36. Monroe

THIRTY-SIX

monroe

Even through the crowd of people, I noticed Zepp the second he walked into the party. I hated that he'd come because all I had been trying to do was escape him.

"You okay, Moe?" Chase bumped his shoulder to mine, his gaze shooting between me and Zepp, who was standing by a hot tub full of topless girls. No, I was not okay.

Jade persuaded me to come to this stupid party, and now all I wanted to do was leave, but I wasn't about to let Zepp chase me away. Especially when this entire thing was his fault, and I had done nothing wrong. If he didn't trust me, we didn't need to be together. I knew that, and yet the sight of him surrounded by girls was like a knife in the chest.

"I'm fine." I directed my attention back to Chase.

"She's tough enough to deal with that asshole." Jade punched him.

"Don't let her fool you, Jade." Chase flashed a wide smile. "She's soft as shit. One time, she got a ladybug in her ponytail." He flicked my hair. "Freaked out. Screaming." I couldn't help but laugh at the memory. I knew what Chase was trying to do, though: distract me.

I downed my beer, hoping that if I got blind drunk, I would feel numb to all this. When I lowered my empty cup, I noticed Jade staring at Wolf—and the girl in his lap.

"They don't change, Jade. Don't waste your time chasing guys like that. One minute you think they give a shit. The next…" I waved a hand toward Zepp and his flock. "They're all the same."

"Hey," Chase pointed at himself. "I'm right here."

"You don't count." I gave him a playful shove, and he nearly toppled into the hammock.

"So, I'm what, the token dick?"

"Pretty much." Jade laughed. "You might as well be gay."

"Gee, thanks." He took our cups, and we followed him to the keg where other members of the football team and a few cheerleaders hung around in a group. Chase fell into easy conversation with them, but I instantly felt out of place.

This wasn't me. When I chanced a glance at Zepp, his gaze fixed on me, while some girl pawed at him. God, I couldn't do this.

Kreuger came by, dancing with bottles of liquor held above his dreadlocked head. He stopped to exchange a fist bump with Chase, then handed him a bottle of tequila, which I promptly snatched. I broke the seal, swallowing a few burning gulps before I nearly gagged.

"Hey." Chase touched a hand to my back. "Go easy, Moe."

I took another look at Zepp and those slutty girls. "Fuck that." I tipped the liquor back again.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" The football players chanted, then Jade grabbed the bottle off me.

She took a small swig, sticking out her tongue while she choked. "That's awful. You're so gonna throw up."

Some time and a lot of tequila later, a warm tingle trickled through my veins. Suddenly, it felt like nothing mattered. Everything around me swirled in a blur of color while I danced with Jade.

The song ended, and when I stopped to catch my breath, a scrawny guy shoved a shirt at me. "Wanna do the wet T-shirt contest?" He grinned like the perverted guys I used to give lap dances to.

My gaze veered behind him to the group of girls surrounding Zepp and Wolf. Rebellion bled through my soul.

"No, she does not." Chase went to shove him away, and I snatched the shirt from the guy's hand as he stumbled backward.

"What do I win?" I asked.

"Ten bucks."

"Sure." God, I was cheap these days. "I'm not getting them out, though. That'll cost at least fifty."

Jade leaned in by my ear. "Zepp is giving you a death glare."

"Fuck him!" I shouted, grabbing the tequila bottle from Chase and taking another swig.

Jade facepalmed before snatching the bottle from me. "You're absolutely gonna puke."

"Whatever." I stumbled toward the house to find a bathroom. I made it past the double-doored fridge before someone grabbed my wrist.

"You are not doing this." Chase moved in front of me, shaking his head. "Absolutely not." It took me a moment to figure out how I felt about that, but when I did, I was pissed.

"Excuse me?"

"You're not flashing your tits to everyone."

"Let me make this clear." I held my finger up, swaying when I tried to focus on it. "You have zero say in what I do."

His brows creased before he took a step back, a fissure of disgust tearing across his face. "Is this because of him? Are you trying to make him jealous?"

Was I? I didn't really know. The music of the party hummed through the walls. "No."

"Because he's not worth it. He doesn't get you, Moe. You're better than some street thug."

My face heated. Chase didn't know a thing about Zepp. "He's not a street thug."

"No?" He shook his head. "He's a drug dealer, Moe, that's it."

"You don't know him!"

"I know you!" He grabbed my arm, yanking me close to him. "You're the best person I know, Monroe." But he didn't know me. Not now.

"I'm not, Chase."

"You deserve someone who loves you. Really loves you."

"I'm…" I didn't know what to say to that. I'd never been loved—until Zepp. And he had broken me.

Chase's lips suddenly pressed over mine, and my mind blinked out for a second. Like it couldn't even comprehend what was happening. I slammed my palms against his chest and pushed him away.

I swiped my hand over the back of my mouth. "What the hell, Chase?" That unwelcomed kiss left me feeling violated, and that was a catalyst to a form of rage that burned me up. "You think you can just kiss me?"

"Shit. No, I just—"

"Just what, Chase? Just take what you want?"

"No." He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"I will never want you like that."

His face fell, pain crossing his features. Chase backed away like a kicked puppy before shouldering through the back door. For a second, I felt bad because I knew what that kind of rejection was like.

Guilt quickly jumped back to anger. Zepp had been right. And that just made everything worse, because I couldn't see it. Just like I hadn't seen it with Max. Chase was supposed to have been my friend. And Zepp was supposed to trust me and love me. Guess I was wrong on both accounts. Screw them both.

I glanced down at the shirt clutched in my hand, feeling the urge to do something reckless.

On my way through the house, I found some more tequila in the liquor cabinet, and it was the good shit. I downed a few gulps before I staggered into the bathroom and changed into the oversized shirt. I even tied it up, exposing my stomach before I made my way back outside.

Jade stood at the bottom of the stairs, eyes wide before she took a drink. "I can already see your nipples, Monroe."

I didn't care. Right now, I was in the impenetrable tequila bubble. "Is it turning you on?" I asked, and she just shook her head.

A small crowd had gathered around the hot tub, girls in white T-shirts lined up at its edge. The guys cheered when I hopped up beside them and lifted my arms over my head, nearly losing my balance. The applause grew louder, and I just knew Zepp would hate it.

A guy moved next to me with a megaphone and a bucket in hand. "First, in our lineup of lovely ladies. She's a redhead with some double D s." A small gap appeared in the middle of the party-goers. "She likes long walks on the beach, and her favorite position is doggy style."

Zepp steamrolled through people, fists clenched at his side. Jaw ticcing as he made a beeline toward me.

"You know what they say, guys. Red in the head, fire in the…"

Zepp was nearly to me. Oh, fuck him. Fuck him hard. I snatched the bucket from the guy commentating and dumped it over my chest, the cold water stealing my breath.

The party went wild, and Zepp hit me like a linebacker, wrapping his arm around my waist and hauling me over his shoulder. A loud boo echoed across the yard as he carted me away from the crowd.

"Fuck off, Zepp. I could have won ten bucks." I thumped a hand over his back.

He rounded the side of the house. Gate hinges creaked, and the music and cheers from the backyard faded to a low hum.

"Put me down, you dickhead."

My ass hit the warm hood of a car. Then he leaned over me, practically pinning me against the metal. My entire body lit up like Times Square because it was him. God, I hated him. And I loved him.

"This is bullshit, Monroe." The dim glow of the streetlight highlighted his cheekbones and the angry expression on his face. "Fucking bullshit." The stout smell of whiskey carried on his breath.

" You're bullshit." My stomach rolled like a cement mixer. "Leave me alone." I tried to shove him away, but it did nothing.

He balled my soaked shirt in his hand, twisting it. "I'm not okay with this shit." He inched closer. "Any of it, Monroe."

"I don't care." The heat of his body soaked through my wet shirt, but it only made my nipples stiffen further. "You don't get a say. You don't own me, Zepp." The words sounded pathetic, even to my ears.

"Oh, you made that apparently clear."

"It's a wet T-shirt competition. You're single, remember, which makes me single."

He moved closer. Each hard breath of his fanning across my lips. "Still want me, Roe?"

With each passing second that he pressed against me, I was finding it harder and harder to deny that I did. "I can still smell the cheap perfume on you, Zepp. So no."

His warm hand glided over my leg. "And I can still smell him on you."

My heart stumbled for a second as I wondered if he knew Chase had kissed me. No, he'd still be beating Chase's unconscious body if he did.

My breath caught when Zepp's fingers brushed my thigh. I should have stopped him, but my brain was swimming in tequila, and I craved it every bit as much as I hated it. His hand slipped under my panties, fingers easily finding their way inside me. My head fell back against the windshield while I struggled to catch an even breath.

"I hate you." His fingers moved, angry and hard, and so damn good.

I grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him closer. "I hate you more."

Lips slammed against mine. Tongue and teeth. I tugged at his belt, and within seconds, I was face down on the hood, and he was inside of me, fucking me the way he always said he would.

"The way I see it." His teeth sank into my neck. "You owe me this."

I was high on him, my head swimming, my body burning up. I pushed up onto my hands, shoving back against his hard thrusts. "I don't owe you shit," I moaned.

He went deeper, then stilled. "Tell me to stop." I couldn't. Seconds ticked by. "Exactly what I thought," he said before he resumed his pace.

We were right there, screwing on the hood of a parked car right outside a house full of people. And I didn't care. I let him take me, going harder and deeper until my body tensed, heat tore over my skin, and every muscle went lax. Until I broke apart for him.

Zepp fisted my hair, yanking back my head while he drove into me. Hard. Heavy. Desperate. "Fuck you, Monroe," he said before he groaned and stilled behind me. "Just…" I heard his fly zip. "Fuck you."

He was halfway across the road when I pulled my skirt down and turned around.

"You're an asshole, you know it?"

He stormed back toward me, the anger rippling across his face, catching in the streetlight. "I'm an asshole?" He jabbed a finger at my chest. "No. You slept with another guy! And I loved you." His expression crumpled like a piece of paper. "I told you I loved you. And I meant it." His pain and my anger cut through my drunken haze, making me feel sober in an instant.

"And I told you I loved you! And it didn't mean shit."

"You. Fucked. Another. Guy."

"I didn't screw him!" I punched him in the chest. "You idiot."

"Whatever, Monroe." He swiped a hand through his hair. "I fucked plenty of girls before you, so…" A slight frown set on his face.

That really hurt. "Stupid me for thinking you were different, right?"

"No. Stupid me for thinking you were different." He turned to walk away. "You're just like the rest of them."

"My Mom OD'd. And the first thing you did was accuse me of screwing Chase." I started back toward the house. "There's your fucking trust for you." I was halfway down Kreuger's drive before he caught my elbow.

"Why wouldn't you have just told me that? Jesus Christ, Roe. I'm on Wolf's roof, thinking I did something to piss you off, then you turn up in Chase's car. In the same clothes from the night before. Just…" He dropped my arm and dragged both hands through his hair on an angry groan.

"You didn't ask." It stung that he thought I'd slept with Chase so easily. "I got out of his car, Zepp. And you assumed that quickly."

"Are you serious?" Both of his hands went in the air. "You're serious right now?" He stepped forward, pointing a finger at me. "You tell me, Monroe. Situation reversed. What the actual hell would you have thought? I don't answer your calls. Then you see Leah's whore ass drop me off in the same clothes I left your house in. The next morning. What the hell would you think? Huh?"

"You've fucked, Leah!" I put my hands on my hips, dropping my chin to my chest. My pulse was hammering through my veins so hard, I could barely breathe.

"And how the hell would you know?"

"Oh, like you haven't. You were a whore."

He paced the drive for a second, then grabbed a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. "Doesn't mean I stuck my dick in her."

"Oh my God." I raked my fingers through my hair. "Why are we talking about Leah?"

"I don't fucking know!" A large cloud of smoke left his lips before he tossed the cigarette to the ground and charged at me, pinning me against the side of the house. His mouth covered mine, the kiss hard and desperate, and everything I needed in that moment. "All I know is that I love you. And I hate this."

My heart skipped, and warmth trickled through my body. "You really thought I cheated on you?"

His teeth raked his bottom lip; his chin dropped to his chest. "Monroe. You are the only person I've let get close enough to hurt me..." His gaze met mine, his fingers gripping my chin. "I'm sorry."

"I would never do that to you." I touched his cheek. "I love you."

He kissed me again. "Can we go home?"

"Yeah."

The next morning my phone beeped nonstop. I laid on Zepp's chest, the heat of his skin seeping into me. The last three days without him had made me realize just how much I needed him. His fingers played over my back, tangling in my hair. Another text came through. Then another.

"You gonna get that?"

Groaning, I reached over to the nightstand. "It's probably my mom." Then I laid back and opened the messages, fully expecting to see a plea from my mom, wanting a hit. But it was Chase. On a sigh, I tossed the phone to the mattress, my pulse ticking up. I thought I had made myself pretty clear.

"Roe?" There was a hint of something in Zepp's voice.

I sat up, swiping hair out of my face as I met Zepp's gaze. "So, you might have been right…" Crossing my legs, I pulled at a loose thread on the comforter. God, he was going to lose it.

"About?"

"About Chase."

He grabbed the phone from the end of the bed, and I nearly shit myself when he tapped the screen. I hadn't even read the messages, but I could guess what they said. It was likely another apology for the kiss. I watched his jaw tic. His cheeks slowly grew red before he handed me the device. I could feel the rage radiating from him like he was ready to explode.

"Like I said. Guys aren't friends with girls."

The message on the screen forced a sigh from my lips.

Chase: I'm sorry I kissed you.

Chase: I've been in love with you since we were ten years old.

Chase: Please talk to me.

I closed my eyes, my heart letting out a guilty squeeze. I was horrible to him last night. And he was in love with me. This was all so messed up.

"Tell me you didn't kiss him."

My eyes snapped open. "No! I shoved him off."

Zepp bristled beside me, his gaze aimed at the wall, most likely plotting where to bury Chase.

"Pretty sure he wouldn't have done it if we weren't broken up," I said.

Chase took what he saw as an opportunity. It wasn't a personal affront to Zepp, but Zepp probably wouldn't see it that way.

"You know, if it's any consolation."

One of his brows lifted. He thumbed over his nose ring. "You're mine, Monroe. Any guy should know that. Regardless."

I wasn't even going to address that right now. Because I had bigger problems. Like my childhood friend declaring his love. On a long groan, I fell back against the pillows. God, was there something wrong with me? How did I not see this shit coming? First Max… "Is it something I do?" I asked.

The anger on Zepp's face faded. He took the phone from my hand, then tossed it across the room. "It's nothing you do." He settled over me, kissing my throat. "It's just because you're you, Monroe. I can't blame the fucker for being in love with you." His lips met my jaw. "Even if I want to kill him."

"Don't kill him," I said, grabbing his face.

"Fine." His lips pressed to mine with a little swipe of his tongue. "I'll just break his arm."

"No broken bones." I kissed him. "If you loved someone else, it would break my heart. I feel kind of bad. For him."

"I could never love anyone else, Roe. You're it for me."

And he was it for me. Because no one had ever loved me like he did. And I wasn't sure I could live without it.