16. Waking Up

Demi

Timeafter that was hazy at best.

Faint images drifted in and out of my consciousness. I remembered Florence sitting at my bedside, wiping my face and arms with a wet cloth, and Calia reading me poems from a worn book.

And Max…

The alpha's presence was so clear, even in my dreams. I could sense when he was in the room with me, and I grew restless when he was gone.

I needed him like I needed air to breathe.

But did he want me?

Horrible nightmares consumed me, flooding my body with intense fear and panic. Each awful dream was the same—Max yelling at me, cursing me for changing into an omega. Then the next second he was making love to me, fucking me into my nest, right before sinking his fangs into my flesh, and ripping my throat clean out. I don't want an omega, he growled over and over again. I don't want an omega.

"No!" I jerked awake, making Calia flinch.

"Oh my goodness!" Her pretty face appeared over mine, looking down at me with hopeful eyes. "Are you awake, or is this another bad dream?"

"Awake," I groaned, rolling onto my side. My bed was so soft. Puffy and cushy with lush blankets all around me. "This isn't mine," I said, rubbing my fingertips over the silky pale blue blanket beneath me.

"I brought some of my extra nesting materials." Calia sat at the edge of the bed, smoothing my hair away from my face. "Florence told me what Johns said about your condition." Her voice was so gentle.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.

"I'm not an omega," I said, but I could feel it in my bones. I was.

"Oh, I know." Calia nodded firmly, agreeing with me. The simple gesture meant so much. Everyone else had dismissed me, so I assumed Calia would too.

"You believe me?" I asked, forcing myself to sit. My whole body ached, and my stomach growled.

"I went down to the infirmary yesterday, and spoke to Johns about your condition." Calia patted the pillow next to me, making it the perfect shape. "He said that he might have found a case in Madra where a beta was able to produce slick even though she could shift during the full Moon. Johns thinks you might have something similar. That your wolf?—"

"I can't shift," I cut in. There was no point in lying about it anymore. Johns was going to find out soon anyway. I might as well get it out now. "I've never been able to. Not even once."

"What?" Calia's brows drew together, her whole body frozen in place. "You can't shift? At all?"

"Nope." I slipped my fingertips over the beautiful blanket beneath me. The red paint I had applied a few days ago was already chipped.

"Demi." Calia pressed her palm to my cheek. "So you've never once embodied your wolf?"

I pulled my lips into a tight line, not wanting to say it again.

"Well," Calia's hand fell from my face as she let out a heavy sigh, "Johns will probably be here soon." She glanced out my tiny window. Warm light cut through the lace curtains, making the whole room glow a lovely shade of orange. "The full Moon is tonight. I'm sure you two will have lots to discuss."

"I don't want to see him." My body protested as I pulled my knees up, tucking them under my chin. That medicine really did a number on me. "I know Johns will be happy to know that he's probably right. I am very likely an omega. But I don't want to talk about it."

My wolf whimpered, hating how distressed I was about the whole situation. She wanted me to be happy and accept that she wasn't broken or weak. She wanted me to be happy that I was simply mislabeled when I presented. But how could I be happy? The freedom I loved was gone.

"I understand not wanting to talk about it," Calia said, taking my hand in hers. She caressed my skin, moving up and down my forearm. It felt very good. "You know, there's no shame in not being able to shift."

"Yes there is," I said, giving her a half-hearted smile. "But I don't expect you to understand. You aren't a beta."

"No. I guess I'm not," she said with a kind smile. "And while some wolves might look down on my kind for being too weak," she rolled her eyes, "to embody our wolves, I am still as smart and quick and determined as any alpha, or beta." She leaned in, giving me a brilliant smile. "And so are you."

I appreciated her kind words, but I couldn't agree. Not yet.

"That doesn't change the fact that omegas have no choices." I was well aware that Calia knew all of this, but I had to say it out loud. I was thankful that she was the kind of friend that would let me say it. "I don't want to be stuck in this village for the rest of my life. I don"t want to be forced to mate someone out of fear that I'll die young."

Calia nodded, understanding my point. "Life can be hard for an omega," she relented. "But it's not like it's any easier on alphas or betas." She squeezed my hand. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that it's hard out there for everyone."

"Maybe." I rubbed my face hard, feeling very restless. "Where's Max?" I asked, noticing his dress shirt still draped over the back of my sitting chair. I wanted to press it to my face and inhale deeply.

"Davon had to force him to go back to the den." Calia followed my gaze, looking at the wrinkled shirt. "He hasn't slept the entire time you've been out."

My wolf purred loudly, thrilled at his devotion to me.

"Max is a really good alpha," I said, agreeing with my beast.

"He's one of the best alphas I know." Calia squeezed my hand. "I understand why you didn't want to share with me that you two were seeing each other, but I'm happy you found each other." She smiled, and I couldn't help but smile too. Her energy was just so infectious.

"Thank you for saying that." I threaded my fingers through hers, grateful to have such a wonderful friend. "I wanted to tell you about him, but I wasn't ready."

"You know," Calia's voice shifted, higher, almost teasing, "Max would make a wonderful mate." Her brows shot up as she smiled widely.

I scowled, not amused.

"Or," Calia leaned back, completely unaffected by my sour expression, "Max would make a wonderful corpse when you make your escape from Casin. Because I fear you'll have to kill that alpha before he"ll let you go."

I snorted loudly, shaking my head. "I'm convinced he tricked me." I dropped my voice to a whisper. "I just wanted a little fun, but the asshole made me love him."

Calia"s dark eyes widened with excitement. "Love?"

"That's not what I meant," I said, swatting her arm. "Not love. Just…" I hesitated, not sure how I felt about Max. My wolf adored him, and I truly loved his company. But did I love him?

It was impossible to sort out my feelings with my mind and body such a mess.

"My Lady?" Florence knocked softly, before opening my bedroom door. "Demi." He grinned, happy to see me awake. Then his expression shifted, his usual stern demeanor taking hold. "It's about time you got out of bed and did something productive."

Calia immediately giggled.

"I take great comfort in the fact that you will never change, Florence." I laughed at the beta.

"I like consistency." Florence checked the buttons along the collar of his purple shirt. Or maybe it was violet. It was hard to tell. "My Lady," he bowed to Calia, "Alpha Davon has asked me to fetch you for dinner."

"Should I come too?" I asked, hoping to get up and out of my room. I needed some fresh air.

"Max is bringing you something to eat." Florence held open the door for Calia.

"I"m sure you two have plenty to discuss." Calia winked. "I"ll let Johns know there's no need to come by tonight. That his full Moon experiments aren't needed." She gave me an understanding look. "I'm sure you and Max will want some privacy."

I thanked her, staring at the door as it clicked shut behind them. There was nothing worse than being alone with your thoughts.

Needing to do something, I slipped out of bed, curling up in my chair. Max's shirt was still soaked with his sweet oaky scent, but it was somehow different from before. It was deeper. More complex. I could still make out the warm oak, but there were notes of something softer—like dried tobacco leaves and straw hay.

Had Max always smelled this way, but my beta senses couldn't fully appreciate it?

My wolf whimpered as I balled Max's shirt up, pressing it against my face. I inhaled deeply, praying he'd be here soon.