11. Indy

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Indy

" C an you try walking around?" Janie asks as I shift painfully in my seat. We still have an hour left on the flight, and I hurt so bad I'm literally sweating. I stupidly put my pain medicine in my luggage, so there isn't anything I can do but wait it out. I'm trying. I'm not a complainer, but this is so bad that I feel ill.

"I think it's too late," I whimper softly. "I might just have to die."

"Take one of the guys' seats," Ren says as she feeds Howie, her and Atlas' son. Howie might be the most well-behaved baby in the world. There hasn't been a peep out of him this entire trip. "I think Derek and Fox are awake." I roll my eyes.

"Of course, the biggest two," I mutter. "I can't take their spots. They would be uncomfortable back here."

"Go tell Fox to come sit with me," Janie says nonchalantly. "He needs to come and see how wonderful Howie is so that he will give me a damn baby." Ren lets out a sarcastic laugh as we both stare at the redhead.

"What happened to no kids?" Ren asks, and Janie shrugs.

"I said no kids in my twenties, but I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I love the guy, but he's getting old." I laugh lightly as I pull myself up, apologizing to the person in front of me as I walk down the narrow aisle that's doing nothing for the pain shooting down my hip. The small plane is divided into two sides. My side is like the coach side, with two narrow seats per row, and then on the other side, it's one passenger seat, and it looks twice as big.

Walking up to Fox, I give him a small smile despite wanting to cry. "Umm... Janie wants us to switch."

Fox looks from me back toward Janie and then to me again. He must see something on my face because his expression softens as he stands. "Sure, go ahead."

Fox walks down the aisle, and I slowly lower myself, trying to steady my breathing. I'm so freaking hot.

"You alright?" I hear Derek's voice, but I can't turn to look behind me.

"Mhmm." I manage as I close my eyes. "Just ready to land." I hear shuffling, and when I open my eyes, Derek is kneeling in front of me.

"What hurts?" I huff out a laugh at his question as he gives me a dry look. "Smart ass. You know what I'm asking." I wince at the stabbing, squeezing pain before sighing.

"Knees," I breathe out. "Sitting bent like th—" I gasp as Derek's strong hands work their way over my knee. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" He mutters while continuing to rub my aching knee. Oh my god. He has no right to be this good at massaging. I let out a small whimper when his thumbs run up the sides of my knee, and I instantly blush, though Derek doesn't seem to notice. He's laser-focused on massaging me, and I'm not about to stop him.

Though it seems the flight attendant is very much ready to.

"Sir." the man gives Derek a fake smile. "I'll have to ask you to take your seat. You're making some of the guests a little uncomfortable." Derek's movements halt, and his gaze trails up my body until his eyes land on mine. A small smirk plays on his face as he squeezes my thigh before standing up. Wow, that was way too hot. Derek has at least six inches on the attendant, which the man doesn't appear too happy about.

"Is that so?" He turns to look at the rows of seats in our small plane, most of which are filled with our friends and a few other sleeping passengers. "Please, let me know who so I can apologize for offending them while trying to help this young woman's pain."

"Derek," I grab his hand and look at the intimidating wolf tattoo staring back at me. "It's okay, it's only an hour." I give my best people-pleasing smile, but Derek takes one look at me and shakes his head.

"No," he says simply before turning back to the man. "See, here's the thing." His voice is low, calm, and smooth. But it's doing things to me, and I'm not okay with it.

"This woman is the sweetest, most non-confrontational human you'll ever meet. I mean, look at her. She's obviously in pain and willing to suffer in silence to appease you. Someone she's never met and will never meet again." He shakes his head. "Luckily, I'm here to stop that from happening. So, here's the deal. I'm going to continue to help her chronic pain stay at a manageable level, and you are going to leave us alone."

The flight attendant's eyes narrow. "Is that a threat?"

Derek shrugs. "I didn't hear a threat in there. I'm just telling you what's going to happen." They share a long stare and the attendant's gaze flickers behind Derek. I can only assume that Ash, Atlas, Brooks, and Fox are all awake and paying attention now.

The attendant releases a defeated breath. "Just make sure you go to your seat when it's time to land." And with that, he walks away, and Derek turns back to me and kneels back down.

"You didn't have to do that," I say after a silent moment. Derek lets out a small scoff as he moves to my other leg.

"Darlin', I shouldn't have had to. That fucker just wanted to assert some kind of nonexistent power over the situation."

"No," I stifle a moan. God, his hands feel so good. "I meant you didn't have to defend me. I'm used to it. People see me as a young, healthy adult because my disease isn't always visible."

He looks up at me. His brown eyes are so intense and trained on me. "You are too sweet for this world, Indy. You need to stop it."

"Yeah," I chuckle lightly. "Ash tells me that all the time. I just don't like making others…" I trail off and wince as I feel darker emotions trying to emerge.

"Making others what?" He urges, and I put my mask back up, though this time with some difficulty.

"I don't like making others feel how they make me feel." I force a smile, even though it doesn't reach my eyes. "Like I'm a burden, an irritation or obligation."

I groan as I lay down on my bed in my hotel room. I have a private room because I needed to request the accessible one, which I'm a little bummed out about. Atlas and Ren are in a room with Howie or were supposed to be, but Stevie took the baby to give Atlas and Ren some alone time, at least for tonight. Janie and Fox are in a room, probably having sex, since they can't go anywhere without doing it. And Ash, Brooks, and Derek are bunking together. Having my own room makes me feel extra alone, which has been a recurring theme recently. I could've bunked with Stevie, but I didn't want her to have to stay on the opposite side of the hotel as the rest of the group and the convention, since I need the accessible room.

My mind goes to Derek on the plane ride, as it has been doing all evening. He didn't take his hands off my legs until we were landing. He didn't speak to me or anyone after the flight attendant thing. He was so sweet and gentle.

My face heats at the thought of his hands gripping me the way they did as if I belonged to him. Then, when he stood up to the flight attendant, He stood up for me—again. I remember his wide, powerful stance and how his arm was outstretched as if to shield me.

A knock at the door grabs my attention, and I groan. "Who is it?" I call out, hurting too much to stand up.

"Your brother."

"It's unlocked!"

Ash walks in and gives me a disapproving stare. "Unlocked? You're alone in a hotel room."

"Ash, I'm an adult. Stop it, please." I say under my breath, making sure he hears the annoyance in my tone. I just want to find my pills and go to sleep. Why did I think I could do this?

No. I'll be fine. I'm just stiff. I'll rest tonight and be fine tomorrow.

"We're heading to dinner. Are you coming?" I shake my head.

"I need to rest. I'll order something from room service." I watch Ash's jaw tense.

"Indy, I don't want to leave you alone. How about I order some food for us both, and we can hang out?" That sounds so nice. I don't want to be alone despite not wanting to go out, but I also don't want to trap him.

"Gross," I say playfully. "I don't want to hang out with you. Go on, get out of here. I'll be fine." I give him my best fake smile, and he nods before reaching into my luggage bag. I'm about to ask what he's doing when he hands me my pills.

"I'll send you a picture of the dessert menu when we get there." He kisses the top of my head. "Love you, Indy."

"Love you, Ash." Once the door clicks shut, I let out a breath while staring at the ceiling, my eyes beginning to sting as the tears come to the surface. Looking at the bottle in my hand, my bottom lip trembles.

As the door clicks shut behind me, I let out a shaky breath and stare at the ceiling. My eyes sting with unshed tears that threaten to spill over at any moment. The bottle in my trembling hand feels heavy, a constant reminder of my pain and struggles. My bottom lip quivers as I try to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to consume me.

It would be so easy.

My darkness' whisper is alluring in the depths of my mind. It's almost humming with anticipation as I feel the icy chill of their influence running through my body. The thought of taking the final step, slipping into eternal slumber, and escaping the struggles of this world is almost too tempting to resist. No one would have to deal with me again, and there would be no more burden on their shoulders. The knowledge of that freedom is like a siren's call, beckoning me toward blankness.

"Stop," I hiss through gritted teeth, fighting against the pain that sears through my body as I struggle to sit up. My hand trembles violently as I pry open the bottle, the contents inside appearing ominous and sinister in the dim light.

Selfish.

My darkness spits out.

You could set everyone free of your burden, and yet—

"Stop it!" I scream while taking my medication and reaching for my phone. I'll order takeout, blast a show about penguins at the loudest level, and ignore my thoughts. I won't let them break me.