Chapter 6

CHAPTERSIX

Two weeks later, Henley sat in her CRV with Jasna in the back seat as they headed to The Refuge. This was Jasna’s first day at the retreat—and Henley was full of warnings.

“Don’t be a pest,” she told her daughter. “If someone is busy or looks like they don’t have time to answer your questions, leave them for another day.”

“I will, Mom.”

“And do your best to stay out of the way of the guests. We’ve talked about this, and while you’re not a crazy kid, some of them have been through things that make seeing children hard.”

“I know.”

“And make sure you do what you’re told,” Henley said.

“Enough, Mom. I’m not going to be a hoodlum running around with a can of spray paint and yelling at the top of my lungs. It’s going to be fine.”

Henley chuckled. She had no idea where Jasna got these things.

Another school year was done and her daughter was officially a middle schooler. Well, would be once school started again in the fall. She’d be going to Los Alamos Middle School as a seventh grader and Henley wasn’t prepared. Not at all.

She remembered middle school being hell when she was her daughter’s age. But then again, she’d still been dealing with the trauma of what happened to her mom, still unable to speak to anyone, and attempting to navigate the tricky hormonal waters of her pre-teens.

Henley was waiting for her daughter to enter the emotional seventh-grade-girl phase, but until then, she was still her sweet little girl. More interested in books and reading than in boys or her looks. Henley didn’t know if it would last, but she hoped so, at least for a little longer.

“Finn’s gonna be there, right?” Jasna asked.

Her daughter hadn’t seen him since the morning he’d come to their apartment to return Henley’s keys, but she’d asked about him every day. Wanting to know about Melba and the other animals and what was going on at The Refuge. When Henley informed her that she’d be spending a lot of her summer at the retreat, the girl had been overjoyed.

Now, Henley couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “Yes,” she told her daughter.

Everytime she thought about Finn, she smiled. She’d gone from almost never seeing the man, to having him around all the time. When she arrived, he made a point to come up to the lodge to say good morning. He sat in on most of her group sessions. He still didn’t participate, but he was there. Having his gaze locked on her was a little unnerving, but she couldn’t deny she liked his attention.

He’d invited her to hang out in the barn with him on the days she didn’t need to get back to Los Alamos right away to meet Jasna when she got out of school, and once they’d even gone on a short hike together. Henley had wanted to see Table Rock since she’d first started working at The Refuge, but between her work schedule and wanting to be there when Jasna got home from school, hadn’t really found the time. So when Finn had somewhat shyly asked if she wanted to go for a walk, she was all for it. And to her surprise, they hadn’t had any problems coming up with things to talk about.

If someone had told her a month ago that she’d not only be hiking through the woods with Finn Matlick, but that he’d be chattering away as if he didn’t have a care in the world, she would’ve said they were crazy.

And she couldn’t help but love that Finn was almost as excited about today as Jasna. Yesterday, he’d asked three times about her visit, making absolutely sure she wanted to hang out in the barn with him, rather than stay inside the lodge with Alaska.

His nervousness was endearing, and because he wanted to make such a good impression on her daughter, Henley was even more touched.

The truth of the matter was, even without them having done more than hold hands as they hiked through the woods, Finn was a better boyfriend than anyone Henley had ever gone out with. He was constantly checking on her, asking if she was hungry, or too hot or cold. He called briefly each night to ensure she’d arrived home safely after work. He asked about Jasna. He was protective, making sure nothing untoward happened in the group counseling sessions he attended. He brought her bottles of water before her sessions, and on the few occasions they’d eaten together, Finn ensured she had everything she needed before he relaxed enough to eat his own meal.

In short…so far, Henley hadn’t seen anything that would make her not want to see where their attraction could lead. Finn might be struggling with his demons, but even with his tendency to shy away from people, and his penchant for getting lost in his head more than most, he was still one of the best men she’d ever met.

“I’m so excited to meet the new calf!” Jasna said, practically bouncing in her seat. “And you’re sure Finn said I could actually name her?”

Henley smiled. “I’m sure.”

“That’s so cool! I’ve never named a cow before. I’m gonna have to watch her a while to make sure I pick a name that fits. And I can’t wait to see the kittens either!”

Henley grinned as they neared The Refuge. Jasna had been looking forward to this day ever since Henley explained she’d be going to work with her anytime she wasn’t at camp.

With Mike’s permission, they’d spend their mornings at the psychology clinic while Henley saw patients, then head off to The Refuge. Jasna wasn’t exactly a morning person, so the schedule should work out well. She could read and do other low-key activities in the morning while she hung out in the break room, occasionally visiting with Mike and the other psychologists, and in the afternoons, she would be well awake enough to enjoy more physical activities.

“Mom?” Jasna asked.

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“I love Mrs. Singleton, and I’m sorry that she got sick and moved…but this is gonna be the best summer ever!”

Henley chuckled. “I hope you think that after a few weeks and you don’t get bored.”

“Bored?” Jasna asked, her brows arching up comically. “No way! How could I be bored with all the animals, and learning the ropes of how everything works at The Refuge? When I told my friends what I was doing this summer, they were all totally jealous! Most of the popular girls are all googly-eyed over the hot owners—their words, not mine—but I think I’m more excited to get to spend so much time with Melba.”

Henley burst out laughing at that. Leave it to her kid to be more excited to hang out with a cow than people. Come to think of it, she and Finn had more in common than they probably realized.

“Well, just remember that Finn and the other guys like their privacy, as do the guests. So don’t be taking pictures of them without permission.”

Jasna rolled her eyes. “I won’t. Jeez. But I can take pictures of Melba and the other animals, right? And my cow I get to name?”

The smile on Henley’s face hadn’t faded. “Yes, I think that’s probably fine. But you should ask Finn first.”

“I will,” Jasna said happily.

As she pulled onto the road leading to the lodge, Henley realized she hadn’t been this relaxed in a very long time. Raising a kid on her own wasn’t easy. She constantly worried about Jasna, and grateful to Finn and his friends for allowing her to bring her daughter with her to work this summer. She just hoped their enthusiasm for having Jasna around wouldn’t wane as the weeks went by. While she was generally an easygoing kid, she had a tendency to ask a million questions. Not to mention she was a pre-teen. This wasn’t the easiest time in a child’s life.

As she parked the car, Henley opened her mouth to give Jasna one more warning about being polite and not getting in the way, but before she could say anything, her daughter had opened her door and was running toward the barn faster than Henley had seen her move in a long time.

After getting out of the car, Henley looked toward the barn and realized Finn was standing at the open doors. When he saw her looking in his direction, he gave a little wave, then turned and followed an excited Jasna into the barn.

She wanted to go down and join her daughter and Finn, but she had an individual session to get ready for. And later she was having another group session. Jasna was getting more and more independent and would be perfectly fine with Finn. So she took a deep breath and headed for the lodge.

Her cell made a pinging noise, notifying her of an incoming text message. She wasn’t sure who would be texting, since her most frequent texts came from her daughter, and she’d literally just dropped her off. Henley stopped and rummaged through her purse for the phone. A warm and fuzzy feeling filled her when she saw who the message was from.

Finn: Hey. Don’t worry about Jas, we’ll be fine. If I can pry her away from the calf, I’ll bring her up for some lunch after your first session

Finn: Sorry, hit enter too soon. By the way…you look nice today. The highlight of my day is seeing you arrive safe and sound.

Gah. This guy. Feeling as if she was on cloud nine, Henley headed into the lodge.

* * *

Tonka stood outside the stall where the new calf was resting and watched with a smile as Jasna babbled nonstop to the little animal. She’d been full of energy when she’d arrived, and it had been a long time since he’d seen anyone as excited as she’d been to work. She did everything he told her to, including muck out the goats’ stalls, without complaint.

Tonka had no doubt the chores would get old and the pre-teen would prefer to just do the fun stuff, like feed the kittens and hang out with the animals as she was doing now, but he wouldn’t care either way. And instead of feeling as if his domain had been invaded, it was nice to have someone there who seemed to love the animals as much as he did.

At the moment, Jasna was sitting in the straw with the calf’s head in her lap. She was muttering to herself, trying out different names. Tonka had been notified about the calf when he’d been in town a few days ago. A rancher had asked if he might be interested in taking her because the mom had died, and he had no time to take care of a newborn. If Tonka didn’t want her, he was going to sell her to the butcher.

Once he heard that, the decision was easy. The Refuge didn’t need another cow, but there was no way Tonka could let the calf be sold for meat. He hadn’t asked his friends if it was all right to bring in another animal, but to his relief, they didn’t mind. There would come a time when The Refuge couldn’t sustain any more rescued animals, especially since Tonka was the sole person responsible for their care, but for now, they were doing all right. There were other ranchers around the area who took in injured and neglected animals, and if needed, Tonka was fairly certain he could contact them and they’d agree to take in some of the rescues.

But for now, seeing Jasna bond with the calf made his heart swell. The girl had been too excited to stop for lunch, and Tonka hadn’t pushed. She’d eat and sleep well tonight, of that he had no doubt. He also hadn’t wanted to leave her alone in the barn, so Jasna not wanting to take a break meant Tonka hadn’t either.

Which further meant, he hadn’t gotten to see Henley. He’d sent a few texts, letting her know they wouldn’t be up for lunch and not to worry, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her in person.

“Scarlet Pimpernickel!” Jasna exclaimed softly from inside the stall.

Confused, Tonka looked down at her. “What?”

“Scarlet Pimpernickel,” she repeated. “That’s her name. Scarlet for short.”

Tonka chuckled. “Sounds good.”

Jasna beamed up at him.

“You okay here for a while?” Tonka asked. The need to see her mom was almost overwhelming. He felt more comfortable leaving Jasna alone for a short time, now that she’d been here for a few hours and everything wasn’t so new.

“Of course.”

“I’ll be back in a bit. If the goats come in wanting dinner, don’t give in. They know when they eat but they’ll do their best to sucker you into feeding them early. If you get bored, you can always go check on Chuck and his lady. Make sure they’ve got lots of peanuts and walnuts.”

Chuck was the squirrel he’d rescued. The poor thing was missing two feet and had nearly been starved to death. Of course Tonka had fed him, and now the little guy was pretty tame, living with his girlfriend in a squirrel condo Tonka had built for them behind the barn.

“Bored? Are you crazy?” Jasna asked with a completely befuddled look.

Tonka chuckled. “Right. If you need anything, I’ll be up at the lodge.”

The girl nodded, but her attention was already back on the calf, who looked perfectly content to lay right where she was for the rest of her life.

Giving the girl one last look, Tonka headed for the exit. With every step he took, butterflies swam in his belly. He felt as if he was thirteen and about to ask a girl out.

He waved at Carly, Jess, and Ryan, who were folding sheets in the maintenance building located next to one of the cabins. He was glad the new girl was working out, since there really was too much work for just two people. And it was even more of a relief that the three women were getting along. They worked hard taking care of the lodge, and getting the cabins cleaned and ready for new guests. The Refuge didn’t offer daily housecleaning during a guest’s stay. If they needed new towels or wanted a change of bedding or whatever, they could simply request it. But no cleaning during a visit sometimes meant a lot of work for the women after guests left.

With Alexis quitting, the cleaning of the lodge itself had been left to the guys, and they were all relieved when Ryan had been hired and took over that duty.

Looking around their vast property, Tonka smiled slightly, pride filling him. When Brick had invited him to invest and be a part of The Refuge, he’d accepted simply because he suspected if he didn’t…he wouldn’t be around much longer. Tonka had been struggling to get out of bed each day, and the sheer volume of work required to get the retreat up and running had taken his mind off the shit that had happened to him.

But now, as he walked toward the lodge, satisfaction settled deep. It hadn’t been easy to make The Refuge what it was today. But he and his friends had relentlessly made it one of the premier places in the country for people suffering from PTSD to get away from real life for a while. Because of their tenacity, and the hard work of the people who worked side-by-side with them day in and day out, they’d prospered.

He pushed open the door to the lodge and inhaled deeply. The smell of Robert’s delicious chocolate chip cookies permeated the entire building. Tonka’s belly growled. He’d had a quick bowl of oatmeal in his cabin before heading to the barn for his morning chores, and since he’d skipped lunch, he was definitely ready to eat something.

But more than food, Tonka needed to see Henley. Wanted to lay eyes on her and make sure she was good. He wasn’t sure why the need was always so strong, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to settle until he’d seen for himself that she was safe.

He peeked into the conference room she used for her sessions and saw her sitting in a chair in front of three of their guests. She was nodding at something one of them said. One of the many things Tonka liked about Henley was that when someone was talking, every ounce of her attention was on them. She never made anyone feel as if she was bored or in a hurry. She made them feel as if they were the most significant people in the world and what they were saying was important.

Tonka had seen a few different therapists right after everything had happened, but he hadn’t trusted any of them. One man had interrupted him mid-sentence and informed him their time was up and he could pick up where they’d left off next time. There hadn’t been a next time. Another woman was so frequently distracted by her cell phone sitting next to her on the desk, Tonka finally realized she hadn’t even been listening to him.

A third therapist had actually told him that he shouldn’t be taking what happened so hard, since no people had died.

Those were extreme examples. He knew that. Most psychologists and therapists weren’t so bad, were genuinely interested in helping their clients. But his experiences had soured him on the whole therapy thing, and after those three, he’d decided he was done.

And then Henley had arrived at The Refuge.

It had taken him months to join one of her group sessions, and even then it was only because he didn’t like how one of the guests had been acting, so he wanted to make sure Henley and the guests were safe as she conducted the session.

But as he’d sat in the room and listened to her talk, saw how concerned she was for her patients…how she empathized and truly listened…Tonka understood just how different she was from the therapists he’d been to in the past.

She didn’t offer platitudes. Didn’t tell anyone she understood when there was no way she could know what it felt like to have to shoot another human being in the head in order to survive. She was tough but nurturing at the same time. She gave the guests permission to be sad, angry, and even scared.

And she made herself vulnerable. Opened herself up by sharing her own traumatic experiences, again and again.

In short, if Tonka’d had a therapist like her right after his own life had blown up in his face, maybe he wouldn’t be so messed up today.

He forced himself back to the present and watched Henley through the window in the door for another ten seconds or so, enough time to ensure all was well, before turning and heading for the kitchen.

By the time he’d made himself a roast beef sandwich, eaten some leftover green beans from lunch, scarfed three of Robert’s cookies, then wandered back out to the lobby of the lodge, Henley’s session had ended.

She was just saying goodbye to one of the guests when she saw him. The way her eyes lit up and she smiled made Tonka feel ten feet tall.

“Hey,” he said as he walked toward her.

“Hi,” she returned. “You don’t seem too battered and bruised after spending a few hours with Jasna.”

He chuckled. “She’s actually been a huge help. And she and Scarlet Pimpernickel have really bonded.”

“Who?” Henley asked with a laugh.

“That’s what she named the calf.”

“Oh, jeez. I’m sorry. Don’t feel as if you have to keep that name,” Henley said with an adorable wrinkle of her nose.

“I wouldn’t dream of changing it. She thought about it long and hard, all afternoon. We’ll call her Scarlet. I like it,” Tonka said. “And,” he added, lowering his voice, “I have to admit that thinking up names is definitely not my forte, so she did me a favor. You wouldn’t believe how much crap I got about Melba’s name.”

Henley laughed. “You thought that up?”

“Uh-huh. Thought it was awesome until the rest of the guys tried to veto it. I didn’t care, really, but it was the principle of the thing. I had to stick to my guns. And I know without a doubt none of the guys will give your daughter crap for the name she decided on. Win-win for me.”

“Well, I appreciate it. She’s been looking forward to today for two weeks.”

“Did you get lunch?” Tonka asked, changing the subject.

“I did. I don’t know what Robert and Luna did to those green beans, but I’m not usually a fan and I had two helpings.”

Tonka was constantly amazed at the joy this woman found in the simplest things. He’d struggled for years just to get out of bed, and she was extolling the virtues of green beans. This was why he’d been drawn to her almost since they’d met. And why he couldn’t stay away from her now.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Henley asked, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear self-consciously.

“You’re amazing,” he blurted.

A blush turned her cheeks pink, making her even prettier in his eyes.

“You are,” he insisted. “You’ve raised a wonderful daughter by yourself. You’re an incredible therapist. And when I’m around you, I remember what it’s like to laugh and be happy.”

Stepping into his personal space, Henley put her hand on his chest. “There’s a guy who writes parenting books I really like. I’m not going to get this quote exactly right, but hopefully it’ll be close enough. He said that life is awesome. Then it’s awful. Then it’s great again. Between the awesome and the awful, it’s ordinary and boring. We should enjoy the awesome, hold on through the awful, relax and breathe through the ordinary, and rejoice when it’s great again.

“I’ve been through the awesome, and the horrible, and the ordinary. What I know is that I wouldn’t give up the great to make the horrible disappear. We’re shaped by the things we go through…and I’d go through everything I’ve experienced all over again if it meant I’d be where I am today. With a daughter who gives me a purpose, a job I love, and the friends I’ve made here at The Refuge.”

Tonka couldn’t stop himself from wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her against him. “I’m going to kiss you,” he informed her gruffly.

“It’s about time,” she said with a smile as she linked her fingers together at the small of his back.

A part of Tonka had been waiting for her to tell him it was too soon, or that she wasn’t comfortable with moving their relationship to that level yet, but at her words, pressure in his chest that he wasn’t even aware was there melted.

Moving slowly, determined to draw this moment out, Tonka lowered his head. His fingers pressed slightly into her back as he held her close. She went up on her tiptoes and lifted her chin.

His lips brushed against hers once. Twice. And on the third pass, he nibbled on her lower lip. Henley let out a small moan and leaned against him fully, giving him her body weight as she opened for him.

Tonka didn’t hesitate, sweeping his tongue inside her eager mouth. She tasted of wintergreen, the mints she liked to suck on. He’d kissed his fair share of women in his life, but nothing affected him like kissing Henley. If pressed, he wouldn’t be able to explain what it was about this kiss, about her, that was so different. It just was.

She didn’t passively let him kiss her. She gave as good as she got. Their heads moved from side to side slowly as they learned each other’s taste, what made each of them moan.

When he finally pulled back, Tonka felt as if his entire life had changed in the few minutes they’d been kissing. He stared down at her, at a loss for words.

“Wow,” she said after a moment, licking her lips.

“Yeah, wow,” Tonka repeated in a semi-daze.

Someone cleared their throat behind them, and Tonka moved without thought, spinning and pushing Henley behind him.

At seeing Alaska and Brick standing there, he relaxed.

Alaska giggled. “Sorry, we didn’t mean to, um…interrupt, but I wanted to know if Henley might be interested in staying the night Saturday. We had a cancelation, and I thought it would be fun if Jasna and Henley got to participate in the bonfire we’re planning.”

Tonka turned to look at Henley, whose eyes were wide as she glanced back.

“Is that okay?” she asked. “I mean, it wouldn’t be an imposition? I wouldn’t want to put extra work on Carly, Jess, or Ryan.”

“It’s not a problem at all,” Brick answered before Tonka could. “I’ve been thinking for a while about letting our employees stay in the empty cabins when they’re available. As both a thank you, and as a way to try to instill more pride in what we’re doing up here. We all know how much the land heals us, and I figure it would be the same for just about anyone. You’re more than welcome to stay. I should warn you though. While Al said we’re having a bonfire, in reality, it’s just a normal-sized campfire. We don’t want to light anything too big and risk it getting out of control,” he finished with a grin.

“I can’t remember the last time I sat around a fire and relaxed,” Henley said.

“There will be marshmallows too. Can’t have a fire without s’mores!” Alaska told her. “Please say yes. As much as I adore Drake and his friends, I’d love to hang out with a woman.”

“I’d like that too,” Henley said with a shy smile.

“Yay! Now…you two go back to what you were doing when we interrupted,” Alaska said with a sly grin. “Just pretend we were never here. Although you should know, I saw a group of guests headed this way. I think they just got done with a hike and are probably looking for a snack.”

Brick gave Tonka a chin lift as he led Alaska back toward the front door.

Hoping Henley wasn’t embarrassed about being caught kissing, he turned back to her. He didn’t see any discomfort on her face. Instead, she was smiling up at him. Her lips were a little plumper than they’d been before, and Tonka couldn’t help but feel possessive about how they’d gotten that way.

“You okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked with a small tilt of her head.

“I didn’t really mean to do that here. Where someone could see us.”

“I’m not embarrassed to be with you, Finn. It’s probably no shock to Alaska or the rest of the guys that I’m attracted to you, and have been for a while. You’re all super observant. And I have to say…that kiss?”

When she didn’t continue, Tonka prompted, “Yeah?”

“Anytime you want to kiss me like that, no matter where we are or who’s around, feel free. Okay, maybe not around Jasna just yet. She probably needs to get a little more used to the fact that her mom is dating.”

Tonka had no idea how he’d gotten so lucky. This woman was made for him. He knew it down to his bones. He just hoped he was worthy enough to deserve her.

“Speaking of which, I should probably go and check on her,” he said after a moment, doing his best to control his urge to pull Henley back into his arms and continue kissing her. “Not that I think anything is wrong, but you know, it’s her first day.”

“Care for some company?” Henley asked.

“Your company, yes,” he reassured her.

But before they could sneak out a side door, the lodge was suddenly full of half a dozen guests, and when they saw Tonka, they decided seeing the new calf was more important than getting a snack.

Tonka did his best not to resent their intrusion on his time with Henley, instead reassuring himself that he’d have plenty of time to spend with her in the future. She was going to be around all summer, and she’d be there that weekend as well. He’d have a chance to hang out with her all night, not just in the stolen moments they found between work.