Chapter 12

Gabriella was going to stab someone.

Or something.

Maybe the wall.

Maybe her pillows.

Maybe herself.

Everything fucking hurt, and that, honestly, was an understatement, but she didn’t know how else to describe it.

Every part of her body ached in a way she couldn’t describe. She was sick—nauseous, even—and her head spun. Her gums ached, and even her fingers stiffened. The nausea was the worst part of it, though, and had her constantly feeling like she was about to take a big test she would fail.

Fuck, if she had recently had sex, she would be taking a pregnancy test.

She could barely eat, could barely sleep, yet she was exhausted. Every time she would lie down, her bed was uncomfortable, and the pillows weren’t right. The blankets were too hot and then too cold. They were too heavy and then not heavy enough.

And worst of all, she couldn’t concentrate on anything. It was like she was in a daze, walking around her bedroom, trying to find something to focus on.

Oh, but then the hot flashes? They would come from out of nowhere, sending a wave of heat through her body and sweat across her skin, but by the time she was in the shower, trying to cool down, she would freeze and try to warm up again, which felt impossible.

All of it was making her anxious and jittery, sending her nerves through the fucking roof. She was out of anxiety meds, running low on her heart medication—and not even basic pain killers could touch what she was experiencing.

It had been two days of feeling like garbage. She had to make a move, had to decide something for herself, had to act, had to speak.

Except the last time she had mentioned visiting her heart doctor by herself—or maybe even finding one of her own—had nearly caused an argument. She had tried to insist that she was an adult and wanted to see doctors who spoke to her and not to her father’s doctors. They were all old and refused to speak with her. More like they talked down to her, then stepped into the hallway to talk to her father.

She was the patient. She should get to talk to her doctor.

But mentioning that to her father, that she was going to find her own physician, had resulted in him completely dismissing it. And when she had tried to insist, he had immediately snapped at her that he wouldn’t allow it.

Between her conversation with her uncle, which had been over a week and some odd days earlier and knowing what she knew now about her father trying to keep her busy, and her longtime curiosity about her mother and everything else...

She was nearing thirty and had no access to her own medical records! She didn’t even actually know what was wrong with her, beyond it being some condition with her heart, which had killed her mother. No diagnosis, no idea what was in the pill bottles, no idea what the name was of the pills she swallowed daily. Unacceptable. All of it.

She had never questioned it before, simply taking pills and seeing the same doctors. As long as she was in good health, it hadn’t bothered her. Why should she have worried about any of that when she had more important things to concern herself with, like convincing her father to let her go away for college and then learning the family business?

But now?

There was sure as shit something wrong with her, and she couldn’t trust any doctor her father took her to.

She needed answers for herself, with no one trying to keep her from finding out any hard truths.

Her mother had died at about the same age Gabriella was, it definitely felt like she was dying. If that was it, her father, apparently, didn’t think she deserved to know. If she was dying, she was going to be told the truth.

And then she would slap Matthew for denying the last wish of a woman who was dying.

Fuck him and his stupid Alpha cock and his stupid Alpha brain. Of all the things her father had ever said, calling Alphas idiots she could easily control was the most accurate yet foolish thing he had ever uttered. They were beyond stupid and impossible to control. If she could control them, she would be lying in her bed, sore and achy from getting her back blown out, not in pain and dying from whatever the fuck was wrong with her.

It was a good thing she didn’t have a gun—if she did, she would’ve shot him.

It took all of her energy for her to dress herself in something other than her pajamas, but she managed it, along with brushing her hair and washing her face. The woman in the mirror was nothing like her normal reflection. Normally, she was vibrant, full of life, full of power. She commanded a room with ease.

What she resembled was a woman who looked half alive, drooping, falling apart.

She probably couldn’t blame any of this on Matthew, but she wanted to.

She was going to blame him for her inability to orgasm with her favorite toys, however. Because that was...

Feeling like she was dying? Yeah, that sucked.

Being unable to orgasm after getting teased by a man she ached for? That was the fucking worst.

Except it wasn’t a tease, and that was what was pissing her off. She kept replaying the evening in her head. The sidelong glances, the way he had glared at her date, the way his mouth had hung open at the start of the evening, the blissful look in his eyes as she climbed into his lap, even the way he had taken a deep breath when he seemed to finally understand that she wanted him and that all he had to do was say yes.

And he was about to say yes. It gleamed in his eyes, hinted by the way his fingers dug into her hips through her clothing. He had confessed to being jealous and said she had no idea how much... something... and then said she could take him, all of him.

She kept shivering at that thought, only for the body aches to then set in. Waves of heat and then ice-cold chills rolled over her body, and it was a fucking cycle she couldn’t get out of. One moment, she was shuddering at the memory of being on his lap and the next shuddering in agonizing pain. Over and over and over again.

As soon as she figured out what the fuck was wrong with her body, she would figure out why the fuck he had turned her down.

It couldn’t be because she was a Beta. That had been her assumption, but the way he had laughed wasn’t like he was laughing at her but at her suggestion . As though something like her designation would never actually be a reason for him to not want her.

Fuck, thinking about him, about wanting him, had her wanting to reach for her vibrator again, but that wouldn’t give her satisfaction, and her heart would still ache.

Literally. Aching. Her chest ached. Like her arms ached. All of her ached.

She would deal with idiot Alphas later. First, she needed to see a doctor. Maybe go to a hospital. Just, fuck.

Leaving her room and breathing in fresh air gave her a little more energy, but as she headed down the stairs, old fears quickly set in. Her father would refuse. It was pointless to even mention the idea of seeing someone new. She should have called her uncle to come and rescue her and get her out of the house—or Matthew or even Alessandro.

She could always just see her normal physicians and let them fix the current issue and then deal with everything else later.

That would please her father for the moment, although she doubted she would ever be told why she currently felt like death.

She needed a new doctor who she could trust. Today. Fuck what her father wanted.

“Gabriella? My dear, you look exhausted. Have you not been sleeping?”

Fuck what her father wanted. Right. She just had to keep repeating that.

“No. I think I’m... I think I need to see a doctor, Papa. I’ve come down with something.”

“Okay, let’s get you upstairs,” her father urged as he stepped farther toward the bottom of the stairs, where she lingered. “I’ll call the physician.”

She also needed to be logical about this.

“No, Papa. I think... I think I need to go to the emergency room.”

“To a hospital? No, that wouldn’t be safe, Gabriella.”

“Your physicians can meet us there but I think I need more than whatever we can do at home.”

“We have everything we need, here in the home. The physician will come here.”

“I don’t want to see your doctor, Papa.” Gabriella pulled her hand back from her father’s tender grasp. “I don’t... I want to see someone new.”

“What? Gabriella, this find your own doctor thing again? What, are my doctors not good enough for you?”

“I, no, Papa! They are fine for you, but you are an, I’m sorry to say it, old man, and I am a young woman. I want a female doctor, who I can talk to about female problems!”

“Female problems?” He yanked his hand back. “What sort of problem?”

“No, not right now,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I mean, in the future. A pap smear, Papa. Breast examination. Normal women’s health. I don’t want to see your old physician for that sort of thing!”

“Oh, Gabriella, do not stress me like this,” her father said, looking relieved for some odd reason and taking her hand again. “My blood pressure cannot take such a thing. Aha and see! We both need the same physician! I will call him as soon as we have you settled.”

“Papa,” she hissed, pulling away entirely from her father’s returning hand and sidestepping up the stairs. “You are not listening to me. I want to see someone new. Someone who will talk to me. Your doctors still treat me like a child.”

“What has come over you, Gabriella?” her father admonished, shaking his head. “You have never cared about such things before. Fine. We shall find you a new physician. Someone who we can trust. Someone we can bring into the family. But not today. Such things take time. I would not trust your care to someone who we do not know.”

“I want someone new, today. Papa, you will not win this argument with me. I want my own doctor. I want privacy. I want—”

“Gabriella!” He rare raised his voice to her, and it snapped her into silence. “You have your privacy, going on your dates and locking yourself away in your room while you throw fits. I have allowed you freedom and look at how you now fight with me, arguing about everything. Have I not given you what you desired? Control over your dates? The files you wanted access to? Shooting lessons? You have everything you have asked for! These ideas in your head, of having things outside of my control, they are poisoning you! I never should have allowed you to have this freedom!”

Gabriella’s jaw dropped as she reached the other side of the wide staircase. She leaned against the banister to ground herself and stared back at her father.

How could he claim he gave her privacy—or freedom for that matter? She couldn’t drive a car, had her phone monitored, and couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without him knowing about it.

And ideas? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

“You keep me locked up here!” she gasped, trying to keep herself from sounding whiny. “You set up all of my meetings. I have one of your Alphas with me everywhere I go. I have no freedom. I can’t just run off and go get a coffee or go shopping. I have less freedom than I did in college! Less than I even did in high school! I thought things would be different, now that I’m an adult. You claim to allow me to make decisions but they’re all decisions you have tailored to only have one answer! How am I supposed to be your heir when you won’t treat me like one?”

She wanted to cry or yell or something, all of which was unlike her. Normally, she could keep her emotions in check, but she was flooded with everything overwhelming her.

“You are my daughter and you will listen and you will obey.”

“Obey?” Gabriella scoffed. “I am older than mother was when she married you! I am the same age she was when she gave birth to me! Are you saying she wasn’t treated like an adult? That she still listened to and obeyed her father?”

“No, she listened to and obeyed her husband,” her father snapped, face reddening as he gripped his side. “And when you are married, you will do the same.”

They stood opposite one another, glaring. It was a good thing or else Gabriella would lash out at him.

Gabriella snorted at the very idea. Obey her husband? No. Never.

“Papa, are you mad? You raised a daughter with intelligence and independence. If you didn’t want me to be a free-thinking woman, then you shouldn’t have raised me as such! And why pair me off with an idiot Alpha, if you want me to be listening and obeying? Papa, what is wrong with you?”

“That is the way of the world, Gabriella. You were meant to obey, not to give orders. You will never be able to command this family on your own.”

His words were harsh, a contrast to her laughter.

Her laugher dissipated, leaving her with all bite.

“Really? In this century, Papa, you’re going to claim that because I’m a woman, I can’t command a crime family? Is that truly what you’re telling me?”

Her father didn’t answer, but she could tell he wanted to.

“I am more intelligent than almost every man under your command. You’ve been giving me busy work, none of which is useful but even then, I’ve been able to fill in the blanks and discover where people are pocketing your money or where things aren’t adding up. You think I can’t run this like a business? Like I can’t make the hard decisions? You think I’m scared of blood? Papa, you won’t even let me have my own gun! You say one thing, then do another! I thought you were changing, when you named me your heir and when you allowed the other daughters of bosses to attend the family meeting but I’ve noticed—”

“Yes and that was a mistake,” he said, stepping forward. “Because now, they all want a seat at the table, permanently. I did it to appease you, to show you they are all vapid and empty headed, not at all intelligent like you but—”

“How many of them were allowed to go to college, Papa? And not to an art school but to study things they wanted to study? I noticed that they all formed their own little circle and most wouldn’t even meet my eye. I expected to be given their phone numbers, at least. I mean, I could even pretend to be a vapid fool with them and have tea or some stupid shit with them and spy on their fathers for you through them. But no! You’ve not even connect me with them!”

“Because speaking to them would be a waste of your time. You have more pressing matters to attend to.”

“Like what, choosing a husband?”

“Yes, Gabriella. That is the only thing you should be concerning yourself with. And until you have made your choice, you will worry about nothing else. And if you continue to waste everyone’s time, I will take away the freedom I am allowing and choose for you.”

She couldn’t believe his words. To think her wanting to consult with her own doctor would result in her father not only confirming her suspicions but even going so far as to threaten to take away what little choice she had?

But was it even a choice to begin with? Had she been fooling herself to think she would even be allowed to choose her own husband?

Or was that just another one of his lies?

“You swore to me no more lies,” Gabriella hissed. “You swore to me that when I returned, things would be different. But all you have done is change one set of lies for another. Telling me to obey, to stop having ideas, to accept your choices? You raised me to be something more. To be something better. To not be a vapid housewife, sitting at home waiting for a husband who was out drinking and playing cards and making deals that I’m not supposed to know about. You raised me to be your heir. Here I am, Papa, and now, you are insisting that I lower myself to something less than what you expected of me?”

“Go to your room, Gabriella,” he snapped. “And stay there until I can decide how to punish you.”

“Punish me?” At that, she had to chuckle. “I’m not a child anymore.”

“And yet, you are throwing a fit like one.”

“By demanding that I be treated like an adult? Papa, you have truly gone mad.”

Still, she did as told, heading up the stairs, thinking about what she would do next.

So, he thought she was a child? That she couldn’t take her place as his heir? That the daughters of the family were too stupid to take a seat at the table? That she should only concentrate on a husband from a group of his choosing? Very well then.

She would do things her way. Starting with making the connections she had sought to forge from the beginning. She had overheard, weeks earlier, that a number of the young women she had been introduced to the first evening enjoyed going to a particular club run by one of their fathers. It was a weekend, although what did days of the week matter to women with no jobs and nothing to do but wait to be requested by the men around them?

As for her health, a quick call to her uncle would see to that. A checkup with someone her father had not chosen sounded better.

And as for a husband?

She had a few ideas on how to fix that.

And from there?

Matthew had once told her that every Alpha would follow her, would die for her, in an instant. It was time to test that.

Because if she continued making moves, lines would be drawn.

And at the end of the day, the man or woman with the biggest army always won.

Sit and listen and obey...

Ha. She would rather shoot herself in the foot.