28. Derek

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Derek

" I still don't know how I got stuck going back home with you." I groan as Janie grins from her seat.

"Because Indy has had enough time with you. It's time for your OG tiny terror to get some lovin'." She says in baby talk while squishing my cheeks.

"I'm still mad at you," I grumble, though it has zero effect. Janie cried when she woke up last week and saw me awake. And because I break out in hives when she does that, I told her I would go back to Hel's. Not that I really planned on leaving there permanently. I was in the hospital three more days before I could break out. And then Indy and my mama made me stay home for another three days. That's all I had in me, though. I promised I would come to visit again, and we were off. Janie and me, because Fox and Indy took a flight home two days ago after I may or may not have lost my shit.

Indy was hurting something fierce. I could see it, and she was refusing to stop. I got the girl to lie with me for a nap, and I'm still not sure what I confessed while under the influence. Alright, I know exactly what I said, but I'm not acknowledging it to anyone. After the nap, she was up moving around, cleaning, and taking care of my mama, my brothers, and me. I begged her to stop, but she wouldn't fucking listen. So, when I found her sobbing in the bathroom because she was in pain, I lost my shit, and I lost it on her. I started raising my voice, and it took all of four seconds for my brothers to jump in on behalf of Indy, since she's a fucking saint, saved my fucking life and makes them baked goods. Meanwhile, I'm the dickhead unappreciative bastard spewing hatred.

Looking over at Janie, I see her deep blue eyes staring at me, like really fucking hard. "What're you doing?"

"You're definitely an autumn," she states, nodding in satisfaction.

"No? My birthday is—"

"I know your birthday, jeez. Your undertones, for sure, you're an autumn. Indy is a winter. No surprise there; the girl's basically a snow princess." Did I miss part of this conversation?

"Are you talking to me? Or is this one of those times where you had half the conversation in your head?" She rolls her eyes at my question.

"Duh, I'm obviously talking about you. I'm trying to think of your wedding colors."

"Wedding!?" I bark out, causing her to flinch.

"Would you keep it down? My god, you'll bust your stitches screaming like that."

"I ain't marrying anyone," I state firmly, suddenly feeling sweaty.

"I know." Janie shrugs as she flips through wedding pictures on her phone.

"Then stop looking!" I panic. "And get those delusions out of that girl's head while you're at it."

"They aren't in her head," Janie states, seemingly uninterested in the conversation she started. Why is Fox so in love with her? Wait…

"They aren't in her head? Then why are you looking?" Janie shrugs.

"You'll never be with anyone after your ex. Indy will never be with anyone because she feels like a burden. But you two are gorgeous and would look gorgeous all dressed up, so I'm envisioning it in my head." I shift uncomfortably, not sure which way to go with this conversation.

"Indy isn't a burden," I admit softly.

"I know that," Janie reassures me. "And I know you like her but don't want to." I look away, not wanting to give her an answer.

"I'm fluent in broody alpha man body language. Nice try." She winks at me, and I groan.

"Why must you be such a pain in the ass?"

"That's what she said." I let out a light chuckle at her remark before letting out an irritated sigh.

"She's young and bright. She's such a good person, and I have a shit storm of baggage."

"You don't want to be a burden?" I glare at Janie, who has a grin on her face that reminds me of Atlas.

"You're at Hel's too much," I mutter. "Their stink is rubbing off on you."

I groan as Janie tries to help me out of the back of the Uber. "You are too tiny."

"Shut up," she mutters as I right myself. "Are you okay to go in?"

I look at my quiet house before nodding. "Yeah, thanks, Mama J." I give her a slight side hug, and she laughs.

"I know that just about killed you. Just know, I will treasure this hug forever." I groan as I wave her off while shuffling painfully up to my front door. Sticking my keys into the lock, I open the door to find Indy sleeping on my futon, wrapped around my pillow.

"What the?" I shut the door and watch the girl pop up, and I can't help but chuckle. She has drool down the side of her chin, and her hair is matted, tangled, and sticking out every which way.

"Oh," her sweet, groggy voice squeaks out as she yawns. "I thought you would be home this weekend. I haven't finished everything."

"Finished what?" I ask tentatively while looking around the room. It smells like she's been using my cleaner. Could that be what she's talking about?

"Your bed won't be here until tomorrow." My bed?

"Darlin', you're on my bed." Indy shakes her head while rubbing the heel of her palm into her sleepy eye.

"I bought you a bed. you can't lay on this while trying to heal." My face falls.

"Why would you do that?" I ask while rubbing my chest. Indy furrows her brows, confusion painting her innocent face.

"Because you need a proper bed–"

"That futon has done just fine for me. I don't need a bed. Cancel the order." I state as I limp into the kitchen.

"I can't cancel it. It'll be here tomorrow." She huffs, following me as I grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Then let me know the total, and I'll reimburse you and tell them to leave it on the curb." Hurt flashes through her eyes, and I wince. "Indy, I'm sorry."

"Just stop." Her voice sounds detached, and it takes me by surprise. She lets out a cold chuckle. "You know what? Fine Derek. This is it."

"What is it?" I ask cautiously.

"You want to be alone, fine, be alone. I'm a nice person. I'm a good person, and I care about you. I want to make you feel happy and loved, but you slap me down at every turn."

"I didn't ask you to do this, any of it," I say through gritted teeth.

"No shit! That's the damn point! That's what you do for the people you care about!"

"I don't want you to care about me!" I bark, slamming the bottle on the counter. "Goddamn it! What's wrong with you people? I don't want this!" I can barely hear myself talk over the deafening pulse in my ears. I can't do this anymore. It's too much. She's too good; if I don't get her away, she will end me.

"That's not what you told me before," she whispers softly. "I thought—"

"What? That you save my life, nurse me back to health, and I'm going to propose?" I snap out before running my hand over my face.

"When I was your age, I was happy and a na?ve fucking idiot. Got married to my high school sweetheart and came home after work one night, my birthday actually, and found my best fucking friend balls fucking deep inside her on our dinner table." I watch her wince, but I don't stop. It's time to get it all out so she understands why I need her to get the fuck out.

"My wife and best fucking friend had been having an affair behind my back for years. She said I wasn't enough. That I didn't show her I cared." Licking my lips, I take a breath and look up at the ceiling, trying to hold the composure that is rapidly slipping away. "Darlin', you have no idea. I went to work ten, twelve, and sometimes sixteen hours a day to make sure she could have anything she wanted. I thought," letting out a cold chuckle, I shake my head. "I thought that by providing for her, by working so she didn't have to, I was showing her that I cared."

I look back to Indy, and her eyes hold a sadness that I don't like seeing on her, and it breaks the final strands of my composure. A sob escapes, and I grip the counter to hold myself up. "It was bad enough that she did that to me and then said I was the reason. That I didn't express my love properly. But for my best fucking friend, the man that grew up with me, the one that was like another brother to me. We worked together part-time. He would hang out with me, leave, go to my house, and fuck my wife. For years." I whisper the last part when I feel Indy's body on mine. She pulls me to the futon, where she lays me down and holds me. Nothing is said for a long time. She keeps me tightly against her while running her nails up and down my spine. It feels so good, so intimate. I grip her side and press my face into her chest. Her heartbeat is like a fucking melody.

"Derek," she whispers while continuing her movements up and down my spine. I've decided it's the best feeling in the world, and if I die right now, I'll die peacefully. "I could tell you all the normal things. It's her loss; that you deserve better, that it's a reflection on them, not you." I squeeze my eyes tighter, and I hold her to me. "But I get the feeling that you already know all of this. So all I'll say is I'm here for you. I'm here, and you won't push me away. You can try, but I'm pretty stubborn." I snort and let out a wet chuckle against her as I loosen my grip, allowing my fingers to dance over the exposed flesh from where her shirt had lifted. I hear her sharp intake of air and the increase in her heart rate. Fucking hell. Now I feel the urge to see how much faster I can increase that big heart of hers.

Skimming my fingers down, I brush them over the waistband of her pajama shorts before moving back up. She lets out the softest of whimpers, and it's like someone flipped a switch on my dick.

Lifting her shirt a little, just enough to see her belly button, I can't stop myself from leaning down and placing a soft kiss over it.

"D-Derek?" She pants, and I close my eyes, a war waging on internally.

"Yes or no, baby girl?" I ask, my fingers dipping in and out of her waistband.

"Uhh… Yes." I watch her nod frantically. It's so cute how eager she is. It's also sad. She has no idea the darkness she's letting in, and I'm too tired to continue to fight it.

"I won't be your boyfriend," I state firmly as I grip the front of her throat, angling her soft face to look at me. "I'm not husband material. I won't date you. I don't buy flowers, and you won't be running up to me at work to give me hugs." I use my free hand to tug down her shorts. "There will be no weekend getaways, no selfies, no flirty texts with butterflies. There will be no love." I throw her shorts over my shoulder, refusing to break eye contact. "You deserve a man to worship your mind, body, and soul, Indy, and I'm not that man. All I have to offer you is this. So I'll ask you again, yes or no, baby girl?" I run my finger up her slit and have to bite back a moan.

She's already wet.

"Awfully full of yourself, Rowe," she smirks, though her body vibrates with anticipation. "I never said I wanted you as a boyfriend or a husband. I can and do date myself because I think I'm a delight and I don't like flowers. Even if I did, I wouldn't bet on you knowing which kind to get me, so I would buy my own. So, if you're done with your speech, I'd like you to put that arm I saved to good use."

Holy shit. That was so fucking hot. I think I just came a little in my jeans.

I slip my fingers between her wet lips and watch her expression as I press my thumb against her clit. Her eyes roll back, and she lets out the most sinful moan. I begin to push a finger at her entrance, dying to know how she feels inside. I didn't get to feel her in the lake, and believe me, I've mourned that tragedy. As I go to push in, Indy stops me by gripping my wrist.

"Wait," she pants as she stares at me. "I'm… I have a hard time getting off. I was lucky before, but my meds and the MS…" I see the embarrassment etched on her face. "Just, when you've had your fill, it's okay if I'm not there yet." I remove my hand from her center while slowly sitting up so as not to hurt my stitches.

"Have your past fucks done that?" I ask, annoyance in my tone. "Just had their fill and left you?"

Indy raises a brow. "Well, I've had sex once. It was a long time ago, and he did, but I mean, I get it. Sometimes, I try for thirty-plus minutes and don't get off. Derek? What's wrong?"

I glare at her as I try to suppress my rage. Her first time. Her first fucking time was with some stupid, selfish fuck that didn't even give her pleasure? "I'm going to make you see stars, darlin', and then when I'm done giving you the best pleasure of your life, I'm going to go and find the shitstain you gave your virginity to, and I'm going to rip his dick off since he obviously can't be trusted to use it properly." I watch her mouth form an "O" before I slip my hand back between her legs.

"You tell me yes, no, or stop, understood?" She nods slowly as I push my middle finger inside her.

"Oh my god," she breathes, and fuck, she's tight and warm and so wet. I slip another finger in and watch with satisfaction as she lets out a cry.

"Spread those pretty thighs for me, darlin'. Let me get in there." I curl my fingers up, pressing against the soft walls.

"Derek!" she cries out, and my resolve snaps. Her calling my name…my fucking name. I slide down and run my teeth over her clit before giving it a suck. "Oh my god! No one has… oh my god, if you stop, I'll never talk to you again!" I chuckle lightly as I flick my tongue over her clit before sucking again. Her sweet little pussy continues to tighten, but it's not enough, and I can tell it's beginning to frustrate her.

"Hey," I snap my gaze up when she growls and hits the futon with her fist. I roll her onto her side and crack her across the ass, which causes her to let out a cry. "This ain't a race. You calm your pretty ass down. Throw another fit, and you'll get more than that spankin', got it?" Her lust-filled eyes fix on me as she nods. I lean down to the reddening mark on her ass cheek and press my lips to it before moving her back into position. I push my fingers in and feel the soft, spongy area. I've been stimulating her G-spot, but it isn't enough.

"Tell me if I hurt you, got it?" I order as I slide my fingers further back.

"Oh!" she cries out as I start pressing up and moving my fingers back and forth. "Oh, what's that! Holy crap! Oh my god!" she screams, trying to move away but arching into my hand simultaneously. I let out a low chuckle while taking my other hand and rubbing her clit.

"That's my girl," I say softly as I watch her writhe under me. "You're doing so well. I can feel your pretty little pussy tightening. Are you going to come for me, baby girl?" She whimpers as she arches her back. She's so beautiful. Indy's an innocent, kind angel that has fallen into the demon's den, and here I am, coaxing out her darkness, setting it free.

"I like when you talk," she pants out quickly. "Right there, I need more." I move my fingers faster as I stare up at her.

"When I talk? How so?"

"When you… oh my god… tell me I'm doing good." Oh? A praise kink, huh? I smirk, enjoying this way too much.

"Well, you are doing good, little darlin'," I purr as I reach over and kiss her knee. "Can't you hear how wet your tight little pussy is for me? You're making me so hard, Indy. Oh, there it is, I can feel you tensing. That's my girl. You gonna come for me?"

"Derek..." she whines and begins to move erratically. "I'm going… oh no…"

"That's it. You look right at me. Let me see those pretty eyes glaze over. There we go. Now, be a good girl and let go." I watch in absolute awe as Indy arches her back and screams my name to her god as if she's replacing him with me. Over and over, she sings my name as her body goes haywire.

"That's my girl," I praise as I slowly bring her back down. She blinks, her wide eyes staring into my fucking soul while her body still hums from her orgasm. I know what she's thinking. The girl isn't good at hiding it. I've ruined her for any other man. And that both excites and terrifies me.