11. Gabriel

Gabe felt a bit like a death row inmate who had been granted a reprieve. He wasn't sure why Grams had hightailed it out of there, because he had totally expected the third degree about his sex life.

Gabe shuddered, remembering Grams giving him the "birds and the bees" talk when he was in elementary school. She had been graphically specific. Gabe had been uncomfortable beyond belief.

Then in middle school, right when his friends were talking about porn and naked body parts (both their own and girls'), Grams had given him "the pornography talk." If he thought the regular sex talk had been awkward, that had nothing on the pornography talk. She had ventured into fetishes and bdsm and… well, Gabe tried to block most of that out. She had driven home the point that porn was not always an accurate portrayal of real life, but that whatever two consenting adults enjoyed in the bedroom was their business, and there was no shame or judgment in what people did, but everyone should be respected and consent was key.

Gabe respected the sentiment, he really did, but he just wished it hadn't been expressed along with an explanation of water sports and a St. Andrew's Cross. There were some things you just did not want your grandmother talking to you about. Gabe had been traumatized.

Plus, he had already known by then that he wasn't quite as interested in things as the other boys, so along with it being totally appalling, it had also left him confused, because none of it seemed very sexy to him.

Which brought him back to this morning. Az was slathering butter on one bagel and cream cheese on another while Gabe stood there idly staring at the door. He had to be the worst host ever, making his guest get breakfast ready.

Then again, when your guest was a demon you didn't mean to summon, did normal manners still apply?

Gabe walked over to get his own bagel, but Az held out both plates to him, saying, "Which do you prefer? I'll take whichever you don't want."

"Uh, thank you?" Gabe said, grabbing one, not even sure which it was. He felt himself blushing again, and he turned to go sit at the table, hearing Az chuckle good naturedly.

It would help if the demon wasn't so damn nice. Where was the cocky asshole who had showed up in the yard? Then he could turn on teacher mode or be snarky, but instead he found himself actually liking Az.

It was weird.

Not that he hadn't liked plenty of demons over the years. Not that he didn't actually keep a demon as a pet, apparently. Which reminded him that Mr. Frog's aquarium was still in his bedroom.

"Oh my god," he blushed. "Mr. Frog was there this morning!"

"Actually, no. He went on a bit of an errand for me. He was back after your morning session, so you don't need to worry," Az reassured him.

"Oh. Umm, ok. Thanks," Gabe stammered out.

They sat at the table together, and Gabe was gearing up for some awkward silence, because if he was bad at knowing what to do about sex, he was also bad about knowing what to do after sex. Even with his past lovers he's been morning after awkward, just following their lead. With Greg it had been super easy—they'd completely ignored it when they weren't actually having sex.

Az didn't let the silence get awkward, however. He seemed totally comfortable as he asked, "So, what do you teach?"

"Senior English," Gabe replied, taking a bite of his bagel.

"Ah. What are you teaching now? How are your students?" Az prompted.

"Shakespeare," Gabe said between bites, and he proceeded to talk about his classes and his students, including some of the ones he was more worried about who were at risk of not graduating. Az asked questions and nodded along, and before Gabe knew it, their plates were empty and it was time to go.

They cleaned up and Gabe grabbed his keys by the door, but before he opened it, he looked questioningly at Az. "They're going to wonder why you're there. You aren't dressed like the typical student, either."

Az merely smirked at him, saying, "Don't worry; leave it to me."

Gabe did worry, but they got down to the car without any sibling run-ins (thankfully—he was still avoiding Michael), and Az asked more questions about his students and classes in the car, and before he knew it they had parked and were heading into the school building.

Gabe braced himself as he walked into the front office, unsure of exactly how he'd explain Az; he figured a guest speaker might work.

Nadine, the secretary, greeted them before he could get a word out.

"Oh good! I see you've found our new faculty member! Principal Zemecki said Mr. Lusten would be shadowing you for a week or so to see how things are run since he's coming in more than halfway through the school year." She handed over keys, an ID badge, and a parking decal to Az, all while Gabe simply stared in horror.

"Thank you so much, but I won't be needing the parking decal. Gabe has very nicely offered to drive me in since we live so close to one another," Az replied.

"Oh, lovely! I'm Nadine, the principal's secretary. Margot and Barb are also here in the front office. I'm sure Gabe will show you around the building, and Jim Bedenki has the health curriculum for you so you're ready to take over next week." She leaned forward conspiratorially, saying, "I'm not sure why they have you shadowing an English teacher when you're going to be teaching health, but perhaps since it's senior health they wanted you to get a sense of the students." She leaned back, shrugging.

Az smiled and thanked her, steering Gabe, who was literally shell-shocked, out of the front office.

"Mr. Lusten," Gabe hissed.

"I thought it was a fitting name," Az smirked. "But perhaps we can continue this conversation in your classroom instead of the hallway?"

Gabe marched down the hallway, trying to control himself. He unlocked his door, let Az in, relocked it, and turned to face the demon.

"You cannot masquerade as a high school teacher!" he exploded. "And senior health? Are you serious?"

"Yes," Az chuckled. "Who better to teach about human sexuality, after all? Really, teaching in the same building is the perfect cover. I'll shadow you for a week before taking over the health classes, provided our work is not done by then. I can assure you that I'm quite qualified to discuss everything in the curriculum. I'm very familiar with human anatomy and everything related to human sexuality."

Gabe just sputtered at him. He couldn't believe… How did Az possibly think this was a good idea?

"You're a demon. You cannot masquerade as a high school teacher!" Gabe growled.

"Why not?" Az asked.

Gabe just sputtered some more, pacing over to his desk and throwing himself into his chair. He couldn't even begin to explain to Az why this was a very bad idea. Az just stood there, however, looking all model-perfect and serene.

"First of all, they're all going to want you. How do you expect students to focus when you're standing up there, looking all…" Gabe gestured up and down at Az.

Az smiled. "Aww, Gabe, do you think I'm attractive?"

Gabe just rolled his eyes. "And you're a lust demon. You're going to have a horde of horny high schoolers. They'll be sneaking off to have sex in the bathroom!"

Az did that one eyebrow thing again, which just irked Gabe even more.

"I mean, fine, they already sneak off to make out in the bathrooms, but that's what I mean! You'll make it worse!" Gabe groused. "They already can't focus! I figured I could claim you were a guest speaker and hide you in the faculty room for most of the day. I didn't think… I can't imagine…"

Gabe didn't even know where to go with this. It was such a bad idea, on so many levels. He was only getting more panicked the more he thought about it.

Az walked over, resting his hands on Gabe's shoulders, gently rubbing them.

"Gabe, I can control myself. I already told you, I do not interfere with minors. Sex requires consent, and I do not consider them of the age of consent for sexual activity."

"Some seniors are eighteen," Gabe grumbled, but he already felt the tension starting to ease from his body.

"I will treat them all as though they are minors while we are within these walls. Does that satisfy you? Lust is not merely sexual, after all. Perhaps I will influence them to be passionate about their real interests. Weren't you just complaining that many of them appear apathetic? Perhaps a little desire, of the nonsexual variety, is exactly what they need.

"I will not cause you trouble, Gabe. It would go against my purpose in being here," Az finished, taking his hands off Gabe's shoulders.

Gabe missed the feeling for a moment before remembering he was at work, for goodness sake, and his first class was about to start in five minutes.

He sighed dramatically, got up, and went to open his door to let his students in. When he got there, he turned to Az. "Sit, don't talk, and do not let any of your sex mojo leak out, or I will call Grams on you."

Ok, so he felt like a little kid threatening to sic his grandmother on someone, but really, she was the most credible threat to a demon that he could come up with. Gabe sighed again, opening his door just as the warning bell rang.

He greeted students as they walked in, and although most glanced at Az curiously, no one asked about him. It didn't surprise him. They probably thought he was being observed by a student teacher. He asked students about their sports' practices or their jobs, making small talk as they filtered into the room and into their desks. He reminded two students about papers that were late and that needed to be handed in for a passing grade, and he got grunts in reply.

As the starting bell rang, he walked to the front to take attendance. He had twenty-eight kids in this class. He'd say about half of them were on phones, with about half of those having earbuds in. Four of them had their heads down and might already be sleeping. Three girls were arguing in whispers in the back, and it looked like four or five students were frantically typing on their Chromebooks, probably finishing homework for another class.

Gabe sighed again. Sometimes he felt like he was part teacher, part circus performer. It was hard on the best of days to get and hold a teenager's attention, but to do it before eight am? Nearly impossible.

Teenagers were like honey badgers: they were nocturnal, had major attitudes, had sharp claws they brought out to eviscerate anyone they thought deserved it, and ate almost anything that was even remotely digestible. They were resourceful, especially when it came to completing homework and papers with as little effort as possible. They were also slightly insane; they really didn't give a shit most of the time. Despite all that, Gabe had a fondness for them; he saw them as kinda adorable and loveable.

He wasn't sure if that made him slightly insane as well.

"Ok, folks, phones away, heads up, earbuds out, and close the Chromebooks. Time to start," he announced.

He'd say he got about seventy percent of the class's attention as he recapped where they'd left off in Hamlet.

As he was talking about their current group project, however, he noticed something strange occurring.

Some of the phones that hadn't been put away the first time went into pockets. Heads came up. Most of the class was actually looking at him, and, strangely enough, it appeared that they were actually paying attention to him.

When he assigned projects, he usually had to give directions more times than he could count: once to the whole class, once to each group when they started working, and then again to certain individual students who hadn't focused because he hadn't specifically been speaking to them.

He was patient and knew different people learned in different ways, so he was used to it. But now, they were all staring at him. Like, the entire class. Even the doodlers had put their pencils down and were looking at him. No phones were out. No one was talking.

It was creepy as hell.

He faltered in what he was saying and looked over at Az, who was staring at him and smirking. Gabe frowned in response. Az had definitely done something. Only demonic powers could make twenty-eight teenagers all pay attention at once. They weren't even fidgeting.

He looked back at his Children of the Corn class, finished his directions, and told them to go ahead and get into groups. They did so with surprisingly little fuss, and he overheard from their conversations that they were actually working—no discussion of their activities last night or what they were going to do for lunch.

Gabe stalked over to Az, whispering, "What the hell did you do to my class?"

Az shrugged. "It was easy to pull most of the sexual lust out of them and replace it with a little passion for Shakespeare. Don't worry—just a little bit of passion. We don't need any more Shakespeare scholars in the world. He's already insufferable enough as it is."

Gabe just sputtered. "You made them passionate about… but… and you know…"

He was literally at a loss for words.

"But perhaps we can talk about the snooty playwright later; it appears the group in the far corner might need your help. I think the girl wearing all black with the interesting ear adornments might be a little too passionate about Ophelia," Az pointed out.

Gabe just sighed, turning away from Az and heading toward his students. Yes, Raven and Derek were getting into a slightly heated debate over Ophelia and Hamlet.

This was going to be a long and interesting day.