Maddox

NOVEMBER 10TH WAS just like any other day. I woke up early as fuck, suffered through practice with my jackass teammates, and then ate breakfast with them. Everyone was still talking about the trip nonstop. Why did they think it would be so fun? It’s not like we could actually do anything. We’d be stuck together the whole time, working our asses off in the pool.

When I was done, I headed back home and flopped down into my desk chair. As usual, I spent the time between the end of practice and my first class by working on assignments due for upcoming classes, or just getting some studying in if there was nothing pressing.

It was Friday, so I’d see Ren in creative writing. Before walking out the door, I made sure my hair didn’t look stupid and that I was wearing a shirt that fit really well and showed off my body. Not that I was primping for him or anything.

The weeks since we’d spent the night at my dad’s house had been progressively amazing and annoying for me. Things with Ren were perfect. We were fucking pretty much all the time, which was great for me and maybe not so great for my housemates. We tried to switch off between my room and his room when Aspen was at work so we didn’t make any enemies. But no one had complained yet. Ren’s friends seemed to like me, and the feeling was mutual. Even if they were all complete oddballs. Maybe I was one, too.

By the time my first class was over, and I didn’t have any texts from anyone, my mood started to dip. Usually by now Ren had sent me memes or cutesy good morning messages or something . And neither of my parents had reached out either. I knew they were somewhat distracted. Dad’s explanation to my mom about his new 27-year-old fiancée hadn’t gone what I would call well . She was pissed and hated the idea of introducing the twins to her. I think at one point she’d even threatened to contact the courts and have the visitation schedule reconsidered. I wasn’t exactly being dragged into the middle of it, but I hadn’t been totally left out of it either. At any rate, I knew they both had stuff going on.

In creative writing, I took my usual seat, surprised Ren wasn’t already there. He was never late, almost too punctual at times. When the teacher started her lecture and he still wasn’t there, I pretty much wanted to walk out and go back to bed.

Where are you? I texted Ren. Maybe he was sick or something. I tried my hardest to pay attention to the professor droning on about showing versus telling as I waited for him to reply.

I’m just in my dorm, he said. Not doing anything, he added with another message.

Are you sick or something? Why didn’t you come to class?

It was a long time before he responded this time.

Yeah, I’m pretty sick so I’m just staying in bed.

He’d seemed fine last night, but it must have come on suddenly for him to feel that bad.

I can bring you some medicine or some soup or something? I offered.

No, don’t bring anything. It’s really bad, so you might catch it. I’m just going to rest and try to get better.

I wasn’t worried about catching anything he had. And anyway, if it was contagious, I was screwed anyway. We’d made out for like twenty minutes the night before. And then fucked. I was definitely full of whatever germs he had. But he seemed worried about it, so I wasn’t going to stress him out by arguing.

Okay. Feel better. I’ll take notes from the lecture for you.

Thanks, Maddy. You’re the best.

Putting my phone face down on the desk, I felt torn between sympathy for him and feeling sorry for myself. It was turning out to be kind of a shitty birthday.

By the time my last class was over and I still hadn’t gotten a text or call from either of my parents, I was kind of over the whole day. It wasn’t the end of the world that they’d forgotten my birthday, but they never forgot to message me to complain about the other one.

I couldn’t get upset about Ren or any of my new friends at college forgetting, because I’d never mentioned it to any of them. I wasn’t sure why I even cared so much, anyway. I’d gotten a lot of happy birthday messages on Facebook from friends and casual acquaintances, but those didn’t really count because Facebook reminded them. Then again, I guess it was nice they’d even bothered. Maybe I was just an ungrateful dick.

I rode the elevator up to Ren’s dorm room, carefully balancing a styrofoam bowl of chicken noodle soup I’d purchased from the cafeteria in a bag along with utensils and salt and pepper packets. And a roll. Because the guy couldn’t get enough carbs. Yet somehow, he still had a sexy, toned stomach even though he never came to the gym with me. Those Japanese genetics were not playing around, apparently.

He’d told me not to come, but I didn’t care about catching anything. Plus, I knew when I was sick I secretly wanted to be babied. So the least I could do was bring him some food and maybe validate his suffering a bit. And okay, maybe it wasn’t totally a selfless act. I was already feeling snubbed about my birthday, so hanging out with him for a bit, even if he was bedridden, would definitely improve my mood.

I knocked on his door, waiting a while with no response before slowly creaking the door open, figuring he was sleeping heavy or something. To my surprise, the room was completely empty. No Aspen, which was understandable. He was probably still in class or at work. But Ren’s bed was empty. He was probably in the bathroom or something, so I set the food down on his desk and took a seat to wait.

After scrolling on my phone for what felt like a long time, I frowned. I wasn’t trying to invade his privacy or anything, but if he’d been in the bathroom that long he was definitely suffering. Imagining him curled up on the gross floor in there was too much. But when I popped across the hall to check, the bathroom was empty, too.

Trying very pointedly to ignore the flare of anger and frustration I felt bubbling to life in my stomach, I pulled my phone out.

You’re still sick in bed, right?

His answer had my eyes narrowing and my mouth curling into a snarl.

Yeah, sorry. It’s really bad. But I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?

Was he with someone else? Seeing someone behind my back? No, I assured myself. Ren wouldn’t do that. Even if we’d never exactly pinpointed a term for what we were, we’d both agreed not to fuck around with anyone else. And even if he’d gotten bored of me or something and wanted to be with other people, he would definitely tell me… I was pretty sure.

Doubts nagged at me as I stomped back over to his room. Snapping a pic of his empty bed, I sent it over with no context or message. I was pretty sure it wasn’t needed in this case. Even if he wasn’t with someone else, he’d still lied right to my face.

As I made my way across campus, I ran into the last people I wanted to see, Garrison, Ahmet, and O’Conner out in the quad. They were sitting around a picnic table with a small group of girls.

“Holmes!” Garrison spotted me and called for me to come over. They were right in the path I needed to pass through to exit the quad and go home. There was no way for me to avoid them without it being obvious.

Clenching my fist against the side of my thigh for a moment, just to help contain my annoyance, I made my way over.

“I’m kind of busy right now,” I said, attempting to pass by with minimal interaction.

“What are you doing tonight?” Garrison wondered. He was sitting on the table, with his feet planted on the seat part. Annoying.

“I have a project due for a class tomorrow,” I lied. “I’ll probably be up late finishing that.”

“Tsk, tsk,” O’Conner scolded me, his tone obnoxiously mocking. “Too busy hanging out with your butt buddies, huh?”

“Excuse me?”

“You never spend time with the team,” Garrison said. “But O’Conner said he saw you hanging out with that hairdresser kid.”

“You mean Arie Becker,” I pointed out, needlessly. It’s not like they cared about his name or anything about him. Just that he was flamboyant and effeminate. He also happened to be really funny and friendly.

“You’re actually friends with that fag?” O’Conner asked, smirking. I noted that a couple of the girls sitting around them were skeeved out by the harsh wording. I was, too.

“So what if I am? If you have a fucking problem with me, then just say it,” I invited.

“I have a fucking problem getting dressed in a room with anyone who likes dick,” he replied, standing up and getting directly in my face. “Should I be worried, Holmes?”

Like he had anything to worry about. He looked like that ginger kid from Harry Potter on steroids.

“You’re the one obsessed with Arie, you bring him up like every fucking day,” I pointed out. It was barely an exaggeration. “You sure you’re not overcompensating for something?”

“You calling me a fucking fag?” He asked, shoving me back a step. I responded by shoving him back.

“Guys?” Ahmet stood as well, gently wedging himself between us, planting a hand on each of our chests. I’d always considered him the most reasonable and least annoying of the three, even if it was just because he was more of a follower than anything. “You’re kind of scaring the hoes.”

“Whatever,” I spat out, shoving past both of them. “And by the way, the athletic department determines funding for the team based on how well we do. I’m the only one that even placed at the last meet.”

“You got lucky, little fucker,” O’Conner called out after me, but I kept walking. Fucking assholes. I was so tired of having to explain myself to them. I was tired of trying to be a team player.

On the walk home, I got a text from Ren replying to the picture I’d sent.

I can explain. Just don’t freak out.

There was so much I wanted to say to that, but I only shoved my phone in my pocket and kept walking.

By the time I turned into the driveway to the house, I was seething. The curtain of the window next to the front door shifted as I approached, like someone had been looking out of it. Probably Caelyx. The guy was so weird sometimes. He was starting to grow on me, though. A little.

I stuck my key in the door, shoving it open when the lock disengaged, prepared to stomp into my room and sulk.

“Surprise!” A chorus of the word rang out into the air, poppers spraying confetti out onto the floor. The room was filled with balloons and streamers, and there was a banner hung across a wall that said Happy birthday, Maddox . Ren, Aspen, Arie, Che, Caelyx, Cyprian, and even Kelani were there, in various levels of celebratory dress.

Adrenaline coursed through me at the shock, and I could only stare and blink. The frustration and anger and misery I’d felt just moments before welled up into a bubble and popped, leaving only faint traces inside me.

“Your birthday was on one of the papers on your desk,” Ren explained, giving me a tiny wave from across the room. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was coming up so soon!”

He wasn’t with someone else, and he hadn’t really lied. Well, he had lied, but it was because he’d been doing something nice for me. The sheer relief of that knowledge, that I wasn’t losing the main thing in my life that was making me happy, was almost overwhelming. I hadn’t realized how devastated I’d actually been by the possibility that he was doing something behind my back.

“Holy shit.” It was all I could say at the moment without embarrassing myself. “This is great, but I’m about to piss myself so let me run to the bathroom really quick,” I requested, before scurrying there and locking the door behind me.

Flipping the toilet lid down, I collapsed onto it, pressing my palms into my eyes, my breath coming in harsh, ragged gasps. I could actually feel tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. But I didn’t know why, or how to fix it. So I just kept reminding myself over and over that everything was fine and Ren hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d actually remembered my birthday. And he and my friends had put together this silly little glittery party with colorful decorations, just to show me they liked me. Even Kelani was here, for some reason.

Eventually, I could breathe again. Splashing cold water on my face to help steady me and get rid of any puffiness, I took a deep breath before retreating back out into the festive living room.

“Sorry about that,” I apologized, but no one seemed to mind.

“Here, you have to wear your sash,” Arie commanded, prancing over to me and putting a colorful, glittery birthday sash over one of my shoulders. It was like something that a bride would wear for her bachelorette party, but I was so touched by everyone’s presence, I didn’t even complain. Even though I’d probably never be able to fully wash every particle of glitter off.

It was not what anyone would consider a cool, mature, or sophisticated college party. There was no beer (not that any of us were old enough to buy or drink it, anyway) and no people fucking in empty rooms. But it was exactly what I needed at that moment. Throughout everything, Ren practically clung to my arm, watching everyone like a hawk as if to make absolutely sure everything went perfectly and smoothly.

Everyone got me little gifts. Nothing huge or awe-inspiring, but it was all cute and useful. Even Caelyx, though his present came with a sarcastic jibe about what a cute little birthday boy I was. When he asked when the clown would be arriving, I responded that he already lived here.

I wasn’t sure what gift to expect from Ren. He really didn’t have to get me anything. His existence and how much peace and happiness he brought me was probably enough, but it’s not like I could say that out loud.

I was glad when it turned out to not be anything mushy or cheesy that would embarrass me.

“It’s the fudge you wanted to try on the boardwalk,” he explained when I just stared down into the box. I knew that. It was a huge sample box, a little cube for every flavor they had. “I thought maybe we could try them together. Is that lame?” He finally asked, giving a nervous little chuckle.

“No, it’s not lame.” I said. “I can’t believe you even remember I was looking at that.”

“Of course I remember!” He said, sounding relieved that I didn’t hate the gift.

Kelani got me something small, a gift card to Luciano’s, the pizza restaurant that everyone liked going to. I suspected Ren had tipped her off that we went there a lot.

“I’m surprised you’re here,” I told her honestly after thanking her for the card.

“Well,” she started, sounding awkward. “I wanted to apologize for how I’ve acted toward you. It’s just that I’ve heard really bad things about the guys on your team, and I assumed you were like them, so… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I said, admiring the way she could apologize so easily. I wasn’t the greatest at that. “If you thought I was like them, then I totally understand why you didn’t want anything to do with me. Believe me, I can’t stand them either.”

She told me a few stories about guys on the team, how they’d do vile shit like getting girls drunk at parties to make them easier to hook up with, and sharing nudes of girls without their consent. Like I’d said, I didn’t blame her for having an issue with me based on her assumption. I was just glad she knew now that I wasn’t like that.

Cyprian had helped with food, apparently throwing pork in the slow cooker as soon as I’d walked out the door and letting it simmer in some delicious special sauce all day, which made for some pretty damn good sandwiches. He’d also made a sinfully delicious pan of baked mac and cheese, and a big bowl of fancy salad, with walnuts and chunks of pear and avocado. It was still kind of amazing that a guy that looked like him could crank out these meals that tasted like they were made by a grandma who’d been chained to the stove her whole life.

I offered to help pay for some of the food, but he steadfastly declined, letting me know everyone had chipped in and he’d gotten a lot of it on sale anyway. As he made plates and passed them around to everyone, Che approached him.

“What do you want on your plate?” Cyprian asked.

“Why don’t you make me one like you would make for yourself?” Che suggested. He was wearing a pale blue knit sweater with tiny hearts stitched into it. With his soft voice, questionable clothing choices, and big eyes, he reminded me of a cartoon kitten drawn by a toddler. As far as I could tell, that seemed to be a fairly accurate description of his demeanor, too.

When Cyprian complied and tried handing it over, Che shook his head and pushed the plate back into his hands.

“Now you go sit down, and I’ll take care of the rest,” he said. “You’ve done enough.”

“Ah, but I need to-”

“Sit,” Che repeated, blinking his long, dark eyelashes. It was kind of funny, I’d never actually seen him assert himself in any real capacity before. “You’re always running around taking care of everyone else. You have to let other people take care of you sometimes, too.”

Evidently unable to offer any kind of argument, Cyprian made his way over to the couch, plopping down next to where Arie’s butt was propped on the arm.

“Don’t you just love bossy bottoms?” He mused, surveying his glossy nails before buffing them on the front of his shirt.

“Oh, I, uh… Y-yeah, I guess,” Cyprian stammered out. Poor guy. Arie blinked, slowly turning his head to stare at Cyprian like he’d heard some kind of sleeper code phrase. Pursing his lips for a moment like he was in thought, he gave a little head tilt before returning to look at his nails. Before I could ponder what the hell that little exchange had been indicative of, Ren squeezed my arm a little for my attention.

“So you’re not mad, right? About the, um, sick thing?” When I didn’t immediately answer, he rambled on. “I felt really, really bad lying to you but I didn’t know what else to say. I forgot to come up with a reason why I wouldn’t be in class and, um, I just kind of panicked. I really didn’t think you would check on me or anything, so… I hope you didn’t think I was doing anything bad.”

Part of me wanted to tell him how scared and horrified and hurt I’d been when I’d thought, even for just a brief second, that he was doing something behind my back. But the words stuck in my throat like glue. Maybe if we were alone. Maybe.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. His expression was so repentant and so concerned, like the thought that he’d caused me any amount of worry or sadness was killing him. “I’m happy now.”

“Yeah, but…” He paused, and his fingers curled into my hand, intertwining between mine. Everyone in the room could see us, but… I suddenly realized I didn’t care. “I was just really worried. I almost told you everything and ruined the surprise, but Arie would have killed me.”

“That’s right,” Arie piped up from his little perch next to Cyprian. “I would have.”

“Speaking of Arie being annoying, I brought cupcakes from work,” Aspen said.

“What does that have to do with Arie being annoying?” I wondered.

“You’ll see,” Aspen responded, giving him a dry glance. “Anyway, should I bring them out?”

“Actually, uh, we need to talk,” I said, shifting my gaze to Ren. His eyes widened a bit, like he was a kid about to receive a lecture as a punishment. “Do you mind if we just…” I gestured to the doorway leading to the hallway.

Aspen shrugged. “Take your time.” Everyone was eating or chatting amongst themselves anyway.

Dragging Ren down the hall and into my bedroom by his hand, I closed the door behind us, clicking the lock into place.

“You’re upset with me?” He guessed.

“No.”

Curling my fingers into the collar of his shirt, I yanked him toward me. He stumbled forward a bit, steadying as I snaked my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hot, rough kiss.