Chapter 18

His head felt like it’d been split open, filled with thumbtacks, and then stitched back together again with razor wire. The incessant ringing wasn’t helping matters, and with a groan, Berga reached out, slapping a hand against the dark gray end table where he typically kept his multi-slate, only to find the spot empty.

He lifted into a sitting position, rubbing at his temples in preparation before he peeled his eyes open. Sure enough, warm sunlight beamed in from the windows, adding insult to injury. Now that he had his bearings, it was easier to tell that his device was across the room, and he stumbled to his feet and over to it, tapping the screen to make it shut up.

How did he get back to his place?

Berga frowned, needing to use the long dresser where his multi-slate was placed to help keep balance as he turned and glanced around the space of his bedroom. The spot on the bed next to where he’d just been sleeping was empty, and when he tipped his head toward the bathroom, it seemed like the same could be said about that area.

The last thing he remembered, he was with Madden at the Docks. Someone had attacked the boathouse and Berga had been cranky about all of the noise and worthless threats against the Mad King. He was pretty sure he’d handled the situation but after that…It was all a blur.

Had Madden brought him home and left him? Again?

What a prick.

Refusing to throw a tantrum like he had the last time, Berga forced himself to pick up his device and check the message that had woken him. The message gave him pause.

Someone had spotted Flix in town.

Berga was dialing his number in a heartbeat, impatiently listening to it ring. Just as he was starting to worry there’d be no answer, it connected. “Where are you now?”

There was a light chuckle, and then his best friend's voice came through loud and clear. “ Vacation.”

“That is a lie.”

Flix grunted, affirming as much. “If you knew that, why didn’t you come looking for me, hmm?”

A tiny snap of guilt went off inside of Berga, but it was a mere flash in the pan. There and gone in an instant. The list of people who were genuinely important to him was very small, and Flix was at the top of it, but still. Since he’d been left in the dark, it wasn’t like Berga could have done anything.

“Are you okay?” He clicked his tongue, realizing how dumb it was to ask. “Don’t answer that. Obviously, since you answered my call, you are.” He wasn’t dead, in any case.

“Had to get a new multi-slate,” Flix replied.

So, he’d had time to purchase a new device but not immediately contact him? That annoyed Berga to no end.

“Someone spotted you in the city an hour ago. How long have you been back?” How long had Berga wasted his time worrying for nothing, was what he really wanted to know.

“Around three days?”

“Who do I need to liquify?”

“No one.”

“You were injured.” It wouldn’t have taken Flix this long to call if he’d been all right.

“Barely. Seriously. It was honestly pathetic. The only reason I needed to hole up for a bit once I got away was…” Flix left it at that, but Berga understood exactly what he meant .

Some secrets were too dangerous to even be voiced aloud.

Flix had one of those.

“Leaching took that long?” Berga lowered his voice despite the fact he was at home and alone. “Were you on vacation at all?” There came that guilt again, lingering a little bit longer this time around. “For any amount of the time you were gone?”

“I wish,” he grunted.

“I apologize. I should have been more suspicious when Baikal told us.” He was a terrible friend. “You would never leave without telling me.”

“It’s fine,” Flix sounded genuine, “I’m fine.”

“There was news of a forest fire. I knew it was you.” Everyone thought of Flix as the pyromaniac of the Brumal. Berga knew better, but it was best to let people believe what they wanted. Even if it didn’t come from an obsession with watching things burn, they weren’t wrong in their assumptions that Flix and fire typically went hand in hand.

A pesky side effect of his big secret.

“I hope you didn’t bother going to check.”

Of course he had.

“Sorry I didn’t call sooner,” Flix said.

“I was worried.” He’d already lost his sister. He couldn’t lose his best friend too.

“Everything is under control.”

“If you’re leaving me out of whatever revenge scheme you’ve cooked up, then no, no it isn’t. You aren’t.”

“Relax, I’m not pissed off because I’m a— ”

The front door to the apartment opened and shut, causing Berga’s ears to perk. His first instinct was to go on the defensive since very few people knew the code to his building, let alone his home. The man on the phone with him was one of them, but as Flix continued to speak, it became apparent he wasn’t the person who’d just entered.

“I’m not about to do anything rash. I got this,” Flix reassured.

“They managed to get the upper hand on you once.” Berga kept his voice firm as he exited his bedroom and eased his way down the long hall. He’d confront whoever was there and—

He came to a standstill the second he spotted Madden putzing around his kitchen. There was a grocery bag on the counter.

“Only because I didn’t know to look for them,” Flix continued, completely unaware how shocked Berga currently was. “This time, I’m the one on the hunt.”

Okay, sure, but who was the one hunting here?

Was it Berga?

Or was it Madden?

The Mad King turned then and caught sight of him, brows winging up before his features settled into a look of concern. “Berga.”

“Are you not alone?” Flix sounded surprised.

This was not how he wanted to explain. Hell, he wasn’t quite sure how he was going to explain anyway. Sorry, bestie, while you were on fake vacation and probably actually kidnapped and tortured, I was getting it on with a Retinue member? No.

“Call me if you need me.” Like a coward, Berga ended the call and set his device on the end of the counter, eyeing Madden. “Didn’t you leave?”

“You shouldn’t be up yet.” Ignoring the question, Madden came over and pressed the back of his hand to Berga’s forehead. “Your fever is gone, at least. That’s good. You should return to bed though, the doctor—”

“I’m fine.”

“Berga—”

“How long was I out for?” He circled the breakfast bar and took a seat on one of the highbacked chairs, figuring that would suffice for a compromise between the two of them. Sure enough, Madden only hesitated another moment before sighing in defeat.

“A day and a half,” he answered, moving back to the stove to continue what he’d been doing. “I watched you all day yesterday, but the doctor said you might wake today, so I ordered takeout.”

They didn’t deliver anything directly to Berga’s door, as per his request, so Madden would have needed to go down to the lobby to collect it.

“It’s porridge,” Madden continued. “I know it’s nothing exciting, but you haven’t eaten anything in almost forty-eight hours, so we should start with this. Do you want anything to drink while we wait for it to heat? Water? Tea?”

“Whose house is this again? ”

“I got your mail while I was down there.” Madden motioned toward a small box set close to where Berga was sitting.

“That came fast.” Berga reached for it and started to tear off the tape. He’d only just ordered it an hour before he’d gone to the Docks that night after spending the entire day mulling over his conversation with Bay.

“What is it?”

“A toy.”

“So, something for one of your experiments?” Madden grunted. “Will it explode if I take it from you? You should eat something before you start playing around.”

Berga considered and then nodded, setting the box aside for now. “You’re right.”

Madden paused and blinked at him. “Are you okay? Maybe you still have a fever after all. That was far too agreeable of you.”

“Shut up.”

“Who were you on the phone with just now?” Madden opened the cupboard next to the sink and took down a single navy bowl.

Since when had he memorized the layout of Berga’s kitchen?

“Flix.”

“He’s back?”

“Yes.”

Madden hummed and spooned out some of the porridge he’d been heating in a pot on the stove. “Is he all right? ”

“He says he is.”

“You believe him?”

“Since when did you care so much about the Runner of the Brumal?”

“I don’t.” He set the bowl in front of Berga, popping open the top drawer attached to the counter the breakfast bar was connected to, and pulled out a spoon. “I’m merely gathering all of the details so I know if it’ll be necessary to tie you down.”

Berga frowned. “Excuse me?”

“You might feel okay, but you were sick for a while. You need to stay here and rest. Flix is a big boy. Whatever he’s gotten himself into, he can handle it without your help.”

“Oh? Like how you handled those guys the other night,” Berga drawled, though he took the offered spoon, “without my help?”

“Sarcasm is unexpected, yet always cute from you,” Madden smirked. “But I had it under control. You should have stayed upstairs.”

“Why did you leave Bay and Guest there?” Berga stirred the porridge a bit and then took a bite. The warmth and somewhat saltness on his tongue almost had him moaning. He hadn’t realized how weak he still felt. How cold internally. “You could have used Guest at the very least.”

His memories of that event were fuzzy, but Berga was fairly certain Madden had been outnumbered.

“You were unconscious,” Madden reminded. “I needed to make sure you were protected.”

“And you?”

“I told you. I had it—”

“Okay.” He wasn’t entirely sure how Madden had planned on taking care of things, but he wasn’t Kelevra’s righthand for nothing. There was a good chance he really would have come up with a solution all on his own. “This is good. Where did you order it from?”

“Concealed.”

“Pavel Hart’s restaurant?” Technically, it was a restaurant and a kink club. Berga had never been personally, but from what he understood of the place, they only offered high-end dishes. “This doesn’t seem like something they’d have on the menu.”

“They don’t,” Madden said. “I called in a favor. You may not know this, but I’m friends with the owner.”

“Funny.”

Pavel was another member of the Retinue, so of course the two of them were close.

How close?

“What did you tell him when you put in your odd request?” Berga asked, pretending to focus on eating.

Madden saw through him though. “Why? Worried what I could have done for him to have earned a favor?”

“No.” Maybe.

“I told him my boyfriend was ill and needed something healthy,” Madden stated. “He knows I’m a shit cook so—”

“You did not tell him I’m your boyfriend.”

“Not by name, but otherwise? Yes.”

“I am not—”

“You’re mine,” Madden cut him off. “I’ll call you what I like.”

“Listen carefully, Mad King,” Berga set the spoon down, “I do not belong to you.”

“Too bad. You’ve already publicly claimed me, Butcher, or have you forgotten that part of the story?”

Berga frowned.

“For the record,” he reached out and placed one of his hands over Berga’s on the countertop, “I’m protective of my things, too. Which is why you’re staying in tonight. If Flix needs help, I’ll take care of it. You just focus on recovering.”

“I’m fine.” Berga tipped his head. “And why would you help Flix? He’s Satellite, not Retinue.”

“It’s not like that’ll be the first time we’ve helped each other out,” Madden said. “Our groups are always getting involved with each other. We just like to draw the proverbial line in the sand in the off chance there’s a future war for the throne that divides us. Let’s be real though, that’ll never happen. Baikal doesn’t care about becoming emperor, and he and Kel get on too well for him to be plotting to take down the Imperial family.”

“Interesting that your assessment is of my leader and not your own. ”

“That’s my job. Protect the prince. I’m just saying, our jobs won’t interfere with one another.”

“You’re making it sound like you did a lot of thinking.”

“I have.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Madden repeated, “you’re mine.”

“Just because we’ve fucked and I’ve protected you—”

“We’ve protected each other,” he corrected, and since he was technically right, Berga didn’t bother arguing there. “Tell me you haven’t noticed how beneficial having me around you can be.”

“What?”

“Like it or not, Butcher, you need me. So far, I’m the only one you’ve ever met that can help chase away your demons.”

“They aren’t demons,” he found himself insisting, if not a bit petulantly. “They’re ghosts.” The dream-memory he’d experienced before waking at the boathouse returned to him and he sighed in mild annoyance.

Because the Mad King was right.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” From the sounds of it, Madden already knew something he shouldn’t.

Berga’s eyes narrowed. “Bay.”

“He kept quiet for as long as he could,” Madden came to his defense. “But I am persuasive.”

“Did you—”

“Relax, Jekyll. I didn’t hurt him. ”

“I still find that nickname ridiculous.”

“That’s why, for the most part, I try to just call you it in my head.”

“You call me things in your head?”

“Sure. Jekyll. Baby,” he rested his elbows on the counter and leaned in, “mine.”

“My sister died.” It wasn’t exactly the best way to put a stop to the other man’s teasing, but the words slipped out of his mouth before he could consider if he wanted to share this or not.

“Yeah,” Madden sobered instantly. “I’m sorry. The two of you must have been close for it to still be affecting you this much so many years later.”

“I can’t really confirm that,” Berga admitted. “I don’t really remember much about what things were like before she was gone. I think we were. Flix says we were, despite the age gap. She was a lot older than me but still a kid when the accident happened.”

“How did it?”

“She fell down the stairs.”

Madden nodded, probably putting two and two together regarding his reaction at the Academy that day.

“Broke her neck. Vitals have stronger bones than most other species in the universe, but in her case, that worked against her. She had to have landed at just the right angle. It snapped and pierced through her throat. I found the coroner's report a few years ago. The doctor thinks she was still alive for a full minute after the fall, but he can’t tell if she was conscious or not.” Hopefully not .

“My parents found us,” he continued. “I was covered in her blood and she was dead.”

“Did they suspect you?” Madden sounded upset at the notion.

“I honestly can’t be sure if they ever voiced as much, and I was too young to fully trust my memory,” he said. “But I think so. If I had to guess, I’d say they still do. I’d never shown any signs of being a danger to anyone—again, from what I’m told by Flix—but maybe they saw something in me that others missed. Either way, I’ll never forget how my father looked at me that night. How he tossed me aside to get to her.”

Things he did recall: His father always been strict about cleanliness with both him and Beryl. The way he’d been scolded for ruining his sister’s dress.

“That’s why? You were covered in blood at the time and your father—”

“Not just him,” he corrected. “My mother, too. After they’d called for help, they couldn’t even look at me. It was weeks before we made eye contact again, and it was accidental. Who could have guessed the fix to my trauma was someone calling me hot when I’m dirty?”

“Don’t make light of it,” Madden told him. “It’s okay to be upset. They had to have realized how much damage their reactions had done. If you were six when this all started, you couldn’t have kept your resulting psychological issues a secret from them. Did they never apologize or try to make amends? ”

“The nanny raised me,” Berga said. “No one talks about it, but she did. I moved out once I became of age.”

“That’s why you stopped coming to the events.”

“You noticed?” How…interesting. Berga didn’t want to talk about this anymore, though. “What about you? Are you close with your family?”

“Yes.” Madden glanced down at his multi-slate when the device went off and flinched. “But I won’t be close with Kelevra much longer if I don’t hurry up and do some damage control. One moment. I’ll be right back.”

Berga nodded, watching as Madden slipped out the earbud attachment and disappeared down the hall. What an altogether odd encounter. He’d never imagined anything like this could ever happen to him. Eating food in his kitchen purchased by a lover? Sitting here waiting while they took a call, like it was normal.

Like they really were dating…

Were they?

Did he want them to be?

His eyes trailed back to the partially opened box.

He waited until he’d finished off the porridge, and then he grabbed the box and went after the Mad King.

It was time to get some answers.