13. Adam

Adam found himself in… an office? Like a really nice office with a killer view, but still, not what he expected for the King of Hell. He was facing a huge, shiny, gleaming black desk with a super comfy looking empty chair. There were light gray walls with bookshelves and all sorts of cool art and knick knacks he'd totally love to explore, and one whole wall was a window with an amazing view of a firefall and those awesome looking trees with the ash coating them.

"Holy shit, this view is killer!" Adam gushed.

A voice chuckled behind him. "No, that would be the view of the pits, but this one is infinitely more pleasing, I can assure you. Quieter, too."

Adam turned around to see a man in a bespoke black suit with dark hair casually standing by a gleaming black bar at the back of the office. He glided—there was no other word for it—over to the chair and gracefully sat down. And did Adam mention he looked like a man? Like, a totally super hot, runway model, underwear ad, tik tok famous hottie kinda man, but still, a man. No purple or red or magenta skin. No horns. No tail (sadly).

"Are you, like, actually Lucifer? Because I expected big hulking demon horns and fangs and maybe a tail. Because tails are just really awesome." And Adam fanned himself a little at that. "Like, really awesome."

The man laughed and gestured Minos and Adam toward two seats in front of his desk. Adam swore they hadn't been there a moment ago.

"I'm sorry, Luce, to call you in on this," Minos said, tugging Adam by the hand over to the seats, where Minos sat down in one and pulled Adam into his lap. Adam also swore the seat hadn't been big enough for both of them a moment ago, but it certainly was now. Hell magic was pretty cool.

Adam figured maybe he could keep his mouth shut for a few minutes so the two very important demon hotties could talk about whatever they needed to talk about. Which happened to be Adam's soul.

"I am so not going back upstairs. It's my soul and it is staying misplaced right here with Minos. Just so you know," he insisted, maybe a little too sternly considering he was talking to Lucifer. Also, oops. Because maybe Adam couldn't keep his mouth shut. He shrugged a little and settled into Minos' chest. At least he'd let his opinion be heard.

"Ah, I see," Lucifer replied.

Minos merely sighed, spreading his hands before going back to cradling Adam, saying, "The memo."

"Yes, I did think you were coming about the memo. The Leadership Team seems to set everyone off. They're quite insufferable. You know I'd do away with them if I could."

"Can't you throw them in the pits for a few decades?" Minos asked, and really, it was the closest thing to whining that Adam had ever heard come from his big guy's mouth.

"You know how that went last time," Lucifer huffed, his beautiful face scowling. "Morale plummeted. No one wants their torture techniques constantly critiqued. Or their levels of efficiency rated as they're trying to work. We had demons refusing to torture anyone from Leadership; they were transferring out of the pits in droves. When we had to start denying transfers, everyone started calling out for being summoned to the surface—and you know how much demons hate being summoned—but they were doing anything just to get out of work. Never mind the havoc they caused up there; we're still dealing with some of their more awful decisions.

"The Leadership demons weren't even the worst; the angels had torture demons crying in my office, Minos. Crying in my office. They had all the joy in their work stripped away. It took decades to get the pits right again after we removed Leadership. So no, the pits are not a viable option. I'm sure I don't need to remind you what happened when we put them in the labyrinth, either," Lucifer stated darkly.

Minos and Lucifer both shuddered and shared a look, and Adam couldn't imagine what was bad enough to make the King of Hell and the Judge of the Damned look so foreboding.

"Well, I mean, can't you just fire them?" Adam asked. "It doesn't sound like you like them. It doesn't sound like anyone likes them. And you're, like, the CEO, or COO, or CFO, or whatever C-letter acronym it would be for hell. So don't you get to make the rules?"

"They are, most unfortunately, a necessary evil. Yah and I tried to do it all ourselves, and in the beginning, we could. You humans simply procreate too quickly, however, and there was no way to keep up. Delegation was necessary. Unfortunately, no matter how many times we switch out the Leadership Team, they always end up this way," Lucifer sighed.

"They're awful," Minos grumbled, and yes, Adam thought his sexy demon was actually pouting. It was sort of cute.

"It's their fault there are so many souls, anyway," Minos ground out. "The hell overload is their doing—who thinks putting mosquito souls into human bodies is a good idea? Of course you're going to get bloodthirsty, annoying humans from it."

Adam stifled a chuckle as Lucifer replied, "Yes, that was one of their more unfortunate choices in soul transfers to make up for human procreation rates."

Minos continued his rant. "Maybe if they actually assisted in the workload instead of making more work, there wouldn"t be ‘backlog' in the queue," Minos groused, and he did Adam's thing with his fingers and air quotes. Awww, Minos was really a Mr. Grumpypants about the whole thing. But still so cute in all his pouty glory.

"You're so cute, my big, grumpy demon," Adam gushed, and then he gave Minos a quick peck on the lips before turning back to Lucifer, who looked slightly bemused by the exchange.

Lucifer clasped and folded his hands in front of him, leaning forward in his seat, staring at Minos and Adam. He was very quiet and very serious, and his eyes got kinda glowy, and Adam fidgeted a little, suddenly nervous.

"I see," Lucifer said, leaning back.

"Do you?" Minos asked, and Adam had to admit he was more than a bit lost. But he actually did manage to keep his mouth shut this time.

And then Lucifer turned around, made some squiggly looking gestures with his fingers on the glass, and sat back in his chair. It seemed like everyone was waiting now, and so Adam (still managing to keep his mouth shut, miracle of miracles and win for him!) curled into Minos and waited too.

There was a feeling like his ears were popping, and then he was looking at another absolutely gorgeous, model-worthy, sexy as hell… ummm… man? Woman? He wasn't sure. The person looked completely androgynous to him, with a gorgeous white robe/gown kinda thing, an angular face, the lightest and most gorgeous blue eyes Adam had ever seen, and hair so light it was practically white.

"Yah, thank you for joining us," Lucifer said, and he gestured to a lovely white seat (that Adam swore was not there a moment ago) that was opposite Minos and Adam and yet also not too close to Lucifer.

Yah was beautiful, but also, they looked… tired. Adam figured maybe it was pretty exhausting being god. Like, that must be a hell of a lot of work. (A heaven of a lot of work?) Especially if you had to deal with assholes like that Leadership Team.

Did Adam mention how beautiful Yah was? Also, the curiosity of knowing what was under the long, white, flowing robe that Yah was wearing was starting to itch at Adam's brain. He tried to resist. He really did. This was god, for goodness sake.

"Ok, so what is under that robe? Because you are smoking hot, and I'm sure it's like way inappropriate to ask, but also maybe polite? Because I'd like to use the correct gender pronouns when talking to you." Adam turned red the minute he was done talking. "And I'm so sorry because that is so rude. But still feel totally free to answer. If you want to. Of course," he finished off lamely.

Lucifer chuckled, and Yah smiled wanly, so at least he hadn't totally offended anyone. Minos simply squeezed him tightly and kissed the side of his head, which got a look from both people—err, immortal beings?—behind the desk. It was also kind of a mind trip that there was literally darkness and light on the opposite side of the desk. Adam had to admit it was a very cool visual image.

"Minos, perhaps you ought to let your human have a little space. I had forgotten how you work on their filters," Lucifer laughed out.

"Oh no, that's totally me. I'm like this even when I'm across the room from Minos," Adam rushed out. Because he didn't want to be separated from his demon. And also, because it was totally true.

What followed was yet another discussion of the memo, which Adam half listened to. Leadership Team sucks blah blah blah, no pits for them blah blah blah. He did notice that Lucifer and Yah kept sort of glancing at each other, and their bodies were sort of shifting to face one another in a very subtle and casual manner. And he coulda sworn that there was a time or two that a hand twitched in the other one's direction.

Color Adam intrigued. Because this was way better than a Harlequin romance if ‘Yah' and ‘Luce' had some sort of secret crush thing going on. Talk about star-crossed lovers. And yup, that was definitely a look of longing on Yah's face when Lucifer was turned towards them.

But Adam should totally keep his mouth shut. Yup. Totally. Not gonna say a word.

"So you two are really friendly," Adam interrupted. Yeah, Adam had figured he wouldn't last long. But at least he didn't come right out and ask if they were secretly in love with one another. He counted that as a win.

Lucifer looked at Yah and Yah looked at Lucifer, and they smiled at one another. But Adam again thought how tired Yah looked, and apparently he wasn't the only one.

"You look tired, Yah," Lucifer said. Then he turned to Adam. "And yes, of course we're friendly. We've worked together since time immemorial. We forgave each other for choosing different departments to run epochs ago."

Yah sighed. "You know how it is upstairs. Some of the angels have become a bit too… unbending. As is evidenced by Adam's case, I believe. Unfortunately, he is not the only one who was ‘misplaced' because mid-level management felt they weren't getting the respect they deserved from incoming souls."

Yah turned to Adam at that. "You can rest assured that heaven is a welcoming place, and you will not deal with the same placement agent as last time. They forget sometimes that not everyone has the same idea of heaven. Poor research and laziness on their part. Not everyone ascribes to biblical heavenly references, even if they are Christian."

Adam surged forward in Minos' lap. "Yeah, that's great and all, because she was a total bitch—excuse my language—but I am not going back upstairs. Nope. I'm staying here. With Minos. He's mine and I'm his and that's it." Adam snuggled back into Minos.

"Besides," he added, "I've been great for the judgment thing. I add some good ideas, and the demons like me. And Minos keeps me from hearing the really awful nightmare inducing stuff. So I'm having fun. And anyway, if I get to choose my heaven or whatever, then this is it. So I'm right where I belong."

"Yes, love, this is where you belong. Do not worry," Minos answered, kissing his head again. So Adam turned and gave him another peck on the lips. His demon was so sweet and protective.

Yah stared at them both for a moment, leaned forward and got the glowy eye thing going on, then leaned back and looked over at Lucifer.

"Interesting," was all he said.

"Yes, I thought so," Lucifer agreed.

Adam looked at Minos, who looked slightly perplexed, so he figured there were no answers there.

"Well, that's settled then," Lucifer said with an air of finality.

"Um, it is?" Adam asked. Because he had expected more… something. Maybe some arguing, a meeting with the ‘Leadership Team,' some groveling and begging, or even some kind of angel-demon throwdown with, like, lightning bolts and fire flashing back and forth. This seemed a bit too easy.

"Yes," Lucifer said firmly. Then he looked over at Yah, and yup, there was definite affection in his gaze.

"You know I'd always be willing to swap with you for a bit. Take some of the burden. Hell is not without its trials, but a little change of scenery might be just what you need. Besides, it would shake up the Leadership Team and put them into absolute fits." Lucifer grinned at the last statement, and Yah chuckled in return.

"Ah, you do tempt me, old friend," he replied, looking back at Lucifer. And Adam was sure those two would be making out if they felt like they could. The whole god and devil thing was probably holding them both off. This was epic level romance shit right here. He (amazingly) refrained from saying something about the two of them getting a room, but it was a close call.

"I fear that the angels would revolt if we did such a thing, and you know how that goes," Yah replied, and the two of them shared a meaningful look. With one last glance of longing, Yah popped out of existence, and Lucifer turned to look at Minos and Adam.

"Wow, you should totally hit that. Because they are a hottie and there is such chemistry there!" Adam fanned himself again. "I mean, I get the whole god and devil thing kinda being an issue, but really, love is love, right? I mean, the work hours probably suck, but when you have eternity, I'm sure you could figure out schedules that work."

Lucifer chuckled again, but Adam could swear there was almost a note of sadness to it. He bet it wasn't Lucifer who was holding back. Minos had said Lucifer was the rule breaker, and he bet Yah wasn't. But they did say opposites attracted.

"I got faith in you, Lucifer. You'll wear them down," Adam encouraged. Because he really was a sucker for a good love story and a happy ending. Speaking of…

"And we're really good? Like, Minos and I don't have to worry about being separated? Eternity together and all that?"

"Yes. You and Minos have no concern whatsoever in that area." Adam felt Minos breathe a sigh of relief behind him at Lucifer's words. He guessed he wasn't the only one who had thought more convincing would be needed.

"You may also feel free to call me Luce. Lucifer is far too formal for Minos' soul to call me. I will, of course, send a message to the Leadership Team that the misplaced soul has been placed, but you know how overzealous they get."

Lucifer then smirked when he stated, "I am, however, confident that they will get the message should they attempt to interfere with the two of you."

And on that sinister statement, Lucifer gave a positively devilish chuckle (yeah, yeah, of course the devil was devilish), turned, and squiggled his fingers on the glass. And with a little wave from Lucifer, Adam felt himself fading out of hell's corporate offices.