Chapter 15

Taylor

My brain has trauma overload, and with all the information coming at me and trying to grow a baby, my brain shut my body down. At least that is how my therapist would explain it. In my heart I know it's because I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to the men I love and care about. They already sacrificed enough by being there to get me, playing into exactly what Lee and Chanda's evil father wanted. Except I guess he's Kali's father now too. Which means the girl I thought was my best friend, my soulmate, had lied, and was the killer who has been terrorizing campus. So yeah, my brain pulled the emergency evacuation plug and I shut down. I don't remember what happened after they arrived. I don't remember how we made it back to the house safely. All I do know is that I woke up in Steffan's arms while Soren sat watching, guarding us.

"Shhh, Little Mouse. He needs to sleep, and he sleeps better when he holds you," my silent knight whispers, his hand running over my hair.

"Lee?" I manage to whisper, but Soren only shakes his head.

The pain is too much, and my heart feels as if it's physically being pulled from my chest. My eyes close and I'm pulled once again into the darkness. I swear I hear a baby crying.

The next time my eyes open, light streams in through the curtain, and all that is keeping me warm is a blanket. I sit up, and for once the room doesn't sway, and I don't feel the familiar tug and twist of my stomach wanting to expel anything I ate. Instead, I feel hungry.

Sometime in the night my clothes were removed, I'm guessing by Soren, and my hair braided. A small smile curves my lips thinking about my guys taking care of me. I missed them. I was terrified of never seeing them again. Lee. I need to know what is happening with my prince. I quickly throw on a pair of Steffan's basketball shorts and a t-shirt, loving the way the soft material lays on my skin, before going in search of them. Not that it takes long. The house seems to still be shut down, with bare minimum of brothers mingling around after everything that has happened. Instead, I follow the hum of low voices. At the top of the stairs I'm surprised to find that for once they're all occupying the living room rather than the office.

Steffan finds me first, and the look he sends my way causes my stomach to swoop for an entirely different reason. My core floods with want and moisture, the feelings hit hard and fast, and even I'm shocked considering everything else we're facing right now. As if sensing what my body is doing under his watch, Steffan's icy blue eyes darken, and he runs his tongue along his bottom lip.

"You're finally awake, Little Mouse," his low voice drawls and more heads turn my way. Soren's eyes track over my body as well. I wonder if he can see what his brother's attention did to me?

I walk over to them, and nestle under Steffan's arm while Soren leans his side into mine.

"How is he?" I manage to ask, hating the way they both fall silent.

"He's hanging on, but it's not good, Taylor," Jose speaks up, and I notice him for the first time. He's holding an ice pack against his cheek. "Chanda is with him," he tells me, probably to reassure me, as my gaze also finds Kali. She's sitting cross-legged in one of the oversized chairs, her fingernail snagged in her teeth. She looks like she hasn't slept all night, and a small part of me is happy about that. I don't know how not to place some of this blame on her.

"I want to see him."

"You can, baby." Steffan holds me tighter, "We just have a few more things to talk about. It's about you, and I want to know what you think. I don't want to repeat past mistakes and not ask your opinion."

I feel all the attention slide to me, but I fight to focus just on my guys. I don't know how I didn't notice it before, the dread and the apprehension that is lurking in the air.

My brow rises. "What is it?"

"We'll give you guys some space," Jose answers, standing from his chair. He points to Kali, who wordlessly gets up and follows him from the room. If he notices her attitude, or eyeroll, he chooses to ignore it. I shouldn't find her antics funny, but it's a glimpse of the girl I thought I knew. The person I thought was my friend.

"You're scaring me," I tell them both, now that the room is empty and we have some privacy.

Steffan sighs and he turns me to face him. He leans on the arm of the couch and pulls my body to stand between his legs. "First, how are you feeling?" he asks, while his large hand cups my stomach.

A small whimper escapes my lips from the contact. How can a single touch be affecting me this much right now? I want to climb him like a tree while also break down crying because our family isn't whole. I haven't even had the proper time to share the news with Lee.

"It's okay, Little Mouse," Soren's voice says near my ear, and shivers skate across my skin when I feel the heat of his body press against my back. "We got you. It's going to be okay."

My eyes close and a few tears drop. "Is it? All I feel like is our family is falling apart. I don't know who to trust…apparently, I'm shit at that. And I feel like I have no control of my body anymore." Steffan's lips quirk up in a small smile.

"If you dare say anything about hormones, I'll castrate you. But then I'll probably cry about that too," the words rush out and I have to look up to keep from leaking more tears.

"Tay, you can cry all you want to. Be pissed, yell, scream, laugh, do whatever you need. We love you no matter what. We're here for you, always," Steffan comforts me, lacing our fingers together.

"You heard him, Little Mouse." Soren groans against the back of my head and I feel his front rub against my back, "You let him comfort you, and when you're a raging horny mess, come find me."

A laugh escapes and I stifle it, feeling guilty.

"Don't do that." Steffan shakes his head. "No matter what happens, Lee wouldn't want you to stop laughing or smiling. It's okay."

"What are we going to do?" I look over my shoulder at Soren and focus again on Steffan. "I know by now you have a plan. I want to know what it is. How are you going to take care of the bastard who did this to Lee, to Kali, Chanda. How are you going to protect our family?"

Steffan glances at Soren over my shoulder and they do their weird twin communication thing. Except I'm getting better at reading them too. "I can handle the truth. Just tell me."

"We're calling in all our favors, Little Mouse," Soren answers, and his arms drop away from me. He joins Steffan's side so I can see them both, read their body language, while they treat me like an equal. "Every ally we have, and everyone we've ever done business with than The Illicit, we're asking for their help. Including who is left of the brothers."

"We're going to end them. We're going to take down the elders and build The Illicit we've always wanted," Steffan adds.

I glance between them, feeling their determination, and also the chill of the murder and blood they are willing to shed for their family. It's a finality. They're willing to die for it.

"Please be careful," my voice shakes, "we need you."

"We aren't going anywhere, Tay." Steffan leans forward and kisses my forehead.

Soren studies me, and I let him. Let him see every insecurity and worry I have until his hands grip my shoulders and I'm forced to meet his eyes. "Nothing will touch you. We won't let it. And we will always come back for you."

"I won't be going with?" They both shake their heads, and I feel all at once like maybe I'm not enough.

"Lee needs you. I need to know you are safe here," Steffan responds first, ever the diplomat.

"I don't usually shy away from letting you experience us in all our bloody glory, Little Mouse, but even I would feel better knowing you're here, and with Lee."

My brow rises. This must really be some finale they have planned if even Soren wants to keep me away from it. Without thinking, my hand finds its way to my stomach where I'm already so in love with the life that is nestled in there. It's not just me I have to think about. Plus, I wouldn't want to leave Lee either. He needs us. He needs me. "Okay."

"Let's go see Lee now." Steffan stands and takes my hand again. I follow him out of the room and down the hall to where the office is. We pass Jose on the way, and he nods at the guys.

"I just sent Chanda upstairs to get some sleep," he tells us. "Everything all set?"

Steffan nods. "Yeah. Let's continue with the final preparations."

"On it," Jose says, his head bowing as he passes while his fingers slide over his cell phone.

"When is it happening?"

"As soon as we can gather everyone," Steffan replies.

"And keep it under wraps," Soren adds.

We make it to the office, and I can already smell the stench of sterilization. It's almost worse than being at the hospital. Inside is a makeshift bed and Lee is there, hooked up to machines and an IV with a clear liquid that rests next to him.

My heart lurches in my chest while my feet shuffle closer. Even in his sleep, Lee looks like a sleeping fairytale prince. The fact that half of his face is wrapped in bandages does nothing to diminish his charm. A sob catches in my throat when I reach for his hand. It's warm against my skin. A tidal wave of tears rush to the surface. He got hurt coming to save me from his father.

Steffan is next to me, and I feel his arms pick me up and help maneuver me against Lee's side. "Give him comfort, Tay. He knows you're here and that you love him."

I cry harder. All the angst. and uncertainty, and love pours out of me. At some point I hear the door click behind me, and I know we're alone, but the water works don't stop. I cling to him, his body that is barely hanging on. I remember the sound of bullets before I passed out, and the fear that gripped me in those moments. This right here is what I'm most terrified of. I can't lose any of them.

I let my body relax, my eyes close, and I focus on the way Lee breathes in and out. I try not to let the rattle of his chest scare me. I need to think positively, to believe, to pray for all of us. Maybe that was my purpose for being with them all along. To give them what they needed most to make this change. A reason to fight and something important to come back to.

"He swore his allegiance to me in order to protect you," Kali's voice fills the room. I turn quickly, and find her just inside the room, the door closing behind her.

Despite our friendship, I can't help the way fear slithers down my spine right now. "Lee will always do what he can to protect the people he loves."

Kali sighs and she walks farther into the room, stopping at the end of the bed. "I know. It was a trait of his I both admired and understood while also wondering if it's what makes him weak. I used to watch him closely, but I could never figure it out."

"How long were you planning this?"

Her smile falters but her eyes meet mine. "Since I was thirteen and read my mom's diary. She journaled everything about her family. The Concords, the Carmichaels, the Succos. I hated them all."

My heart hurts for Kali and the way she lost her mother. It isn't fair, and to a degree I understand why she did what she did. Revenge is powerful when your whole life is consumed with it. "You didn't have to befriend me to get what you wanted."

Her shoulders lift and she shrugs. "The first time I saw you, you seemed cool. A little too innocent and kind, maybe. I almost suspected it was all an act. I wanted to be friends, more out of curiosity. Then there was the Halloween party. Then I heard your exchange with Steffan, and I knew it was my in."

Pain sears my chest. "Did you hurt Ava to get to me? She was innocent in all of this, that's the part that hurts and that I don't understand."

Kali's head tilts to the side, contemplating. "Was she, though? You always see what you want in people, Taylor. You're quick to give everyone the green light until you realize how much of a red flag they are. Look at me. Or fuck, Steffan. You didn't even realize he had a twin, and excused his bizarre behavior for weeks. If you had heard Ava laughing at you behind your back about your masked bandit, or gossiping with other girls on your floor and calling you a whore when Bryce first approached you, I doubt you would feel the same."

My heart rate increases, and my breathing becomes harsh. "You're lying."

Her shoulders lift and fall. "At this point, why would I? You know my truths, you know what I'm capable of. You know what I'll do to get my point across."

Kali eyes my stomach, and I fight the urge to cover the sensitive area with my hands. But something about her words has me questioning things more.

"I was on birth control."

Her eyes roll. "Yeah. But it was easy to switch them out. You never even noticed. And now look, you have a baby bundle on the way with the men you love."

My cheeks turn red and anger flares throughout my whole body. "That was not a decision for you to make as part of your revenge. I wasn't ready for this. Do you know how scared I am to bring a child into this world? Look at what happened to you. Look at what these men go through, and went through as children."

Kali's lips thin, her smile falling off. Gone is my bubbly friend, and in her place is the cold-hearted bitch that has always been underneath. "It's a good thing, then, that they are making all the changes so your child has a better future."

"That's your answer, seriously? That's the thought that helps you sleep at night?"

Her mask stays in place. I shake my head, my heart filling with disappointment. I just want to be left alone with Lee. "You didn't need me to get close to anyone. You could have left me and my life alone."

"Maybe not, but I liked being your friend, Taylor. It just happened to be luck on my side that they all fell in love with you."

"Are you going with them?" I finally ask, unable to stand the silence between us. I want to forgive her, but her words also cut deep.

Kali's red hair swishes around her shoulders with her nod. "I want to see them fall. The Illicit can be great, but it needs a woman's touch. Chanda feels the same, and she's going as well."

I let the weight of her words settle between us. I'm no longer interested in fighting, and my energy to comprehend her motives has zapped me.

"I don't know when y'all are leaving, but be safe."

Kali backs to the door, taking the hint that I'm done talking. Of course she knows, she can read me. We've been living together as roommates for a year. Besides the guys, she's been the one person I trusted with everything.

"Take care of him," she whispers. My head lifts and our eyes meet. For a second she's my best friend. Then she's his sister. By the time she leaves the room, cold reality sets in again. She's a stranger. The person responsible for all my nightmares.