25. Indy

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Indy

" I 'll have my boys bring you a change of clothes and your medication," Dorothy tells me over the hospital phone. I haven't left since we got here two days ago. All I can do is sit in the chair beside his bed, staring at him and willing him to wake up. I called back home to let everyone know what happened, and they said they'd take care of everything. Ren was able to talk to the nursing agency, and a temporary nurse is coming out to help until Ozzy can get there since I can't help anymore. How can I? I can't leave him. Even though everyone tells me there's nothing I can do, I can't move from my seat.

"Don't… leave me… alone."

My lip wobbles, and a small, treacherous sob sneaks out as his words play in my head again.

"Indy?" Dorothy's voice on the phone startles me. How long have I been out of it? "Sweetheart, where is your medication?"

"Sorry," I whisper. "I don't need clothes, they offered me some scrubs. I'll let you know if anything changes." Dorothy says something, but I don't hear it as I hang up the phone and stare at Derek's pale, sleeping face. He had surgery to stop the internal bleeding, and it felt like the bags of donor blood were never- ending. He looks so weak, so frail. Nothing like the powerful, dominating man I've been crushing on for so long.

"Wake up," my wavy voice grits out as I glare at him. "I haven't left you. Don't you dare leave me. Wake. Up." Hot tears stream down my face as I hear my darkness waking up.

You know, he's only in the position because of you.

My darkness makes itself known, never far away from me.

I feel my jaw pop as I continue to stare at the unconscious man.

Little Indy, always needing help. He refused to be far from the house because you might need him. He was probably already hurt by your tantrum on the stairs. Maybe if he wasn't already hurting, he wouldn't have had the accident.

"Shut up," I whisper as I close my eyes.

Open your eyes! It screams. Look what you did! What you always do!Indy, always tryingto be the hero and provehow capable you areever since you were little.You were a disaster then, and you sure are one now.

A whimper leaves my throat as I restmy headon the bed and hold Derek's hand. "I'm sorry," I whisper as my tears drench the blanket.

If you were sorry, you would let everyone live their lives without having to pretend like they want to deal with you. Everyone would be better off if you were de—

I jump as the door to Derek's hospital room flies open.

"Janie!" I cry out as she and Fox walk in. Janie covers her mouth with her hand as she stares at me before running over and wraps me in a hug as I sob into her chest. Her hug silences my darkness, for now.

"Shhhh…" she whispers. "Come on," she pulls back, wincing as she looks at me.

"Oh babe, let's go. I'll help youget a shower, and Fox can watch Derek." I shake my head.

"No," I say through a sob. "No, Derek said…" I squeeze my eyes, and a loud cry escapes. "He said not to leave him. I can't… I can—"

"Shhhhh." Janie covers my mouth, silencing my frantic wails while pulling me back against her chest as it all hits me again. "Indy, we'll be right in there. Fox will get us if anything happens, okay?"

"Yeah, Indy," Fox places a large hand on my back. "Go get cleaned up. I got this." I look at Derek's sleeping form, then at his monitors, and finally, his bags of medication and fluids, and everything looks fine. I nod slowly before weakly standing up and gripping the bed rail. I walk over to the head of his bed and lean over to kiss his head gently.

"Fox and Janie are here," I whisper shakingly. It's taking everything I have to stand right now. "I'm going to get cleaned up, and I'll be right back…" Pressing my lips to his head again, I take a shaky breath before following Janie into the bathroom. I see the black scrubssittingon the sink where the nurse put them two days ago. Looking in the mirror, I can't help but flinch. I'm covered in dried blood, my hair is a rat's nest, and I look exhausted.

"We are going to get you cleaned up," Janie says while helping me undress. "Then I'm ordering you some food, and finally, I'm going to the ranch with Fox. We'll get your charger andyourmedication that I'm sure you haven't been taking." She turns the shower on as I stand completely naked.

No. I haven't taken my medication, brushed my teeth, or eaten. I haven't done anything besides listen to doctors and stare at Derek for the last two days.

I step into the shower and watch the white tile go red. The water's washing off the blood,hisblood. I feel a panic course through me at the sight of it, and I collapse onto the tile.

"Oh no," I whisper. "No, that's his!" I look at Janie helplessly. "That's all I have! What if he needs it? That's…"

"Indiana," Janie states firmly as she grabs my cheeks as the water runs down my face. "Derek Rowe is not dying. He will wake up and be the same dickhole he has always been. You will shower, eat, and get your shit together because you have to." I let out a squeaky sob as I drop my head.

"I don't think I can get my shit together anymore."

"Yes, you fucking can! Because he needs you to." She jerks my head back up, and I stare into her sapphire eyes. "He needs you, Indy. You get a handle on your shit and break down after he wakes up. Those massive, tattooed, thick-headed men act tough, but you and I both know who the real pillars of strength are and who they depend on. Now, I'm going to wash your hair. Then we'll get you changed and get him better." My lip wobbles, but I close my eyes and breathe before giving her a tight nod.

Janie helps me wash my hair and the rest of me before getting me dressed and helping me squeeze the water out of my hair. I brush my teeth with the hospital's disposable toothbrush and walk back into the room to see Derek still asleep.

"Alright." Janie clasps her hands together. "We'll be back with your stuff and some food." Janie smiles, and I hug her and Fox before looking back at Derek. Letting out a breath, I glance over at the chair I've called home for the last two days, and I can't sit there again. It's not close enough to him. I look at the bed and decide to crawl in with him. It takes some work with my body hurting the way it is, but Ifinally rest my head against his shoulder while listening to the rhythmic beeping of his heart monitor and the air flowing through his nasal cannula.

"Remember when we were in New Orleans, and we got the same fortune?" I smile softly while running my fingers through his beard to smooth it down, loving his stray grey pieces. He also has them through his hair, mostly at his temples. "Purple is one of my colors. It's saved for my best of the best days, or it would be. I've never actually worn my purple bracelet. But when I saw that we both got the same fortune, it felt like fate or something."

Pressing my lips to his shoulder, I close my eyes. I don't want to cry anymore. My head hurts, and my eyes feel like sandpaper. But I can't stop them. I can't stop them because despite knowing he has something against being with me, and I know better than to start anything with him, I have feelings for him and don't know what to do about it.

"I think you might be my purple bracelet," I whisper, not opening my eyes as I allow the heart monitor to lull me to sleep.