Chapter 44

44

R hi

I fall asleep cocooned in the middle of five men – my five men – happier than I think I’ve ever been – okay, sore and tired too. But considering I may be facing death tomorrow, I’m asleep in minutes.

I dream.

I dream of the battle. I dream of the considerable power it’s going to take to overcome Christopher Kennedy. All of it streams past my eyes; all of it in such detail there can be no mistaking.

When I wake, the dream doesn’t fade like dreams so often do. It’s vivid and clear in my mind.

I’ve seen the future. I’ve seen what’s necessary. Now I just have to make it happen.

I know what I have to do.

Carefully, so as not to wake the five snoozing men curled around me, I climb out of the bed, pulling on underwear and clothes as I do. Pip’s already there waiting for me by the door, sitting calmly, even though I’m convinced he knows what has to happen as much as I do. I find it hard to look at him and I scoop him up into my arms and squeeze him against my chest. He doesn’t wriggle or protest. He remains still in my arms, allowing me to carry him out into the hallway and down the stairs.

It’s early, the dawn barely creeping across the horizon, but there are already people up and about, whispering to each other, dashing from place to place, or testing their magic, the sound of it echoing off the paths. They stare at me, star-struck, as I pass them by but no one talks to me, not until I’m walking right by the door of our old dorm. Then I hear Winnie call out.

“Rhi, Rhi, wait up!”

I halt, waiting for her to catch up with me, she slows as she sees Pip cradled in my arms and the tears sliding down my face.

“Rhi?” she says, a wariness entering her voice. “Rhi, what’s going on here? Where are you going?”

“There’s something I have to do – in the forest.”

“Pip?”

I nod, wiping my face with the back of my right hand.

“Rhi, you’re not..” She takes a decisive step towards me like she might intervene.

“Winnie! No, stars, no.” I sniff. “It’s just … I have to … it’s time to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye …” she says, gaze falling to Pip and a sadness filling her eyes. “Is it–”

“Winnie, please don’t ask me questions, please don’t–”

“Rhi,” she says, stepping forward and clutching my arms. “I would never. I trust you. I trust you with my life. ”

I manage to smile at her. “I trust you too, bestie. And I love you. I’m not sure if I ever told you that before.”

“Ditto,” she says, “Big time. You’re like my girl crush and role model and best friend all rolled into one. Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I think this is something I have to do alone.”

She nods, then strokes Pip’s ears, landing a big sloppy kiss on the crown of his head. “I know we had our differences at first,” she tells Pip, “but I’m going to miss you. You’re one awesome little dude.”

I sniffle and next she hugs me, landing an equally sloppy kiss on my cheek.

“I’ll be right here waiting for you when you’re done, Rhi.”

“Thank you,” I say, and then I turn towards the forest and walk that way.

As I step underneath the first leafless boughs, I’m struck by how quiet it is and how still, as if every living thing is watching us come. I guess it should feel sinister or spooky or something – Tristan’s told me what lurks in this forest, the same things that lurked in those waters surrounding the convent. But I don’t feel afraid. A calmness eludes Pip and wraps me in a warm blanket and even though the trees grow closer and closer together, so much so that soon any light is lost behind us, I’m not in the slightest bit deterred.

I know what has to be done. I’ve known it right from the moment my aunt told me the truth about Pip. He’s been here to protect me – as much from myself as others – here to watch over me, but now the time has come. If I want to meet my enemies head on, if I want to defeat them, I have to let him go, just like my mom let me go, even if it breaks my heart.

The temperature drops. The stillness is smothering. And then I hear that strange calling, like I did out on the water. Except this time it’s not me they’re beckoning.

I crouch down and place Pip on the cold earth. His dark eyes assess me and for once he’s quiet. Not attempting to crawl back into my arms or butt his snout against my legs. I crouch lower so our eyes are level.

“I’m going to miss you,” I whisper, my words sounding loud in my ears regardless. “Miss you so so much.”

He’s been my companion, through thick and thin, during the long, lonely nights, at my lowest those first few days after my aunt had passed and it seemed like the world had ended. He never left me no matter how hard or tough it got, no matter how hungry he was, how frightened, and despite all my stupid mistakes, and crazy adventures.

“Thank you for being my friend.”

I kiss him right on the end of his snout and he licks my face, his eyes seeming just as sad as mine must. Then I hug him one last time, feeling his small heart beating against me and inhaling that piggy scent everyone but me seems to hate, but is all Pip, all all Pip.

After a moment, he wriggles out of my arms and this is it. Time for him to go.

He gives me one last steely glare, snorting loudly at me, and then he’s trotting off through the trees, not pausing, not looking back. I watch him go, until he’s no longer there, until his figure evaporates, and instead of my pig, my aunt appears in his place. Not solid like she was in life, shimmering like the surface of a lake, and behind her my mom, just as beautiful, just as stunning as her photo, and then my grandmother, another woman I only knew from photos, standing between her two sisters. And then more women, more of my relatives, standing in the shadow of the trees, all watching me. Watching over me like they have done all this time.

They’ve always been there. As long as Pip was by my side, so were they.

The tears come more forcefully, dripping off my chin.

It was them. My aunt, my mom. They’ve been with me all this time. Protecting me, helping me, loving me.

“I don’t want to let you go,” I call out.

But they don’t answer me. These spirits, these echoes of what once was flesh, they melt away into the trees until they are gone completely and I stand there alone.

Alone but stronger.

The hold on my magic – the cage containing it – has gone too.