25. A Ship without a Sail

25

A SHIP WITHOUT A SAIL

LESTER

TWENTY-SIX YEARS AGO ― August 15th, 1949

"What is your favorite color?" I ask Rosemary, trying to find a way to distract her from her fear.

She sniffles, her cheeks almost bright red. Just like the last time I saw her, she wears two pigtails in her hair, only this time her bows are green.

"Bl―blue," she stutters out. "Ho―how about you?"

"Red," I say, scootching closer to where she's sitting on the floor in the corner of the room. We're back in the same place as two weeks ago, the room with the black walls and barely any light.

Rosemary and I haven't talked about that night, but I'm sure that the same thing happened to both of us. I cringe as I remember the pain. I begged the bad man to stop.

He didn't.

He won me in the game, and he was making good use of his prize.

Landon once told me about sex. He heard about it from his friends at school. I thought it was supposed to be between a man and a woman. And that you had to be grownups to do it and to be married and in love. Women have special body parts for sex, a place where they can take the man inside and then make a baby.

None of those things were true in my case.

But I am certain that what that man did to me was sex.

I couldn't stop crying. He liked that. When I realized that he did, I forced myself to stop. I had been training myself to force away the tears because it always made Father angrier and I had not spilled a tear for two months. That night I let them slip, but then blinked them away and bit my lip to keep the screams inside, no matter how much the feeling of the man inside hurt me.

But the bad man wanted me to cry, so he went faster. Over and over again.

He liked it even more that I was bleeding.

His eyes were near black. Like a demon.

Father always convinced me that I was a demon, because I killed my mom. But since that night, I know that was simply not true. Because demons do bad things to innocent people. Things like the bad man did to me.

I would never do something like that. I couldn't.

What happened to my mom was not my fault. I was just a baby.

I didn't ask to be born.

And I wish I hadn't. I wish I was never put on this earth. My mom would still be alive and my father wouldn't be as evil as he became after she was gone. They could have just raised Landon together and be a happy family.

The bad man would have never touched me if I didn't exist.

"Red is a pretty color." Rosemary stares at me with tears in her eyes, her lower lip wobbling again.

"Do you want to learn a secret handshake?" I ask, sticking out my hand for her to take. "My brother taught it to me, and we're the only ones that know about it. If you learn it, you can be part of our club."

"Okay." She nods her head, but she's still not smiling. She's too scared of the bad men that will surely come to pick us up soon.

"First, hold your fingers straight, then fold them to the inside of your palm. Then we bump our fists together and snap our fingers." I show her, and she mimics what I'm doing. "We lock our thumbs together, like this―" We touch hands and do just that. "Then you tickle my palm and I tickle the top of your hand."

She giggles softly, and I join her. I tell her the next three moves and she does them without any trouble. "And finally―" I say, grabbing her hand again. "We lock all of our fingers together and squeeze. Do you think you can remember all the moves?"

She nods proudly. "Yes. I won't forget them, Lester."

"Good."

We keep holding hands until the door flies open and two large men step into the room, the sound of their leather shoes stomping on the ground. Both of us get picked up from the floor, and they yank us away from each other with so much force that our intwined hands are ripped apart.

Rosemary cries at the top of her lungs, kicking her legs at air and punching her little fists on the back of the bad man. "No! I don't want to go!"

I don't scream. I don't say anything.

I just let the man carry me. This time, we go the other way in the hallway and we are headed to loud voices and music. Once we are put down on the red carpeted floor, I notice an overwhelming number of men in the room. Some of them are standing around a large green table, chanting loudly.

I remember that Rosemary said something about a poker game the last time we were here. I think we are the prizes again.

But why us? Why are we here? What did we do wrong?

I know my father hates me, so I know the answer to the question of why I am here. But what about my friend, Rosemary?

She couldn't harm a fly.

We get told to stay on a sofa in the corner of the room, and the two large men who took us stand guard, eyeing us to make sure we don't try to escape.

I swallow as I look around the large, crowded room, and notice that everyone in here is dressed in expensive suits and clothing. I even spot a few women in sparkling dresses with fancy jewelry and pretty hairstyles.

There are no windows in here, so I think we are somewhere in a basement. Some men are leading the women to the hallway and I know that they will go to one of those hotel rooms where they took Rosemary and me.

It took over four days before I could sit again after that night, and I don't know how, but the skin around my eyes was nearly black, like a panda. The bad man didn't hit me, so I don't understand how that could be.

I don't want to feel the pain again.

But most of all, I don't want Rosemary to feel it.

There is nothing we can do but wait as we find each other's hands again. I brush my fingers over hers and we intwine them as we wait for the monsters to take us.

TWENTY-SIX YEARS AGO ― October 20th, 1949

My fingers twine around the tips of Rosemary's braids as I hold her close with my shoulder around her frail body. " Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf ," I sing, my voice softly vibrating against her ear. " Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, tra la la la la. "

She buries her face in my neck as we sit against a tree trunk, wrapping her arm around my chest.

I heard my father slip that there will be another party tonight at the underground speakeasy that me and Rosemary were taken to multiple times over the last few months. As soon as I knew, I rode my bike to Rosemary's house across town and took her with me to hide. If we're not there, they can't take us to the monsters. Then they can't use us for their fun and pleasure.

" Came the day when fate did frown and a wolf blew into town with a gruff huff puff. He puffed just enough and the hay house fell right down. One and two were scared to death of the big bad wolf's breath. By the hair of your chinny chin I'll blow you in and the twig house answered yes…" I continue the song up until the end as she listens silently.

I first sang to her on the third night. She was so scared when we once more sat inside that dark room, waiting and waiting.

Rosemary is the sweetest girl I've ever known. She's so kind and pretty.

We're inside the forest on the edge of town and we plan to stay here all night. I took blankets and food with me, as well as water. It will be cold at night, but it's better than staying in the dark place where it feels like we're burning alive.

Landon is still at home. If he came with us, Father would try to blame him when he finds out I'm gone. He's been bad to Landon for the past few months because he always fights for me. Father doesn't like it. He's no longer the smart and obedient one.

He's still the golden son. But now the golden son has ribs that are just as black and blue as mine.

"I would rather get eaten by real wolves than spend one more night with those men, Chipmunk," Rosemary says silently, sniffling against my shirt.

I brush my fingers over the top of her head. "I know, Bunny. Me too."

We came up with these nicknames for each other shortly after the first few nights. I told her that she reminds me of a little bunny and it made her giggle. I loved the sound of it so much that I started calling her that all the time.

She wanted to make me happy too, so she came up with the name Chipmunk. She says it's because of my brown eyes and chubby cheeks.

I care for Rosemary so much. It hurts my heart that they're hurting her.

But I'm so weak. I can't fight them off to save her.

We'll continue to hide and escape. And one day, we'll be gone for good.