Chapter 13

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

“I’m so sorry!” Alaska said mournfully when Cora walked into the lodge later that evening.

Cora frowned at the angst in the woman’s voice. She didn’t like it. Not at all.

She’d actually been able to relax with Pipe earlier. They’d done just what he’d suggested…gone back to his cabin and sat on the rooftop deck, eating sandwiches he’d made and talking about Lara. Eventually, that conversation had morphed into talking about herself. What she liked to do in her free time, her job at the preschool, the best dive restaurants in DC.

They’d sat in the comfortable chairs, but Pipe had moved the table that sat between them and pulled his chair right next to hers. After they’d eaten, he’d held her hand, and Cora swore she could still feel the weight of his thumb moving over the back of her hand even now. It wasn’t until they’d stood up to head back down the stairs that Pipe had taken her into his arms and kissed her. It had been a tender kiss, one that made Cora long for more.

By dinnertime, she’d been looking forward to heading up to the lodge for the taco bar Robert was putting together for the guests and staff. It was hard to believe how…nice everyone was. In her experience, she never really fit in with groups of people, and women rarely seemed interested in getting to know her.

But Alaska, Henley, Ryan, and Reese, along with the others she’d met so far, were the opposite. They seemed happy to get to know her. In some ways, Cora felt as if she was in an alternate dimension. Like any moment the bubble would burst and everyone would see the “real” Cora and turn up their noses at her.

As soon as she’d walked into the lodge, Alaska had made a beeline for her and immediately apologized.

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Cora told her.

“I do! I shouldn’t have ignored your emails and your phone message.”

“It’s okay.”

“In my defense, we get several emails a week from people who want to hire the guys. And they don’t do that. I mean, they could, because they’re damn good at it. I should know. But I’ve never even thought about showing any of the emails to Drake because it wasn’t something the men were considering. I just skim them quickly and delete.” She looked miserable at that admission. “But if I’d taken the time to read your emails more carefully, maybe I would’ve mentioned it to Drake and the others.”

“I get it, I do,” Cora told her, hating that Alaska seemed so upset.

“I talked to Drake about it, and while it doesn’t help your situation, we agreed that I’d put any emails of that kind, from people wanting to hire the guys because of their backgrounds, in a separate folder, and Drake or someone else would review them and decide how to proceed.”

“Are you…Never mind,” Cora said, changing her mind about asking the question that was on the tip of her tongue.

“Am I what?” Alaska asked.

Cora sighed. “Are you okay with that? I mean, having your boyfriend—ugh, that word doesn’t seem to fit Brick at all—doing something potentially dangerous to help someone else?”

The two women were standing alone in a corner of the great room. Pipe was talking with Owl and Stone off to one side, the guests were laughing and mingling, and Henley, Jasna, and Reese were going through the line at the buffet.

“Honestly? Yes,” Alaska said. “Drake and his friends were excellent at their previous jobs. I experienced it first-hand when they rescued me. Will I worry about him? Absolutely. But the thought of someone else out there desperately needing the kind of help I did, and not getting it, would haunt me. I don’t know how this is going to work. I mean, the logistics of it all. But we’ll see what happens. If it’s not something they ultimately want to do, they have some friends they can refer people to, or they can ask Tex for recommendations.

“And as for Drake being my boyfriend…” Alaska smiled and glanced across the room, at the man in question. “I think I’m ready for him to be my husband.”

Cora’s eyes widened. “Wow, cool.”

“Yeah. I mean, we’re already engaged, and I know he wants to get married, but I’ve been putting it off. I think it’s because I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? For Drake to come to his senses and realize that I’m the same dork I was back when we knew each other in high school. But I swear with every day that goes by, we get closer. I can’t imagine not living the rest of my life with him.”

“That’s awesome,” Cora said with a huge smile. She was truly happy for the woman.

“I think so too. And I suspect Tonka and Henley are thinking about a civil ceremony, though I know Jasna wants to throw a huge thing, with all the animals involved, and have it in the barn.” The women laughed. “I don’t think Tonka is all that thrilled about it, but he’ll do whatever makes his girls happy. I don’t think The Refuge will become wedding-central, because that’s not what this place was created for, but knowing my best friends started their married lives here makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.”

Cora smiled. “The whole vibe of this place is very serene and laid-back.”

“It is,” Alaska agreed. “Come on, my stomach is yelling at me. Robert’s tacos are the absolute best. But then, everything he makes is awesome.”

Alaska dragged Cora over to the end of the line, and while they were waiting for their turn to pile their plates high, Pipe, Owl, and Stone joined them.

“You two plotting world domination?” Pipe teased, wrapping an arm around her waist and crowding her from behind.

Cora tilted her head back and smiled at him. “Of course,” she retorted.

“Did Brick tell you about the self-defense lessons we want to start?” Owl asked Alaska. “Pipe said he’d lead them, and Stone and I are gonna attend each and every one.”

“Yes!” Alaska said, her eyes widening in excitement. “I think it’s such a good idea. I’ve already looked at the schedule to see where we can fit them in. I think in the afternoons, after lunch, but not right after, so everyone’s food has time to settle. In the summer, it’ll be good for the people who might not want to go hiking in the heat, and in the winter, it’ll give the guests one more option for something to do indoors. Oh, and I’ve talked to Ryan, Jess, Luna, Savannah, and Carly, and they’re all excited about them too.” She made a karate chop move and grinned up at Pipe.

He chuckled, and Cora felt the rumble against her back. Once again, a burst of desire shot through her body. It was such a foreign feeling. This wasn’t like her, but she didn’t hate it. How could she when it was because of Pipe?

“Easy there, ninja warrior,” he told Alaska.

She giggled and turned back to the buffet line to grab a plate.

“You good?” Pipe asked. He’d leaned down and whispered into her ear, making Cora shudder as his warm breath tickled her skin.

“Yeah.” She looked up at Pipe. “She doesn’t hate me,” she whispered.

“Of course she doesn’t,” he said, his brows furrowing.

“You don’t understand. Other women don’t usually get along with me.”

“That’s because they sense that shield you carry around, keeping them at arm’s length,” Pipe said matter-of-factly. “But Alaska doesn’t care. Neither do any of the others here. Probably because they used to have similar shields and they recognize a kindred spirit.”

Cora blinked at him. Was he right? Did she have trouble making friends because of some sort of vibe she was putting off?

“Your turn, love. Grab a plate.”

Turning, Cora saw there was a large gap in the line between her and Alaska. She felt a little dazed as she picked up a plate.

Pipe stepped even closer, tightening the arm around her waist. “This place’ll heal you…if you let it,” he told her. He kissed her temple and straightened.

Her skin tingled where his lips had touched her. She had a feeling he was right. She’d felt at home here from the second she’d arrived. Granted, she hadn’t been here all that long, but with every minute that went by, she felt more…normal. Not that she really knew what normal was.

She’d spent her life being rejected by everyone. Her own mother and father, countless foster families, bosses at the many jobs she’d had over the years, men and women she’d met along the way…but from the second she’d looked up and made eye contact with Pipe while he’d been on that stage during the auction, she’d felt a shift. In herself? In time? In the universe? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she’d felt more comfortable in her own skin from the minute she first spoke to Pipe.

Because she was busy frantically trying to blink away her tears, Cora piled food on her plate blindly. It didn’t matter what she grabbed; everything smelled and looked delicious. When she sat at a table next to Henley, who greeted her as enthusiastically as if she hadn’t seen her in months, rather than a few hours, Cora realized with a sudden flash of insight that everything she’d been searching for her entire life was right here.

In the middle of nowhere, New Mexico. In this homey, peaceful setting that Cora never in a million years thought she’d enjoy. She was a city girl, had lived there all her life, but sitting on Pipe’s rooftop, smelling the crisp winter air, seeing how everyone at the lodge interacted with respect for each other…a longing hit her, deep and visceral.

She wanted this.

Wanted to belong to a group of people like this.

No. She wanted to belong to this group of people.

But she was essentially a stranger. And there was a good chance, because of her, that Pipe, Owl, and Stone could be in danger when they went to Arizona.

Cora clenched her teeth together. Hard.

She couldn’t let that happen.

She wanted their help, yes. But not at the risk of anyone getting hurt or in trouble. She couldn’t do that to these people who’d accepted her so willingly. Couldn’t do anything that might cause their loved ones grief or despair.

She made a mental vow that if Ridge called the police, or if something crazy happened, she’d do whatever was necessary for the men of The Refuge to stay clear of trouble. Spike had joked about everyone being arrested for breaking and entering, but if push came to shove, she’d do what needed to be done without involving them.

“What’s that thought?” Pipe asked as he sat.

“Nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing to me,” he muttered.

“I just…I appreciate all you guys are doing to help Lara. When I started researching The Refuge, I never expected all of this,” Cora said, helplessly gesturing around the room, trying to encompass everything she was feeling.

Pipe studied her for a long, intense moment. Finally, he said, “Eat.”

Cora blinked, then chuckled.

“What?” he asked.

“I just thought you were going to say something profound.”

He smiled. “Something like how you find the people you’re meant to find, when you’re meant to find them? When you need them the most?”

Cora stared at him. “Yeah. Just like that.”

Pipe nudged her elbow. “Eat, Cora. Tomorrow’s going to be stressful.”

“And eating will make it less stressful?” she asked dryly.

“No. But it’ll give you the fuel you need to push through it. To do what needs to be done. To be there for Lara, to be strong. And…Robert’s tacos are the best.”

This man. Cora truly enjoyed being around him. Which was quite the revelation, because there had only ever been one other person she actually liked spending time with—Lara.

But now, she found she was looking forward to hearing what Henley had done all day. And how school was for Jasna. And what the goats might’ve eaten today that they shouldn’t have. And how Chuck was doing.

There was so much she wanted to know…small, everyday things…and suddenly it felt as if she didn’t have enough time to learn it all.

“Hey, Cora, is the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in DC as cool as it looks in pictures?” Jasna asked.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Henley scolded her daughter.

“Sorry,” she said with a smile, running an arm across her lips. “But is it? I’ve seen pictures of all the monuments and stuff there and it all looks so neat!”

“It is neat, but you know what my favorite place is?” Cora asked the girl.

“What?”

“Arlington National Cemetery. It’s solemn, and sad, but so beautiful at the same time. One thing everyone should see in their lifetime is the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I cried the first time I watched it.”

Jasna’s head tilted. “Really?”

“Really,” she said with a nod.

“Do you think I can find a video of it online?” Jasna asked her mom.

“I’m sure you can…after dinner,” Henley said sternly.

“Okay,” Jasna agreed readily, then turned her attention back to her plate.

As Cora ate the most delicious tacos she’d ever had in her life—the others were right; Robert must put some sort of drug in the meat to make them so addictive, just like he did with the cookies—she found herself fully participating in the conversations going on around her. That usually didn’t happen. She either stayed silent, not knowing what to contribute, or she was ignored.

She got to meet Luna, Robert’s daughter, who came out to help him when she could. A student at the college in Los Alamos, Luna was beautiful, with long brown hair and intelligent brown eyes. She was also just as welcoming as everyone else had been.

All too soon, it was time to head back to Pipe’s cabin. Almost reluctantly, Cora said goodbye to everyone. She hated that this might be the last time she saw them. Which was yet another revelation.

“Be careful,” Alaska said as she hugged Cora.

“I will.”

“I hope you find your friend,” sweet Jasna said, before running out the door, presumably to surf the Internet for videos of the changing of the guard.

“Don’t underestimate this guy,” Henley said with a small frown. “I don’t know everything about what’s happening, but if someone kidnapped your friend, he had to have done so for a pretty big reason. And he’s not going to want to admit it…or let her go.”

“I know,” Cora said. And she did. She’d already come to that conclusion, even before she’d heard about him using Lara’s credit cards at a strip club.

“Bring her back here,” Reese said when she hugged Cora. “Before you go back home, I mean.”

Cora wasn’t sure what to say to that. First, she was more pleased than she could put into words that Reese seemed to have no doubts that they’d find Lara and be able to get her away from Ridge. And she wanted to come back here, more than anything. But there was still the issue of the cabins being booked for months, and she didn’t know what Lara would want. “We’ll see,” she ended up saying.

Reese nodded, then stepped back.

Ryan approached her next, giving her a long, tight hug. In the process, she whispered in her ear, “Stay smart. Guys like the one who took your friend aren’t as smart as they think they are. They always screw up. Wait until the moment he does just that and take advantage of it.”

Cora nodded when Ryan pulled back. She stared into her eyes for a few seconds, and in that moment, Cora suspected Ryan hid a lot from the world. She saw the same shields in the other woman that Cora herself employed. But the moment quickly disappeared when Ryan smirked. “And if this rich asshole has a helicopter or something sitting around, Owl and Stone can fly that baby…I think you should steal it, just like he stole your friend.”

Everyone around them laughed, but Cora simply smiled. There had been…something…in Ryan’s expression that made her think she wasn’t exactly kidding. She wondered if she had knowledge the other women didn’t, if she’d overheard something else the guys had discussed. But she didn’t have time to ask any questions because suddenly Robert was there.

He hugged her and told her that he’d have a batch of cookies waiting in the morning for her to take with them. She said her goodbyes to Jess, Carly, and Jason, two of the housekeepers and the maintenance man, respectively. Then she was getting chin lifts from Pipe’s friends, with promises to see them bright and early in the morning, before she was being whisked out the door toward Pipe’s cabin.

They were quiet as they walked, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Pipe unlocked his door and held it open for her. He immediately locked it behind them and said, “I’m thinking we should forgo the roof deck tonight. We have to get up early. If you need anything, just let me know.”

Cora nodded and immediately headed for the guest room, where she’d stayed the night before. She needed some time and space to think. It felt as if her entire world had been turned upside down in the last two days, everything she thought she knew upended. She’d always thought she was weird, too strange for people to feel comfortable around. That she had some sort of neon sign that only others could see, announcing to the world that she wasn’t worthy. That since she’d been rejected by everyone who should’ve loved and cared about her, she shouldn’t even bother letting others get close.

But being at The Refuge for just two days had changed her fundamentally. Most people would roll their eyes and say she was being ridiculous. That there was no way visiting a place could change her feelings about the world so quickly. But they’d be wrong.

Pipe and his friends had proven to her that maybe, just maybe, she was worthy of having friends. That rejection by those in her past wasn’t about her, but more about them. The epiphany was unsettling. Especially now that Cora realized a lot of her issues with making friends were because of her attitude. Because she expected people not to like her.

She used the restroom, brushed her teeth, and changed into an oversized T-shirt before crawling under the covers of the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, Cora wondered for the first time in a few hours what Lara was doing right that moment. Was she hurting? Was she okay? Maybe she had gone to Arizona with Ridge of her own free will…but did she know about him spending her money? About the strip club?

She had too many questions and no answers, but thanks to Pipe and his friends, hopefully she’d get those answers soon enough.

Closing her eyes, Cora let out a long breath. She needed to get some rest so she’d be able to outsmart Ridge tomorrow. It took a while, but she finally fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

“No!”

Pipe jerked awake and was on his feet before he’d even registered Cora’s panicked exclamation. He’d left his bedroom door open, just in case, and was glad he did. He moved silently down the hall, on alert for any dangers that might be lurking in the dark. He got to the door of the guest room without incident, only to hear Cora cry out once more.

“I’ll be good! Please let me stay!”

His heart broke at her plea. From the outside looking in, she seemed confident and brash. But from what she’d said about wanting a family of her own, and after hearing what she’d been through as a child in the foster care system, it was obvious she was still struggling with her past.

Pipe clicked on the hall light and opened the guest room door. In the light from the hall, he could see Cora tossing and turning on the double bed. He immediately went to her side, his only thought to calm her.

“Cora,” he said in a low tone, so as not to startle her. “Wake up.”

His words didn’t seem to penetrate through her nightmare.

“I promise I won’t cause any trouble. Don’t send me back!”

Pipe’s heart couldn’t take another moment. He sat on the edge of the mattress and put his hands on her shoulders, gently shaking her as he tried to wake her again. “Cora, love, wake up. You’re okay, you’re having a nightmare.”

In response, her eyes popped open and she stared at him blankly for a moment…before she took a huge shuddering breath that turned into a sob.

Pipe reclined next to her and pulled her into his embrace. If he’d thought about it, he might not have acted so boldly. But he was too desperate to soothe her. “Shhhh,” he murmured as he felt her curl into his chest. “You’re okay. It was only a dream. You’re safe.”

His hands smoothed up and down her back as he held her against his bare chest. He just now realized that he’d come to her wearing only a pair of boxers. He usually slept naked, but in deference to her being in his house, he’d put on underwear. Cora didn’t seem to notice or care what he was or wasn’t wearing. She shoved her nose into his chest and he could feel her trembling against him.

“It wasn’t a dream,” she said after she got her breathing under control. “It was a memory. One of many. I’d get to a new home, let down my guard, and then find out they were sending me back. I was too old, too quiet, too loud, too stupid, too slow, too ugly…” She sighed. “In the end, the reasons didn’t matter. I was like a stray dog they’d taken in, only to realize I was more trouble than they’d bargained for.”

Pipe hated the despair he heard in her voice. “That’s on them,” he said a little too harshly, but unable to tone it down. “You did nothing wrong.”

She didn’t reply, just seemed to try to get even closer.

Pipe realized with sudden clarity that she probably hadn’t had a lot of physical affection in her life. Being in the foster system most likely meant few hugs growing up. He tightened his arms around her. Well, that was done, starting now. He would make sure this woman knew she was worthy of love. Of being loved. Of being touched in an affectionate way. He’d never been a demonstrative guy, but for Cora? He could change.

They lay like that, Cora plastered against his chest, for a long time. Pipe thought she’d fallen asleep, and he loosened his hold on her, intending to go back to his room. But as soon as he tried to slip away, she whimpered and grabbed for him.

“Stay?” she whispered, as soon as his arms were around her once more.

“Are you sure?”

In response, Cora nodded against him. “I’ll probably be embarrassed as hell tomorrow, but I…Will you stay? It’s not an invitation for…you know. I just…you feel so good. Safe.”

Pipe forced his anger down. He hated that she had to spell out that she didn’t want him to stay for sex. Of course she didn’t. She’d had a bad dream and was feeling off-kilter. He wasn’t the kind of man who would ever take advantage of that. “No need to be embarrassed,” he told her. “I’ve never been as comfortable as I am right now, love.”

Neither of them said anything else. Pipe didn’t feel the need for words. He was content to hold the woman in his arms and be her shelter from the storm of memories that were doing their best to overwhelm her.

She fell asleep a few minutes after he’d promised to stay, and Pipe lay awake holding her, his mind going a million miles an hour.

He’d heard the saying, “Be kind. Everyone you meet is going through a battle you know nothing about,” many times, but tonight was the first time he truly understood it. From the outside, Cora looked like she had things together. She had a job, a best friend, and gave off vibes that said she was tough and content, if not happy. But deep down, she was struggling. Just like he was some days.

For the most part, Pipe was satisfied with his life. But he still held resentment for what had happened on that last mission. For feeling as if he had no choice but to move to a different country and join forces with men he didn’t know in order to survive.

Those men had become his best friends. The Refuge was as much a part of him as being an SAS soldier had been. And yet, there were days he didn’t want to do a damn thing but sit on his rooftop and be bitter about his past.

Cora had been through much worse, and at such a tender age. When she should’ve been worrying about boys, or makeup, or test scores, she’d had to think about where she’d be sleeping night after night. Wondering if an adult entrusted with her care might try to abuse her in the worst way. And the emotional toll of all that trauma was clear. Here she was, almost forty, and she still had nightmares about her childhood.

Pipe rested his chin on the top of her head and closed his eyes. He wished he could go back in time and make things right for her, but of course that was impossible. What he could do was make sure that the one person in the world she knew without a doubt loved her exactly how she was, Lara, was all right.

After that? He’d work hard to prove that she was loved by others. That she had friends and support. That just because others had turned their backs on her, didn’t mean he would.

He should’ve been way more panicked at the direction his mind was going, but instead, Pipe felt only peace.

He’d already decided that if she was receptive to the idea, he’d happily move to Washington, DC, to see where things between them might go.

But lying there with Cora in his arms…he changed his mind.

Instead of immediately offering to move across the country, he’d first try his best to convince her to stay here. In New Mexico. At The Refuge. Brick, Spike, and Tonka’s women had done the same thing, and they were deliriously happy.

Cora loved The Refuge, that wasn’t hard to see, even after the short time she’d been there. She fit here. It was a place of peace and healing, which she needed. And going back to DC, where people like Eleanor and others couldn’t see the amazing person Cora was, felt completely wrong.

There were preschools in Los Alamos where she could work…and hadn’t they all talked about opening up The Refuge to people with children? Maybe she could be in charge of a childcare center right there on the property.

The more he thought about it, the more Pipe loved the idea. Of course, just because he liked it didn’t mean Cora would. Too many people in her life had said the right words, but when push came to shove, they’d turned their backs on her. He’d have to show her without words that he was serious about what was developing between them.

And he’d start doing that by finding Lara and reuniting the best friends. Afterward? He’d have to take things one day at a time. But he knew something for certain…even though he’d drawn the short straw and hadn’t wanted to go, attending that auction was the best thing that he’d ever done in his life. It had led him straight to Cora.