Diablo

It didn't sit right with me to leave her alone, but she kept insisting, and I had something needing my attention. While I wanted to question her about why she was at the clubhouse, the desire to confront Gio again as to why he had his hands all over her was a more persistent urge at the moment. His admission earlier to having propositioned her made me see red. Coming around that corner to find her wrapped in his arms, with his hand over her mouth, had made me lose it. All I wanted to do was kill him. Hearing her screams moments before had scared me. I knew it was her as soon as I heard them.

"Diablo, why don't you take a few minutes to collect yourself?" Butcher asked. He was waiting in the hallway. Wolverine kept walking toward the common area after casting me another amused look.

"Where is he?" I snapped.

"I'm not telling you until you calm down. You've already punched him a few times. He's sorry. He didn't know who she was. Did she say why she was even in the clubhouse?" Butcher continued.

"No, and I didn't ask her. She's in there hurting, exhausted, and about to cry, but she wants to rest, so I have a choice. I can disregard her request and stay with her, or I can let her have what she needs and make sure he never touches her or another woman against their will again. He scared the shit out of her. You saw it. She's been doing so goddamn good, and he just might've set her back. What if she can't regain that ground?"

"Come with me," he said. I didn't want to, but he had that look I knew well. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Fighting my frustration, I went with him. He led me to his room. Inside, behind the closed door, he swung around to face me but didn't say a word.

"Out with it. I've got shit to do," I informed him.

"I know, but first, I've got to know. Are you worried she won't regain the trust we've built with her as a club or the trust you've built with her individually?"

"It's the same thing."

"Like hell it is. Do you think I'm blind and stupid? You like her. You've been so damn careful not to spook her. Tell me you don't want to see if there might be something there. Tell me you see her as nothing but a victim needing our help. That you're not affected physically by her," he demanded.

I wasn't ready to confess anything, but my feelings were tying me in knots. Confused, I blurted out what I thought I should say. "She's only someone in need of our help. She's not anything special to me." It hurt to even say it.

He studied me for several intense moments, and then he nodded. "Okay, that's all I need to know. I won't need to worry then." He turned to open the door.

"You don't have to worry about what?" I asked in confusion.

He glanced back at me. "That you'll come after me when I start courting her to see if she and I can make something happen between us. I thought you were jealous of Wolverine before, but I guess I was wrong."

A loud, wild howl came tearing out of me as I lunged at him. I was back to seeing red. As I reached him, he swung around to face me, throwing a punch that took me in the gut. Air rushed out of me. He shoved me until I stumbled back.

"That's it. Show me. Show me how much you don't care. How you're not affected and couldn't care less if one of your brothers ends up making love to her and having her as part of his life for years. That it doesn't make you sick and furious to imagine another man touching her, taking her, loving her!" he thundered.

"You stay away from her!" I ordered.

"No! You don't want her. I might as well see if she'll have me. As soon as we deal with her husband, she'll be a free woman, although he won't prevent me from claiming her if that's how it ends up."

"If you touch her, I'll kill you, friend or not," I warned him. My anger went from red-hot to ice-cold. I said it without a bit of heat.

He straightened and then pointed at me. "There it is. The devil I know. The one who only goes ice cold when something he cares deeply about is in danger. Now, tell me you don't want her. That it's nothing more than fleeting lust that you feel for her," he goaded.

The urge to fight and bash in his face melted away. I dropped my fists. Wearily, I moved to sit on the chair by the bed. I let my head drop into my hands.

"I don't fucking know if I'm coming or going, Butch. She's got me tied in so many knots. I can't let her stay anywhere but with me, but being so close to her is driving me insane. I want her so goddamn much. I have to leave the house so I don't pounce on her. She's been raped and abused for years. I don't know if she's ever been with someone she desired. Hell, she might hate the thought of any man touching her. I'm trying to give her time and feel her out, but it's killing me. Then, to see Gio with his hands on her and to hear how he propositioned her. Wolverine has been eyeing her since she came, and now you say you want her. Fuck!"

"Diablo, I don't want her. I was trying to get you to admit your feelings. That doesn't mean Wolverine isn't attracted to her or Gio, but you can't blame them. She's a striking woman. As your friend, I need you to hear me. If you want a real chance with her, you have to tell her what you want. Put it out there and let her decide. Suppressing your feelings isn't working. You've been moody for weeks. You come to the clubhouse almost every night, sit here alone mostly, or go to your office and work. You're miserable. You just said you don't know if she wants you or any man. So if that's true, you're no worse than you are now by talking to her. Is there anything else bothering you?"

I was quiet for a stretch, trying to formulate the words. He was patient with me. Finally, I spit it out. He was my best friend. I knew he wouldn't go running his mouth to anyone.

"I haven't done more than have meaningless sex since Amy died. What if I can't love someone else? What if I'm wrong and this is just intense lust?"

"Then you need to walk away if you don't believe you can have true feelings for her. She deserves a man who will love, protect, and cherish her. A man who'll make her the center of his life. If you can't do it or are too afraid to do it, let someone else make her happy," he quietly replied.

The way my head, heart, and soul all screamed, no, in unison decided it for me. I knew I'd never be able to live with myself if I let her go without trying. The truth was, deep down, I knew I could love her. I feared it would be more profound than I loved Amy, which I never thought would happen in a million years. How could I even think that after knowing Jauhnna for less than a month? Sure, I had been immediately attracted to Amy, but love grew between us over several months.

I lifted my head. "I can't. I can't let someone else have her. She's mine."

"Then it's settled. Let's see what Gio has to say. You keep yourself under wraps. He's torn up over what happened. Once we deal with him, you can get back to her and see if she'll tell you why she was here. Make her admit it."

"Admit what? Do you know why she was?"

"I have an idea, but I'll let you figure it out," he said with a smirk.

"Fucker, I hate you," I grumbled as I stood up to follow him out the door. He laughed.

"No, you don't. You love me, and who can blame you? I'm great."

His laughter floated down the hallway ahead of us. Goddamn him, he was right. I did love the bastard, but I'd never admit it. He was conceited enough as it was.