REN

“AH, BUT I wasn’t invited or anything. I don’t think I even know the guy,” I told Kelani, a last ditch effort to try and convince her not to make me go.

“It’s not a birthday party with a bouncy house and a clown, Ren,” she responded dryly. “They don’t send little paper cards around and put balloons on the mailbox.”

I wanted to say that I’d rather go to a party with a clown and balloons on the mailbox, but I wisely kept my mouth shut.

“What are you so nervous about anyway?” Our other friend, Arie Becker, questioned. He tilted his head and pursed his glossy lips as he examined the work he’d done on me. Arie was one of the people I’d met through Aspen. They’d sort of adopted me into their little group. “You’ve totally got the cute nerd thing going on.”

“Oh. Really?” I asked, anxiously running my hand through my hair.

“Hey!” He snapped. “Don’t ruin my masterpiece.” He went back to work on my hair, combing it into a perfectly effortless style. I didn’t have the heart to tell him it would fall back into its normal messy state the moment I took a step out of the door anyway. Style was really, really important to him, if his colorful hair and makeup and coordinated outfits were any indication. I’d seen him wear all kinds of neat stuff, from tight, sequined suits to mini-skirts with long socks.

They had picked out my shirt (Arie had groaned at my pitiful selection and demanded to know what blind toddler had helped me shop), tried styling my hair, and he’d even put some kind of clear waxy gel stuff in my eyebrows with a tiny little comb thing. But he’d said I had great brows and beauty was all about enhancing the positives, so I guessed that was good. When I looked in the mirror, I could hardly tell a difference anyway.

“Alright, time to go!” Kelani declared, once Arie had finished uselessly teasing my hair back into place.

“Have fun!” He said, giving us a cheeky little finger wave. His fingernails were pink and glittery.

“You aren’t coming?” I realized, with a little disappointment. He was a great social buffer, and anytime he was around everyone’s attention was usually on him.

“Nah,” he answered, glancing down at his phone. “It’s date night, and Che hates that kind of thing.”

Che Arroyo was Arie’s boyfriend. They’d been together since middle school, and had even made sure to register super early to be sure and get the same dorm room. I liked Che. He was quiet and shy, but really nice.

We walked to the party, since it was pretty close. I’d grown up in the suburbs, so I wasn’t used to being able to walk anywhere. It was nice. And my thighs and glutes were getting kind of toned from all the walking, which was cool. Kelani chatted with me while we walked, her high-heeled shoes clacking on the street. She’d worn a really pretty short dress that showed off her figure, and Arie had brushed some kind of shiny stuff on her collarbones and shoulders that made her dark skin look glittery when the light hit it.

“You know, I’ve been told I’m pretty socially awkward,” I finally said, as we turned the final corner onto the right street. “People at the party might think I’m annoying.”

She sighed a bit before giving me a friendly pat on the shoulder. “So what if you are? There will be other socially awkward people there, too.” I guess she thought that was a good thing. I wasn’t so sure. “You need to relax, Ren. Arie’s right. You’re cute and nice. There’s no reason anyone would be rude to you.”

I knew she was trying to comfort me, but I wasn’t sure how to feel. I wasn’t used to compliments, particularly from girls. Gwen hadn’t had a single nice thing to say to me for maybe the entirety of our senior year. Not that I could remember, anyway.

When we walked in the door, there was nothing out of the ordinary. The house was big, and people were crammed into every available space. Loud music was playing, and people were kind of shouting over it to be heard. I didn’t like that. I always got too excited and ended up talking too loudly by accident anyway. But as we made our way through the living room, I couldn’t help but let out a shocked gasp.

“Oh, hey!” I pulled on her wrist a bit to get her attention in case she couldn’t hear me. “That’s my friend Maddox over there!”

Unfortunately, the moment I opened my mouth to let her know, the song playing from the mounted speakers ended, and I’d been practically screaming. Everyone in the room turned to look at us or at Maddox, snickering. Luckily after a few moments of that, the next song started and they all went back to their respective conversations.

I wanted to turn around and walk out, but he was staring at me. His stare looked murderous, but still, he was looking. And besides, I didn’t want to waste a chance to maybe talk to him about something other than our creative writing project. I led Kelani over to him, where he eyed us both with a little bit of hesitant caution. Was he maybe more shy than I’d thought? Or maybe he thought Kelani was cute? She did look really great in her outfit, and her curl-ringed hair was shiny and pretty.

“Um, sorry about that,” I said, shoving my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. “I didn’t know the song was going to… End. Like that. At that moment, I mean. I knew it would end. I didn’t think it would go on forever or anything.” He watched me intently as I stumbled through my explanation, and I couldn’t help but notice that his eyes were really blue. They looked really nice and I wanted to keep looking at them but I didn’t know if that was weird or not.

“It’s fine,” he finally responded after a silence that probably felt way longer than it really was. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, um, this is my friend Kelani,” I said, gesturing to her. “She’s the one who kind of forced me to come out tonight.”

“I’m Maddox,” he said, giving her a casual head nod as a greeting.

“I know who you are,” she responded. I couldn’t tell if I was imagining it but her voice didn’t hold the warmth that I was used to hearing in it. “You’re actually living with my brother at the moment.”

“Cyprian?” He guessed, and she nodded. “He’s cool.”

“He’s a good guy,” she agreed, then turned to me. “Ren, I’m going to go grab a drink.” I could see into the kitchen where there were various types of alcohol displayed on the center island. “Should I grab you anything?”

“Uh…” I hesitated. I’d never had alcohol or anything before. My parents had been pretty lax in my upbringing, but not that lax.

“They probably have soda and stuff,” she said, reading my mind.

“Oh. Then yeah, just a Coke or whatever they have. Are you sure you don’t mind?” I asked, suddenly realizing I was maybe being rude.

“No?” She answered, looking at me oddly. “It’s like 10 feet away.”

And then she walked off into the kitchen and grabbed a red plastic cup off the stack, leaving me alone with Maddox. Well, alone except for the 20 or so people scattered around the room. And the ones loitering on the staircase. Basically we couldn’t have been less alone. But for some reason he was all I could focus on.

“Did you want anything?” I asked him, not sure of what to say. He shook his head, lifting the half- full bottle of water in his hand I hadn’t noticed before. “Oh, you’re not really a drinker either, huh?”

“Nah,” he said, shrugging a shoulder. It didn’t seem like he was morally opposed. “Alcohol is basically liquid cheeseburgers. I can’t have stuff like that.”

“Oh, you mean because of fitness and stuff?”

“Right.”

“That makes sense but, like… Jocks drink beer and stuff all the time at like frat parties, right?” I questioned. Was he in a frat? I wasn’t sure.

“Fine for them, I guess. I don’t want a dad bod,” he said. I waited for him to crack a smile or say he was kidding or something, but he didn’t.

“Well, I don’t think you need to worry about that,” I told him honestly. He was obviously in really great shape. When he cleared his throat a bit and averted his eyes from me, I laughed awkwardly. “I mean, um, you look like you stay fit and all that. Sorry. I feel like I keep saying weird stuff.”

When he brought his eyes back to mine, I thought maybe his face looked a little pink. “Kind of. But it’s fine. It’s okay.”

“It’s okay if I’m weird?” I blurted it out without thinking. It just surprised me that someone like him might actually feel that way about me.

“Yeah,” he confirmed flatly. “It’s okay. Just be yourself and don’t worry about what other people think.”

I knew I probably looked stupid, and I probably was stupid, but I couldn’t help the big smile that split my face at his words. To try and hide how incredibly happy he had made me, I turned to face the kitchen. I saw Kelani was distracted now, talking to two other girls.

“Do you worry about what other people think?” I finally asked, once I’d composed myself enough to turn back to him.

“Not really,” he said. “If people think I’m an asshole, then so be it. I don’t really care to know.”

“I don’t think you are!” I said quickly, though he hadn’t accused me of anything. But in that moment, I’d just really wanted him to know how I felt. He looked mildly embarrassed by the statement, but cleared his throat again.

“You just don’t know me that well yet. Believe me, I can be a dick.”

“Well, I don’t mind. I’m used to it.”

“Don’t,” he said firmly. When I just stared at him, confused, he went on. “Don’t be used to it. If someone is a dick to you, call them out. That includes me, too.”

“Oh. Um, okay. I’ll let you know, I guess.” There was no freaking way I would ever have the balls to tell someone like Maddox Holmes he was being a dick.

We were quiet for a bit after that, surrounded by an atmosphere that I would normally be miserable in. But I felt more comfortable standing next to him, for some reason.

“I set an alarm for tomorrow, you know.” He said the words, then sipped from his water, staring off into a corner. When I followed his line of sight, I didn’t see anything he could be looking at.

“To… Wake up?”

“No,” he said, sounding exasperated. “For the library.”

“Oh!” I finally realized. “You mean… Because we’re meeting up?”

“Right.”

“Cool. I should do that, too,” I said, pulling my phone from my pocket. There was absolutely no chance that I could get distracted enough to lose track of time and forget about it. I knew I’d be basically watching the clock all day until it was time. But I made a show of setting up an alarm and then showing him. He glanced down at my screen, then gave me a single nod.

“Cool.”

“Cool,” I repeated. After that, we stared at each other for so long that we both started cracking up. I didn’t exactly know what was so funny, but it was. His laugh was really cute, and he looked relaxed for once.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why does this all feel so awkward?” He wondered, still chuckling a bit. When he shifted from where he’d been leaning back against the wall, the hem of his shirt slipped up a little bit. I had to try really, really hard not to stare at it.

“Um, it’s probably just me,” I admitted. “I kind of make everything awkward.” Especially right now, when I was noticing how toned and firm the little strip of his navel that his shirt had exposed was. Thank god he couldn’t read my mind or he’d probably reach over and punch me. Then again, Man Crush Mondays were a thing. But it was Tuesday.

He tilted his head a little bit, as if acknowledging my statement. “Maybe it’s me.”

I wanted to disagree with him, but before I could, Kelani emerged from the kitchen, pushing a can of soda into my hands.

“Sorry about that!” She apologized. “I was catching up with someone I didn’t know was going to school here. Hey, listen, a bunch of us are going into the den to play spin the bottle!” She grabbed my wrist, tugging at me. My stomach dropped, a clear indicator of my body reminding me that the idea of kissing strangers was awful and terrifying.

“Uh…” I planted my feet firmly on the ground, but struggled to think of an argument.

“Spin the bottle?” Maddox repeated, scoffing. “What are we, 12?”

Kelani gave him a wry look, like she already wasn’t that fond of him. I’d kind of noticed that earlier too, but they’d only just met, hadn’t they? Did it have something to do with Kelani’s brother who Maddox lived with?

“Well, you don’t have to play,” she pointed out. “But Ren and I are.”

“Ah, well, I don’t-”

“You’re playing?” Maddox demanded, giving me an intense look again. I wanted to say no, but it felt like I couldn’t get a word in edgewise between them. His question made me feel like I was on trial for a crime.

“I don’t th-”

“Yes, he’s playing,” Kelani answered for me. “We came to this party to have fun, not just stand alone in a corner.” I wasn’t technically standing alone in a corner. I was standing with Maddox, which was infinitely more appealing than a kissing game.

“Fine,” he said. His tone of voice was casual, but his body language was definitely irritated. “I’ll play too, then. Whatever.”

They both left the room in a huff, headed towards the den like they were in a race. Groaning a little in my throat and rubbing my eyes, I realized I had no choice but to follow them.