place. We have respectable clients who spend good money. We have to be at the top of our game!” Ron declared, winking at me before turning back to leave the dressing room.

“Respectable clients, my ass.” I grumbled. Sure, Sunset Dreams was known for attracting the latest celebrities and top-notch athletes. Despite that, they were all just men who were using their money to get a piece of ass. No different from anyone else I’d met. Money or no money, men were the same everywhere.

***

One more last-minute check to ensure that my costume was just right. Then I took a deep breath and stepped out onto the platform. The warmth of the lights caressed my scantily clothed body as I made my way onto the stage.

The smell of stale beer and sweat hit me as soon as I was up there. I could feel the eyes of the men in the audience on me as I moved to the music. No matter how many times I did this, and it was going on five years now, I was still hit with jittery nerves in those first few seconds. They would always pass after a few minutes and I’d feel the power of my body and my building confidence from the crowd. I’d lose myself in the music, the lights, and the movements. This was my game, and I only played by my rules.

My first night at Sunset all those years ago, Ron had said I was a natural. Obviously, he was just flattering me, but, in that moment, it was what I needed. After leaving home and going no-contact with my family, I was desperate for someone, anyone, to tell me I was worthwhile. The last words my mother had said to me were that I was an ungrateful little wretch who didn’t deserve the life she had given me. My dad… well, he didn’t even grace me with words of any kind. He simply turned and walked back into the house, leaving me on the sidewalk with my bags.

They never understood me. Honestly, maybe they didn’t want to. They certainly didn’t want to see what was happening right in front of their faces. I had told my mom twice about what her father was doing. The first time it happened, I was only ten. But when she washed my mouth out with soap and told me I was a disgrace, I didn’t try again until I was fourteen. By then it was a regular thing and I was drowning under the stress of it. But once again, my words were met with disdain. She stared me down, with disgust rolling off of her like a tidal wave. “I have to be somewhere,” was all she said before walking out the front door and leaving me to wallow in my own shit once again.

My parents continued to focus solely on their own lives. Having a child was an inconvenience that they felt they had dealt with for long enough.

Amazing the shit that goes on behind closed doors. To look at us moderately wealthy Chicago suburbanites, you’d never have known. We were the perfect image of contentment. A lawyer and a doctor couple, with a daughter in private school and an elderly grandpa living at home with them. My parents took multiple yearly vacations — without me, of course.

Overall, it must have seemed to others like we had everything money could buy. And we did. Or at least they did. Except that wasn’t enough. Not for me. Not in the least. When they bought me a Jeep for my sixteenth birthday, it wasn’t because they adored me. No, it was, so they didn’t have to see me again. It was, so they never had to drive me anywhere again and they delighted in announcing it to everyone they knew. I was to be out of their way and out of their lives even more now. In their eyes, they’d paid me off with a vehicle and the best thank you I could give them was to leave them alone. So, when the day came that I was ready to leave. I was pretty sure that they were relieved.

College was not an option for me. Despite being a straight-A student who could have gone anywhere, I didn’t care about pursuing a higher education at all. In my experience, education led to success and money and from what I’d seen, that was a recipe for disaster. It had been abused at my expense and going forward; I wanted no part of it.

The long road trip from Chicago to LA was my freedom trip, and once I hit the road, I never looked back. Just myself in my Jeep with a suitcase of clothing, makeup and my childhood teddy bear who knew all my secrets. I didn’t have much, but the one thing I had was my power. My grandfather had shown me the power I could yield. His words always returned and repeated in my head. “I can’t control myself around you, sweet girl. You don’t know the power you have over me.” And although at the time it was confusing and ultimately damaging. Now I could use it my way, on my own terms, and no one could stop me or hurt me again.

I never felt more at home than when I was commanding the attention of the clients. My body was my weapon, and I knew how to wield it. Using it like this made me feel liberated and empowered. I moved with grace and finesse, showing off my curves and enticing the stupid men in the audience.

As I moved, I felt an inner strength within me. I was no longer just a weak girl held hostage in the home that was supposed to be my sanctuary. No, I was a goddess in control of her body and the power it held over those around her. I felt my spirit soar as I teased and tantalized the men, giving them glimpses of what could be if they were brave enough to take the chance.

That first night, when the music stopped, and the room erupted in applause as I took my final bow. Their hungry eyes perused my body with lust, but I was the one who held all the cards. Finally. I’d found my place in the world and felt a sense of pride well up inside. The men in the audience cheered and whistled as I made my way off the stage. I knew I had won them over, and I felt a deep satisfaction in knowing that I had done a good job. As I returned to my dressing room, accomplishment and self-worth filled me like never before.

That night had changed me. I’d gone from being a shy, timid girl to a powerful, confident woman. I’d found my identity and a sense of purpose that had been missing before. Now, I was no longer afraid of the unknown; instead, I had learned to embrace it and be at peace with who I was.

No longer just a girl; I was a force to be reckoned with. A woman with a mission, and I was determined to make the most of it.

Ron saw that in me and took advantage of it. I knew it, but I didn’t care. Because I was in control, earning my own money, being paid to give what had once been taken from me. I could spend my days as I pleased. And no one could control me ever again.

Years later, Sunset Dreams was more my home than anywhere else had ever been. As I stepped off the stage, shaking out my body to the pulse of the music, my limbs still vibrating from the energy of the performance, I smiled to myself. I felt good. No, I felt great.

Making my way towards the back, I unhooked my bra, letting my tattoos shine in the neon light of the club. The crowd roared in delight, making me grin, but the moment was fleeting. As soon as I turned the corner, he was there.

“You were fantastic, Harley.” Ron commented, his eyes perusing my half-naked body. “People noticed.”

I nodded.

“A little proposal has come our way though…” he trailed off, still grinning like an idiot.

The word “our” was like a bell ringing in my head. This wasn’t the first time Ron wanted more than I was willing to give.

Ron cleared his throat and continued. “One of my VIPs has requested a private session. Something a little different from the usual…” he drawled. “… and it will pay you double what you just earned onstage.”

Immediately, I shook my head and raised my palms in protest. The turn of events had already made my heart race. I wanted to get out of there, to go home and forget about this moment. But Ron wasn’t having it. He stepped closer and grabbed my wrists in his grip.

“Come on, Harley. You know what I’m asking for and I know you can do it.”

“Not happening Ron.” I shook my head more firmly and tried to push him away, but he was too strong. Ron leaned his face closer to mine, his breath hot against my skin.

I wrenched my arm away and took a step back. “No, Ron. I said I’m not interested.”

Ron’s face darkened. “If you don’t do it, I’ll make sure you never work in this town again. Do you understand me, Harley Sanders?”

I felt the heat of anger rush to my cheeks. “I understand perfectly. But I’m not going to do it.”

Pushing past Ron, I rushed down the long hallway. His wrath was like a torpedo behind me. Suddenly, he grabbed my hair and pulled hard, forcing me to stumble. “Don’t you run from me!” He snarled.

Suddenly, the loud slam of a door filled the surrounding air. My hair was released, and I tripped forward, landing on my knees. When I looked up, a figure blocked the neon light above me. It was Tony, his chest puffed out and his face was full of rage.

“What’s going on here?” Tony asked, his voice a low growl.

Ron stepped back immediately, raising his hands in surrender. “Nothing. Just talking.”

Tony stepped closer, his eyes never leaving Ron. “Harley, go to the dressing room. You’ll need to hydrate before your next set. I’ll take care of this.”

I nodded, my heart still pounding in my chest as I pushed past Tony, down the hall and towards the sanctity of the dressing room, not once looking back but knowing that Tony would take care of Ron. He always did. It probably seemed strange to the others how Tony was the only one who could give Ron orders. Sunset Dreams may have been Ron’s club, but Tony had been a silent partner since day one and he’d kept the club open while Ron was in jail. Without Tony, there was no Ron, and he knew it.