Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

AUGUST 16TH, 1666

W hen Henri had woken after he and Robin's first night together, Robin was no longer squished into the thin bed with him. He came back soon after with breakfast for them both. But when Henri reached for him, Robin avoided his touch.

In the days following, Robin acted as if nothing had happened between them. Henri was confused. He'd never had a romantic interlude before; he'd never had a one-night stand either. The only reason he'd felt safe sleeping with Robin was because he'd developed feelings for him and thought Robin felt the same. Yet now he was adrift and abandoned. Was lust all Robin felt for him? Now that they'd slept together was that all there was? There was a tightness in his chest that wouldn't go away no matter how much he tried not to think about it, no matter how much he tried to accept it. The only time Robin touched him now was out of medical necessity, yet even that clinical touch woke feelings in Henri he wished had remained sleeping.

Henri didn't know what to do. Ask Robin why he was acting like this? Just let it go? He waited to see if Robin would come around, but nothing had changed by the time Fox visited the infirmary days later.

He skipped in excitedly, for once without his muscle-bound boy toy, and made straight for Henri's cot, ignoring Robin .

"We're here!" Fox exclaimed, flopping onto the end of Henri's cot, narrowly missing his injured leg.

"Where?" Henri hadn't been paying much attention to what was going on with the rest of the crew, not being mobile enough to leave the infirmary often and also being quite distracted by the situation with Robin.

"The Demon's mysterious island of course!" Fox said, sitting up. He explained what had been happening while Henri was convalescing.

"So I came down to help," Fox finished, looking between Henri and Robin. He seemed to suddenly sense the tension in the air and raised an eyebrow at Henri.

"We're to stay until the repairs are made?" Robin cut in.

Fox nodded again.

"I came to help get this big lug into the landing boat," Fox reiterated. Robin nodded and began bustling around the room, packing up supplies.

"What's up with you two?" Fox whispered, leaning close to Henri.

Henri wasn't sure what to say. The change in Robin's demeanor was definitely due to the sex, but what did it mean? Fox was one of his best friends and very experienced; maybe he would know what to do.

Robin left the room, muttering about supplies.

"We slept together," Henri blurted as soon as he was gone.

"What? When?" Fox exclaimed, smacking Henri on the shoulder in excitement.

Henri fiddled with one of the beads in his short locs, suddenly embarrassed. "A few nights ago."

"And this is…bad?" Fox prompted, seeing his friend's troubled expression. "I thought you liked each other?"

Henri had never admitted that to Fox out loud, and he doubted Robin had either. But Fox had always been good at reading people, especially when it came to sex.

"We do… I mean, I like him. He said he liked me, but he's barely talked to me since."

"Wow, you were that bad, huh?" Fox joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Maybe." Henri sighed miserably .

Fox's expression softened, and he placed a comforting hand on Henri's shoulder.

"Just talk to him," he said gently. "You'll never know how he feels unless you ask."

Henri was the last to leave the landing boat as the rest of the crew made their way from the docks toward the peaceful village beneath the trees. He didn't have the energy to ponder the implications of the Deep Water Demon owning a whole island. The process of getting Henri from the Siren 's deck to the boat had been an exhausting ordeal, and he just wanted to go to bed and deal with his problems in the morning.

Fox hopped onto the dock and turned back to help Henri over the gap. But Robin was already there, elegant hand extended. Henri took it and allowed himself to be hauled over onto dry land. When his feet hit the dock, it jostled his splint, and he hissed in pain. Robin grasped his arm to steady him. But when Henri regained his balance, Robin didn't let go right away. His hand lingered on Henri's arm, grip softening.

"You okay?" he asked, glancing at Henri, then away. The words seemed like he was asking about more than just Henri's leg. Robin's face was tinged peach in the dying light of the sunset, and his touch—shy as it was—was almost comforting. Like maybe he did have feelings for Henri after all. Or maybe Henri was reading too much into it, and Robin was just being a good doctor.

"I'm fine," Henri answered.

Robin let go, and Henri was adrift again.

"I'll go on ahead," Fox cut in, handing Henri his crutch with a wink. It was obvious he wanted to give the two of them ample alone time to talk. "You'll be fine, won't you, doc?"

Before Robin could answer, Fox bounded away to catch up with Ga?l, who was waiting on the shore.

The walk through the village seemed so long. And though Fox had given him a good opportunity to talk to Robin, he couldn't think of what to say. He was completely out of his depth when it came to matters of sex and romance. And he couldn't quite bring himself to show Robin just how hurt he was by the sudden distance between them.

By the time they reached the large, slightly rundown manor house at the top of the lane, the rest of the crew members were already dispersed. Only the Kraken 's first mate, John, remained, waiting for them in the foyer.

"I'm to assign quarters to all the Siren crew members," John said when they arrived. He glanced at Henri's leg. "Does he still need to stay in the infirmary?" he asked Robin.

"No," Robin answered, and Henri felt a pang of loss. The infirmary, and Robin caring for his injuries, were the last connections they had to each other. "But he should stay nearby," Robin added.

"Third door on the left," John said. "Get him settled, will you? I'm going to find dinner." Robin nodded, and John left them in the foyer.

"This way," Robin said, still avoiding Henri's eyes. He led Henri down a hallway, walking slowly to match Henri's pace. They reached the door of Henri's new room in no time, but Henri didn't want Robin to leave. He wanted more time to come up with the words that would close the awkward gap between them.

"The infirmary is right down there," Robin said, pointing to a door near the end of the hall with a faded white cross painted on it. "And I stay right next door to it, if you need anything." He lingered for a moment, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. Then he turned to go.

"Wait." Henri caught his hand, but his mind was still blank. He still didn't know what to say. The silence stretched in the empty hallway. Robin was looking at him expectantly, almost as if he dreaded what Henri would say next, but he didn't remove his hand from Henri's grip. Henri swallowed reflexively.

"L-let me stay with you instead," Henri stuttered, already cursing himself for his boldness. "I don't know what I did wrong, but I want to be near you. Please."

Robin bit his bottom lip, gaze lowering to where their hands were clasped between them.

"You didn't do anything wrong," he muttered, almost too quiet to hear.

Henri wanted to step closer, but he felt like he'd fall if he did. His fingers tightened around Robin's. Robin looked up at him, still biting his lip till there were red marks on his skin.

"Please. Just talk to me. I…" The tightness in Henri's chest moved up to his throat, and his voice trailed off.

"Come with me," Robin said, seeming resigned to this conversation. He extricated his hand from Henri's grasp and walked down the hall towards his room. Henri followed, his crutch thumping against the floor with every step.

Robin's quarters turned out to be a single room which looked like it had once been a small study. Shelves lined one wall, packed with all manner of medical texts and well-worn notebooks. Four small brass bells hung on the wall opposite, rigged on curled metal springs with wires running through the wall into the room that housed the infirmary. An over-large desk sat pushed against the wall beneath them, and a double-wide bed with a brass headboard was pushed against the far wall beneath the window.

Robin lit an oil lamp on the desk and closed the door behind them, dumping their bags in the corner by the bookcase.

"Take a seat," Robin said, pulling out the desk chair. "Your leg must be hurting."

Henri had been too distracted by everything going on to realize it, but his leg did hurt. So he sat, leaning the crutch on the edge of the desk. Robin stood a pace or two away, fidgeting. There was nowhere else to sit besides the bed.

Henri was getting anxious again, not wanting to push Robin too hard but needing answers more than ever. When it became clear that there were no answers forthcoming, he took a deep breath.

"Why aren't you talking to me?" Henri asked, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. It seemed like the easiest question to ask but might be the hardest answer to hear.

Robin hung his head, picking at a cuticle. "Is your leg hurting?" he asked instead.

"Yes," Henri admitted.

"Stay here." Robin retreated to the other room and returned with new bandages and a jar of ointment. He knelt in front of the chair and took Henri's heel in his hand. He removed the shoe and moved Henri's foot to rest in his lap. He began unraveling the old bandages in silence .

"Don't you like me anymore?" Henri blurted, immediately flushing when Robin's hands stilled.

"I do," Robin said quietly. It was like he had to force the words out. His head was still down as if focusing on his task.

"Then why won't you look at me?"

Robin finally looked up, eyes shiny in the light of the oil lamp.

Henri was gripped by a sudden urge to touch him. Despite the hurt and confusion Robin had caused him the last few days, he was still undeniably drawn to him, and seeing tears in his eyes pulled at Henri's heartstrings. He reached down and brushed a lock of hair from Robin's brow, full of all the tenderness and affection he'd felt during their only night together.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked again quietly. His fingers traced down the edge of Robin's ear. Robin inhaled sharply at the contact.

"You didn't." Robin's voice was thick with emotion, and his fingers slipped up to the back of Henri's knee beneath the hem of his rolled-up pant leg. "You're perfect. It's me. I…felt ashamed." His lips thinned to a line. "Not because of you, but just… I was raised to believe that what we did is wrong, and I felt like I shouldn't drag you down with me." He bit his lip and looked up at Henri with warring emotions, like he hoped Henri would both understand but also reject him.

"You said you liked me," Henri whispered. His feelings were at war within him too. Maybe he shouldn't have moved so fast when he discovered Robin's feelings. He'd had an inkling that Robin had grown up that way. That he'd been raised to reject who he was.

A tear slipped down Robin's cheek. "I do, but I'm disgusted with myself for it."

Henri threaded his fingers through the back of Robin's hair, leaning down so they were face-to-face.

"Does this disgust you?" he asked. He was amazed with his own calmness. In all twenty-four years of his life, Robin was the first person he'd ever felt romantic or sexual feelings for, and he didn't want to let him go, especially not when he was hurting. But his heart was breaking that this beautiful, sweet man had so much hatred for himself.

Robin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if centering himself .

"You're amazing," Robin murmured. "You could never disgust me."

"But you don't want me." It was a statement more than a question.

"I…" Robin's voice trailed off.

"I care about you," Henri said, as if the words would awaken the truth in Robin's heart. "I want to be with you. What we have and what we are is not wrong. Forget the past, and say yes."

Robin blinked back tears, and for a moment Henri thought maybe he would give in to his self-hatred and turn away. That he would give up the possibility of a happy future for the traumas of his past.

Suddenly, Robin closed the gap between them, catching Henri's lips in a trembling kiss. Henri froze, unsure if this was a kiss of acceptance or goodbye. His fingers were still threaded through Robin's fluffy hair. He wanted to pull him closer, to deepen the kiss and never let him go, but he feared doing so would push Robin even further away.

Instead, he waited. He closed his eyes and relished the feel of Robin's soft lips, committing it to memory in case this was the last time he could taste them.

Robin pulled away all too soon, and Henri braced himself for the imminent rejection. But nothing happened. The silence unfolded, broken only by their shared breath. He opened his eyes.

The flame in the oil lamp guttered, throwing shifting shadows into the corners of the room. Robin gazed up at him in the flickering orange light. There were still tears in his eyes, but an expression of serenity had stolen over his face. Henri sucked in a deep breath, readying himself for anything.

That sweet, familiar smile broke across Robin's mouth. He seemed to have made a decision that lifted a weight from his conscience.

"I care about you," Robin confessed. Henri's held breath rushed out with relief. Somehow he hadn't expected this outcome, and still waited for the almost inevitable but…

"I'll try my best to make you happy," Robin continued, his voice low and sincere. "If it's for you, I think I can learn to accept who I am."

"Can I kiss you?" Henri asked. He felt lightheaded and couldn't quite believe this was really happening. But he wanted to make sure he wouldn't scare Robin away.

"Yes."

Henri's fingers tightened in Robin's hair as he drew him closer. The kiss was chaste at first. Until Robin's tongue slipped between Henri's lips. Henri's foot still rested in Robin's lap, and he felt Robin's cock harden slightly beneath the bare sole of his foot. He didn't want to move too fast, but their bodies seemed to have other ideas. Robin moved Henri's foot off his lap and sat up further between Henri's legs, hands running lightly up his thighs. Blush was high in Robin's cheeks, and Henri's face felt hot as well.

Robin's thumb rubbed Henri's inner thigh, and he felt the blood rush from his face to somewhere else. He moaned quietly as their kissing grew more heated. But Henri still held back. The first time, he'd been so caught up in the surprise of new feelings and the need to please Robin that nervousness hadn't had a chance to get a hold of him. But now a hundred worries flicked through his mind. Could he please Robin? Were they moving too fast? Would he spook him? Would Robin go back to being a stranger in the morning despite his loving words? All of this distracted him, detaching his anxious mind from his body which only had one desire.

Sensing Henri's hesitancy, Robin pulled away slightly.

"Are you okay?"

"I just don't want to move too fast and scare you away again," Henri admitted, his voice sounding small and pathetic in his own ears.

Robin thunked his forehead gently against Henri's, pulling him closer with arms around his waist.

"If I get scared, I'll have you to comfort me," Robin said. Their breath mingled in the small space between their lips. It was intoxicating to feel Robin so close, and some of the worries plaguing him dissipated. "We don't have to do anything tonight. Just let me hold you."

Henri licked his lips and nodded. As turned on as he was, all he really wanted was to be near Robin. And besides, his leg was aching after the eventful day.

"Alright." Robin gave Henri another peck on the lips. Then to Henri's surprise, he hoisted Henri into his arms, Henri's legs wrapped around his waist, and he carried him to the bed .

"What are you doing?" Henri laughed. With his stature, he'd never expected to be carried anywhere.

"Carrying my boyfriend to bed," Robin answered innocently, settling Henri on the edge of the mattress. He knelt to one knee to check Henri's leg. The splint was still in place but the bandages over the burns were still on the floor by the chair. Robin made quick work of applying ointment and rebandaging the burns. He stood and bent to kiss Henri again. Henri could see that he was still half hard.

Robin crossed the room and turned off the oil lamp, then after propping a rolled up quilt beneath Henri's injured leg, stripped off his outer clothes and climbed into the bed. He laid back against the pillow, hair splaying like a puffy cloud, and held his arms open to Henri.

"Come here."

Henri laid back, nuzzling into Robin's chest. His feet hung slightly over the foot of the bed, but he was as comfortable as he'd ever been sleeping alone. He hugged one arm around Robin's middle and listened to Robin's slow heartbeat. Robin's hand stroked his hair soothingly.

"Sweet dreams," Henri murmured. The kindling passions of his body were cooling, and his eyelids grew heavy.

"Mmmm," Robin answered sleepily. Henri closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift into sleep to the sound of Robin's heartbeat.