Chapter Thirty

Sophie arrived home late and stumbled to a stop in the foyer at the sight of Henry waiting for her at the threshold of the library door.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, moving toward the staircase, in no mood to speak to him, not after how he had treated her. "Should you not be at your rooms at the Albany?" she spat, not attempting to hide the sneer in her voice. What did he expect? A sweet homecoming?

"We need to talk, Sophie. I know I should have heard what you had to say, and I'm sorry I did not. Please," he begged, moving toward her. "Please tell me what happened with Lord Carr. I shall not judge, I promise you. I just want to know the truth. From you."

She scoffed, wondering what had brought on this change of heart this night. He had certainly not wanted to hear anything from her before. She thought on it a moment before conceding.

"Very well, I shall tell you everything, but know this, Holland," she said, using his title and not his given name. "No matter what you think or feel over the situation, it cannot be changed, and I will no longer feel as if I were in the wrong or had done something bad to cause what happened to me. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?" Needing him to comprehend that she would not relent. Lord Carr was at fault in every way, and she would not be looked down upon because of a man's actions and choices.

"I understand," he agreed.

Sophie followed him into the library and shut the door, locking it against interruptions. Her hands shook, and she clasped them at her front, steeling herself to tell him what he needed to know.

The memory was not kind, and her knees threatened to give way at the recollection.

"What did Lord Carr do, Sophie?" he asked, a small frown between his brows.

Sophie settled in the chair across from Henry and organized her thoughts. She would tell him everything as it happened and hope he would not judge. Should he do so, she knew what that would mean for them both. The end of their marriage. Henry's reaction tonight would determine their future.

"Sophie?" he questioned further when she did not say a word.

She cleared her thoughts and took a deep breath.

All would be well. He would not hate her. Surely he would not.

"There are some things that happened to me while I lived at Highclere that I have not told you. Until recently, I had not told anyone other than my mama."

"Who does know what you speak of?" he asked, studying her as if she were an oddity he had not seen before. And perhaps she would be after he learned the truth.

"Mama and now Lady Kemsley know the truth," she said, and the blaggard Lord Carr, but she did not voice that.

"Very well," he said, the hurt in his tone clear to hear.

Angry as she was at Henry, Sophie hated that he had found out by someone else and not from her. He deserved to know whom he was marrying and what baggage she carried. "I will tell you everything but do not say anything or react until I have finished," she said, meeting his gaze. "Promise me that you will agree."

He nodded, a muscle working in his jaw. "I promise, now tell me of that night?"

She remembered her time in Highclere, one she had adored, a life full of promise and gaiety. Of friends and a mama who loved her. Her position at the great house with the dowager Lady Carr. The hope of a Season when her mama had written to Lady Kemsley, and she had agreed to sponsor her. How life could change in but a moment.

"As you are aware, I worked in Lord Carr's estate. I read to his grandmother most days and kept her company. I earned a little stipend for this service, and I supposed you could call me a lady's companion. She was a lovely woman, and I grew fond of her and her toward me, although I never wanted anything more from that family than the little payment I earned. I never looked to Lord Carr as a potential suitor. There was something about him that I had never liked, not even as a boy. He would often come into the village and lord it all over us that he was to be the future viscount, and we would be his people as if he were the king."

Henry leaned back in his chair and clasped the sides of his seat. Sophie noted his white knuckles but continued, needing him to know.

"A week before my sixteenth birthday, the now late Lord Carr announced the betrothal of his eighteen-year-old son to Lady Fanny Montfoot. His grandmother was overjoyed, and because she liked my company so much, I was invited to attend the betrothal ball as a guest to celebrate. I had never been to a ball at the great house. As Mama was in discussions with Harlow regarding sponsoring me for a Season, a society ball before I came of age seemed the perfect opportunity to practice my dancing and social discourse."

Sophie glanced out the library window, the inky night suiting the somber mood of the room. She closed her eyes, hating Lord Carr with every fiber of her body.

"I attended the ball in my favorite dress, nothing smart, I grant you. In fact, the hem was stained by the time I arrived because I had to walk. Nevertheless, Mama had put some flowers in my hair, and I thought I looked appropriate. The night was interesting. Many people spoke to me due to being near the dowager Lady Carr, and I even danced with a gentleman or two. But as all things must, the ball came to an end, and I started home. Most of the guests were staying at the estate for the evening, and my walk back to the village was one I had made numerous times during the day, so I was not worried about making it at night. It was scarcely twenty minutes from the village."

Henry cleared his throat and adjusted his seat. Sophie met his eyes, the white pallor of his face making her heart race.

"I did not know it, but the now Lord Carr followed me and caught up to me near the gates of his father's estate. He offered to escort me home, and I thought what a lovely gesture for him to offer such a service. I did not know that he had far more nefarious ideas for the reason he walked me back to the village."

"Sophie …" Henry breathed, and she knew he could guess where her account was headed.

"Out of nowhere, he asked me to stop, and without warning, he shoved me to the ground. I tried to get up and run, but he came down atop me, and I could not move. He was so heavy and strong, so much stronger than I thought he would be. He hit me several times, and ..." She closed her eyes, recalling the pain, his hand about her throat. "I thought he was going to kill me, Henry. I stopped fighting and pretended to be somewhere else. I closed my eyes and thought of home, of my cat, my mama who needed me, of the future I wanted for myself, and I refused to allow him to take that too. So I relented, I gave him what he wanted, and I survived." Sophie wiped at her cheeks, hating that Lord Carr had made her cry once more, something she had promised never to do again.

"Lord Carr took everything from me that night. The last card I had to play that made me eligible to believe I could find a loving husband in London. I thought all of that was gone, but Mama helped me, we prayed no child came of the rape, and it did not. Lord Carr went on an extended honeymoon abroad, and I kept myself busy with etiquette lessons at home, safe and away from any possible scandal like the one I avoided by sheer luck. I had not seen his lordship until this Season. He has boasted to me, ridiculed me all Season, and blackmailed us both. But I cannot let him win. I will not be seen to be the one at fault. To give him such power means I lose, and I cannot survive if that happens."

She jerked as strong arms lifted her from the chair and pulled her into a comforting embrace. He held her tight, almost uncomfortably close, but did not relent.

"No, my love, my darling Sophie. It is I who is sorry. Not you. Never you, not for this. You did not ask for what he did. He is the one who ought to be ashamed, not you."

Sophie met his eyes and could see the pleading light, the honesty of his words shining back at her. "You believe me?"

He wrenched her close again. "I believe you. Please forgive me for being such a bastard. If you hate me now, I would understand why."

She studied him a moment, pausing to debate his words. "I could never hate you, Henry. I may have been mad and disappointed, but nothing harsher than that," she said. "I love you. I want a life with you, a future, not to dwell in my past."

He smiled, the first she had seen in far too long. "I want that too."