Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

“I don’t understand.” My gaze darted between Brandle and Edmund. “I’m only trying to help like I promised.”

Edmund cursed under his breath and stalked off behind the cottage.

“Ah, Lamb,” Daemon said, shaking his head. He followed his brother.

My temper flared.

They were disappointed? Why? I was doing my best without any help from ? —

Cutting off those angry thoughts, I fisted my hands and fought for control.

Brandle noticed.

They all did. And their sympathetic gazes did not help ease the emotions churning inside of me.

“I think I’ll go read for a while,” I said.

No one moved to stop me from entering the cottage or closing the door.

“Boorish ungrateful louts,” I mumbled, stomping to my chair and picking up the book I’d been reading.

Eloise didn’t have time for me to guess and bumble about blindly, which is why following their lead had seemed the wisest choice. Obviously, it was a mistake. My mind kept circling back to why they’d wanted kisses and touching and sleeping near me.

Edmund told me they would say something if I was doing something unhelpful. If kisses weren’t helpful, why had they been asking for them? If not for gaining my help, were they simply amusing themselves with me? Did they truly see me as a wanton woman?

My frustration was so strong that I wanted to throw something.

The book flew out of my hands and hit the wall. I stared at it with wide eyes. I hadn’t physically thrown it, yet I could feel the book. Not the weight of it in my hand but the energy of it as if I’d connected to it in some way.

Terrified, I gripped the arms of the chair and closed my eyes to focus on the well. I’d been allowing myself to feel too much without thought about the consequences. It was a miracle I hadn’t accidentally drained the surrounding energy and killed something.

I focused on my breathing—the calm of each inhale and exhale—until I felt fully in control. Then, I opened my eyes and glanced at the window to gauge the time. However, the sky remained overcast.

It would rain soon. I could feel it in the air.

I frowned and realized I could feel the weather with the lid tightly in place on the well.

While I’d known I would never be able to return to the life I’d had because I wasn’t the same person I’d once been, I’d still believed I could return home to Drisdall. Now I was no longer certain. My abilities were no longer as hidden as they once were.

“What are they doing to me?” The room gave no answer to my softly voiced question.

Standing, I stacked my chair with the others and then began setting out the bedding before the hearth. When I finished, I lit the fire and climbed the cabinet to the loft above. With a blanket wrapped around me, I lay down and forced myself to read by the weak light cast by the fire below.

The information distracted me from my frustration. Absorbed in learning, I read until I heard a knock on the door. Softly closing the book, I set it aside and waited.

“Kellen?” Brandle called.

“I told you, she’s not there,” Edmund said.

“The fire didn’t light itself,” Brandle said.

Another knock sounded.

“Kellen, close your eyes. We’re coming in.”

I closed them, not because I was listening to him but to ignore the meaningless act they put on. What did it matter if they grew large when in the cottage? Why couldn’t I see that? Would it stop me from helping them? Edmund had said that nothing I discovered on my own could invalidate my help.

The door creaked open.

“Kellen?” Brandle called softly.

I wanted to call him an ass in return, but honestly, he wasn’t the one who’d behaved like one. I had. And that was the most frustrating part of all of this. So, my self-recrimination kept me silent.

“I’ll check the cellar,” Liam said. “She fainted down there before.”

I listened to someone’s soft footfalls on the stairs with a growing sense of guilt. They were worried about me. They’d done nothing wrong. They hadn’t purposely misled me. I’d done that on my own.

“She’s not down here,” Liam called.

“Why was the door open then?” Darian said.

“So I could climb up to the loft,” I said. “The rain will start in a few minutes. Go to sleep.”

Silence met my grudging response for a few moments.

“Sparrow, why are you up there?” Eadric said.

“Because I want to be alone. Please.”

“All right, Princess. We’re here if you need us.”

I wrapped my arms around myself and blinked back the need to cry. If I needed them? Since the moment I’d crashed into their glade, I’d needed them. Their protection and their help. But they could only give one. The other I needed to earn, and I didn’t know how.

The empty bedframe beside me shook against the floorboards.

“Stop talking,” I said, fisting my hands and fighting for calm.

No one else spoke.

It was a long time before I fell asleep.

I woke to the sound of a steady drip and wet, cold feet. Curling into a tighter ball, I moved my feet away from the leak.

“They’re trying to fix it,” Liam said from below. “Do you want another blanket?”

My answer was to ball up the one I had and toss it over the edge. A few moments later, a new blanket landed on me. A second followed.

“Let me know if you need another,” Liam said.

I huddled under the dry blankets and rubbed my feet together as I listened to the rain fall outside. Eventually, the drips stopped.

“That’s it,” Garron called.

Daemon said something I couldn’t quite hear.

“She’s awake. Her bedding was wet,” Garron said softly.

The light from the fire increased as one of them added wood. Outside, the sky rumbled softly.

The door closed, and I listened to the soft rustle of clothes.

“Kellen?” Brandle called softly.

“The leak stopped,” I said. “Go to sleep.”

“What happened before dinner…we didn’t mean to?—”

The bed started shaking beside me.

“Go to sleep,” I repeated.

“We can’t. We’re worried about you.”

“You should be. Unless you want this cottage to shake apart, you will remain silent and give me the peace I need to calm myself,” I said.

Eadric, that sweet man, was the first to succumb to sleep. His soft snores comforted me, and I eventually joined him.

When I woke, rain still fell outside, but the sky was lighter—light enough that I could see inside the cabin.

I rolled onto my back and opened the book beside me.

“There are oats on the table when you’re hungry, Princess,” Darian said from below.

His soft footfalls sounded across the floor, and I heard the latch rattle. As soon as the door closed behind him, I turned onto my stomach and peered over the edge of the loft.

The cottage was empty save for a bowl of steaming oats on the table near the fire. The food called to me since I’d skipped my dinner, but I descended from the loft and slipped on my boots and cloak instead of eating. Though I had no desire to face the men of the glade, I needed the privy.

Pulling my hood low, I opened the door and stepped out into the steadily falling rain. I didn’t look to see where they might be but walked the path to the privy alone. When I finished, I fetched a pail of water and carried it back to the cottage.

After shedding my cloak and boots, I filled the washbowl and warmed it with a silent spell. Twice. I washed my hands and face with the steaming water and began to feel more like myself. Enough so that I sat at the table, opened the book I’d been reading, and ate the oats.

The book consumed my thoughts, for which I was grateful. I learned to light a candle before starting a more in-depth study of the energy cost of spells.

The book suggested that, to determine the energy use, I’d need to check the well before and after the cast. How did one check the energy within their well, though? It wasn’t as if I could drop a rock and count the seconds.

It went on to recommend that I visualize a scale and compare the energy consumed by the different spells I previously learned—such as warming the water, checking the weather, and lighting a candle—to determine a baseline cost.

Frustrated, I looked up from the book.

“Magic and men are the same. Both are too troublesome. What point is there in attempting to understand either?”

I rose and paced across the room as I continued to read. The book warned that the next spell, cast on herbs to aid with quicker healing, might be too taxing for beginners.

Pausing, I glanced at the cellar door and thought of the herbs Henry had stored away below. The same ones that were called for in the spell.

Casting to warm water had seemed harmless enough. After all, if something went awry, only the water would be affected. But if something went wrong with the herbs, the person ingesting them could be affected.

Someone knocked on the door.

“Kellen?” Garron called. “We made some soup if you’re hungry.”

I opened the door, surprising him.

“How much do you know about magic?” I asked.

“A fair amount,” he said. “It’s something Henry had us study.”

“There’s a spell here about enhancing herbs for healing.” I pointed to it in the book. “Is it dangerous? If I cast it wrong, could something bad happen to the person who drinks it?”

“No. Either the spell works as it’s intended, or it doesn’t work at all.”

“Can I try?”

“Of course.”

I turned away without closing the door and raced down to the cellar. Henry had all the herbs and the required beeswax candle. I bundled everything in my tunic and carried it up the ladder. The spell was a bit tedious, requiring me to boil the water using the candle wrapped with a strand of the caster’s hair. Once the water boiled, I added the herbs in the correct measurements and waited for it to cool.

The resulting brew smelled unpleasant—bitter and a bit rancid. I made a face and reread the notes in the book.

“If it smells awful, it’s correct,” Brandle said.

I looked up from the spell and realized they were all standing in the doorway.

“Worse than awful,” I said. “It will likely make a person vomit.”

“Then Eadric should try it first,” Daemon said. “We’re owed.”

Eadric grinned. “Bring me the brew, Sparrow. I’m ready to walk without a limp.”

I poured a cup, watching the herbs swirl and settle to the bottom.

“You won’t hurt us, Kitten,” Brandle said.

Not hurt him? Was he not paying attention?

Frustration spiked along with the wish for someone to cuff him.

The book that had been resting on the table flew across the space and hit him squarely in the chest. I wasn’t as stunned as previously and took a moment to feel my connection with the book and how much energy it had. It felt the same.

I quickly checked the well, but it felt securely closed off. How, then, was I doing that?

“Open your damned eyes, Brandle,” I said. “I just threw a book at you and have no idea how. I am barely in control and able to do things the book I’m reading does not mention. So, yes, I can hurt you. Stop being a fool.”

He had the grace to look down at the book he’d caught.

“I am trying to do as I promised and growing very frustrated in the process,” I said. “I thought yielding to your requests was furthering our mutual goals. Clearly, I was wrong. Though I understand that you cannot give me the answers I need, I am losing patience.

“The five men waiting in those woods will not give up and leave. By staying here…by asking for your help, I will risk your well-being regardless of my intent. So, please…stop acting as if we are not in danger and have all the time in the world for me to figure this out.”

“Forgive me, Kellen,” he said quietly, returning the book to me.

Realizing I’d done it again—blaming them for something that I caused—I let out a heavy breath and focused on being calm.

“It is not my place to forgive but yours,” I said. “Forgive me for bringing my troubles to your door. Forgive me for being so ignorant about what I am that I’m a danger to everyone around me. And forgive me for needing to use you to help me reunite with my sister.”

I handed him the cup. “It should be enough for all of you.”

They didn’t stop me from closing the door. I returned to my seat and opened the book. I desperately needed the knowledge stored within those pages.

After I finished it, I selected another from the study, hopeful that it would contain more answers than the first.

The rain stopped. They knocked on the door to deliver meals but otherwise left me alone.

The next morning, I once again dressed in my own clothing. When I opened the door, Darian was standing there, grinning widely.

“Give it a tweak,” he said.

“Pardon?”

“My nose. Look at it.”

I did. The swelling had vanished, as had his blackened eyes.

“It worked?” I asked.

“It did. Eadric can walk without a limp. Liam can see. Brandle is still an ass, but magic can’t fix everything.”

Something had finally gone right. I grinned.

“What would you like to break your fast today?” he asked. “Pastries? Oats? We can do both.”

“Biscuits with honey,” I said.

Some of his joy faded.

“The trackers remain. It would be wise?—”

“You are healed, and they are not. It would be wise to leave for supplies while you can, don’t you agree?”

I’d considered our current circumstances carefully between books the day prior. Once the five men healed, the brothers would have no opportunity to leave for supplies again.

“That does make sense,” Darian said.

“Go speak to the others. Take what supplies you need from the cold storage while I’m out. We should have a stew again for the evening meal.”

I walked to the privy, ignoring the others by the fire. When I emerged, Eadric was waiting.

“What news did they send you to deliver?” I asked, moving to the well.

“We’ll get the honey. Is there anything else?”

“Eggs…cream…whatever else you need for however long you think it will take for me to help you.” I paused washing my hands. “Are you truly in danger each time you leave for supplies?”

“We are.”

“Is that danger greater than running out of supplies?”

He smiled, grabbed my shoulders, and kissed my cheek.

“Worry doesn’t suit you. You’re prettier when you’re scolding Brandle.”

“I’m sure Brandle would disagree.”

“He wouldn’t. None of us like it when you worry. We want you to be happy.”

“I wish for the same,” I said. “And that will only happen once my sister is free and safe.”

Eadric frowned slightly at what I’d said. Just as he didn’t like me worrying, I didn’t like him as anything other than his happy, playful self. Taking his hand, I smiled at him.

“Come,” I said. “Let us see what they’re cooking.”

He didn’t say anything more as we walked to the cooking fire where Brandle was stirring a smaller pot.

“We don’t have honey, but we do have berries and sugar,” he said without looking up. “You might want to supervise Garron’s attempt at biscuits.”

Instead of moving away from him, I sat beside him.

“Do you think it’s unwise to leave?” I asked.

“Why do you believe these trackers won’t give up like the previous one?”

I looked at the trees. “It takes half a day or more to travel from Drisdall to your glade, depending on the number of beasts between here and there. These men appeared two days after we last saw the previous tracker. That they multiplied and arrived quickly shows urgency and determination, does it not? I feel both as well. Do you believe I will give up?”

“No,” he said.

“Precisely.”

“Then it’s wise to leave for supplies as you suggested. However, I do not trust the trackers not to attempt to take you again, regardless of their state.”

“They may, but their attempt would be significantly weaker due to their injuries. If you do not leave for supplies now, do you believe we have enough supplies to last until I learn how to help you?”

I could see the doubt in his gaze.

“I would prefer you remain as well, but I fear what troubles we may face if we delay,” I said.

A glint of something crept into Brandle’s gaze.

Before I could decipher it, Eadric said, “She’s worried we’ll be in danger when we leave.”

With a grin, Daemon pulled me to my feet. “Ah, Lamb. You do care!” He swirled me around in an energetic dance as the rest laughed.

Embracing his attempt to distract me from what I’d glimpsed in Brandle’s gaze, I asked, “You doubted me? Even after I only threw a book at Brandle instead of all the chairs?”

They all laughed as I’d hoped. I didn’t want any of them to leave believing I was angry. I wasn’t.

When Daemon finished spinning me around, he stopped by the table and pulled me onto his lap.

“If this doesn’t directly help me achieve our mutual goal, I respectfully ask that you stop taking liberties with my person.”

“Ah, Lamb, now I have no idea what to do. If I pushed you away, that would be a hint that this is not a direct help. Or if I keep you, it would be a hint that it is. And hints in any form are not allowed.”

He wrapped his arms around me and set his chin on my shoulder.

“Let me think of an option that does not give a hint,” he said. “Perhaps I should kiss you and then release you so it’s both and neither at the same time.”

He captured my chin with one hand and kissed me soundly before setting me on my feet.

“There. No hint given,” he said with a grin.

“You make me want to kick you in the shin,” I said without rancor.

“Will you bestow another kiss if I’m injured?”

“Unlikely,” I said. “But I can brew more tea after I request your brothers beat you.”

He held up his hands in surrender. “Truce, Lamb.”

I pivoted to walk away but crashed into Darian.

“He’s a scoundrel, to be sure,” Darian said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Come sit with me, Princess. I’ll vow to protect your virtue from his advances.”

He spun me around and tugged me onto his lap. I arched my brow at him.

“Do I look like a loose woman to you?”

“Never.”

“Then why do you continue to treat me as such after I’ve clearly stated my view on the liberties I’ve allowed?”

“Release her, Darian,” Garron warned.

Darian made a face.

“Princess, you wound me with your disregard.” As he spoke, he stood with me. “Can’t you see you’ve won a place in our hearts? Can we not win a place in yours?”

“Enough, Darian,” Edmund said sharply. “Leave her be.”

With a wounded look, Darian let go of my hand and retreated to his strung bed.

“I’ll be inside reading,” I said, returning to the cottage.

The sun was sinking low in the sky when I heard the sounds of their return.

“Kellen, come see what they’ve brought,” Garron said from the door.

I set the book aside and stood. Stiff from the hours I’d spent reading, I stretched. Garron quietly watched me, waiting for me to join him. When I did, I wrapped my arm through his.

“I forgot to ask if Brandle removed your stitches.”

“Not yet. He worries that it might be too soon even with the tea.”

“Do they itch?”

“Fiercely,” he admitted.

“They should be removed soon then."

The others waited around the table where they’d set everything. They’d procured more eggs, cream, sugar, honey, and a new water pitcher. Next to everything were two cloth-wrapped bundles.

“For you,” Eadric said.

I opened the smaller bundle and found two books.

“More books on magic,” Darian said. “They’re from a reputable source.”

When I reached for the second bundle, Liam stopped me.

"You can open that one later,” he said.

Trusting there was a reason he didn’t want me to open it, I left it alone.

“The stew should be done,” I said, turning my back on the cottage to stir what Garron and Edmund had made.

Brandle joined me, setting a hand on my shoulder and stealing the ladle.

“Did you learn anything interesting today? Edmund said you didn’t leave the cottage except to use the privy.”

“Everything I’m learning is interesting,” I said. “However, it’s not enough. Nothing has helped me understand how to better control what I can do.”

“You’ve barely begun. Give yourself time.”

“Time is something I have very little to spare.”

“Eadric told us what you said. That you cannot be happy until your sister is safe and free. Is she in danger, Kellen?”

I purposely did not think of Maeve when I nodded. My throat didn’t constrict.

“Is she being held against her will?”

Steadily, I met Brandle’s gaze and did not respond.

“I see.” He glanced at the trees. “The trackers were not sent by her, were they?”

“No. She would never send such men after me. She would give her life to keep me safe. When I left, she was the only remaining protection I had in this world, and I was hers.”

He nodded thoughtfully.

“If I asked who sent the trackers, would you be able to answer me?”

“No.”

“Will not or cannot?” Edmund asked.

“You’re on the right path. However, knowing won’t change what any of us must do. Guard yourselves well. I did not simply bring trouble to your doorstep. Trouble is too simple of a term. Misery. Devastation. Those are more apt. I truly hope that the help I give you makes up for what yet may come.”

Brandle’s hands gripped my arms, and he leaned in to kiss my cheek.

“It will be worth it. We have no doubt of that. Please don’t turn away from helping us in fear of hurting us.”

He knew my mind too well.

“I don’t believe I will be afforded that opportunity. If the seven of you aren’t able to stop me from leaving, the trackers and the beasties surely will.”