19. Adam

The walls were cracking. At first, he hadn't been sure what he was seeing. It kind of looked like a dark hair was stuck on the pristine, white wall. But as he'd watched (because he was completely ignoring Bitch Lady), it had spread down and gotten wider. And then another had formed. And another soon after that. He had to resist the urge to get up and feel along the cracks to make sure they were real. The window was cracking too. Hairline fractures that slowly grew longer. They were kinda forming a pretty spiderweb-like pattern on the glass, which was infinitely more interesting than the harp players outside.

Bitch Lady had begun asking him question after question, and he had given her his snarkiest, bitchiest stare down in return, refusing to answer a single one—at least out loud. Because he couldn't help keeping a running commentary in his head. No, I don't want to garden. Playing harps looks boring as fuck. Who would want to ‘relax on a cloud' for eternity when you could have demon sex instead? No, I don't want to master a new trade, unless it's sucking Minos' dick better (he almost chuckled at that thought, but he held it in). No, I don't need to raise farm animals or another pet.

Although he had been super tempted to say yes, he'd like some pets, but downstairs please. Because alpacas. So soft. And cute. He wouldn"t mind some alpacas. And a dog. He had managed not to say a word, however. Which was when he had directed his gaze away from Bitch Lady to ignore her completely. Honestly, the hardest part of this whole thing was probably not bursting out to tell Bitch Lady what a horrible angel she was. Adam having to give someone the silent treatment was totally a form of torture.

His not even looking at her only seemed to piss her off even more, but she just continued her questions in her saccharine sweet voice. Even though he wasn't staring at her, he could still see her, and she occasionally looked up before she seemed to compose herself and continue asking questions. He remembered the voice from above his first time around in this room, and he wondered if this call was being recorded for quality purposes. Hee hee. He hoped so. He hoped that they saw what an ineffectual, horrible angel she was.

But he had little faith in the Leadership Team based on what Yah and Luce and Minos had said. The "team" obviously had no idea what it was like to be a mortal soul. Or to be a worker bee in the whole afterlife conglomeration they had going on.

He wondered if he could lodge a complaint? They ought to have a complaint box. Adam made a mental note. When Minos came to get him—which was totally happening, Adam had no doubt at all—he was going to suggest one. For every department. And then each department could lodge complaints against the Leadership Team. And Yah and Luce could get copied on all of those complaints. And maybe corrective actions could be put in place. That would be fun—corrective actions for the Leadership Team. They totally needed a really long, boring sensitivity training seminar. Because those things were total torture, and they deserved it.

Adam's drifting thoughts were interrupted by a note of… something in Bitch Lady's voice. He directed his eyes back in her direction.

She was looking a little worse for wear. Her voice was taking on a strained quality, and… were those wrinkles?

Holy shit. Bitch Lady's porcelain, perfect skin had little crow's feet by her eyes. And frown lines were marred into her skin. He could actually see her pores. He stared in fascination as she seemed to slowly but surely get less angelic looking.

Then the noise started. The cracks had been continuously growing, but it seemed like only this room was affected, because everything looked fine outside the cracked window. And no one was panicking. But the cracking had been a slow, quiet process. Now, he could hear the cracking, along with a rhythmic thumping sound. He thought for a moment it was his heart—it felt kind of like a heartbeat, reverberating through his body—but Bitch Lady obviously felt and heard it too.

"Angel-a," a monotonous voice intoned from above. "Please advise on the status of ticket #1618033988749894. This ticket has not been closed for placement. The Leadership Team has also taken note of some… irregularities, which seem to be originating in your office."

"I don't know what's happening!" she stammered, a definite note of panic to her voice. "There appear to be cracks in the walls? And ticket #1618033988749894 is non responsive to all afterlife placement techniques."

Her voice rose in pitch as she continued, and Adam felt a twisted pleasure in her panic. "I have not been properly trained to handle issues of this magnitude. This is outside the scope of my experience and job description. I need to escalate the ticket! I cannot resolve the situation!"

With that, she put down her tablet, pushed her chair back, and glared at Adam. "This is all your fault." She waved frantically around her office, beginning to shout. "ALL YOUR FAULT!" she cried out.

Adam couldn't keep his mouth shut a moment longer. "Well, maybe if you weren't such a bitch to people, and maybe if you hadn't been so damn snarky to someone who just died the first time I was here, then maybe you wouldn't be in this position, hmmm?"

With that, he looked up. "And you, Leadership Team assholes, Minos closed my ticket. I watched him do it. I was placed. I was placed with the approval of both your bosses, so I don't know why in the afterlife I am sitting in fucking Angel-duh's office. Maybe you should consult with your management, hmmm? Because you all fucked up."

The thumping was growing louder, and Adam sat back in his chair, a look of glee on his face. Because he realized what it was. It was footsteps, and a door was slowly forming on the wall. His Minos was here for him.

"Oh, you're in for it now," he chortled gleefully. "Because Minos is going to be so pissed."

With that, the door was unceremoniously thrown open, and his huge, hulking sexy demon ducked into the room. Adam jumped up and threw himself up into Minos' arms. Which was quite the throwing of himself, by the way, because his demon seemed to have about doubled in size. But Minos shrunk a bit in order to catch Adam in his arms and cradle him close.

"Oh, Big Guy, you got bigger! That's gonna be fun later!" he cried out, and then they were even closer in size and Minos and Adam were frantically kissing, lips pressed together, tongues sliding into each other's mouths.

Adam sucked hard on Minos' tongue, and then Minos bit Adam's lower lip between his teeth, and they were both groaning in delight. When they finally stopped for air, they just stayed pressed mouth to open mouth, taking in each other's panting breaths.

"I'm so glad you're here, Big Guy. I fucking missed you," Adam whispered, petting his hands along every inch of face and horn he could reach as Minos squeezed him tightly.

And then all hell, or actually, he supposed all heaven, broke loose.