Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

I have been staring up at the ceiling for so long now that I swear I can see patterns in the stone. The more I look, the more I feel like I am losing my grip on reality. Maybe this is what the king wanted, for me to go mad from being separated from his son, giving him an excuse to keep me locked away for my own safety. The lanterns are turned down low, giving off only a slight orange glow to light my little cave. It is cosy in here, but knowing that I am unable to leave takes away the comfort factor. A gilded cage is still a cage.

Sleep evades me, and the light doesn’t help as I usually require a pure black room to rest in, yet I am reluctant to turn off the lamp and throw myself into darkness. Without windows, I am unable to tell what time of day it is, and I’m completely disoriented. Not knowing the time of day also makes time pass strangely. It feels as though I have been down here for days and days. However, after watching the guards and their shift patterns, I think I have worked out their rotation, and if my math is correct, it is the middle of the night, and I have only been here a day. The weight of the castle feels like it’s pressing down on me, which only adds to the claustrophobic feeling of being trapped.

The guards have mostly left me alone, our only interactions happening when they bring me food at regular intervals. After leaving it just inside the threshold of the room, they return to their positions at the far end of the tunnel, giving me the illusion of privacy. None of them will speak with me, and when I’m not looking, I can feel their eyes on me. I can’t really blame them for their curiosity. I am a human in fae territory, so that is bound to cause a stir. Rumours are probably already spreading throughout the whole court.

At first I did try to talk to them, asking what day it was and if Alaric was okay, but I was only met with silence. I don’t bother attempting to talk to them now, instead sitting in silence in the darkness of my room. Time continues to pass strangely, each minute dragging out until it feels like an hour, and I feel as though I’m going mad.

Lying on the bed, I continue to look up at the ceiling, my body aching and mind overactive. The bond is craving the touch of my mate, but without warning, my thoughts shift, and it’s not the fiery red hair and green eyes of Alaric that appear in my mind, but someone altogether different. A pale, handsome face with shoulder-length silver hair and a demure expression flash in my mind.

Ciaran, the lord of the Unseelie Court and their next heir. The fae who needs to claim me to break the Unseelie curse. He is part of a court humans have been taught to fear, our entire lives revolving around keeping away from them. Over time, the humans must have decided it wasn’t just the Unseelie who were dangerous, but all fae. However, I have been assured that the dark court is just as evil.

Day and night. Good and evil. Seelie and Unseelie. It is simple and should be easy for me to keep them defined, but I am struggling to draw that line.

During the fire at the inn, Ciaran saved me, and instead of taking me, he saw I was injured and let me return to Alaric. It would have been so easy for him to take me back to the Unseelie Court, but that isn’t what happened. He is such a mystery to me, but a purely evil being wouldn’t do what he did.

There is no doubt that many of the Unseelie are brutal, I have seen firsthand what some of their creatures can do. Ciaran seems different. Oh, from what little interaction I have had with him, I know he’s sly and scheming, but I am trying to open my mind to the possibility that a few questionable actions doesn’t make you evil. Without having spent much time around them, it is impossible for me to make a full assessment.

All I know is that I feel connected to Ciaran. My connection with Alaric turned out to be a mate bond, but that can’t be the case here as I am already mated. The thought makes my chest tighten and my heart speed up. I can’t possibly be mated to more than one fae, especially not Ciaran. A Seelie fae and an Unseelie fae all mated to a human? I want to laugh aloud at the ridiculousness of it. It would never work. The two of them would tear each other apart.

Or perhaps you are the one who will bring them together?

That unwelcome thought causes my stomach to drop, and I am so disturbed by the notion that I swing my legs off the side of the bed and sit up, dropping my head into my hands. No, that is not happening. I am Alaric’s mate, and I only feel drawn to Ciaran because I am the doe.

I still don’t really understand what it entails to be the doe. No one has given me any answers. When I first met Ciaran in the forest between my cottage and Brine, he made a comment that I would make a perfect queen. Is that what it is? I would be expected to rule at his side? The idea makes me uncomfortable.

Groaning, I rub my hands across my face, wishing for guidance. All of this is new to me, and I have next to no information to inform me on what I should do or the specific customs of the fae. However, if I could wipe the slate clean and go back to my cottage, with no threat of the fae, would I choose my blissfully ignorant days of sitting amongst my plants in the garden and my forays into the wood to meet with Nyx?

My heart races a little, fluttering at the thought of the male cast in shadow who used to linger in the forest. We built up a relationship over time, and visiting him was the best part of my day.

Even just thinking about him now has a smile pulling at my lips like a teenager who has her first crush. This is a male I know next to nothing about, and I only discovered his name in the last week, but there is an affection for him in my heart that I can’t explain. When he was looking over me, I always felt safe and protected. It was obvious he was something other from the shadows that flickered around him, yet I have never thought of him as anything other than himself—not human, not fae, just Nyx. There is no one else like him. He is completely unique.

Leaning back against the wall, I let my eyes slide closed as I think of him, imagining he is here with me, tall and swathed in shadows. I have never seen all of his face before, but from what I have seen, I am able to piece together an image in my mind—smooth, pale skin and a strong jawline, a neatly groomed moustache and goatee, and full pink lips. His onyx eyes would narrow on me as he slowly stalked forward, the movements smooth and effortless. Climbing up onto the bed, he would crawl over on his hands and knees until he kneeled before me.

I squeeze my legs together as arousal floods my system, my body still hyped up from mating with Alaric. Should I be craving another male when I am mated to another? My mind screams that it’s wrong, but the connection that’s wrapped around my heart tells me otherwise.

My daydream suddenly shifts, and standing in the arched entrance that leads to the bathroom is a topless Alaric, watching me with Nyx. Instead of raging, he watches with hunger in his eyes, which only fans the flames of my desire.

A cough from outside my cave shatters my fantasy and jerks me back into reality. Blinking my eyes open, I sit upright and look around the small room. There is no one here, so the sound must have echoed from one of the guards. My subconscious was probably feeling jumpy because of the dirty thoughts I was having. Thoughts like that are new to me, and while I’m not guilty about having them, I feel… unfulfilled, my skin too tight over my bones. I’m going to blame it on the recent stressful events and the yearning for Alaric.

Frustrated and feeling trapped, I stand and pace the length of my room. I’m restless, and not knowing what’s happening with Alaric is driving me crazy. Blaise said he would return as soon as he could, and I hope he comes shortly, as I feel like I am losing my mind.

“Psst.”

Frowning, I stop my frenzied pacing and slowly turn. I swear I heard a whispered noise as if to call my attention, but there is no one here.

“Lady, come to me. I can get you out of here.”

Near my door is a small creature with large, childlike eyes and a thin, spindly body. As soon as my attention lands on it, it smiles and gestures for me to move closer. Intrigued but hesitant, I slowly move closer towards the doorway.

I think it is male, judging by the short, almost fluffy blond hair and masculine facial features. Despite this, he still looks like a child, mischief shining in his eyes. His smile is so full of childlike joy that I find myself letting my guard down. At his full height, he reaches my knee and is clothed in a simple shirt and trousers. My gaze drops to his large, almost skeletal bare feet, which end in claws, reminding me this is not a small child, but a fae.

Keeping a safe distance between us, I crouch so I am at the same level as him. “Who are you?” I ask quietly, glancing at the guards at the end of the tunnel.

He glances anxiously over his shoulder, indicating he is not supposed to be here. When his large head turns back to me, his eyes sparkle. He’s enjoying this.

“Merely a lowly sprite, my lady.” Sketching a low bow, the sprite looks at me solemnly, his emotions switching so quickly that I’m struggling to keep up. “I see emotions in colours, and you are the deepest blue I have ever seen.”

I don’t have to ask what blue emotions mean, not when I can feel them so strongly. His assessment doesn’t surprise me, so I say nothing, waiting for him to get to the point. Fae don’t do anything for free, so he wants something from me.

“I can help you escape,” he says again. There’s something in his eyes that belongs to someone far older than a child. I have to remember that while he looks childlike, he isn’t and is looking out for his own interests.

“You would just need to do a small task for me in return.”

He isn’t offering from the goodness of his heart. I remember Nyx’s warning—never make a deal with a fae unless you have no other choice.

Is escaping really what I want to do though? It could just make the whole situation worse. If I break out, I’ll have to live my life on the run. Alaric would then have to decide between me and his kingdom, not to mention I am far more likely to be captured by the Unseelie. What I want is for the king to release me so I can be with Alaric as we work out our next steps.

“What do you want in return?” My curiosity gets the better of me, and I can’t help but ask, butterflies fluttering in my chest. There is a restless part of me that wants to accept, to take the chance and grab onto my own destiny rather than let the king dictate my life. I could never do that to Alaric, but for a moment, I let myself ponder the possibility.

The sprite appears almost giddy with excitement, although he’s attempting to keep it back. “All I ask for is a single lock of your hair.”

This sounds too good to be true, and my inner alarm bells are ringing, warning me there is more to this. Of all the things he could have asked from me, he asks for hair. How could my hair possibly be of worth to him? There is something he isn’t telling me. I have been warned about giving anything to them, less they bewitch you with it and put you under their spell.

I start to notice something as I think on his offer. The longer I ponder, the more agitated he becomes, hopping from one foot to the other like a grasshopper. His brow furrows, and he glances over his shoulder to make sure the guards haven’t noticed him. Even if I did want to escape, I wouldn’t take him up on his offer. It is too vague, and I don’t like how shifty he seems. Why would he risk helping me out of here for some hair, unless the hair had a worth I was unaware of?

“No, thank you.” Taking a step back, I shake my head. “I don’t wish to escape today.”

Like the flip of a switch, his expression shifts into one of anger, his sharp pointed teeth on display. He no longer looks like a child, but a vicious creature that could tear you apart with his sharp claws.

“You will not be saying that in a week’s time, lady. You shall wish you took my offer while you could.” His words echo through my room, and I know I will hear his voice in my dreams. I won’t still be here in a week. No, Alaric won’t allow it. I won’t allow it. Even if I was still here, I know better than to accept a fae’s bargain.

Suddenly, the sprite’s body seems to stiffen, his eyes widening with fear, and then he disappears in a puff of smoke.

Confused, I automatically take a step away from the doorway. Straining my hearing, I listen for anything that might have caused the sprite to flee. My chest tightens with anticipation, and I stand on alert. What just happened? I glance out the doorway and see nothing has changed.

Actually, that is not true. Nothing outside the cave seems to have changed, but the darkness in my room suddenly feels more intense and familiar in a way I didn’t think possible.

There are many types of darkness. The darkness of peace and resting, of danger and secrets, of fear and monsters. There is also the darkness of lovers, both familiar and forbidden. This darkness reminds me of a person, of Nyx, which is obviously impossible, but the mixture of protection and possession has an essence about it that makes me think of him. It is probably because he is already on my mind from my little daydream.

“You made the right decision to reject his deal.”

“Nyx!” Spinning around, I see him standing in the far corner of the room, his body so wrapped in shadows that I can only make out his face. Without thinking, I race forward and wrap my arms around him. In hindsight, this was probably a stupid thing to do seeing as I don’t know if his body is corporeal or not, but I am so happy to see him. His eyes widen slightly as I throw myself towards him, and I thud into his very solid body. Instantly wrapping his arms around me, he pulls me against him, draping his shadows over me like a blanket.

I had no idea when I would get to see him again, and I didn’t think it would be for a very long time. He’s also been giving me mixed signals, yet I am just so happy to have him here that my eyes prick with tears.

“Hello, Iris.” He kisses the top of my head, sending tingles through my entire body. “Deals with the fae are complex and often only favour the one making the deal,” he explains, slowly pulling back enough so he can look down at my face, his eyes mapping every inch. “The sprite said he would help you escape, but he didn’t specify when . If you gave him what he wanted, he might not have upheld his end of the deal for fifty years.”

There is a distant part of me that is horrified at this prospect and grateful I trusted my instincts, but really, I am focused entirely on him . I want to reach up and brush my fingers over his neat beard, trace his high cheekbones, and run my hands through his hair, which is buzzed short on the sides with the long, styled locks brushed back.

Unable to hold back any longer, I reach up and touch his cheek. “You’re here,” I whisper in awe. He is really here . This isn’t a dream.

His deep, dark eyes seem to swallow me whole, his gaze never straying from my face. He reaches out and draws a slow line from my neck up to my jaw, his caress so gentle it is like the brush of a butterfly’s wing. “You are special to me, Iris. I am done staying away.”

I am struggling to accept that this is real. He’s saying everything I dreamed of him saying, but there is so much that stands between us. My feelings towards him are bright and hopeful, yet intense and overwhelming. Each thought, touch, breath, and movement is for him. We have been separated for too long, the feeling in my chest making me realise just how empty I felt without him. There is no pretending there is nothing between us any longer. Being with Alaric is magical and fulfilling, but he offers me something different to what Nyx provides me with. Each relationship is unique, yet I am incomplete without them both. They are my addiction.

I force myself to think rationally, remembering the last few times I saw him since I fled Brine. “What about what you said before? That we couldn’t be together?” Unable to think properly while he’s touching me, I untangle myself from his arms, forcing my hand to let go of his shirt. I hardly move, but he’s watching me as though I’m about to flee. I know I have to tell him about Alaric before I lose my nerve. “I have a mate now.”

Darkness seems to flicker around him as though it has a life of its own, and I swear his eyes get darker despite already being pitch black. “I know about the prince,” he responds, and although his expression doesn’t change, his words are tight. He blows out a frustrated breath and brushes his hair from his face. “The gods are messing with us, but I will not let that stop me any longer. Take my hand, and I will get you out of here.”

He sounds desperate, his extended hand waiting between us. It feels like more than a simple gesture, though, and as his magic fills the room, I get the distinct impression that whatever spell he is weaving requires me to touch his hand.

I don’t understand a lot of what he’s saying. How did he know about Alaric and me, and what does he mean about the gods messing with us? The humans don’t really pray to the gods of old anymore, but I know the fae mention them in some of their ceremonies. My own knowledge on them is limited. There is one major thing holding me back though.

“What about Alaric?”

What am I expecting him to say? That he will get the prince on our way out? No, that would never happen, and Nyx is not the type to share. I can’t leave without Alaric though, so I have to know what the plan is.

Nyx scoffs. “Alaric seems happy to let his father lock you up.” Anger ripples through him, his darkness expanding, yet it still feels like a gentle caress around me. I feel so safe in his arms. He closes the miniscule gap between us, the air so tense that I find it hard to breathe. “I would never dream of treating you like a criminal. You would be my queen, Iris. I will give you my entire world.”

Every word is seductive, and I believe him. I long for him to take me away from this place of judgement and confinement. My hand reaches out and hovers between us, my gaze on his face as I try to decide what to do. I can’t leave Alaric, but I don’t know how long I can stay down here on my own. Nyx can give that to me, and if I leave now, that will not stop me from coming back for Alaric. There is, however, still something I need to know before I accept his hand.

“How did you find me here?”

I don’t know what I’m looking for as I scan his face. I suppose I am searching for clues in his expression, but it doesn’t change, remaining unreadable.

“I will always find you, Iris.”

He’s avoiding my question. Is he trying to hide something or is he just trying to reassure me with his answers? I say nothing in response, waiting for his next move. Some might take his words as a threat, but I am able to feel his complete dedication to me. He would literally tear people apart to get to me. Something about being this close to him is allowing me to pick up on his feelings, and the depth of his devotion is astounding.

His lips part, his tongue wetting them as he starts to speak, only to cut off and look up sharply. His grip tightens on me, his firm body becoming hard and unyielding beneath me. Something happened, and he is trying to protect me.

“Something is happening. It is not safe to leave now.” He curses, his gaze high as though he’s looking through the ceiling at something transpiring far away. “I have to go, but I shall return for you, Iris. I promise.” He steps forward and cradles my face between his hands, leaning down and pressing a searing kiss to my lips. He takes my breath away, but before I can try to return the kiss, he pulls away, taking my hand and placing something in my palm. “In the meantime, I’ll leave my messenger with you.”

He gives me one last intense look and disappears in a blink of an eye. One moment, he is there, and the next, he is gone. I open my palm, not sure what he meant about a messenger. What I see makes me gasp—a black butterfly with the most gorgeous bright turquoise flashes on its wings that seem to glimmer with each movement. I have seen many butterflies in my life, but I have never seen as beautiful as this.

Gently, so as not to crush it, I walk back over to my bed and slowly lower down. Once again, I am on my own in my cell, but as the butterfly rests on my knee, I no longer feel so alone.