18. Erik

I’d had enough blood to sate my thirst at last. My body was antsy and flushed with adrenaline.

Fabian finally looked more like himself as he sank down on a chair with a relieved sigh. I moved to join him, dropping into a seat opposite as Montana moved to sit with Callie and Magnar.

“Better?” I asked and he nodded, his eyes bright.

The light in his eyes dimmed a little and I sensed there was something playing on his mind. “I’m glad to be back to myself again, but I feel like I’m weaker than everyone else. Magnar just turned and he’s able to go without blood for longer than me. And now I’ve drunk Callie’s blood, I feel like I’ve betrayed her trust. I promised to protect her, but I was on the verge of biting her earlier, Erik.”

I frowned deeply, seeing the regret in him. “I think Callie is starting to understand how the bloodlust works now. She knows we’re all struggling.”

“But you don’t lose your head, you manage to hold back,” he hissed.

“You’re doing fine, Fabian. You haven’t bitten anyone,” I said firmly and some of the tension eased from his posture.

“How are you holding up?” he asked and I could tell we weren’t talking about the blood anymore.

I dropped my eyes, a knot growing in my chest at the memory of Miles and Warren’s deaths. “Alright,” I grunted, but I knew Fabian didn’t buy it.

He shook his head, reaching out to lay a hand on my arm. “I know it sucks. It really fucking sucks, Erik, but you’ll get through this. You’ve got so much to live for and Miles wouldn’t want you to ruin it over this.”

Guilt swelled inside me as his eyes drifted to Montana. I guessed my brother had noticed my cool front around her and I hated myself for it. Hated that I reacted this way when my emotions got too much.

“You’re an idiot,” he said on a breath. “Sort it out. Don’t screw up the only good thing that’s ever happened to you. Don’t be like me.”

He patted my arm, rising to his feet and beckoning Chickoa over. I frowned as I realised what he meant. He’d broken things between him and the woman he’d once loved. The woman he’d been going to marry. And losing Chickoa had devastated him. If I kept pushing Montana away, I was going to lose her too. And that thought didn’t bear thinking about.

“I’m going to scout outside for Familiars, wanna join?” Fabian asked her and she nodded keenly. A flame of hope sparked inside me that maybe he could fix things with her...given time.

I rose to my feet with a sense of urgency rising in my veins. We didn’t know how much time on Earth was left to us now. And I couldn’t waste another second of it holding back from Montana.

I stole her away from Callie and Magnar and my heart clenched with what I wanted to do. I’d barely touched her since we’d left the farm. We’d hardly kissed. And when we had, a dark weight had hung between us.

I could see in her eyes how much she pitied me and I despised it. Every look was a reminder of what we’d lost. But I was done feeling out of control. I needed to regain some power and I wanted my wife to look at me like I wasn’t broken again.

I guided her into a store under the guise of exploring, but the curious look in her gaze told me she had her suspicions. Maybe she sensed it. She was so tuned in to me, I wondered if she’d felt every inch of the pain I’d endured the past week. She’d stood by me through all of this bullshit. Every demand I’d made of her, every harsh word and every time I’d turned away from her. It had cut into her piece by piece. And I hated myself for the reaction I’d had to Miles’s death.

But the words wouldn’t come when I tried to make myself tell her why I acted like this. How it was the only way I’d ever dealt with my feelings. And if I couldn’t tell her then maybe I could at least remind her that I still loved her. More dearly than anything in this world. And maybe it was making me act like a prick, but if being a prick kept her safe, then it was the easiest thing in the world to fall back on.

I eyed the hardware store we’d strolled into with a flicker of amusement. She took an aisle to the left and I took the one to the right, the shelving low enough that I could keep my gaze on her. I watched as rebel trailed her fingers over some of the tools, her hand brushing a saw, a hammer then an axe. Her movements captivated me and I remained quiet as I observed her, her eyes floating over the various objects she’d probably never seen in her life. My fault.

We reached the end of the aisle and she lifted her beautiful eyes to meet mine. Dark, endless, and filled with so much love that I could feel it pouring from her in waves.

She picked up a bow-saw with a slanted smile. “Did you bring me here to kill me, Erik?” she teased.

I chuckled darkly, taking the saw from her hand. “If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t use this.”

“What would you use?” she mused, turning her back on me as she wandered further into the store.

My gaze dropped to the curve of her ass and I padded after her as my jeans grew tighter in anticipation of all I wanted to do to her.

I picked up a nail gun from a shelf. “Maybe one of these. Quick and painless.”

She spun around to eye the tool, her lips twisting with amusement. “How romantic.”

“You know me, rebel.” I shrugged and her eyes danced with light at the sound of her nickname on my lips. A weight fell over me as I focused on all of the shit I’d been putting her through recently. She deserved an apology. More than an apology. She deserved a better husband.

I placed the nail gun back on the shelf, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “I’ve fucked up,” I said with a frown.

She fell still, waiting for me to continue.

“I know I’ve been...difficult lately.”

She eyed me hopefully, folding her arms. “Go on.”

I took a step toward her. “I’ve been an asshole.”

“And?” she asked, looking desperate to hear what I had to say.

“And...I’ve let you down.”

She dipped her head, inspecting her boots as if preparing what to say. My gut twisted as I waited, my heart not ready for what she was going to voice. Part of me wished she’d scream at me, hit me even. But she wasn’t like that. She’d try to understand why I behaved the way I did. But I didn’t want her to figure it out, because then maybe she’d realise this was a side of me that was never going away.

“You haven’t let me down,” she said firmly and my brows drew together as I waited for the ball to drop. “You’ve been through a lot. I get it.”

“That doesn’t excuse the way I’ve acted,” I said harshly, then bit my tongue as the demon inside me reared up again. I ground my teeth, stepping forward to close the distance between us. The angry part of me thumped and wailed to be let out. I was tumbling out of control again and I needed to seize back an ounce of it or I’d go mad.

I pushed her back against the wall behind her, capturing her chin in my grip. She inhaled slowly, her pupils dilating as she waited for me to kiss her. Her lips were full and red and so tempting. She wasn’t going to demand it of me. Not after all the times I’d brushed her off.

I skated my hand to her neck and held her firmly. Her throat bobbed beneath my palm and I felt myself hardening for her, demanding to take her.

I eyed a rack beside her, snatching a length of rope from it as I released her.

She shifted against the wall, her lips parted as she watched me. I beckoned her closer and she obeyed, drifting toward me with curiosity in her gaze.

“Hands up,” I commanded and her eyes narrowed.

“Why?” she asked, surveying the rope in my hand.

My mouth pulled up at the corner. “Please,” I added and she lifted her hands.

I tied her wrists, binding her to the metal rack above her head.

She quivered before me and I brushed my thumb against her bottom lip with a wanton groan. Her hips swayed with need and a thrill hit me at how much she was enjoying this.

I moved into her personal space and she tilted her chin toward me to try and tempt me into a kiss. I almost gave it to her, but a dark piece of me wanted to keep her like this. Needy and wanting. Completely at my mercy.

She bit into her lower lip and shifted closer again, pressing her body flush to mine. She aimed for a kiss once more and I smirked, leaning out of reach.

Her brows drew together sharply, but still she didn’t beg me for it. I wanted that kiss as badly as her, but not as much as I wanted to withhold it.

She tugged at her hands and the rack trembled above her.

“Break free and I won’t touch you,” I growled and she stilled, eyeing me with a flicker of vulnerability.

I grazed my thumb down her cheek and she shivered from my touch, arching her back so her breasts brushed my chest. I cupped one in my hand, toying with her as I tugged her shirt down to release her from it. My mouth captured her nipple and she moaned loudly, her hips bucking as she tried to get nearer. My hand slid down her stomach until it was between her thighs and I rubbed against the thin yoga pants until she moaned. Still, she didn’t beg me and a wave of frustration filled me.

“What do you want?” I demanded against her flesh.

“You...please,” she gasped and the words were like music to my ears. I bit and sucked her skin until my fangs left reddened marks on her breasts. Her begging grew more frantic and her hips jerked hungrily to meet the strokes of my palm.

I removed my hand from between her thighs, lifting it to grip her throat instead. I dipped my head, the scent of her everywhere, invading my senses and almost making me want to forget about this damned game. But I was in control again. I’d seized back a single inch of power in my life and I didn’t want to ever let it go.

Her lips parted and her eyes widened. She wanted that kiss. But I was going to make her work for it.

I teased the corner of her mouth, moving to her ear and nipping her sensitive flesh. Her hips thrust into mine more violently and a low laugh left my throat.

“Erik,” she begged, but not breathily this time. More demanding. More angry.

That’s how I feel, rebel.

I continued my torment, sucking and kissing her neck, keeping her in place with my other hand. She lifted her knee in an attempt to caress me, but I lurched backwards, releasing her throat.

“Asshole,” she snapped, yanking against the rope. “Untie me.”

“Behave and I’ll give you what you want,” I told her.

Her jaw ticked and that rebellious nature in her rose to the surface. She didn’t want to play my game, but for some reason the war in her eyes lessened and she nodded stiffly, falling still.

I moved closer again, sliding my hand into her pants, my fingers trailing over her clit and circling in the wetness between her legs. She moaned, her head falling back as I drove two fingers inside her and pumped them slowly, watching her expression as she gave in to me. I had her right where I wanted her, pushing her towards bliss, then drawing her back again, not letting her have her climax. I slid my fingers in and out of her, then slicked them over her clit, circling and caressing until she was on the verge of ecstasy again. She cried out, bucking against her restraints and a twisted part of me got off on it as I pulled my hand away again.

Her eyes daggered onto me, accusing and full of ire. “Erik,” she snarled. “Stop it.”

I cocked my head, watching her fight her binds then sliding my hand out of her pants and lowering to my knees as I pulled them off of her. She kicked me as I ripped them from her along with her shoes, socks and panties and I released a dark laugh as I rose to my feet.

I met the gaze of my fiery little creature as she spewed a line of curses at me, but I only hooked one of her silken legs over my hip and shoved my pants down enough to free my throbbing cock.

“Don’t stop this time,” she growled as I lined myself up with her soaked pussy, the smile dropped from my face.

“I’m in charge,” I warned her. “Surrender to me, rebel.”

I drove my hips forward, filling her tight pussy with every inch of my cock and she cried out, her arms dragging at her restraints as my fingers gripped her hips, angling her just how I wanted her. I fucked her fast, making her take me just how I wanted it and she reared forward enough to drive her fangs into my shoulder in a vicious attempt to hurt me, but I relished the pain, fucking her even harder.

Her pussy started to clench around my cock, my girl clearly enjoying the rough way I took her, but before she could find release, I finished with a growl of delight, stilling inside her and fisting my hand in her hair as I stole a kiss from her lips. Then I pulled out of her, leaving her whimpering, desperate for more while I tucked myself away and readjusted my pants.

The evidence of my claiming of her coated her inner leg and she glared at me in utter fury while I savoured the high of my control over her.

“Untie me,” she snarled.

“If you want to come, you need to behave,” I warned.

“Fuck your game, Erik. I don’t want your hands on me again. Let me go.”

Those words cut through the bullshit game I was playing in an instant and I lunged forward, breaking the rope with my bare hands.

She shoved me away and grabbed her pants, pulling them on and storming across the store, leaving her shoes behind. Guilt crashed through my chest and I darted after her, beating her to the door and barring her way.

“Wait,” I begged.

“Get out of my way,” she hissed, trying to push me aside.

I caught her wrists and she ripped them free of my grip. “Don’t touch me.”

“Montana,” I tried.

“I know you’re going through some awful shit right now, Erik. But I won’t be your fucking outlet.”

Shame washed through me. I knew she was right. I was supposed to have been trying to make things up to her, but I’d fucked up again. I’d succumbed to this burning need inside me to regain power over the world and hurt her in the process.

She tried to move around me once more but I couldn’t let her go. If she walked away now, I didn’t know if she’d ever come back. “Please, just wait. I’m sorry, rebel. Let me make it right.”

I reached for her and she slapped my hand away. “No, I’ve had enough. You want to wallow in this on your own? You want to punish the people who love you? Then fine, but I’m not going to be a part of it.”

I stepped forward, needing to make this right.

Fuck! What have I done?

I’d screwed things up so royally, I didn’t even know how to begin fixing it.

“Move,” she demanded, but I shook my head, my heart fracturing, my soul coming apart.

I fell to my knees and wrapped my arms around her, pressing my forehead to her stomach. “I’m sorry – please— just wait a second.”

Montana stiffened, gazing down at me in alarm. “Erik, stop,” she demanded, trying to draw me to my feet.

I pulled her down before me and dragged her into my arms in a fierce embrace. “I don’t know how to put this into words, but let me try. Please let me try.” The irony didn’t pass me by that I was now begging Montana for a moment in her company after I’d forced her to do the same to me.

She blinked away tears as she stared at me, shaking her head. “I’m trying to be here for you, but I can’t. Not like this.”

“I know, I know,” I groaned, gripping her hand as I sat back on my heels.

She fell quiet, folding her legs beneath her, her expression taut as she waited for me to speak. She was giving me a chance. And I suspected it was my final one. So I had to give her everything I had. The darkest parts of me, the pain, the grief, the loss. And my response to it all.

“I just feel so...” I took a deep breath, trying to hold her gaze as I opened my heart to her. “Powerless.”

She nodded slowly and I squeezed her hand, praying she’d hear me out on this. Though it was the last thing I deserved right now.

I dropped my eyes to my knees, emotion welling and welling until I knew it was going to spill over. There was nothing I could do to stop it. She was my rebel, my wife, my soulmate. And I owed her an explanation.

“When I was given this curse by Andvari...I lost who I was. I became a monster, I killed people I loved. And it happened over and over and over.” Pain stung my heart as I relived what I’d done to my family when the thirst had gripped my body for the very first time. Montana remained quiet and I kept my eyes downcast. “When we claimed the New Empire, I swore to myself I’d never lose control again. That my family would never be hurt, never be hunted. And everything I’ve done since was in an effort to protect that vow.” My brows pinched together as I readied to voice the rest of this. Every fucked up inch of me laid bare. “When I met you, I silently swore that you would fall under the protection I could offer. At first, I just wanted you because I was selfish. I wanted you because you gave me something to live for beyond the empire my family had built, even beyond breaking the curse. But then it was more than that and every day since it’s been more still. Every day I’ve tried to keep you with me, keep you safe. And not just you, my family. The gods want this prophecy solved, though they’re trying their damned hardest to make it the most difficult task on Earth. But I was happy to take it on, knowing everyone I loved was still safe. I’d actually let go for once. Relinquished control. I didn’t need to hold everything together anymore. But when Miles died-” my voice cracked and Montana gripped my fingers reassuringly. “When the goddess destroyed him and his husband so easily, I realised how stupid I was for ever thinking we didn’t need to be constantly prepared. That one split second couldn’t crush everything I’d worked to protect.” I shut my eyes, willing my soul to let out this anguish, because what was the point in holding it all in? It wasn’t just hurting me, it was hurting her.

Montana crawled into my lap, wrapping herself around me in a loving embrace. I held her tightly, my heart finally finding some peace in this wretched situation.

“You’re not in control,” she said softly, running her hands down my back in soothing circles. “We don’t get to control everything. That’s life, Erik. Bad stuff happens. Awful people do awful things. And sometimes we can’t do anything to stop it. We’re not gods. And we can’t see the future. I know you’ll always protect me, and I’ll protect you too. But we can’t do more than that. We’re just not able to.”

I nodded against her shoulder, knowing she was right. That I had to accept that I couldn’t always control my fate or anyone else’s.

She linked her fingers around the back of my neck, pressing her forehead to mine. “I can’t stand to see you killing yourself over something you never had any say in. We all could have made different decisions that night. But we didn’t. We’re here and half of us are still alive because of the sacrifices we made for each other. Any one of us could have died that night. And I’m so sorry it was your brother and his husband.”

I let her words settle over me, giving in to her, every part of me unravelling like twine. I tilted my chin up to kiss her and she kissed me back with no judgment, no fear. Only love flowed between us. Pure and sweet and wholly innocent. Something a forsaken creature like me never should have known the taste of.

When she leant away, I felt reborn. My heart stitched back together in perhaps not quite the same way, but something stronger. Something that could face whatever fate would find us on this path. Good or bad. Together.