REN

THE RIDE HOME with Mom was awkward and tense and kind of miserable. She could definitely tell I wasn’t happy with her, and I imagined she probably already knew about the kiss thing with Maddy and didn’t know what to say about it, and so we barely spoke. She asked about my classes and I gave her short, concise answers with very little enthusiasm.

Now, two days later, we’d still barely talked. I’d talked to my dad a bit about school and classes and friends. When he finally asked why I wasn’t talking to my mom, I explained the situation with Gwen and how I’d made it clear I wasn’t interested in getting back with her, but she still pushed and pushed until she ended up putting me in a really awkward position.

“Yeah, your mom told me what happened when Gwen showed up like that.”

“I didn’t know you knew about that.”

He nodded, giving a grunt of affirmation. “It sounds like you have some… good friends up there already.”

Wincing, I sighed. “She told you about the kiss thing then, right?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “She told me.”

We were both quiet for a bit after that. I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t technically done anything wrong, but we didn’t usually have serious kinds of conversations like this.

“You know, you don’t have to talk to me about any of this,” he finally said. “Or your mom. But if you have anything you want to say, I’d like to hear it.”

“I don’t really know what to say,” I admitted. I’d kind of planned on having this conversation eventually, but Gwen had really sped up the timeline in which I’d planned to approach all this. “What do you want to know?”

“Are you gay? Do you have a boyfriend?”

The questions weren’t accusatory, or full of shock and disgust like when Gwen had screamed at me. They didn’t put me on the defensive or make me feel embarrassed, but it was a really weird feeling talking about it. I hadn’t exactly had to come out to my friends at school, unless admitting that Maddy and I had kissed counted. And it was different when you were talking to someone that was also not straight.

“I’m not gay. But I do have a boyfriend.”

Part of me struggled to voice that second part out loud, since I didn’t know if it was exactly true. Maddy had been clear from the beginning that he wasn’t sure what he wanted, and I respected that. We’d gotten really close, but we hadn’t revisited that conversation. For all I knew, he considered us friends with benefits. But also I felt like if I said we weren’t boyfriends, at least to my dad, then he’d think I was just some horny teenager screwing around with no feelings involved. And that was just something I didn’t want him to think about me.

“So, you think you might be bisexual,” he determined.

“Uh, at this point it’s not really something I’m considering,” I said. “I am bi. The guy I’m seeing… We aren’t exactly a new thing.”

“You want to tell me about him? Is he taking the same classes as you?”

“Um, no…” I cleared my throat, trying to think of what I could say about Maddy that wouldn’t sound completely stupid. “He’s getting his degree in sports medicine. He’s really into athletics and fitness and stuff. He’s on the swim team.”

“Oh, he’s on the swim team ,” my dad repeated with his eyebrows comically raised. “Well, la dee da. I could be on the swim team too, if your mother didn’t make such delicious dinners,” he said, patting his dad bod belly. He was always joking and goofing around. My grandparents on his side were really, really serious-minded and no-nonsense so I think that had a lot to do with it.

I laughed, relieved that he’d taken a lot of the weight out of the conversation. “Sure you could, Dad. You know, I’ve been watching football with him.”

“Football? You?” He asked, chuckling. He’d never really been into sports or watched them around me. “Sounds like a true miracle.”

“It’s not so bad, actually.”

“And these board game and movie nights you told me about? He hangs out with your friends, too?”

“We’re all friends, yeah.”

He asked me a few more playful questions about Maddy and our friends, before leaning back in his chair and giving me a more serious look.

“If your mom knew how serious you are about this guy, then I’m sure she would feel a lot differently about trying to get you and Gwen back together,” he said. “I think we should maybe invite her into this talk.”

“It shouldn’t matter if I was with someone else or not,” I argued, but I knew he was right and I needed to actually talk to her. “She went behind my back with this dumb scheme with Gwen. It’s like she respects her and cares about her feelings more than she cares about mine.”

“That’s not true, Ren. Your mom worries about you all the time, but I agree planning the visit with Gwen was a bad decision.” When I didn’t answer, he went on. “Would it be okay with you if I go talk to her about the stuff you’ve told me? And then once she’s caught up, we can all tackle the Gwen issue.”

Communication was a big thing in my family. Again, because both sets of my grandparents were immigrants from Japan, brushing problems and stuff under the rug to keep up appearances had been a big theme in both of my parents’ childhoods. Because of that, they made sure I felt comfortable talking to them about whatever I had going on.

“Yeah, okay,” I agreed reluctantly. It’s not like I could go the whole winter break without talking to her.

When he left, I crept into the kitchen to make a snack, hoping maybe I could eavesdrop on their conversation, but they were in their bedroom. Quickly slapping ham and mayo on a piece of bread and folding it over into a half-sandwich, I texted Maddy to tell him I’d just come out to my dad.

Seriously?? Was he weird about it?

No, he was cool. I’m about to talk to my mom about the whole Gwen thing, I responded, taking a bite from my sandwich.

You think she’ll be cool about it too?

About the bi thing, yeah. The Gwen thing I don’t know.

She’ll just have to get over it, Maddy insisted. You should tell her what a bitch Gwen was and is to you. I’m sure that will change her mind about wanting you guys together.

I’ll tell her, I texted back. I’ll let you know how it goes. I miss you.

Already??

You don’t miss me? I asked, smirking as I finished the last piece of sandwich. If he said no, he was definitely lying.

I didn’t say I didn’t.

That was probably as close to it as I was going to get at the moment, so I responded with a bunch of cheesy heart and kissing emojis. When my mom and dad walked in to sit at the table with me, I set my phone face down.

The conversation was awkward starting out. She had a lot of questions about Maddy, like my dad. I answered them, but I really hoped she wasn’t trying to make comparisons between him and my ex. There really wasn’t any kind of competition, in terms of how happy I was in the two different relationships.

“I’m sorry you felt like I went behind your back, Ren,” she finally apologized. “If I’d known you didn’t want to date girls anymore, you know I would never have-”

Cutting her off with a groan, I rubbed my palms over my eyes in frustration. “It’s nothing to do with that! I like girls. I just happen to like some guys, too.”

“So you like this guy Maddox more, is all,” she determined.

“No! I mean, yes! I do like him more, but whether I had ever met him or not, I wouldn’t want Gwen in my life. What are you not understanding?”

“I just don’t understand what changed. You two were so great before. Is it just that you can’t forgive her for breaking up with you?”

I shook my head, inhaling deeply. “Do you really want to know why I don’t want her around? Or are you just going to argue with me no matter what I say?” I asked.

“Ren, I’m not arguing with you in the first place,” she denied. “I’m just trying to understand.”

I knew she was probably being honest about not deliberately trying to frustrate and annoy me. My mom had always been supportive and easygoing. This whole Gwen thing was really the first time we’d ever really butted heads in a major way.

I took a deep breath, trying to make a brief mental tally of all the stuff about our relationship that had been miserable for me. When I laid it out for her, bringing up lots of specific examples, her face became more and more distressed. But she didn’t interrupt me, just let me get it all out. By the time I was done, she was nearly in tears.

“Oh, honey, I had absolutely no idea. Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I didn’t exactly realize how bad it was until I was away from her and started hanging out with my own kind of people,” I said honestly. “And then I knew you were her friend so I didn’t want to upset you…”

“No, no,” she shook her head before coming around the table to hug me. “I liked Gwen because I thought she was good for you. You don’t have to worry about me talking to her anymore, I promise.”

“Okay,” I agreed quickly, relieved. “I would really like that.”

“I was worried you’d be lonely at school, but it sounds like I don’t need to worry about that,” she said, rubbing a hand down my back.

“No,” I promised her. “I have really great friends and I like my classes.”

“And you have Maddox,” she added teasingly. “Sounds like he won’t let you get lonely either.”

“Well, yeah,” I said, vaguely embarrassed to be teased. But at least I hadn’t slipped up and called him Maddy in front of them. That would definitely have intensified the ribbing.

“So do you have any pictures of him or anything to show us?” She wondered, and my dad nodded to show his interest in the idea, too.

“Well, I could pull up his Instagram if you want,” I said. I knew that, at least, was pretty PG. When I had his page up, I handed it over. As she scrolled, my dad hovering over her shoulder to look as well, her eyebrows raised up toward her dark hairline.

“ This is your boyfriend!?” She asked, turning the screen toward me and jabbing her finger toward a picture of him. It was from the swim meet he’d competed in, a few months back.

“He got second place in the freestyle event at that meet,” I explained, ignoring what she was really commenting on. How insanely built he was and how completely obvious it was in the speedo he had to wear.

“His abs!” She said, relentlessly poking at the picture. My dad chuckled at her bluntness, shaking his head a little.

“Come on,” I groaned, pushing the phone back toward her, refusing to ogle him in front of her. “That’s not why I like him.”

She didn’t need to know how I felt about his abs, and how I liked him best on his back because when I would make him come, I could watch it pool in the carved lines of his abdomen.

“Well, I’m sure it doesn’t hurt,” she said, giving my dad an incredulous look.

“No comment,” I said firmly. My parents and I had a relaxed relationship, but there was no way I was ever going to have that kind of conversation with them.

After the big conversation, everything was casual and easy. My parents and I spent a lot of time together, and I helped my mom shop for Christmas dinner. We were hosting this year, so we’d have a lot of people over.

The last night of the first week of break, I laid in bed, talking to Maddy on the phone.

“I can’t believe you’re actually having fun with Caelyx,” I stated, after he finished telling me about his day. I personally kind of liked the guy. He was funny and I was pretty sure he had a secret nice side. A small one, at least. I was glad he and Maddy had bonded a bit, too.

“Yeah, well, what else am I supposed to do here when it’s just us and I don’t have any classes?” He countered. I smiled, but I wouldn’t call him out on it. He was really cute when he didn’t want to admit that he liked someone or something.

“Are you excited about going home tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said. His parents had ended up both reaching out to him a day after his birthday, extremely apologetic about having forgotten. Since then, they’d been a whole lot better about not arguing and not dragging him into their fights. So in a way, forgetting his birthday had improved things between them. It still made me pretty annoyed, though. If I hadn’t planned that party for him, who knows how miserable he would have been? “Things seem a lot more chill now, so… Did I tell you my mom went out to lunch with Missy?”

“No. How’d that go?”

“Seems like it went okay. She didn’t poison her food or try to run her over.”

“Nice. I like Missy.”

“Um, yeah,” Maddy responded. “She seemed nice. I’m sure we’ll spend some time at my dad’s over break. But actually, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What’s up?” I asked, rolling over onto my side. He sounded almost nervous. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just… Remember that thing I showed you before, that I used to practice with, before we started fucking?”

My eyebrows quirked up, my cock giving an interested twitch at his words. I definitely remembered. He’d shown it to me pretty early on, when I’d commented on how I was surprised that our first attempt at sex had gone perfectly and he hadn’t needed to tap out or physically recover afterwards. Just seeing it and knowing that he’d used it thinking about me was such a turn-on I’d pretty much jumped him right away. And he’d promised to give me a show with it at some point, but I hadn’t pushed that part because he’d also seemed pretty embarrassed by the idea.

“Yeah. I remember. What about it?”

“Well, I kind of bought another one.”

“Why’d you do that?” I wondered, trying not to sound desperate. “Is the new one special?”

“Kind of. I bought it because it… Well, there’s a certain aspect to it that will make it easier to… Uh… Actually, can I just show you?”

“You want to Facetime?” I asked, again not trying to sound too excited and embarrass him or intensify his nerves.

“Yeah, if you can. As long as your parents are in bed and stuff.”

“Yeah, they’re in bed.” It was pretty late, and their room was across the house from mine, so no worries about anyone hearing anything weird.

“Okay, so…” A few seconds later, the call ended and a Facetime call was attempting to come through. I accepted it, and was immediately greeted with the sight of Maddy. I could only see him from the shoulders up, but he wasn’t wearing a shirt. I was glad I was just in my boxer briefs. Getting a boner in jeans was always pretty uncomfortable for me.

“Hi,” I said. “You look really, really good today.”

“I look the same as always.”

“Exactly,” I reasoned, and he shook his head, trying not to grin. “So, um… You wanted to show me something?”

“This is what I bought,” he said. He was definitely already blushing, which was probably a good sign. He tilted the phone down a little, to show a thick dildo, this time in a metallic purple tone. He seemed to like them colorful, which was funny to me. I wouldn’t have expected that from him. “The reason I picked out this one specifically is because of this part.” He gestured toward the base.

“A suction cup?”

“Yeah. So I can… You know.”

“Stick it to stuff?”

“Stick it to the floor, idiot. So it would be easier to show you.”

“Oh. Oh ,” I repeated, understanding now. “You bought that specifically to use for me?”

“Obviously.”

“That’s so hot, Maddy. You’re so good to me.”

He blushed more, averting his gaze off screen. “I’m riding a dildo for you. It’s not some great act of charity or anything.”

“I’m pretty sure it’ll be the greatest act of charity ever bestowed upon me,” I argued. “And I’m feeling pretty, uh, in need of charity right now. If you know what I mean.”

“You’re already hard?” He asked, sounding surprised for some reason.

“Of course. You’re, like, the hottest guy ever in existence.”

“You’re such a dweeb,” he said, before biting down into his lower lip. “Can I see?”

Tilting my phone down toward my crotch with no hesitation, I nudged my underwear down, letting my stiff cock spring out.

“You’re always ready for me,” he observed, but his voice had taken on that sexy, low, purring quality that I knew meant that he was getting turned on, too.

I’d never been particularly egotistical about my size. From what I could tell, it was pretty much a luck of the draw kind of thing. It’s not like I’d done anything to earn it. And in my last relationship, it’d actually been more of a burden than a benefit. But Maddy’s appreciation of my dick made me very, very grateful that I’d hit the jackpot in terms of random genetics.

“Always,” I agreed, giving myself a little stroke. Anticipation was sparking along my veins, intensifying my arousal. “And you’re always ready for me.”

“Now that I know how good you are at getting me off, I can’t help it. My body just wants you all the time.”

I groaned a little, my dick giving a happy little throb in my hand at his words. “Getting you off is pretty much my favorite hobby now.”

He snorted a little, shaking his head. “That’s good, since you’re incredibly fucking talented at it.”

“Thank you.”

He picked up the phone, moving down to the floor, where he propped the phone up on something so I could see his whole body and face at once. I realized then that he was already fully naked. On his knees, legs already spread for me, showing me all those really gorgeous muscles. His thighs clenched as he shifted, jamming the toy onto the floor so it would stick up straight.

“Have you done this before?” I wondered, as he pulled a bottle of lube out and drizzled it over his fingers.

“You mean putting it on the floor and riding it?”

“Yeah.”

He shook his head, watching me through the screen intently. “No, this was just delivered today. I won’t be able to do anything like this with you when I’m home, because my brother and sister’s rooms are right next to mine, so… I just wanted to take advantage of the opportunity.”

“Really good thinking,” I said, licking my lips as he trailed one hand down his perfect body, teasing his cock a little before slipping his fingers down to his hole. “But you know, next time you don’t have to wait until we’re not together. I wouldn’t mind a live viewing either.”

“Maybe you should just wait and see if I’m even any good at this before you start asking for encores,” Maddy suggested. “I don’t really know how to act sexy or put on a show.”

“You don’t have to act, you just are sexy.”

He looked pleased by my statement, tilting his hips a little to give me a better view between his legs. His fingers were slick and shiny with lube, dipping teasingly inside his hole, slowly stroking and stretching those tight walls.

“You think this is sexy?” He asked lowly, and I felt myself nod, hypnotized.

“Yeah. So, so hot.” Fisting my dick, I pumped it slow and hard, imagining he was under me, taking it inside him.

When he lifted up higher onto his knees to press the tip of the dildo against himself, he let out this tiny little whimper, his hole clenching against the silicone material.

“Come on, Maddy. You know you can take that in, no problem. It’s nowhere near as big as me.”

He smirked a little, whimpering again as he pushed it inside, slowly sinking down onto it, inch by inch. His dick twitched and bounced as it penetrated deeper and deeper. “I wish this was your cock. Nothing fills me up like you do,” he said, shivering as his ass met the thick base of the toy. He moaned, one palm flat on the floor to support himself, and one gliding up his body to tease his nipple.

“Your ass is so perfect,” I said, leaning forward a bit to prop my phone against a pile of blankets so he could watch me jerk off for him. “You’re always so tight, no matter how long I’m fucking you.”

“Have you been thinking about me a lot while you’ve been away?” He asked, rolling his hips in this sinfully deliberately way, showing me everything, lifting up just enough to show me the toy pressing back into him.

“Yes,” I said honestly, my hand speeding up on my dick as I watched him fuck himself. His soft little moans were getting louder and closer together, and a string of thick, shiny precum had oozed out onto the floor, still connected to his slit. “I think about you all the time.”

“You think about fucking me?”

“Yeah. I think about making you come over and over until you’re crying on my cock,” I admitted, shuddering at the delicious friction from my hand.

“When we’re back at school, you can fuck me as many times as you want,” he said, biting down onto his lip to try and muffle his noises. “I want you to fill my ass up with your come until I can’t hold any more in.”

Was he telling me he wanted to fuck without a condom? I hadn’t even considered it, but… I’d always used protection with Gwen and he was a virgin before me, so would it really be that bad? Holy shit. The fact that he’d even been fantasizing about that set my teeth on edge, my blood pumping faster and hotter through my veins as I got closer to the edge.

“Maddy.” His name came out in kind of a whine, but I couldn’t help it. He looked so hot I wanted to morph through the screen and push him onto his back. I couldn’t believe I was jealous of a dildo.

His graceful movements started getting faster, with more jerking and bucking, like he was getting close. Reaching down to grip his pretty dick, he pumped it from root to tip, his back arched so the light from the ceiling rained down on him, washing all his perfect features in light so I could see everything perfectly.

“You want me to come for you, Ren?” He asked, giving me that look that drove me absolutely insane. That half-lidded, blissed out look that he got when he had something thick and hard rubbing his prostate and he was ready to blow his load because of it.

“Yeah. You look so, so amazing when you’re coming for me, Maddy.”

Just a few more thrusts, the toy sinking in and out of his tight hole, and he was unraveling in front of me. Moaning and whimpering, he stiffened as it overtook him, spurts of come shooting out in ribbons to decorate the floor.

Almost as soon as his orgasm started, I felt my balls tighten and draw up close to my body as I twitched and shook from the intense sensation. I’d definitely have to clean that up later.

As we caught our breath, coming down from our orgasm-induced highs, Maddy stared at me, now looking a tiny bit bashful.

“So was it okay?” He wondered. I could only blink, trying to process his question.

“Was what okay? You mean this? What we just did?”

“Yeah. Did I do okay?”

A huff of breath tumbled out as I nearly laughed. “Um, yeah. You were amazing. That was awesome. I want to be naked in a bed with you as soon as humanly possible and I probably won’t think about anything else until I am.”

He rewarded my awkward, graceless rambling with a really cute smile, like he usually did. “That’s good. I like that you’re thinking about me and missing me.”

“Seriously, always,” I said sincerely, and I knew he could tell I was being honest. He looked so ridiculously pleased, still flushed kind of pink from coming really hard, I could feel my heart stumbling in my chest. I’d never liked someone so much. Not even close. “You are my favorite person.”

“I feel the same way,” he said. “I’m kind of ready for break to be over already.”

I laughed a little, but his statement made me feel so mushy and gooey inside, like I was made of melting candy. “It won’t be that bad,” I promised him. “And we’ll spend tons of time together when school starts back.”

“We better,” he said. “Summer’s probably going to majorly suck.”

“We’ll make it work,” I promised. “Don’t worry about that yet. We have a lot of time.”

“Okay,” he said softly. Even just the fact that he trusted me enough to believe that things would be okay made my heart pound in my chest. Was I… Falling in love with him? I didn’t really know what that was supposed to feel like, if I was being honest. And if I was, how would he feel about it?

I laid awake for a while after we ended our call, staring up at the ceiling and imagining different scenarios between us. We liked each other a lot, we enjoyed spending time together, the sex was out of this world, and we didn’t want to see other people. That was basically a relationship, wasn’t it? But he wasn’t ready to be out. That was okay with me, but I didn’t exactly know how serious we could be without that part. The idea gave me anxiety, but I knew I’d need to at least have a discussion with him once we were back at school about where we both stood in terms of labels.

And of course, Maddy was Maddy. Feelings were pretty much his worst and most feared enemy. Did I even have the social skills to navigate that kind of conversation without completely freaking him out? I drifted off as I wondered.