Chapter 13

Kali

As embarrassing as it is, a part of me is desperate to further a connection with Chanda. She gets me. I know she does. She has reservations, but I feel we have a bond. It's why I reached out to her before. I recognize the betrayal and hurt in her eyes. Lee loves his sister, but I fear he'll never have that loyalty to me. There's only one man in all of this who has ever given a damn about me. He felt a sense of duty to take care of me. He's carrying the burden and guilt of all this mess. Taylor did love me, but unconditional is her love? I still want to maintain our friendship.

I murdered her roommate. Traumatized her. Thought about killing her a few times. Not because I didn't like her. I love her. She's great. But she was the perfect means to an end. Years of this bullshit and injustice I had to put my personal feelings aside. If anything, I would've made Taylor even more of a saint. A sacrificial lamb, if you will. Luckily everything is shifting, and it might not come to that. Yay.

Even if the elders are wiped out, and with the changes in leadership, I won't belong here. People don't tend to forgive murders. It's a hard one to come back from. Even though I see myself as a vigilante, I know in their stories I'm still a villain. Maybe I went too far with the snakes. I thought it was symbolic of all the snakes within The Illicit. The crest has a snake, hello! Then there was the Christmas lights, which was festive and artsy in my humble opinion. Snow angels using their skin. Not that any of them could be considered angelic. I went about righting years of wrongs in a fun and interesting way. Alas, my efforts will not be appreciated.

Of course, there were a few rogue murders, but I carry the blame for those. I was the leader and couldn't keep my band of unhinged misfits under control. In my defense, this was my first time leading a killing spree. Plus trying to get intel and be undercover. I'm proud of myself. I took down a lot of assholes, and humbled a powerful organization. I'll be the villain every day before I ever play the victim.

I'm joining with my enemies to defeat a greater enemy. I'm going to rescue my friend, even if she decides to never speak to me again. I'll avenge my mother's death. Then I will be free. I'll start living for me. And in my next chapter, I sincerely hope it includes a sister and best friend.