22. Asmodeus

Az stared at Kushiel, utterly perplexed.

"I am not a mortal soul," he uttered, his arms linking more tightly around Gabe. He hadn't been thinking clearly at first, just happy to see what he assumed was a friendly face. Gabe had known, though—it couldn't be good news to have an angel in his kitchen.

"I did not say mortal," Kushiel replied, still formally. "I said misplaced."

"I am not a soul. I'm a demon," Az insisted. Souls were how they referred to their charges. It was always the mortals who were the souls, never the angels and demons. There was no choice for them of heaven or hell, reincarnation or ghosthood; there was only endless existence; there was only their role in the afterlife—it was all they had ever known.

"What is a soul but the immortal essence of a mortal being? Simply because we are immortal to begin with does not mean we lack that essence. Are we not separate and distinct from one another, each with our roles to play? Perhaps our souls were mapped before time became reality, but still they exist," Kushiel explained.

Az stared at Kushiel, the angel's hands flat on the table. He would not be calling for help or signaling anyone, he was making that clear, and yet Az understood there was some message here, some idea that he was supposed to be grasping.

"I am not misplaced," Az stated firmly, focusing on the other aspect of Kushiel's statement. "I was summoned. I am fulfilling that summoning. Such is the role of demons, if we are to speak of roles."

"Is it not fulfilled?" Kushiel asked quietly, but Gabe reared back as if he had been slapped, and Az understood now where this was going.

"No!" Gabe snapped. "It has not been fulfilled. It will not be fulfilled until the summoner has said it is so."

"Has the summoning not been revoked?" Kushiel asked, softer still, as if he knew his words would harm them both.

Kushiel looked past Gabe and into Az's eyes. His face was drawn, and Az realized for the first time that Kushiel did not look happy. Perhaps he had never realized because he had been merely existing before, even if he had enjoyed that existence. Yet he knew with some certainty that Kushiel did not enjoy his existence.

It made no sense to Az. Kushiel was an angel. It was his essence, as he had so aptly stated, and angels enjoyed being angels. Just like Az enjoyed being a demon, just like he enjoyed sex and lust and orgies.

Only… he would give all those up, wouldn't he? For Gabe, he would give it all up in the span of a breath.

"Perhaps even immortal souls can change," Az speculated. "Perhaps our roles are not always what they appear to be."

Kushiel gave a slight incline of the head. "Perhaps," he agreed.

Gabe snorted, breaking the seriousness of the conversation. Kushiel focused on his face, and Az turned his head toward Gabe's. They were close enough to kiss, but Az put that stray thought out of his head. Apparently he couldn't wholly change his lustful essence, he jokingly thought.

"I don't know what you're getting at, because I feel like I'm missing a lot here, but I think you just need to spit it out already. I'm about out of patience," Gabe grumbled. "You're in MY kitchen, you're barely even an angel, and I'm not giving up Az. I revoke my revocation, and my summoning isn't complete until I say so, and if I need to do it in Latin, then I can."

Az appreciated Gabe's annoyance, but he was definitely stuck on one part of his rant. "What do you mean he's barely even an angel? He's the Rigid One of God, for demon's sake. Of course he's an angel."

"Angels glow," Gabe quipped.

"Kushiel glows," Az responded, but Gabe only snorted again.

Az looked at his friend; for the first time in a few millennia, he really looked.

Kushiel was gray. It seemed like such an obvious thing, and Az had no idea how none of them had ever thought about it or commented on it. Kushiel was not glowing white; he was not blinding or bright. Kushiel was gray. Angels were not gray.

Kushiel had glowed once; Az could almost remember a time when they had not been so close, when Kushiel had only ventured occasionally down to the underworld, and he had been brighter then.

For so long, though, he appeared like he did now. For so long he had been a staple in the underworld, almost as much as any of the demons. A year didn't pass by without his presence in Sheol.

"When was the last time you were upstairs?" Az asked curiously, and Kushiel flinched at the question.

He stood up then, his body rigid. "I will speak plainly, then. The leadership team searches you out. They call you misplaced. They say your summoning was revoked, and that any summoning is optional anyway. Some leadership lackey talked about the percentages of ‘apex completions' and ‘satisfactory copulations' in Limbo being unacceptable without your presence."

"Wait," Gabe interrupted, "they really do track sex acts and orgasms in the afterlife?"

"Apparently," replied Kushiel.

"I thought that other demon was joking about that. Well, that's fucking absurd," Gabe scoffed.

"Perhaps," Kushiel agreed. "Nevertheless, they seek Az out. They want him back."

He stopped then, and he looked Az in the eyes. Az thought he saw sympathy there, and understanding.

"Sometimes we must do things we do not want to. For the good of the afterlife," Kushiel said quietly.

"Well that's just bullshit," Gabe interjected. "Total bullshit. You come here to tell Az that he's misplaced, but obviously souls can change, and maybe Az doesn't want to be the person in charge of lust in Limbo anymore. Isn't the afterlife supposed to be about people being placed properly? Well maybe his place has changed. You, of all people, or angels, or whatever, should understand about things changing."

Kushiel stared at Gabe now, thoughtful. "Perhaps," he said yet again.

Gabe snorted again. Az was beginning to get a broken record feeling. Too many "perhaps" from Kushiel and snorts from Gabe. Az felt like they weren't getting anywhere, and he was pretty sure Kushiel wasn't here on official business. So why was he here?

"You were not sent to collect me," Az stated. "You came to warn me. Surely you didn't come to leave me with no hope?"

Kushiel sighed. "Someone has been sent, but it was not me. I do not know what can be done. I do know that your human is correct; our souls can change. I am proof enough of that. Your friend Minos is proof of that.

"I do not know if you are proof of that as well, but you have been kind to me, always, and I wanted to warn you. To warn you and to give you, perhaps, some hope. It is my greatest wish that the hope I give you is not misfounded."

Az looked at Kushiel, the angel who spent time in the underworld and Limbo. The angel that, as Gabe had stated, no longer glowed. A sadness overtook Az. How had none of them noticed? How had no one seen Kushiel's pain, which suddenly seemed so obvious to Az?

"I am sorry I did not see you, my friend," Az apologized.

Kushiel gave a one shouldered shrug. "You all treated me as an equal, as a brother. That no one saw… well, it was perhaps a blessing. Those who saw have not always been so kind."

Az felt a quick anger burn in his chest. "Angels gave you trouble?" he asked.

Kushiel shrugged again. "I am… an anomaly. With you and your kin, I was never treated as such. I thank you for that kindness. You all thought nothing of calling me brother, of making me welcome. I enjoyed the many times we partied in Limbo," he smirked, but Az still saw the underlying sadness even in his joking.

"Who is coming?" Gabe asked, and Kushiel turned toward him.

"I do not know. I am not privy to that." Kushiel extended his wings then, as much as Gabe's kitchen would allow. "I must be getting back, but I wish you luck. Hopefully, Asmodeus, I will not be seeing you soon in Limbo," he said, a half smile on his face, and then his wings were folding around his body and he was gone.