6. Jessica

Jessica

"Well, someone looks very pleased with themselves," Cynthia smiles, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of Aqua Libra. "What are you so happy about? Have you won the National Lottery or what? Come on, spill the beans!"

"Better than winning the lottery," I reply. "I have a date with Jack Parker tonight!"

She cocks a brow. "Jack Parker? You don't mean the Jack Parker from school whose name you used to write all over your exercise books? The same Jack Parker you've had a crush on for years but always denied it?"

"Yep. The one and only."

"Woah! Celebration time, my baby's going out on her first date tonight!"

I flush with pride, my head so light I feel as if I'm walking on air. I still can't believe it. All throughout the journey home from Freddie's school, I've been feeling sort of intoxicated. I can't believe Jack finally asked me out! After all these years of wishing and hoping, this feels like a dream come true.

Opening the kitchen cupboard, my mum takes down two mis-matched glasses and places them on the sideboard. "Sorry, forgot to ask, would you prefer a coffee or are you okay with Aqua Libra."

"Aqua Libra's fine."

She pours us both a glass of the flavoursome sparkling water. "So, where are the two of you going tonight for this date?"

"We're going to see Titanic at the Odeon in Streatham."

"Ah, Titanic. That film with Leonardo DiCaprio? Erin said she saw it for the second time last week. Says it's fantastic even though it's about three hours long. It's so good apparently the time just flies by and you don't even notice."

"Great! I can't wait, it looks bloody amazing."

Cynthia takes a sip of her drink and stares into the middle distance. "Have you decided what you're going to wear tonight?"

"No. It's such short notice, I just hope I can find something in the wardrobe that's clean."

"If not, you can always borrow something of mine."

I roll my eyes. "Thanks, but I'm not sure ‘70s Glam Rock is quite the look I'm going for."

"Cheeky!"

We both laugh and for a moment, I study her face intently. All at once, I notice how pale and tired she looks today, how drained of energy. She appears older somehow, and the little frown line between her brows seems more pronounced than usual. Suddenly, I'm wracked with guilt. I'm so bloody selfish. Here I am, so wrapped up in the excitement of my date tonight, I've totally forgotten to check if she's okay with me going out and leaving her alone with Freddie. I love my brother to bits, but he can be a handful at the best of times, and I worry she doesn't have the energy to be running around after him all evening. Should I even be going out, given the circumstances?

I put down my glass. "Mum, listen, are you sure you're okay to look after Freddie tonight? You look tired, so if it's going to put you to too much trouble, I'm happy to stay in and cancel."

She seems appalled at the idea. "Cancel your date with Jack Parker? Over my dead body! Darling, you've already put too much of your life on hold for me, there's no way I'm going to allow you to screw up your first date. Don't worry about me and Freddie, we'll be fine. You go out and enjoy yourself. Don't you dare even think about cancelling."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

On the verge of tears, I throw my arms around her and hug her with all my might. I love her so much sometimes it's hard to breathe. There's nothing better in this world than being in the warm, comforting embrace of my mother and it tears me up inside to think we may not have much longer together.

In this moment of guilt-induced weakness, I decide now is the time to deliver some good news that I hope will help to lift her spirits. It's not something I'd planned on doing, but seeing how she looks tonight, I realise the sooner I break it to her, the better. I decide I'm going to let the cat out the bag and tell her about the ￡25,000.

It's been playing on my mind constantly these past couple of days, trying to work out what cover story to use to explain where the heck I got this kind of money. My mum isn't stupid, so I know whatever it is has got to sound convincing. Plus, if I'm being honest, I don't like to think too much about it because inevitably it leads back to memories of Alex Kingswood and my horrific evening at Claremont Hall last Saturday. The experience had such a negative impact on me, the only way I can cope with it is by pretending it never happened. By compartmentalising the events of that night and pushing it into the dark recesses of my mind, I have been able to carry on as normal and not have a complete breakdown.

So many things were wrong about that night, so many disturbing, unexplainable things happened in that house, the only way to function has been to write it off as a figment of my imagination. I've never believed in black magic or the supernatural before, but the vibes coming from that house, from Alex, were unlike anything I've ever experienced, and it scared the living shit out of me. If there is a devil incarnate on this earth, then I am convinced he would be it.

Of course, deep down, I know everything that happened was real—the enormous cash deposit in my bank account this morning is testament to that—but I still like to treat the whole sorry saga as some distant bad dream that is better best forgotten.

In a strange way, I see this date with Jack tonight as my reward for choosing the righteous path. I feel like it's the universe's way of telling me I made the right decision not to continue down the path I was headed—a path that came dangerously close to selling my body to a stranger for money. No, not a stranger, to a monster from some sort of nightmarish fairy tale. When I think about how close I came to making the biggest mistake of my life, I almost cry with relief to have averted danger.

"What time are you meeting Jack?" Cynthia asks, bringing me back to the current moment.

"Six o'clock."

She glances at the digital clock on the kitchen wall. "You'd better start thinking about getting ready soon then."

"Before I do, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it darling?"

I look at the ceiling and take a deep breath. My heart thuds in my ears. "A couple of weeks ago I was stopped in the street by a talent scout from Storm Modelling Agency."

"Storm?" Mum frowns. "Isn't that the agency who first discovered Kate Moss?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm not sure. Anyway, I went to their offices in the West End and signed up with them to do some modelling work."

Cynthia claps her hands. "Oh, my goodness. That's wonderful news!"

"Really? It's just…I know modelling isn't a very academic career choice, so I didn't say anything because I thought you might not approve. I know how you want me to get a degree, go to university…"

She takes my hand and smiles, her eyes shining with love. "Darling, don't be silly. Of course I'll support you in whatever career choice you make. And modelling is not so bad. If it's catwalk modelling, then some of that can be the very pinnacle of high art. Honestly, I think this is amazing news. I'm so proud of you!"

"That's great, because the reason I'm telling you this is…well, the thing is…" I avert my gaze to the floor. God, I hate telling lies… "I went on my first modelling assignment last week at this big old house in the countryside. A photo shoot for an Italian fashion magazine. I didn't tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise. But anyway, they paid me ￡25,000."

Her jaw drops. "No way! Are you kidding?"

"I want you to have all of the money, Mum. I want you to take it all and put it towards your treatment in Germany."

"Sweetheart, I can't." She wipes away a tear. "It's your money, you earned it. I couldn't. It would feel like raiding your piggy bank."

"Please take it. What else would I spend it on?"

"You could invest in your future, get an education. Twenty-five grand would be more than enough to cover your university fees."

"No, Mum. There's nothing's in this world more important than getting you well again, so please, just take the money. Do it for me. Don't worry about my education, it will take care of itself, I promise. Right now, you're all that matters to me. You and Freddie."

She hugs me again and soon we're both crying and fanning our faces. "What did I do to deserve such a wonderful daughter?" Cynthia whispers. "Jess, honestly, I'm speechless. I don't know what to say other than thank you, thank you so much! I love you."

"I love you too. So, so much."

For what seems eternity, we stand in the middle of the kitchen, holding each other like we never want to let go. Bathed in the warmth of my mother's arms, I feel a sense of peace I haven't experienced in ages. It's like I'm six years old again, and it's just me and her against the world. Then, swiftly, my sense of calm is replaced by a dull ache in my heart. I can't afford to be complacent. Yes, it's great that I managed to get my hands on ￡25,000, but what now? That was only half the money required for the trip to Germany, so I'll still need to find a way to get hold of the rest, and I haven't a clue where from. It's going to take nothing short of a miracle to find that sort of cash, but one thing's for sure, I'm done with the sex business and working as an escort. Never, ever again. It just wasn't worth it.

"What's going on? Why are you both crying? What made you sad?" We look down to see Freddie standing in the doorway clutching one of his treasured Matchbox cars.

"It's all right, Kiddo," I laugh. "Mummy and I are both fine. Don't worry your little head about us. Hey, that's a cool car you're holding. What type is that?"

"It's a Range Rover," he declares proudly. "There was a black one following us today as we walked home from school."

I raise my eyebrows. "What? Oh, don't be daft. Nobody was following us."

"There was! I saw it. A black Range Rover. Each time we stopped, it stopped and each time we started walking, it started moving. It was so funny. I think the driver is playing peekaboo with us."

For a second, I fall silent, realising I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss Freddie's razor-sharp observation. He does, after all, have a photographic memory. And now that my little brother has mentioned it, I do seem to remember being vaguely aware of a black car across the road from the school as we talked to Jack. A black car that looked suspiciously similar to one I saw parked outside my workplace earlier today…

Could there really be someone following us or am I just being paranoid?

"You'd better start getting a move on," Cynthia smiles, stroking my arm. "We don't want you to be late for this date of yours."

"Good point. All right Kiddo, let's go." Taking Freddie's hand, I lead Little Columbo back to the living room and quickly help him set up the playmat for his rows of toy cars. Then I head for my bedroom in search of something suitable to wear tonight.

Opening the bottom drawers, I curse under my breath as I remember the ironing board is broken, meaning anything crinkled will have to be ironed on the floor using a towel to protect the carpet. God, getting anything done in this house always feels like such a chore! After much toing and froing, I eventually settle on a pair of brown, slightly flared leather trousers and a white strappy top that shows just a hint of my diamante bellybutton piercing. Finally, I straighten my hair and style it into a sleek, centre-parting and finish off the ensemble with a pair of wooden parrot earrings. When I stare at my reflection, I've got to admit I'm quite pleased with what I see. Hopefully Jack will be too.

At last, at ten to five, I wave goodbye to Mum and Freddie and, throwing on my studded leather jacket, head for the bus stop on the high street that will take me to Streatham Hill. When the bus arrives, it's completely packed and I end up standing for most of the journey, but nothing can dampen my spirits. I feel on top of the world and can't stop smiling. I keep laughing to myself. People on the bus stare at me like I'm a crazy woman, but I don't care.

This date with Jack is something I've spent half my life dreaming about, and I can't believe tonight it's really going to happen. I can't believe I'm going on a date with the sexiest guy on the planet. Jesus, what will I say to him? How will I keep myself from blushing the whole time? I think of his voice, his smile. Those gorgeous, dreamy blue eyes. His beautiful golden hair. Just imaging kissing those sweet, perfect lips turns my insides to mush. I've never had a crush like this before and finally getting to enact my girlhood fantasy feels so surreal, but in a good way. I'm not particularly religious, but I must say that if God exists, the heavens are truly smiling on me today. Good things like this rarely happen to people like me and I promise myself never to take it for granted.

At five minutes to six, the bus pulls into Streatham High Street, and I'm hit by a rush of butterflies as I spy the long queue of couples spilling out onto the pavement outside the Odeon cinema, presumably waiting to see Titanic. The novelty of the moment is not lost on me. For the first time ever, I'm going to be a part of something.

After spending so many years feeling like an outcast, I'm finally stepping out from the shadows and going on a date with a gorgeous guy, just like all these other girls. For once, I'll experience what it's like to be normal and blend in with everyone else and not be treated like a pariah. I find the moment strangely moving and struggle to keep my emotions in check as I step off the bus onto the pavement.

Glancing at my wristwatch, I see it's fast approaching six o'clock. Okay, no sign of Jack yet. A cold wind blows, and I tighten my scarf for warmth. Hugging my arms, I climb the stone steps to the front entrance doors of the cinema and stand off to one side, facing the high street so I can get a good view of Jack's Lotus when it arrives (presuming he's driving, of course).

Ten minutes pass.

Fifteen.

I'm starting to get a bit agitated. Where the heck is he? In my estimation, the adverts and trailers only usually last for about 20 minutes, so if Jack is any later than this, we risk missing the start of the movie. And we've still got to buy drinks and popcorn.

Running my fingers through my hair, I step inside the foyer to check that he definitely isn't waiting for me inside. But no—there's no sign of him anywhere.

What the hell, Jack, you're scaring me. Where on earth are you?

With mounting concern, I return outside to the front of the cinema and look at my watch again. It's now half past six. My God, the film will almost definitely be starting now, but where is my date? What could possibly have happened? Could he be stuck in traffic? Did something happen to him on the way? God forbid, did he have an accident and is right now lying somewhere in a hospital bed?

Biting my thumbnail, I begin pacing up and down the street erratically. Fuck, if only I could call him, but he didn't give me his telephone number. In any case, calling his landline would be of little help as once he's left the house, I would have no way of knowing what might have happened en route. Still, it would have been good to at least know if he left the house and was on his way.

And then I really start to panic. Perhaps I misheard him. Perhaps I got the day wrong. Did Jack definitely say six o'clock this evening? My head is so messed up I can't think straight. This is complete torture! Come on Jack, where are you, where are you? Please don't say you've stood me up. Please!

For the next hour, I stand outside the cinema in the freezing cold, holding the line, clinging to the hope that my knight in shining armour will finally put in an appearance. But he doesn't. Every couple of minutes, I see someone approach who I think could be Jack, and my heart skips a beat, only to be disappointed when I find that it isn't. It's no use. I'm all alone out here while everyone else is inside enjoying the highs of Leo and Kate's epic romance. Jesus, I've never felt so shit. I can't believe he would do this to me, yet at the same time, part of me is holding onto the hope that there is an innocent explanation for him standing me up like this. Perhaps he did have an accident. It's certainly possible. I mean, how would I know? I can't exactly call him to check on his wellbeing.

Eventually, after I've stood in the punishing cold for a grand total of an hour and a half, I throw in the towel and cross the road to catch a bus that will take me home. Inside, I feel heartsick and on the verge of tears. This is so unfair. How can this be happening? This was supposed to be the most perfect night ever, but now it's become memorable for all the wrong reasons. But even after all that's happened, I refuse to give up on Jack and pray that when I next see him, he will be able to explain what happened. I mean, I can't imagine he would do something like this to me on purpose—would he?

At just gone nine pm, I arrive back home in a malaise of misery. My head aches and all I want to do is go to bed. I can't bear speaking to anyone, least of all Cynthia, who I know is going to want to know all the details about the date that never happened. Why do bad things like this keep happening to me? Life is so unfair.

"Hey, how did your date go?" Mum calls from the living room as soon as she hears the front door closing.

"Don't ask!" I mutter. "I just had the worst night ever."

"What was that you said? The best night ever? Oh, Jess, before we discuss your date, I forgot to say, your friend Amina keeps calling. She says it's really important that you phone her back. The last time she called was about five minutes ago. She seems desperate to get hold of you but wouldn't tell me anything. Sounds like a bit of an emergency."

Amina? Wow, I wonder what she wants? She rarely ever calls me at home unless it's to discuss swapping shifts at work. Calling at this time of night feels so out of character, and something doesn't sit right with me. And what's all this about an emergency?

Throwing down my coat, I rush into the hall and pick up the phone to dial Amina's number. As the call connects, my body is wracked with tension. Something tells me I'm not going to like this…

"Hello, Amina, it's Jessica. My mum said you called?"

"Oh my gosh, where have you been? I've been trying to get hold of you for ages!" Briefly, I hold the receiver away from my ear. Her voice is so shrill she sounds almost hysterical. "Tell me, did you go on a date with Jack Parker tonight?"

"Um, yeah." I get a sickish feeling in my throat. "Well, I say it was a date, but he never showed. I just got home from the cinema now."

There's a long, painful silence on the other end of the line. "I don't know how to tell you this, but you were set-up tonight."

"What do you mean set-up?"

"Georgina and her crew came into the diner this evening and I overheard them talking about it. She said she got Jack to pretend to like you so he could stand you up at the cinema. How fucking sick is that?"

I rub my temples, feeing the onset of the mother of all headaches. "Oh my God…"

"I know. That Georgina is such a fucking bitch. And Jack is a complete melt. I mean, does he own a pair of balls or what? How can he just do everything his girlfriend tells him to? You see? I told you he was a tosser. But Jess, it gets worse."

"Jesus, can it get any worse?"

"I'm sorry, but it does. Apparently, Georgina and her mates were parked around the corner from the Odeon watching you stand outside. They were there the whole time, and they took pictures of you on a Polaroid. Can you fucking believe it? That bitch took pictures to prove you were there, and she had all the shots laid out on the table in the diner. It's like she's obsessed with you. They were all laughing about it, taking the utter piss. I'm telling you, if I ever get that girl alone, she's going to get the thrashing of her life. Seriously, I wanted to smash her teeth in, but Brian was there, and, you know, I didn't want to make a scene. But trust me, that bitch is just angling for a fight. Someone needs to rearrange her face so it might as well be me." She hesitates. "Jess? Are you still there?"

"Yes, I'm still here," I croak. My throat is in agony. "Sorry, Amina, I-I've got to go. This is a lot for me to take in, and I need some time to process everything."

"Jess! Please don't go. Speak to me. Are you okay?"

"No…no, I'm not. How can I be? I'm sorry, but I've got to go."

"Please, Jess, don't let those bastards get to you. You were always too good for Jack Parker and you know it."

"I'll speak to you soon. Take care."

As soon as I hang up, my legs buckle from under me, and I crumple to the floor, sobbing hysterically. Pulling myself into a ball, I rock back and forth, crying so hard I get hiccups. The pain of Jack's betrayal is so immense it feels as if someone punched me in the stomach and gave me internal bleeding. Stupid little fool! Did you seriously think he would go for someone like you? How could you have been so stupid?

And it's not only what happened tonight. It's everything. The constant years of bullying. The stress of Mum's illness. Fears for mine and Freddie's future. Everything looks so dark and bleak, I can't see any way out, and it feels like I'm wallowing in quicksand. Like there's a whole heap of shit raining down on me, coming together to create the perfect storm.

I can't take this anymore. I just…can't…take it. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. I hate everything and everyone in it.

The next day, I awake fired up and ready to face the world again. Yes, last night was one of the worst in recent memory, but as I distance myself from what took place, I refuse to let it get me down for long. A good cry has got it out of my system, and I decide it's time to pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself. I can't spend the rest of my life wallowing in misery, not when my mum and Freddie need me. I need to have a clear head to face whatever's coming our way and I need to be strong. Nothing is ever hopeless, there is always a solution to everything, you've just got to believe it will happen.

Last night, after I put down the phone to Amina, my mother saw how upset I was and kept pestering me to find out what was wrong. After a painful heart-to-heart, I told her Jack had stood me up, simple as that, but didn't give her the bigger picture about Georgina Wickham and her cronies. I didn't tell her it had all been a set-up and was just the latest in a vicious hate campaign Georgina had waged on me since our school days. Cynthia called Jack a prat and that was kind of the end of it, which suits me fine as I just want to put the whole sorry affair behind me.

After washing myself at the bathroom sink (the bloody shower is broken again) I get dressed and tell my reflection it's time to toughen up, be brave and address each of my problems head-on. First and foremost is the issue of getting hold of another ￡25,000 to pay Mum's medical bills. All night I tossed and turned, trying to think of a solution until finally, I came up with an idea so nuts, even I can't believe I'm actually planning to go through with it. I keep telling myself I must be out of my mind, but desperation can make a girl do crazy things.

I'm planning to contact Jane Waters today to see if she can get a message to Alex Kingswood. I want to see him again and when I do, I'm going to ask him to loan me the remaining twenty-five grand. I plan to appeal to his better nature, come clean about everything and fully explain to him exactly why I need the rest of that money. If Alex agrees to the loan, then I intend to pay him back every single penny legitimately. Even if it takes years, even if I have to work four cleaning jobs and wash cars all summer, so be it. I'll do whatever it takes to pay him back just as long as it doesn't involve anything sexual. This time around, my audience with Alex Kingswood is to be purely platonic.

It's a shot in the dark, but he's the only person I know who's in a position to help me. I don't exactly have a lot of wealthy friends, plus I have bad credit and was already turned down twice in the past for a bank loan.

Yes, I barely know him, and the likelihood is he'll probably say no. And yes, the thought of going back to that house and seeing him again scares the living crap out of me, but what choice do I have? The way I see it, I've wasted far too much time already. The clock is ticking, and my mother doesn't have forever to wait for this treatment. It's now or never so I just need to suck it up and do what needs to be done.

Swallowing down a quick breakfast of black coffee and scrambled eggs, I grab my bag and keys and head out the door for work. The day is cold and bright but, in the distance, I see dark storm clouds, suggesting there will be rain yet again.

The morning shift at Sloppy Joe's seems to drag but on the plus side, I'm glad to have something to keep me busy as it means I don't have to think too much. I'm also relived Amina's not working the same shift as me as I couldn't bear to revisit the events of last night again. What Jack did to me is still far too raw and I'm in no fit state to talk about it.

During my tea break, I go to the local phone box and dial Jane Waters' number. Waiting for the call to connect, my hands begin to tremble as I prepare to get my story straight. This has got to sound convincing; I can't afford to screw this up.

"Hello, Premiere Ladies Escort Agency," answers a familiarly plummy voice.

"Jane, it's me."

"Who's me?"

"Jessica Gardner."

There's a short, frosty silence. "Yes, what do you want?"

"Jane, Miss Waters, I have a favour to ask." I close my eyes, trying to find the right words. "Please could you pass a message to Mrs Kingswood? Please could you tell her that if the offer is still open, I would be more than happy to accept the original terms of our agreement."

"What cryptic nonsense is that? What on earth are you talking about?"

"Please just tell her. She'll know what I mean."

"You do realise that under the terms of the Confidentiality Agreement you signed, we are not even supposed to be discussing this."

"I know, I know, but this is important. You must understand my situation. With my mother, I mean. I badly need this job."

Jane's tone darkens. "Yes, I do understand. But I also remember receiving far less commission than I was expecting. You disappointed me, Jessica. I thought we had a deal, but you broke your side of the bargain. You failed to deliver and the feedback I received from Mrs Kingswood about that night was far from satisfactory."

"For heaven's sake!" I cry, tears rolling down my cheeks. "It wasn't my fault I only received half the money. It was her son Alex who said he didn't want to go through with it. He kept on changing his mind." I pause and take a deep breath. "Can you please just pass on that message to Mrs Kingswood? If she agrees to give me a second chance, I promise you'll get the rest of the money you are owed. Just please, Miss Waters…I'm desperate."

There's another pause.

"All right," she says quietly. "Leave this with me and I'll see what I can do. Call me back tomorrow around lunchtime and I'll let you know the outcome."

"Oh, thank you, thank you! I promise not to let you down this time."

The line goes dead. For a couple of seconds, I stand in the phone booth with the receiver pressed to my chest. Droplets of rain drum against the windowpanes.

Well, that's it, I've done the best I can. It's in the hands of the universe now. What happens next is anybody's guess.