16.

To almost everyone, killing is a horrible thing, but no one bats an eye when you start taking out entire ant colonies as you walk past their home.

Dice

C YDNEY

Even though Kenny had been staying at my house for over a week, it still took me by surprise when I rolled over and felt a warm body next to me. I opened my eyes and studied his profile, relaxed in sleep. When he was awake, Kenny had a very expressive face. I’d heard that about my face for my entire life, but I felt that my expressions were different from his. Whereas I tended to seem cold or irritated even when I wasn’t feeling anything like that, emotions flickered over Kenny’s face like a movie screen. When he was seeing something for the first time or meeting someone new, you could catalog the curiosity, warmth, interest, and then either acceptance or dismissal without him having to speak a word.

I knew from his breathing that he was deeply asleep, and even though I didn’t want to wake him after our long night spent working side by side again, I knew that I had to.

Today was the next step in what I was considering the possibility of our future - mine, Kenny’s, and the baby’s, and even though it was a little terrifying, I thought it was exciting all the same.

All of my life, I had yearned for a space of my own, and my parents had tried their hardest to give it to me. When I lived at home, they made sure my room was off-limits to my siblings and I had plenty of time to myself when I wanted or needed it. I could escape to the pages of a book for hours with no interruption, even though real life was just outside my room.

When I graduated, rather than go to college for a degree, I took courses that I needed to help me run the company. I started working for my family when I was barely thirteen, starting with my first job of cleaning the office space Dad and Tata had finally rented to house the company and then gradually moving up to answering the phones after school and during the summer.

I spent countless hours working beside Dad and Tata, learning more from watching and listening than I ever could have even at the best university. Their years of experience proved to be my classroom, and their eagerness to share every aspect of the business taught me everything I needed to know and could never have learned from a book or a lecture.

As much as I loved working with them and being around not just family, but friends who were just as good as blood-related, I still yearned for some separation. Of course, buying a house in a neighborhood filled with those same people meant I didn’t get any anonymity or very much privacy at all, but I had gone through with the purchase anyway because I felt there was really no escape.

Even though I loved my life, I had always dreamed about moving somewhere that I could just be Cydney Mason - that lady in the coffee shop or that woman who likes to shop for her groceries every Tuesday evening. In Rojo, I would always be Cydney Mason - Grady’s oldest daughter, one of Noah and Tallie Evans’ granddaughters, one of those Kings kids, one of those biker girls who rides with the Queens, so-and-so’s cousin, or that guy’s niece.

I craved the anonymity of a city somewhere far enough away that no one knew my name. Somewhere so far away that when I met someone and they found out my father was a biker, they didn’t look at me with a raised brow. When they found out who my family was, they wouldn’t regale me with stories of all the wild antics they’d witnessed over the years. When they met me they didn’t see “one of those Kings kids,” they saw me. Just me.

Living with Kenny would make being just Cydney Mason even more impossible than it was here in Rojo. Now I was forever connected to a man who graced magazine covers, starred in commercials promoting his wildly popular television show, and knew people from all walks of life because they wore a part of his heart and soul on their skin.

I wouldn’t just be expected to show up to a function and be myself, I would have to be someone the world wanted to see to protect Kenny’s reputation. Kenny wasn’t a movie star by any means, but he was recognizable to people all over the world, and if the success he’d had so far was any indication, he’d become even more so as time went on.

Was that something I was willing to deal with? Was a relationship with him worth never becoming that anonymous person I had always wanted to be?

The answer, to put it simply, was a resounding “hell yes.”

The last few weeks had been some of the hardest times I’d ever experienced. Finding out I was pregnant by a stranger and wondering what my child’s life was going to be like without ever knowing his or her father had terrified me. Being so sick with absolutely no clue if it would get better any time soon had terrified me and made me feel more alone than I ever had - and not in a good anonymous way, but a horrifyingly lonely way.

Almost losing one of my best friends to a horrible attack committed by monsters who didn’t deserve to live on this earth had almost broken me but had also reminded me that there was something magical about being part of such a tight group of family and friends. And now, another of my dearest and friends had left town because she’d fallen in love with a man who lived what felt like a million miles away and uprooted her entire life to move nearer to him.

No matter how much Kenny was willing to bend, I knew that I would need to be the one to make the sacrifice and move if he and I were going to share our child and our lives.

I wanted so badly to do that, but it was hard to trust myself when I knew that I was basing that decision on what little I knew about him so far. Of course, after the conversation with Courtney the other day, I felt like I knew even more and learned that I needed to gather tidbits of information from Kenny because he wasn’t one to spill his emotions or divulge details about his life.

He wasn’t hiding them to be an ass. In fact, he wasn’t really trying to hide them at all.

For some reason, this man thought he wasn’t worthy of all the goodness in his life or the people who loved him like one of their own. I wanted to show him that he was, even if it took the rest of our lives.

Without opening his eyes, Kenny said, “I can hear the gears in your brain spinning, Cyd. What’s got you thinking so hard this early in the morning.”

“A couple of things,” I murmured as I snuggled into the crook of his arm. As I rested my head on his shoulder, he put his hand on mine and started tracing a pattern with his fingertips. He tended to do that whenever he touched me, and I wished that I could focus enough to figure out what pattern he was drawing, if any at all. “Mostly, I was thinking about you and what we’re doing together.”

“Well, what we already did together is paving the way for what we will be,” he said as he rolled over so that we were facing each other. As he gently pulled me closer to him, ever mindful of the aches and pains of my recovery, I felt his erection poking me in the stomach and smiled at him. “Don’t mind him. He’s just happy to wake up next to you.”

“What if I’m happy to wake up next to him too?”

“It’s probably a little too soon for that, don’t you think?”

“Not if we take things slow. You can’t fold me up like a CVS receipt but . . .” Kenny burst out laughing, and I smiled at him. When his laughter trailed off and he was smiling at me, I said, “But if we take things easy, I think . . . no, I know . . . I would like to say good morning in the right way.”

“Roll over,” Kenny ordered.

“Slow down, big boy,” I said as I leaned away from him. “I don’t think we’re quite there yet.”

Kenny chuckled before he replied, “What you started in the shower and we’ve built on over the last few days has me so hard for you that I could pound nails. As much as I would enjoy . . . how did you so eloquently put it? Folding you up like a CVS receipt? As much as I’d love to do that, I know you’re not ready, so I think if you play the little spoon and I play the big spoon, we can make this work for both of us without hurting you.”

“ That I’m ready for,” I agreed as I slowly turned over until I was facing away from him. “It also helps that pesky issue of morning breath you’ve got going on.”

“Me? That funk is coming from you, sweetheart.”

“I was going to tell you something that I was almost positive that you might think was fantastic, but I’m not now.”

“Tell me,” Kenny whispered close to my ear. I shivered and then shook my head, so Kenny nipped at my ear before he repeated himself.

“Nope. I’m a vault.”

“I’m going to take that as a personal challenge.”

“Whatever floats your boat,” I said as I tried to suppress another shiver. Feigning boredom, I yawned and said, “I think I should just get up and shower so I can start my day.”

“Not so quick, you little pistol. I’ve got some information to get out of you as well as an orgasm or two.”

“If you think you can do either one of those things, then all I have to say is good luck.”

Kenny’s laugh shook the entire bed, but he quickly got back on task and let his hand roam up and down my side, brushing against my breast but not cupping it and then moving all the way down to my thigh where his fingertips were so close to touching me that I couldn’t stop myself from moving to give him better access on his hand’s next trek down my side.

“You are so fucking beautiful, Cyd,” Kenny murmured as he kissed his way down my neck. When he reached my shoulder, he nipped at it with his teeth before he said, “I find something else about you every day that just amazes me.”

“That’s nice,” I replied, still trying to maintain my nonchalant facade. “You’re okay. I guess.”

“Your skin is so soft that I can’t help but touch it,” Kenny murmured as his hand brushed over my breast. He didn’t cup it, just ran his palm back and forth over my nipple again and again as he asked, “Do you want me to touch it?”

I cleared my throat and said, “If you must.”

Kenny decided that wasn’t going to be his primary target and moved his hand slowly down my side until he gripped my hip for leverage and somehow slipped his cock between my thighs - not to enter me, but to rub back and forth slowly as he thrust his hips and pulled away over and over again. He slid his hand over and cupped my pussy, barely touching me, just hovering close enough for me to feel it there.

“Have I ever told you how much I appreciate your tattoos?”

I couldn’t help but giggle when I remembered his reaction the first time he saw them. “Not in so many words.”

“Oh, but I do,” he whispered in my ear. He pressed the palm of his hand and asked, “What made you choose this one?”

I cleared my throat and tried to find my voice as he gently swirled his fingertip around my clit - not touching it, but teasing it. Finally, I was able to choke out, “I had a boyfriend in high school who was pissed that I wouldn’t put out. He started talking shit about me in the locker room one day and told the guys I was a prude who thought my pussy was made of sunshine and that my ass was as big around as the moon.”

Kenny burst out laughing and asked, “So you got a tattoo right above your pussy that looks like a sunrise, and a moon above the crack of your ass.”

“Yep. But before I got the tattoo, I told some of my friends that he hurt my feelings, and they pounded on him every single practice for the next year or two.”

“Did they practice football year-round or . . .”

“No. They had football season, basketball season, track season, summer softball league . . .”

Kenny laughed again before he asked, “And which friends did the pounding?”

I tried to shrug, but Kenny’s chin was in my way and I bumped it with my shoulder before I murmured an apology and then said, “All of them.”

“And his words affected you so much that you decided to get a tattoo reminder?”

“What can I say? My pussy is made of sunshine.”

“Why, yes, it is,” Kenny agreed before he slipped a finger inside me and held it there. “Are you ready to tell me that secret you’re keeping?”

“No.”

“I guess I’ll have to work harder then,” Kenny said as he started moving his hips again, using the heel of his hand to press against my clit in the same rhythm as his hips, which made his finger move back and forth inside me, touching that spot that I knew would push me over the edge soon.

As promised, he kept going until I was so worked up that I would have told him anything, even if it was a lie, and then he asked again, “What were you going to tell me, Cyd?”

“I’m already pregnant,” I whispered.

“I know that, babe.”

I wiggled just a little bit, being careful since my abdomen was still tender and sore, and then whispered, “You can’t knock me up twice, so as long as you’re clean, we don’t have to use a condom.”

“Is that so?” he asked as his entire body stilled.

“What I’m trying to tell you is that I’d really like for you to fuck me like you mean it, skin to skin, so that I can feel every ridge and vein in that beautiful cock of yours until I come so hard I see stars.”

“You say the sweetest things,” Kenny said as he pulled his finger out and replaced it with his cock with one thrust, pushing deep with a loud grunt. When I gasped, he stilled and asked, “Did I hurt you? Was that too much? I can stop and . . .”

“If you do, I will smother you with a fucking pillow!”

Kenny chuckled and then started moving his hips again, just as slowly as before he entered me, but this time, pushing deep inside each time as his finger teased my clit. “I could make this last for hours, you know.”

“And I can get up out of this bed and go finish the job myself in the shower,” I threatened.

“You are just a firecracker this morning,” Kenny said before he stilled behind me. “What do you want, Cyd?”

“More.”

“More of what?”

“You.”

“Why do I feel like we’re delving into an entirely different conversation?” Kenny murmured.

“It’s one I’m not ready to tackle right now, so I have a better idea.”

“What’s that?”

“If I recall correctly, you really enjoyed it when I climbed on top and fucked you like I meant it.”

“I did.”

“Let’s do that again.”

“Do you think you can?”

“Honey,” I said as I scooted away from him and gingerly turned to face him again. “Right now, I have one thing on my mind, and it’s nasty, dirty, and freaking fantastic.”

Kenny flopped over onto his back, and I admired his cock that was standing up in a good morning salute. I got onto my hands and knees and then straddled his hips so I could sink down onto him, enjoying the stretch as he filled me better than he ever could have in our previous position.

“Tell me if you’re too sore or you start to . . . “

I leaned forward and rested my hands on his chest as I lifted my hips up until I almost lost him again. “Kenny?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“Shut up, and fuck me.”

◆◆◆

I glanced at the list I’d made on my phone and then walked over to the dresser to find the things I needed. When I started packing, it was for a five-night stay - only comfortable clothes because I didn’t plan on doing anything more than lazing in Kenny’s house just like I had been in mine. Then I remembered that I would be meeting the people that worked in his shop, and his family, of course - whether he wanted to admit that was what they were or not.

But then I remembered that Kenny just happened to be a television personality - I winced when I remembered how irritated it made him the one time I called him a reality TV star - and that someone might take his picture while I was beside him looking like “homebody Cydney.” Kenny seemed to like my relaxed and mismatched comfy clothes, but there was no way in hell I was going to be photographed in them.

That meant I needed a different type of clothes than the ones I had planned to relax in. It didn’t take long for me to gather up some more presentable, if also comfortable, clothing. But then I wondered if we might go to dinner somewhere that required me to dress up. I refused to play the Pretty Woman shopping game, so I started another list of what I might need.

While I was working on that, I glanced at what I had already put in my suitcase and realized that whether I was aware of it or not, I planned to be in Las Vegas for much longer than five days. I had enough underwear to last me a few weeks, no less than ten outfits to lounge around in, a week's worth of casual clothes, and a list of dress clothes that included a slinky cocktail dress I purchased last year and hadn’t had the opportunity to wear yet.

“I could hear the wheels turning all the way over at my house,” my friend Amethyst said from the doorway. “What’s got you in a tizzy?”

“I’ll never understand how you made it this far in life without learning the basics of human interaction like knocking on the front door and waiting there for someone to answer rather than busting in and invading someone’s personal space.”

“Sounds like someone is feeling better,” Amethyst said before she laid across the foot of my bed, dislodging a pile of socks and a stack of folded T-shirts. “I had hoped that your attitude might improve when the surgeon removed your toxic gallbladder, but alas, I was wrong.”

“As usual,” I muttered with a grin. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at work?”

“I had to testify in a court this morning, and since we didn’t know how long that would take, I cleared my schedule for the day.”

“And you decided to spend the rest of your day off with me? Be still my heart!”

“I thought I should come see who is closest to winning the pool,” Amethyst said as she looked over at the pile of suitcases and various stacks of clothing. “Five days, huh?”

“Who has what bets in the pool?” I asked, not even shocked that my friends were taking bets on my life.

“You know I can’t tell you that information,” Amethyst scoffed. “Although, if you could make it past twenty-one days, I may be inclined to give you a portion of my winnings.”

“You think I’m going to be in Vegas for three weeks?” I asked in shock.

“Three weeks, three months, three years? Let’s just say that I was erring on the side of caution, but optimism almost won out.”

“Optimism?”

“I’ve been wishing you’d disappear since the days when I still believed in Santa Claus, Squid.”

“I should have let you drown in the creek when we were visiting Flora and Fauna that summer.”

“You didn’t rescue me from drowning in the creek, Squid.”

“I did too!”

“How? You were sitting on my back!” Amethyst yelled.

“I got up, didn’t I?”

“I just can’t with you,” Amethyst scoffed before she flopped over onto her back and lifted her phone above her while it rang. When I heard our friend Zoey’s voice answer, I shoved my luggage out of the way and crawled onto the bed to lay beside Amethyst. “Zozo, explain to Squid that she should be grateful I haven’t just killed her already.”

“While you’re at it, you might explain to dear little Amy that it’s illegal to just walk into someone’s house uninvited. That’s how people get shot.”

“I’ve been playing peacemaker between you two my entire life,” Zoey responded with a sigh. When we scoffed, she rolled her eyes and asked, “What are bickering about today?”

“You’re not even going to address the fact that she just threatened to shoot me?” Amethyst asked.

“If she was going to shoot you, she’d have done it already.”

“I’ve thought about it a time or two,” I admitted.

“She’s packing like she’s about to get on a boat with Gilligan and the Skipper.”

“Have you been binge-watching old television shows again?” Zoey asked.

“Maybe,” Amethyst hedged.

“I was just going to pack comfy clothes, but then I remembered I’m going to have to meet his family, so . . .”

“I thought he didn’t have any family.”

“Tama’i said that he’s got an entire family, he just can’t admit to himself that’s what they are,” Amethyst explained.

“I talked to one of the women who works for him who also happens to be part of that family he doesn’t claim as his own. She called me because she was worried that he’s slacking on his responsibilities because he was taking care of me.”

“Great,” Zoey muttered. “So they’re all up in his business and going to be a pain in your ass.”

“I don’t think so. She didn’t come off that way at all. If anything, it seemed like she was calling me as one businesswoman to another who also happens to like Kenny and want what’s best for him.”

“She likes him, huh? Is that the word we’re going with now?” Amethyst asked.

I elbowed her, and she grunted before Zoey frowned and said, “Give her some grace, Amy. You know Squid’s not as good at showing emotion as the rest of us.”

We all got a good laugh out of that statement because it was clearly bullshit, considering that none of us were very good at expressing emotion unless it was anger. Finally, Amy asked, “What’s his title exactly? Boyfriend? Casual friend? Baby daddy?”

“We’ve never even been on a date, Amy,” I reminded her.

“From what I understand, you passed dating and went straight to him cleaning vomit out of your hair,” Zoey said with a shudder. “Sounds lovely.”

“You know she can’t do anything right on the first try.”

“Screw both of you. You know what’s going to be awesome about living in Las Vegas? I won’t have to see your ugly faces all the damn time.”

“Shit!” Zoey hissed.

Amethyst grinned and said, “Told you! Who is gonna call Bella and let her know she won?”

“Not me because you know how she likes to gloat.”

“Another bet? You know, it’s not so much fun when you’re the subject of the pool.” I didn’t even bother to ask them how many different bets they’d made or what they were all about because I knew there were too many to list. Our fathers had been doing the same thing for years, and it was just natural that we’d grow up and bet on everything from baby weights to how long it would take for someone to snap when they got pissed off. “By the way, Zozo, you owe me twenty dollars. Kenny just helped Tiny move into her house.”

“I heard,” Zoey said before she rolled her eyes. “I should know that when there’s a dick involved, I shouldn’t bet on brains because the clit is obviously the one making the decisions.”

“As if you haven’t done some stupid shit in the name of love,” I said gruffly. “I distinctly remember you . . .”

“She said it! Holy shit!” Zoey yelled excitedly.

“Already? Damn, girl! And I thought I moved quickly!” Amethyst said in shock.

“I didn’t say that I love him, I just said . . . Well, shit. That’s what it sounded like, but that’s not what I meant to say. What I meant to say was that it’s way too soon to muddy the waters with pesky things like emotional labels. I need to see how he lives, interacts with his own friends and family, treats his employees . . .”

“Shit!She’s back!” Zoey whispered.

Amethyst, who had been both my archnemesis and best friend in equal measure for as long as I could remember, quietly said, “Don’t do that, Squid.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t turn what you’ve got into a spreadsheet with a list of things to check off. Just feel.”

“Resist the darkness, Squid. You can do it! I know you can,” Zoey encouraged. “Take a chance. Be wild and free. What have you got to lose?”

“Everything!”

“No. Not everything. Take it from me, Squid, life can change in a millisecond and become something you never imagined - but in this case, it seems like a good thing.”

“Better than good. Awesome. Believe me, I’m living it right now,” Amethyst agreed. She smiled at the screen and said, “You’re next, Zozo.”

Zoey ignored her and said, “If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me, Squid. I can’t take off and make a new life for myself now, but you can.”

“That’s bullshit, Zoey. You can do anything you set your mind to.”

“Right now, my focus has to be about my recovery when what I’d really like to do is be free and in love. Take the chance, Squid. It may be the best thing you’ve ever done.”

“How do I start?” I asked.

“Quit packing for a trip and pack for a life,” Amethyst urged. She rolled off the bed onto her feet and propped the phone on my dresser so Zoey could see the room before she said, “We’ll help you.”

“If my life is in Vegas, then where does that leave you guys?” I asked sadly, when the reality of what I was considering started to dawn on me. “I’ve always said I want to go to a place where I’m anonymous, but that would mean I’m not stuck between the two of you, and I’m not sure how to live that way.”

“We’ll be just a phone call and a short flight away,” Zoey reminded me. She smiled and said, “And you never know what will happen in the future. If my law enforcement career is over, I could move to Vegas and become a showgirl or something.”

“With thighs like yours? As if,” Amethyst snorted, knowing her comment would bring some humor back to the situation.

“I hate both of you equally,” I said as I pulled Amethyst toward me for a hug - something we rarely ever did, so I knew exactly what her reaction would be.

“Stop touching me, freak!” Amethyst yelled. She jerked away and frowned toward the screen where Zoey was laughing at us before she asked, “Did you see that? Ugh! Gross.”

“I’m going to hug you the next time I see you,” I threatened Zoey.

“Bitch, I may be bedridden right now, but I won’t be forever. Remember that.”

“We’re counting on it.”