Chapter 16

Chapter

Sixteen

BODHI

T he feeling of the wheel beneath my fingers as we pulled away from the private museum grounded me. When Lainey settled her hand on my thigh though, that helped even more. She'd been the reason I walked out of that house without inflicting bodily harm on every person between me and the door.

An unfamiliar rage had begun to pool in my gut as Hans revealed the names of the two children he'd identified. His flirting with Lainey had been mildly amusing. I found even his less than sly effort to get under my skin to be entertaining, particularly when she shut him down with a careless kind of grace that just made her all that more attractive to me.

Then Hans mentioned the name Ayla…

Ayla.

My bastard of a father not only took my mother's child from her, he even robbed that child of her name. Anger like I hadn't experienced in years flooded me. It wouldn't take that long to drive to the family compound, to let myself in, dismiss the staff and then paint the walls red with his blood.

The provocative nature of that image shouldn't be so damn tempting. Because killing him would only satisfy me for a very brief moment, on an extremely primitive level.

It wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough for what he did to my mother. That said, I wanted to destroy him. I wanted to do to him what he'd done to her. I wanted him to suffer and to understand that nothing he did, ever, would save him. I wanted him to wish for death, but be trapped in a miserable existence.

A few decades like that might actually begin to repay some of the debt he'd incurred in locking my mother up.

Instead of driving out to Long Island, I headed uptown. The penthouse where I'd invited everyone to live was not my only place in the city. Like my step great-grandmother, Sophia, I had my own loft, secured under a holding company and unlinked to me directly.

It was a haven for me when I needed to disappear for a while. I wasn't Phillip Cavendish there. I wasn't anyone there, for that matter. With that destination in mind, I kept the speed of the vehicle controlled.

Three blocks from the museum, the volcanic chaos boiling over inside of me slowed even if it didn't come near cooling. I pressed a single button on the steering wheel and Milo's phone began to ring, the heads up display showing his contact info.

"One second." Milo didn't wait for a reply, but the hum of conversation carried over the open line. The Vandals were still there. So much planning that still needed to be done.

Too many people in my space. Even if they were people I liked for the most part.

"Okay, I'm alone. Everything all right?" The question shouldn't have surprised me. Milo and I didn't converse via phone often and I'd brought Lainey with me. He would also be correct in assuming if everything wasn't all right, I would call him for assistance.

This was not a matter he could help on. I liked him. Respected him. Trusted him with Lainey. But our friendship—it didn't matter. I needed one person right now and I had her with me.

I was also in no mood to share or be gentle with the others in her life.

Most days, fine. Not today.

"No," I told him. There was no point in lying. Secrets from others was fine. But we had to be able to be direct with each other. "It's not. Hans had information. Information. Answers. More questions. But I need a few hours to process it and I need Lainey."

"Not coming back here tonight?" It wasn't really a question, but I appreciated the confirmation.

"No." Then because directness was required, I asked, "Unless there is a pressing need for us to be there?"

If they had a location on Andrea, that would take precedence…

"Still in a holding pattern on that one. Fletcher called an hour ago. He said he's close, but he needed more time. There's someone trying to cover the trail and from what Adam said, he sounded more annoyed than anything."

Not finding Andrea yet wasn't a relief, but not having to go back definitely was. I glanced at Lainey. If she had her own questions…

"Thank you, Pretty Boy. You can message if anything changes. But we'll be back in the morning."

"Will do… stay safe you two."

"She will." My safety was not as important as hers. "She's also right, call us if anything changes."

"Done."

"Love you, Pretty Boy."

He chuckled. "Love you too, Mayhem."

I couldn't blame him for the laughter. There was something about being loved by a woman like Lainey. She didn't need any of us. Even when she was hurting, she didn't need us. She chose us. Chose me. That was worth more than most would understand.

"Thank you," I said after we'd gone another few blocks. Every breath I took helped to still the beast clawing inside my skin. The need to inflict damage and pain to the one that hurt my mother—it was still there. It burned in vibrant hues of red and orange.

"You're welcome," she said, not dismissing my gratitude or making light of it. "Just tell me what you need."

"You." It was that simple. She was what I needed. For her, I could cage up every violent response and shackle it until I could think again. There were so many better ways to take revenge. Bloody retribution had its place, but I would not let my temper control me.

I had far too much to lose now. I pulled into the private parking garage near my loft and followed the route upward to the reserved slot. The rattle of the rolling door sliding up and letting me tuck the car away before it rolled down soothed on a very basic level. The last bit of clatter was the lock turning, sealing me inside the cage I very much needed to be in.

Sealing me inside with Lainey.

The weight of her hand on my thigh helped me take a deep breath and then release it. Then another. By the third, I was ready to get out of the car. I glanced over at her. "There's still time for me to take you back?—"

"Don't," she said. One word. Her decision had been made. "You said you needed me. This is where I'm going to be."

A stone pressing down on my heart rolled away. It wasn't the first time the rubble had dislodged. But the debris had been thick enough to entomb my emotions and keep them contained.

Raising my hand, I cradled her face and she leaned into the contact. The trust shoved aside another broken rock, smashing it to the side. Every one loosened another breath.

Pain speared into my chest. My singular focus on answering my mother's quest had been my personal obsession, my circles of hell as if I were trapped in Dante's nightmare.

Breaking out from under the cairn of the past hurt. On some level, it was a betrayal. A betrayal of being only the man obsessed with finding his sibling, obsessed with finding the answer, and destroying everyone who had brought harm into my mother's life—who had made her cry and broken her heart.

Broken mine.

Lainey? She needed more than the broken me. She needed me whole and present. If we found my brother —brother. I had a brother. If we found him, he would need more than the demon who had hunted for him all these years.

"I'm here," Lainey whispered, the lifeline wrapping around me and giving me somewhere to go that wasn't a river of ice or fire.

I would die for her. I would kill for her. Most of all, I would live for her.

Leaning forward, I captured her lips. The kiss could probably have waited until we were inside, but I needed to taste her now. I needed the way she opened her mouth to me. Craved how her tongue swept forward to duel with mine.

When she retreated, it beckoned me to follow. Then she sucked against my tongue. Her hunger matching my own. Every wet lick, every biting nip, and every soft gasp in between as I drank in her taste even as I inhaled her breath.

This was what I needed.

It took everything I had to pull away. Then only because I needed to take her inside. Doing this here would be uncomfortable for her and I wanted hours…

At some point, I would take days.

For now, hours would do.

Sliding my tongue over my lower lip and savoring the taste of her, I wrenched open the door and climbed out. She waited for me to come around to get her. For all her independence, letting me take charge was a gift.

I would never abuse it.

"Do you want me to leave these in the car?" She motioned to the envelopes in the purse.

"You can leave the whole thing in here. Bring your phone. You won't need anything else."

She put her purse on the floor, tugged out her phone and then took my hand. I kept the contact light. Once we were inside…

I counted down the moments. Unlocking the door, I turned to the keypad next to the entrance and entered in a code. "I'll give you your own for here. I only ask that you bring no one else."

"Done."

I paused as I closed the door, then reset the alarm before I glanced at her. In the dim light cast by the runners along the ceiling, her eyes took on the softness shape. Open, no guile or cunning to keep me out. Emotion filled those hazel eyes of hers. Like the chips of gold amongst the dark forest, she offered me something beyond precious.

"I will never willingly hurt you," I promised. "But I am… raw and I need so much."

"Then take it," she said, flattening her hand against my chest and the contact burned even through the fabric of the shirt.

"If it's too much," I told her, and when she would have opened her mouth, I pressed a finger to her lips. "If you are uncomfortable or frightened or even just overwhelmed, you will tell me to stop. One word. One syllable, Lainey. Then it stops. Tell me you understand."

This close, her pupils seemed to swell and drown out the color. Her nostrils flared, and her breath got a bit of a hitch to it. But not once did she pull away or look disturbed.

She pressed a kiss to my finger then whispered, "I understand. Take what you need."

Closing my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath. I wanted to smell nothing that wasn't her, feel nothing that wasn't her… "I love you," I whispered before I slid an arm around her waist and lifted her.

She hooked her thighs to my hips like she'd known what I was going to do. I stalked through the loft, ignoring the space as I carried her toward the riser where the bed was.

Every inch of this loft was mapped out in my mind. I knew where the chairs sat. How many steps to climb to bring me to the level where the bed sprawled. I knew where the silks and the ropes were stored.

More, I had the one woman who might be willing to indulge this side of me without question or reservation. A woman I trusted that I cared about more than I craved the release of losing myself in utterly.

At the bed, I dipped to lay her down. When she would have sat up, I pressed a hand to her chest. "Stay," I ordered. I needed to be in control. She said she could give me that, so I allowed her a moment to decide.

When she went slack and settled against the black bed covers again, I nodded. I didn't bother with lights, I didn't need them. The low ones along the ceiling were enough. They came on automatically at dark and shut off a few hours later. Another security feature. The windows overlooking the city also added another layer of twinkling lights. The mirrored exterior kept anyone from looking in.

Her boots came off with a gentle tug. I was careful of the knives she had stored there. Then I peeled off her socks, her pants and panties came next.

I paused for a moment to check the scrap of silk. It was soaking wet and smelled only of her. I lifted it to take a cleansing breath. Then another.

The beast raging inside my skin settled, the clawing sensation relaxing. We had what we wanted right now. We had Lainey.

I had her.

It would soothe that primal side until we could extract the punishment owed in blood, pain, sweat, and tears. For now, I pushed all that away. None of that belonged here.

Setting aside her clothing, I stroked my hands up her legs to her bare pussy and pressed a kiss to the mound. Her arousal perfumed the air. As tempted as I was to lick, nibble, and taste, I would get distracted. There was so much more I wanted to do first.

"Sit up," I commanded, taking her hands and helping her sit now. With care, I pushed off her jacket and she unbuckled the gun holster. I could have done that but I didn't argue. Getting her naked was the goal.

At least, it was the first goal. I set the gun to the side, away from us and then helped her shed the shirt and finally her bra. When she wore nothing but her skin, I leaned in close to take another deep breath of her.

A shiver raced over her and her nipples went hard and peaked. How lovely they were and I had barely gotten started. Taking her stack of clothes I moved them to a chair, then I pulled out a mask from the nightstand drawer.

I had all the tools here, all the equipment. None of it was used. Everything I'd stocked here had been for her specifically. Before when I allowed myself to play, I'd always done it somewhere controlled where others could intervene if necessary.

Moving back to her, I dangled the mask before I teased it against her cheek. She tilted her head back, letting me see her throat.

"On your knees on the bed."

She swung her legs up and moved gracefully to her knees. It brought her head level with my chest and I let out another sigh. The obedience sanded off the jagged and broken bits that threatened to stab and cut me.

When I covered her eyes, I kept my attention on her face as I secured the mask behind her hair. It would block out everything in her vision. I'd tried several until I found the perfect one.

This was cut from the softest silk, it wouldn't chafe or leave marks. It would sit like a kiss over her eyes.

"Good?" I asked once it was in place.

She swallowed once then she took a deep breath, the sharpness of her inhale audible.

"Excited," she admitted and I almost wondered if she'd flushed. She did that sometimes. For all her pragmatic spirit and daring nature, she was still new to many different things. I hadn't forgotten her reactions at the club or the museum.

I'd never been more grateful for her openness than I was right now.

"Good," I whispered, stroking her cheek with one finger then trailing it down her throat to her breasts. I didn't quite connect with the nipples and when she swayed toward my finger, I gave that breast a little slap.

Nothing damaging, but the sharpness of the sting caught her off guard and she let out a hiss.

"Stay still," I told her. "I get to touch. I get to decide. All you do is get to feel."

Another small test. I had faith in her. She could do this. She said I could have whatever I wanted.

She was what I wanted.

Wetting her lips with a swipe of her tongue, she nodded once. "I'll stay still…"

I closed my eyes, soaking in the moment. "Remember," I whispered. "If you are ever uncomfortable, uncertain, or frightened… just say stop."

"I'll just say stop," she promised and I returned to gliding my hand down her body. I stroked and petted her, soothing myself as I made plans. The hooks were sturdy and I had everything I needed.

"Good," I whispered. "Because I'm going to make one of my fantasies come true."