21. Adam

Adam felt his ears pop (sort of, because they didn't really pop, because, you know, he was dead), and he saw six white angels appear in the room (the white and wings were kind of the giveaway, although he had been hoping for halos too). And the room was totally bigger, too. Afterlife physics were pretty mind-bending.

Adam immediately zoned in on the angel on the end, who was standing almost an inch back from the other five. One of these does not look like the others, was the thought that flitted through his head.

"OMG angel person—sorry, I don't know your pronouns—but that planner is awesome! Kudos to you for the originality from your cloned compadres there. Love the rainbow swirls on it. And the pen is an awesome shade of blue."

The angel looked taken aback and almost seemed to try and cover up the design on the notebook. Poor thing. It must suck working with that crew of boring assholes.

Adam gave them a kind smile before looking up at Minos. "I totally want one. I could keep punishment ideas in it! And ideas for the exciting team-building we're going to do with the demons!" Minos looked down and smirked at Adam, nodding. Adam gave him a nice peck on the lips before directing his attention back to the angels.

Adam figured these were probably some higher up big wigs, but he was beyond giving two shits at this point. And at least Bitch Lady had stopped shrieking at them.

"So listen," he said, trying to interject some authority into his voice. He did realize that perhaps his position cuddled up in his demon's arms didn't convey the level of pissed off he was going for, but it had been a rough afternoon, and he was staying ensconced in Minos' embrace. They could just deal with it.

"I am lodging a formal complaint with the Leadership Team on behalf of ticket #1618033988749894—that's me, obviously—and I would like immediate corrective action taken for the gross mishandling of the case that was under your jurisdiction." Adam smirked at that and enjoyed the looks of bewilderment that came over the faces of the angels in front of him. He bet he just took the wind right out of their sails.

Adam knew a thing or two about corporate bullshit. He was human before this, after all. Sometimes you had to strike first and lay blame where it was due. He hated to be that type of customer—he prided himself on always being nice to anyone in customer service, because that was truly a job from hell—but he figured they were way past that point with this crew.

The angel in the center cleared their throat, which seemed totally unnecessary and rather pompous, and stated, "Yes, we are sorry for how Angel-a dealt with your case. You can rest assured that corrective action will be taken."

"Oh, no, no, no," Bitch Lady started mumbling out. "This was not my fault. He didn't want to be here. He kept insisting this wasn't his placement. I wasn't trained for this. Then I go back to get him, and a demon shows up! Demons are not supposed to be in heaven!" she wailed, getting louder and more hysterical as she went on.

Angel In Charge looked at the angel next to him, who looked at Bitch Lady. She started backing away, holding her hands up in front of her, and Adam watched in morbid fascination as she started getting grayer and wrinklier and stiffer. It was slow enough to see the process happening, but it was also done quickly enough that she couldn't even run.

Bitch Lady was now Stone Bitch Lady. Like, full statue mode.

"Ok, that is so cool," Adam marveled, finally hopping out of Minos' arms to go examine the statue. "You made her a Weeping Angel! Is she gonna start stealing life energy or making other people into stone? Because that wouldn't be cool, you know, and not much punishment for her." Adam ignored their bewildered looks. Obviously they weren't Dr. Who fans. Ah well, what did you expect from corporate assholes? No taste.

"But oh, she should totally have to go exist on the mortal plane or whatever you guys call it. She should have to people watch for a few decades. Get some sympathy and understanding of the souls she's supposed to be dealing with. Send her to a hospital or something. Let her see how sad it can be, but also how much hope and love people have. Because some corporate video on sensitivity training isn't going to cut it for her."

The Leadership Team continued to stare at him, bewildered, but Unique Angel (Adam really did love their rainbow planner) gave a wave of their hand, and Bitch Lady's Statue was gone. Adam smiled at them, and he thought he saw a slight upturn of mouth in response. Maybe. There was hope for that one yet, Adam thought.

Angel In Charge gave an offhand glare at Unique Angel, but then they glared back at Minos, ignoring Adam entirely. Yeah, that wouldn't last very long. Adam would make sure of that.

"The Leadership Team has jointly come to the conclusion that ticket #1618033988749894's gross mishandling was a byproduct of both teams, and, as such, appropriate action for the egregious error must be taken.

"It is with some regret that we must inform you that, despite your millenia of service, your recent conduct has caused us to reconsider your position. The joint divisions of the Leadership Team are afraid we must inform you that you are being let go. As such, your corporal form will fade into the ether, and a proper replacement will be found for your position.

"We thank you for your service and are sorry to have to part on such terms," the angel finished off.

Oh, hell no.

Adam started storming over to Angel In Charge, but before he got there, the angel waved their hand toward Minos with something of a smirk. Adam stopped and looked back at Minos with dread, waiting to watch him fade into the ether, or whatever the hell was about to happen. Only Minos just looked sort of bored and rolled his eyes at Angel In Charge.

Adam looked back, and Angel In Charge did not look amused. They waved their hand again. Then blinked. Then waved.

"Ummm, you look kind of stupid?" Adam drawled, stifling a giggle. "Just saying. Like all blinky and wavy." He couldn't help a little imitation at that, which made the angel look even more aggravated.

"Obviously you don't get to fade Minos ‘into the ether'," Adam added, using his signature hand quotes. Adam giggled again, partly because the angel did look ridiculous, and partly out of sheer relief, because Adam had really thought for a moment that he was going to lose his demon.

He sauntered over and Minos promptly picked him up and cradled him. Adam gave him a big fat kiss on the lips, then he turned back to the assholes in front of him.

He probably hadn't been paying enough attention to his surroundings, because at that point he noticed that the walls were really cracked. Like holy shit, was the room even gonna stay standing? The cracks were speeding up, too, spreading across the walls in hairline fractures. Some were getting wider and deeper as well. And, was that…? Ewww, yep, it sure looked like blood. Leaking from the cracks. Ok, total horror movie moment now.

Based on the way that Minos was currently squeezing him tightly, he wondered if his sexy demon was somehow responsible for the demolition of this heavenly room. He couldn't blame his big guy.

"You know, you guys have gone and fucked things up good. Minos is an Infernal King of Hell, and he is probably way older than all of you, and he is probably way above your pay grade, and when we sat with Lucifer and Yahweh, they both said that I got to stay with Minos, and I know that Yah is your boss, so I don't know what makes you think you get to do whatever the hell, or heaven, you want. But you don't."

It was like using Yah's name created an instant change in the room. The Leadership Team stepped back, looking at one another and then at Adam and Minos. By the time Adam's little tirade was over, a glaring white light was filling the room.

He threw his arms over his eyes to shield them, and when he pulled them away, the angels were all on their knees, faces averted, and Yah was standing (floating, maybe?) in front of everyone. Only this was not the tired, human-looking Yah from downstairs. This was a shining, blindingly bright, scary-ass motherfucker of a Yah.

"Hey, Yah," he said, giving a little wave and getting a nod and half smile in return.

"I totally love the look. Very old testament cool. Totally bad ass. Thank god"—Adam giggled, he couldn't help it—"you showed up."

This was gonna be good, Adam just knew it. So he settled back into his demon's arms and gleefully waited for some heavenly fireworks. This was definitely a Yah you did not fuck with, and he had no doubt all would finally be put to rights.