Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

DECEMBER 13TH, 1666

T he damaged Siren Song weighed anchor in the dark waters of Wave Harbor and waited for the harbormaster to send someone out to negotiate the price of overwintering in the port. They'd anchored briefly off the north coast of Souna to assess the damage the Talvans had wrought but found that it was far less than feared. So not wanting to tempt fate by stopping too soon, they moved on to a place they could hunker down for a while, unbothered.

Though the port of Wave Harbor on the southern end of Souna was technically under Talvan rule, it was far enough away from "polite" Talvan society that many pirate crews docked there to wait out the harsh winter storms. The governor, a man large in both stature and greed, saw this as an opportunity to make a little money on the side. So he'd offered up Wave Harbor as a winter haven for pirates, smugglers, and other brigands of the seafaring variety in exchange for a tithe of a share of their season's profits. As long as they came in after the first frost and left before the fruit trees got their buds, the pirates could rest assured that they wouldn't be ratted out to the higher authorities.

Of course, this all depended on the pirates behaving themselves. Wave Harbor wasn't a lawless place, and the governor didn't want his ragtag guests mingling with the "decent folk." No matter how much the pirates spent on ship repair and alcohol, they were restricted to the eastern side of the harbor, a neighborhood unofficially known as Pirate Alley. It was much larger than a single alley, but pirates tended not to worry overmuch about semantics.

Frost crackled on the Siren 's rigging as Rowan stood at the rail watching the lights in the town go out one by one until only those of Pirate Alley still blazed. He resented remaining in Talvan territory after what had happened, but it was one of the few safe ports for their kind, and he didn't have much choice. The harbormaster wouldn't come tonight. They'd slipped into the harbor just after dusk, and it was too cold and too windy to navigate safely. Any decent person would already be tucked safely abed.

But Rowan wasn't decent. He was a pirate.

Despite Rowan's cockiness, Admiral Batteux's words had shaken him. He was used to being the hunter. The hawk that swooped down on unsuspecting prey. But these past few months—ever since he'd finally met the Demon—he'd been the hunted. He was a toy to be batted around between a cat's paws before finally being devoured. He'd been willing prey for Yves, so eager to be seen by the man he'd hated and admired that he'd ignored the danger. And after that, still reeling from Yves's betrayal, he'd sailed directly into Batteux's trap.

Maybe Rowan was losing his edge, no longer fit to be captain. No longer cunning and stealthy as his reputation claimed.

Rowan touched his face with cold fingertips. The swelling had gone down, but the cuts across his right cheekbone were still tender, and his eye socket ached. Robin had assured him that the scars would fade with time, but Rowan's eye was destroyed and gone.

Rowan grimaced when his fingers brushed the edge of the bandages that still covered his empty eye socket. Robin hadn't wanted to stitch it closed, insisting they would find a fake eye once they reached land. Rowan had never considered himself vain. Aside from his magpie-esque collection of earrings, he usually went for practical over beautiful. But now he couldn't help but mourn the loss of whatever beauty he'd had. And even worse, his thoughts turned to wondering what Yves would think. Would he find Rowan's scars hideous?

Rowan shook his head. None of that mattered. He wouldn't see Yves again. Even if he did, it wouldn't matter what he thought of Rowan's looks, because Rowan didn't care. That's what he told himself. He was determined to put their unfortunate entanglement behind him .

The air grew colder the further night crept along. Rowan's breath pooled visibly in front of his lips. He turned away from the rail, intent on retiring to his cabin and attempting to sleep, but he came face-to-face with Ga?l instead.

"Oh! Captain, I was just coming to get you."

It had been three months since Ga?l joined their crew and despite Rowan's initial wariness of the intimidating former crewman of the Kraken , Ga?l had proved to be an invaluable member. He fit right in with Rowan's scrappy band as if he'd always been there.

And he'd saved Rowan's life.

Rowan's gaze flicked down to where a swath of bandage peeked out beneath Ga?l's open shirt collar. A twinge of guilt tugged in Rowan's chest. Because of him, Fox had almost lost the love of his life.

He forced his eye back up to Ga?l's face. There was no use dwelling on things he couldn't control.

"Coming to get me for what?" Rowan asked.

"Fox has a present for you." He paused, a fond smile playing on his lips. "And Logan was worried you'd freeze to death out here ‘because you don't know when to stop sulking,' sir."

Rowan snorted. It was just like Logan to tell him he was sulking.

"You don't have to call me ‘sir,' Ga?l. We're pirates. And besides, you saved my life, so I think you've earned more than a bit of familiarity."

"It was nothing," Ga?l muttered. He turned to go belowdecks, expecting Rowan to follow, but Rowan caught his arm.

"It's not nothing. You did more than most would, and you paid for it. I didn't get a chance before, but thank you. I'd be dead if it wasn't for you."

Ga?l blinked at him as if it had never occurred to him that he had the option to not throw his body in front of a blade to save someone else.

"Of course. You're my captain and Fox's friend and…" He stopped himself from saying whatever was next. His lips thinned to a line.

"And what?" Ga?l wasn't wearing a coat, and Rowan didn't want to keep him out in the cold longer than necessary, but Ga?l's sudden silence raised his suspicions.

"Never mind. We best get back before Fox gets antsy. "

"Ga?l." Rowan squeezed his arm. "I don't think I have to tell you that keeping secrets in this crew is not the way to earn our trust, regardless of your heroic acts. Tell me what you were going to say."

"The Deep Water Demon told me not to let anything happen to you or he'd hunt me down in hell."

Rowan released Ga?l's arm as if burned.

"He threatened you?"

Ga?l nodded. Yves had gone that far? Why? Did he still expect Rowan to come crawling back and wanted him to be unmarked when he did? He'd be disappointed then, that not only was Rowan not returning but half of his face had been marred by Cyrus's revenge.

Rowan's anger toward Yves built, burning the yearning away in its wake. Rowan couldn't seem to keep his feelings straight about him. One minute Rowan was reluctantly pining away, remembering the thrill of Yves's touch and the next he was full of anger that he'd ever met the man in the first place.

"Rowan, Captain Rowaaaaan…"

Rowan's thoughts were interrupted by Fox calling for him. Fox's voice, as always, held a mischievous edge.

A few moments later, Fox's head popped up from the hatch leading belowdecks.

"Why are you still out in the cold? Come on."

Fox led them to the mess where Logan and most of the crew were gathered with food and drink laid out on the tables.

"What's all this about?" Rowan asked.

Fox spun in a slow circle, his arms outstretched, nearly smacking Henri in the face in the close quarters.

"It's a ‘glad we're alive' party!" Fox exclaimed.

"A what?"

"You heard me." Fox was practically bouncing, giddy with whatever else he had in store.

"Why?"

Logan raised his eyebrows.

"Because we're happy to be alive, presumably," he said. "Don't be a spoilsport."

"And we have a present for you," Fox cut in. Rowan had to admit Fox's exuberance was infectious; his mood lightened despite himself.

Fox bounced forward and draped one arm across Rowan's shoulders. His expressive face practically glowed with excitement. He drew a small box from his pocket and shoved it into Rowan's hands.

"We're glad you're alive, Captain," he said sincerely, but still with that impish sparkle in his bright green eyes. His sentiment was echoed by voices around the room. Logan gave Rowan an encouraging smile and motioned for him to open the box.

Rowan lifted the lid. Within was a beautifully made eyepatch of dark brown leather. The strap and edges of the patch were embossed with simple little flowers and curly lines that resembled waves.

Affection for his crew welled up in Rowan's heart.

"Where did you get this?"

"Henri made it." Fox bounced on the balls of his feet. "Try it on!"

Rowan lifted the patch from the box, but there was something else underneath. Nestled in the bottom on a folded up bit of cloth was a marble the size of an eyeball.

"What is this?" The milky green sphere, almost jade-like, stared back at him.

"It's your new eye," Robin said.

Rowan didn't know what to say. His hand quivered as he plucked the eye from the box. It was smooth and glassy in his fingers. The others had gone quiet, watching him.

"You don't have to use it if you don't want," Fox said quietly in his ear. "I won it from some old guy in a game of dice a few years back. I thought it was pretty."

The corners of Rowan's mouth twitched up. It was just like Fox to hold onto some useless, pretty trinket until circumstances somehow karmically aligned to make his hoarding pay off. As exasperated as Fox made him sometimes, Rowan appreciated his friend more than he ever got a chance to say.

Placing the two gifts back in their box for safekeeping, Rowan glanced around the room at all the beloved faces of his crew, feeling an undeniable love and kinship for them well up in his heart.

"It's pretty. Thank you."

"Well now that's settled. Let's party!" Fox squeezed Rowan's shoulders then traipsed off to load up a plate of food. The rest of their friends followed suit. Rowan slipped the box into his pocket and went to take an empty seat next to Logan.

"Do you really like the gift?" Logan asked, taking a big bite of food. He was still a little clumsy using his left hand for everything, and a bit of potato dropped off his fork onto the table. He sighed around the food he had managed to get into his mouth.

"It was very thoughtful," Rowan assured him. "I'm sure I'll look very fearsome."

"You will." Logan grinned. "Next season you'll be the most feared pirate in the Islands for sure."

"Unfortunately, we have to talk about the Cyrus problem," Rowan said. He'd thought for a moment, as the days grew shorter and winter crept in, that maybe Yves had released Cyrus on purpose to exact revenge on Rowan for leaving. But he'd quickly forced the thought out of his mind. Cyrus's alliance with the Talvan navy put Yves and Illusion in danger too. He must have escaped somehow, and Rowan was determined to hunt him down before he had the opportunity to cause any more problems.

"Right now? But it's a party." Logan gestured to the others with his handless arm, his sleeve pinned around the stump of his wrist. Logan realized he'd used his right arm and tucked it close to his body. Despite insisting he was okay, Rowan knew it still pained him and left him feeling self-conscious.

"It's a ‘glad we're alive' party. If we want to actually stay alive, we've got to get rid of that snitch."

"Fair enough." The other crew members were well into their feast by now, chatting about all the things they had planned for their long winter in port. Logan ate a few more forkfuls of food, seeming to be contemplating the next thing he would say. Finally he set his fork back on his plate.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but we should consider going back to Illusion or at least ask the Demon for help."

The ache in Rowan's chest was back.

"Have you forgotten that he's the reason you only have one hand?" Rowan hissed. He felt a lot of guilt over what had happened to Logan, but he wouldn't let himself forget who was really at fault.

"Of course I haven't, but we need to consider what will keep the crew safe. I know your pride was hurt but?—"

"This isn't about my pride," Rowan interrupted. Even as he said it, he knew it was a lie, but he continued anyway. " You got hurt Logan. And it was because he wanted to keep us there against our will. We'd be no safer with him than we are out here. At least with the navy, we know their motives. The Demon is too much of a wild card, and we can't trust him. I can keep the crew safe, and I don't need his help."

Logan turned to face him fully. "He has much more firepower than us. And the Talvans are hunting him too. We could team up, then go our separate ways."

"He threatened Ga?l to make sure nothing happened to me. You think that manipulative prick is going to let us go again?"

Logan blinked at him, taken aback. "Don't you think he might just want to protect you?" he asked more quietly.

In the sudden quietness, both of them realized that those around them had stopped the revelry to listen to their argument. Rowan's heartbeat sounded loud in his ears. He stood without looking at the rest of the people in the room.

"We'll talk about this later, in private." He hurried out of the mess, hoping no one would follow. No sooner had he stepped foot inside his cabin than Logan's words fully sank in. He stopped just inside the door, staring at the same bed where he and Yves had slept together for both the first and last time. His heart pounded against his ribs.

The truth was that it actually hadn't occurred to Rowan that Yves had done what he did—the lies and manipulations, the threats towards his crew—because he actually cared about Rowan. When Ga?l said Yves had threatened him, Rowan's mind had jumped directly to control and ownership, not protection.

He couldn't keep his head on straight even without Yves constantly breathing sensually down his neck. One minute Rowan was missing him, even worrying about being seen as attractive to him, and the next he was calling him a manipulative bastard and storming out on his best friends in the world.

Rowan felt like he was going insane, and the idea that Yves might actually care about him made everything much worse.

"Rowan?"

He whirled, realizing he hadn't closed the door. He'd expected Logan, but it was Fox. He stood just over the threshold of Rowan's cabin, looking nervous. He ran his fingers through his already tousled brown hair.

"Can we talk?"

"Come in," Rowan sighed. Fox followed him in and closed the door behind. He passed Rowan and plopped onto the end of the bed, patting the mattress beside him. Rowan reluctantly sat. Fox scooched closer to him so they were hip to hip and laid his head on Rowan's shoulder. Fox had always been physically affectionate with his friends, but sometimes it still caught Rowan off guard.

"I told Ga?l to stop protecting you," Fox said without preamble.

"Want me dead that bad?" Rowan joked, because he was unsure what to say. Fox shook his head against Rowan's shoulder and threaded his arm through his.

"It seemed like it upset you."

"I'm not upset to be alive just…sorry that he got hurt because of me. You just found him again."

Fox lifted his head and propped his chin on Rowan's shoulder instead.

"I'm glad you're alive, Captain. I'm glad he is too. I love you both."

He said it so easily that Rowan wished that if Yves had felt that way about him, he could have just said it, and they wouldn't be in this situation. Rowan's own feelings were an ever-changing storm, but he thought that maybe, if he knew what Yves felt, the skies would clear.

"How do you do that?"

"What?"

"How can you say you love someone so easily?"

Fox laughed. "It's actually not easy. You're just an idiot."

"There's no hope for me then?"

"Maybe you can learn. I don't know. It might be harder for you to see love now that you only have one eye."

Rowan smacked him on the arm.

"Really though," Fox continued. "Do you think you love the Demon? Is that what all this is about?" He poked Rowan playfully in the ribs, trying to lighten the mood.

Again, he didn't know. He knew a thousand other things before he knew about this. Fox sensed his hesitation.

"Well, for the record. I think that demonic bastard does love you, as much as someone like him can love."

"How do you know you love Ga?l?" Rowan wasn't sure what had come over him. Maybe it was the jarring thought that Yves might actually care about him for more than sex. Maybe it was the comfort of one of his best friends cuddled up beside him. But he suddenly needed to know .

Promise me that I will see you again. Promise that we will not be enemies.

Was that love? Or possession?

"You know," Fox said, "a long time ago, Ga?l and I kissed for the first time in a tavern here in Wave Harbor. Well, we did a lot more than that. Anyway, ever since then, I'd been angry. I'd been trying to forget him, but I never could. Not just because he hurt me, but because he's a part of me. When he came back, I wanted to stay angry, and I was, but it was like some part of my world fit back into place. That's how I knew. And I think you know a lot more than you're willing to admit. It can be hard to forgive someone who hurt you. Even harder to forgive when they've hurt someone close to you. But it's hardest of all to open yourself up to that potential willingly."

Up until now, they'd avoided docking at Wave Harbor because of Fox's past.

"I'm sorry for bringing you back here."

"That wasn't the point of my wise words, but thank you."

His words were wise. Sometimes Rowan forgot how smart Fox was beneath his silly antics.

Rowan had only ever had very short, surface level relationships. Never anything that could have even come close to being called love. It seemed almost horrific to Rowan to share the deepest parts of himself with someone, to let them truly know him. Did he want Yves to know him that way? They'd been physically close. Done things together that Rowan had never done with anyone else. And Yves had told him of the darkness in his past.

Rowan didn't know what to think.

"You're smarter than you look, Fox."

"When it comes to this, I'm a hell of a lot smarter than you."