20. In the Gazebo

Demi

I grazedthe fluffy pillows with my fingertips, snuggling deeper into the plush cushions. I always enjoyed it when the staff set up a pallet for Calia in the gazebo, but today it felt downright heavenly—thick pillows, smooth quilts, and lush furs all around the edges. It was very relaxing…or it would be if I wasn't struggling with a sudden transition at thirty fucking years old.

"Are you okay?" Calia sat up, taking a sip of her ice water. "You seem agitated. What's going on?"

"I'm just trying to get used to all of this." I squeezed my tense muscles right above my knees. "My body doesn't feel right. I'm too hot and kind of itchy. Why is that?"

Calia's nose scrunched as she grimaced. "You're probably about to start your heat."

I froze at her words. I'm going to have a heat.

"I forgot about heats," I said, unable to hide the fear in my voice.

Calia placed her cup on the edge of the makeshift nest. "Don't worry." She placed her hand on mine. "They aren't as bad as you'd expect." She was lying. I had heard many omegas talk about the intense agony of an unattended heat. Most insisted on getting an alpha to make it bearable.

"When will it hit?" I asked, zeroing in on all the sensations pulsing through my body. But I couldn"t really sense anything other than a dull ache in my joints. Could that be the beginning of my heat?

"I don't know," Calia said with a slight shrug. "That's a question for a healer." She popped open her fan, cooling herself off. "I'm actually shocked it hasn't already happened. Especially with you and Max…" She raised her eyebrows suggestively, making my face grow hot.

"I just wish I knew why I didn't transition until I was thirty," I said, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"The Moon has a plan that she doesn"t always share with us." Calia bumped her shoulder into mine. "Maybe she wanted you to find Max before allowing your true form to take hold."

"Maybe." I gave a half-hearted sigh. My gaze drifted to the fierce alpha, and my heart fluttered.

Max stood at attention on the other side of the rose bushes, scanning the tree line. He was all perfectly stacked muscle, wrapped in an exceptionally tight uniform. His black slacks pulled tight around his thick thighs and the buttons of his shirt strained at his pecs. My mouth instantly watered, and my wolf simpered.

"He wants to mate me," I said, unable to stop myself from speaking. I still wasn't sure how I felt about his insistence on mating me, but I had to talk to someone about it. "He told me he wants to mate me right now, before my first heat."

"Oh my goodness!" Calia let out an excited squeak, but her excitement vanished as she took in my tight expression. Confusion lined her brow. "I take it you aren't happy with that?"

"It's not that." Deep sadness spread across my chest, settling like a bolder in my gut. My wolf whimpered long and loud. "It's his reasoning behind it," I said honestly.

Calia scooted a little closer, her arm pressed against mine.

"It's so obvious that he's only offering to mate me out of some sense of duty." I forced a smile, hoping I looked like it didn"t matter, but I could feel how tense my face was. "I know it's silly, but I always wanted to find an alpha that couldn't live without me. That wanted to love and adore me forever. Not one that couldn"t live with the guilt of letting me die."

"What makes you think he doesn"t really want you?" Calia asked softly. Her cotton blossom scent edged so soft and comforting. She was soothing me.

"Max and I only just committed to one another a few days ago." My gaze flickered to the alpha, making sure he wasn't listening. He kept scanning the tree line, his intensity stretching across the lush garden and coiling around me like a spring breeze. "That morning he confessed that he adored me, then all this happened." I cut Calia a pained look. "We went from deciding to be exclusive to him suddenly wanting to mate me in less than a few days? It's all a little too fast for my liking. Too forced."

"Alphas and omegas don't do it any other way." Calia let out a gentle laugh. "We meet, mate, and breed in very quick order. It sounds to me like he wants you."

"You didn't hear the way he proposed mating." I dropped my gaze, caressing the soft ribbon around my middle. The green dress wasn't exactly my color, but I was stuck wearing Calia's omega-made clothing until I could order some of my own. "It was very…." I mumbled, feeling very exposed, "...unemotional."

"Perhaps emotional confessions aren't his strong suit." Calia squeezed my hand gently. "Not all alphas are good at expressing themselves."

Clenching my teeth, I forced myself to tell her what he said. "I shared my deepest secrets with him, and he immediately called me old, and said we needed to mate because it was dangerous for me to be single."

"Oh, my." Calia recoiled from my words. "That's not good." She grimaced.

"I know." I hung my head, fighting the urge to cry. There was nothing more pathetic than an omega that was forced into a mating due to their circumstances. I had seen it too many times, and no one ever ended up happy in those pairings. "Things were going so well with him. I really thought he liked me."

"Maybe you should talk to him. Find out what he meant." Calia squeezed my hand again. She was trying so hard to calm me. "Alphas say and do many stupid things. It's difficult, but it is possible to train them to be good mates."

My attention pulled back to Max. He stared at the pond, his back straight and his hands tucked behind his back. I was sure he'd make a wonderful mate someday, but I couldn"t live the rest of my life with an alpha that forced himself to settle for me. And while Max's confession of his feelings seemed fairly passionate, he didn't exactly tell me he loved me.

Was it possible he felt that way?

Was that even something I wanted?

"Have you ever been to Aberdeen?" I ask, needing to distract myself from the cycle of endless questions floating around in my head.

"The witches" city?" Calia asked, and I nodded. "No. Why?"

I shrugged, scanning the garden, but my eyes kept going back to Max. "I realized the other day that I've never been there." I smoothed my dress over my knees. "I heard that enchanted women dance in gossamer gowns, cursing their enemies with wicked spells."

Calia's eyes went wide, her mouth falling open. "That sounds amazing."

"Doesn't it?" I clasped my hands together, letting my imagination run away with me. "They say there's a vein of honey-colored amber that runs through the center of the village, and that the witches give out bent pennies as love charms."

Calia let out a bright laugh. "I'd love to see that." Her eyes flickered to the packhouse, and I knew she was looking at Max. Without meaning to, my gaze followed hers, and my breath hitched.

Max was looking right at me. He didn't flinch or look away at being caught staring. Instead, he narrowed his dark eyes, looking right into my soul. The air around me grew warm and my nipples pebbled tight against my dress. Max's eyes flashed red, and a shiver worked through me. I needed to talk to him. To hear his voice and feel his touch.

But before I could move a muscle, Kade placed his hand on Max's shoulder. My big, sexy alpha turned away from me, making me frown.

"It's almost pathetic how much you like him," Calia said far too loudly.

"Keep it down." I hissed, praying my wolf and body would settle, but I could feel the wetness beginning to gather between my legs. It was shameful. "Max was just a bit of fun to pass the time. It got out of hand, and I ended up falling for him. But he has made it very clear that mating me is a practical decision. Not an emotional one. And I have no interest in being tied to an alpha that has lackluster feelings for me."

"Talk to him, Demi." Calia snuggled into the puffy pillows. "Walk up to him like the big girl you are, and talk about how you feel." She gave me a pointed look. "It's unfair of you to assume how he feels."

"I'm not assuming?—"

"Yes, you are," she said forcefully. "Talk to him. Stop panicking and ask the damn alpha how he feels about you."

She was right.

I needed to talk to Max.