Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

HAYES

"Flora! Dinner's almost done!"

"Coming!"

I leave the sliding back door open, then return to my spot at the stove as I stir the mac and cheese. It's nothing fancy, but it's the best I've got, and I know Flora loves it, so that's all that matters. I did have grander plans for tonight, but with Quinn's headache, I'm going to have to hold off on those.

I look down the hall with a frown. Quinn's been in her room all afternoon, and I'm starting to wonder if she's ever going to come out. I've had to stop myself so many times from going in and checking on her. She seemed like she was in a lot of pain earlier, and I just want to let her rest, even if it does mean I'll need to re-evaluate tonight. Our plan was to put up the Christmas tree—with Flora's help, of course—and I was going to ask Quinn to move in with us in an official capacity.

I don't want Quinn to just be Flora's nanny anymore. I want her to be mine. I want her to be ours.

I simply want her.

"Oh my gosh, I'm starving," Flora says as she steps back inside, depositing her dirty shoes right by the door.

We've been working on building the swing set most of the day and have still made little progress. Mostly because we kept getting distracted doing anything but building, like playing tag and tossing around a little felt mouse for Pickles to chase. That's what Flora's been out there doing for the last half hour on her own as I get dinner ready.

"Go wash your hands, then check on Quinn, will you?" I ask as I grab some bowls out of the cabinet. "See if she wants dinner or just wants to keep sleeping."

"Aye aye!" She salutes me before racing off. I have no idea where she got that from, but it still makes me grin.

It's still so wild to me to see the difference in her from when she first got here to now. That was my biggest sign earlier that it wasn't going to work out with Rachel. Flora instantly retreated into her shell, only giving the woman short and quiet answers if she even answered her at all. I stood back and watched, noticing how flustered it made the potential new nanny. Quinn never gets flustered. She just rolls with whatever mood Flora is in.

I know there's no way I'm going to be able to find another Quinn, but I at least hope there's someone else out there with just a fraction of her charm who Flora can connect with. We're going to need them with Quinn going back to school. That's why I'm doing this, why I'm searching now. I want her to be able to focus solely on her classes that start in January and leave the rest to me and the new nanny. She deserves the best shot at this, and I'm going to do everything in my power to give it to her.

"Uncle Adam!"

I drop the wooden spoon I'm using to scoop dinner into bowls, macaroni flying everywhere at Flora's sudden outburst.

"Uncle Adam!" she screams across the house again.

I spring into action, throwing the pan onto the stove, then sprinting down the hall. She's standing in front of Quinn's room, her mouth hanging open, her eyes wide like she's frozen in horror.

"What?" I ask, dropping to my knees beside her, checking her over even though I doubt anything could have happened to her between the bathroom and here, but what else could it be? "What's wrong?"

She points to the bedroom, and I turn to look. It's empty.

Why is that so scary? Why does that require a scream? Why?—

That's when it hits me.

It's empty.

It shouldn't be empty. Quinn should be resting in her bed. She should be sleeping off the headache she has. She should be here , but she's not.

Where the hell is she?

I step into her room. Her dresser drawers are half open, clothes hanging out of them like she was rifling through them and packing a bag. My eyes shoot to the closet and—yep, her bright pink bag is missing. I wouldn't have caught it if I hadn't spent so many nights tangled up in the sheets in here.

Quinn left.

Why did Quinn leave?

"Where's Just Quinn?" Flora asks.

"I…I don't know," I say, looking around the room for any other clues, something— anything —to tell me where she could have possibly gone. Other than her purse missing, there's nothing. She's just gone.

I walk out of the room, heading to my own, Flora's footsteps behind me the whole time. I pull down the blinds, looking out to the driveway and confirming my suspicion. The cherry-red VW Bug is missing too. I run my hand through my hair, pulling on the roots as I begin to pace my room, thinking of all the places she could have gone and all the reasons she could have left.

Why did she leave? Where did she go?

"Where's Just Quinn?" Flora asks again.

"I don't know."

"But why would she leave without telling us? Where did she go? Did she take a suitcase? Is she coming back? Does she not love us anymore?"

"Fuck!" I throw my hands in the air. "I don't know, Flora! Okay? I don't know where she is!"

My niece's eyes widen, and she takes a step back. I don't blame her. I've never raised my voice at her like this before, and she doesn't deserve for me to do it now. I'm just stressed and worried and completely fucking confused.

"I'm sorry," I tell her, dropping my hands to my hips. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. It's…"

She nods like she understands. "You're worried about Just Quinn."

"Yeah. That." I scratch at my beard. "I don't know why she left."

"It was Miss Rachel. "

"Rachel?" I tip my head. "Why did she leave because of Rachel?"

"Because you're trying to replace her."

"What?" I scoff. "No I'm not. I'm trying to help her. We talked about her going back to school, remember? Quinn is going to need help when that happens."

"Does she know that's why Rachel was here?"

"Of course she does."

I mean, she has to, right? I told her I'd take care of everything. Her classes are starting next month, the holidays are coming up, and my hockey schedule is about to get even more chaotic. I want to get this worked out before I'm back in the same position I was in before the season started.

"She has to know," I mutter aloud. "I would never just replace her. I could never just replace her. She knows that, right?"

Flora shrugs. "Did you tell her? Did you use your words?"

Use your words.

Isn't that what I'm always preaching? To both Flora and to Quinn? But I didn't use my words. I just assumed we were on the same page, assumed Quinn would know why I had Rachel stop by and why I was looking for someone to help her .

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

I messed up. I messed up big-time, and I need to fix it— now . I run my hand through my beard again, trying to think of places Quinn could have run away to, but there are too many.

"Come on," I say, marching past Flora.

"Where are we going?" she asks, hot on my heels.

"To find Quinn."

"And tell her you love her?"

I stop, turning. "What?"

"You love her." She wrinkles her nose. "Don't you?"

I nod. "I do. I love her a lot. How… How did you know that?"

"I'm seven, not stupid. I have eyes." She points to them like I don't know where they are. "You guys look at each other all funny like people in movies look at each other when they're in love. Plus, I've seen you kiss."

"You have? When?"

She tucks her lips together, rocking back on her heels like she's afraid to say.

"You won't get in trouble if you tell me."

"You promise?"

"Promise."

"I…I snuck out of my room one morning to get so me pickles because I was really hungry, and I knew you weren't awake yet because you flew in super-duper late. I saw you sneaking out of Just Quinn's room, and you kissed her."

Shit. That could have been any number of mornings since I've barely spent a whole night in my room since we finally gave in to this thing between us.

This thing. Like I haven't completely fallen for the woman. Like she's not on my mind every waking hour of the day. Shit, she's even in most of my dreams too. I am totally fucked when it comes to her, and I couldn't imagine a better thing to be.

"Well, maybe no more sneaking around the house," I tell Flora. "But…you're okay with Quinn and me being together?"

"I love Just Quinn. Why wouldn't I be okay with it?"

I shake my head, not wanting to get into the power dynamics of it all with a seven-year-old. "Never mind. I…I guess I was just worried how you would feel about it."

"Happy. I'm very happy. Are you happy, Uncle Adam?"

"Very happy," I echo. "The happiest I've been in a long time."

Maybe even ever, including winning the Cup with the Carolina Comets, a defining moment of my life. With Quinn… all the moments feel like defining moments. They all feel so important, and I want more of them. I want her mornings and her nights. I want her angry and I want her happy. I want to be there when she's had a rough day so I can do everything in my power to make it better, and I want to be the one who gives her so many good days.

I just want her . Back in our house, and back in our lives for a long, long, long damn time. I don't know where she ran away to, but I will find her. I don't care if it takes me running around this city all night.

"Let's go bring our girl home," I say.

Flora claps her hands together. "Yay! Finally!"

Finally, indeed.

I get that Seattle and the surrounding suburbs are big, but I never thought it would be so hard to find someone.

I drove straight to Bess's to see if Quinn had gone there. Chuck answered and told me he hadn't seen her in days, but to maybe try the bakery, so I went there next.

She wasn't there either. Bess, of course, was, and I got a twenty-minute lecture from her about the importance of communication and a very, very detailed outline of what will happen to my body should I ever hurt her daughter intentionally or unintentionally again. Then I got a hug and Flora got a free donut. It was a weird visit.

Next, we tried the park per Flora's suggestion. I wasn't surprised when she wasn't there either. I think Flora just wanted to go so she could swing.

I even stopped by her storage unit since I know she's been spending some time cleaning it out, but then I realized I had no clue what the code was to get through the gate. I tried bribing the front office clerk with hockey tickets, but he wasn't biting. I was actually grateful for that.

"Nothing?" Flora asks as I climb back into the SUV after Tex tells me she hasn't been by the diner either.

I sigh. "Nope. She's not here either."

"Ugh." She flings herself back against the seat with a groan. "We're never going to find her. You made her leave."

"I didn't make her leave."

"Yes you did. You didn't tell her you love her and now she's gone."

She sniffles on the last word, her eyes rimmed red with unshed tears. I've never once seen this kid cry before, not in everything she's been through, and she's too damn close to it now.

"I was so close to having a mommy," she whispers, and fuck if those quiet words don't break my heart.

"Flora…Quinn isn't your mom, you know that, right?"

"I know."

"And I'm not your dad."

"I know. You're Uncle Adam. But sometimes…" She trails off, her little lip trapped between her teeth. "Sometimes I pretend you are my dad and I pretend Just Quinn is my mom and I feel so happy I could burst."

Now it's my eyes that are lined with tears. How could they not be after that? It's what every kid wants—a family. To be loved. To be happy. Flora's gotten a glimpse of that over the last few months, and now there's a chance it's being ripped away from her all because I'm a big idiot who messes everything up.

If I'm being honest with myself, I sometimes pretend I'm her dad too. It feels like I'm her dad, like she's mine. I was so scared when she first got here, so fucking worried I'd resent her for screwing my life up, but now? Now I can't imagine it without her.

And I can't imagine it without Quinn either, wherever the hell she is .

"Flora…" I clear my scratchy throat. "I'm…I'm sorry. What can I do to make this better?"

She sniffles again. "Butterscotch candies would help."

I chuckle lightly. "I can do that."

"We can stop by George's on the way home and get them."

"Yeah, we can stop by— George's! "

"That's what I said."

"No. George's! We haven't checked George's."

She gives me a look that says Why would Quinn go there? I can give her two words that explain it just perfectly.

"Butterscotch cookies."

I throw the car into reverse and go find my girl.

"You got a lot of nerve walking in here."

George rises from his stool behind the counter, the big white-haired burly man pushing to his full height. And it's…well, underwhelming. I've never not seen George on his stool, and seeing him now? It's not what I was picturing. He's so… short .

"You, however, are welcome."

He winks at Flora, who grins up at him.

"Hi, George," she says. "You got any candy?"

"Kid, this is a store. Of course I have candy. For you." His stare goes from warm to icy in one second flat when he looks over at me. "Not your uncle."

"Is she here?" I ask, ignoring the glare he's tossing my way.

"Is who here?"

I want to be annoyed by this game he's trying to play, but all I can do is love the way he's protecting her.

"I'm taking that as a yes."

"I didn't say yes."

"You didn't need to." I point to the back of the store where I know he keeps the cookies. "She's back there, isn't she?"

He shrugs. "Depends on if you're about to go break her heart some more or not."

I sigh. "I'm not, George. I didn't mean to hurt it in the first place. I'm just stupid."

"You got that right." He lifts his chin toward the back. "She's back there all right. Probably eating all my damn cookies too."

"I am not!"

Quinn.

"Flora, stay up here, okay? I want to talk to Quinn alone."

She nods. "Don't forget to use your words."

Trust me, kid. I won't forget this time .

I turn toward the back, making my way past the baking supplies and toilet paper—why they're together in one aisle, I don't know—and breathe a sigh of relief when I round the corner and see her. She's sitting beside the cookie display, her back pressed against the wall as she takes a bite of butterscotch cookie. I smile at her, but she doesn't return it.

Fuck. This might be harder than I thought.

I settle down in the spot next to her, stretching my legs out with a sigh. I did not at all anticipate my night going this way. I was planning to cuss a few times while putting up the tree, maybe complain as Quinn inevitably made us listen to Christmas music, and then I was going to ask her to move in, and she'd say yes. We'd put Flora to bed, then make love right under the tree.

That's how it should have been. Not me sitting on the floor of some dingy, outdated grocery store because I didn't do the one thing I've lectured her about over and over.

Use your words.

"I remember the first time I saw you in this store when you were trying to kidnap Flora."

Quinn huffs. "I was not trying to kidnap her. I was trying to help her because you were kidnapping her."

"I wasn't. "

She rolls her eyes, taking another bite of the cookie. "Well, obviously."

"But that wasn't the first time we met. You remember that, right?"

"You were an asshole about coffee."

I laugh. "Yeah, I was an asshole about coffee." I shake my head. "But that's not the real reason I was an asshole."

She stops chewing, then swallows. "It's not?"

"Nope. I was an asshole because I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen even though you were wearing earrings shaped like baby goats in pajamas and they were the ugliest thing ever."

"They are not ugly! That's one of my favorite pairs!"

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"Because I have good taste, and you know it." Her lips twitch. "So, you thought I was beautiful, huh?"

I nod. "I did. And it pissed me off so bad because I knew if I wasn't dealing with all the shit with Flora, I would ask you out and you would say yes, and the rest would be history."

"Wow. Confident we were a sure thing, huh?"

"Yep. Still am too."

I reach for a cookie, and to my surprise, she lets me have one. I take a bite, chew, and swallow. This is the routine for the next minute .

Then finally, when I've dusted all the crumbs away, I sigh.

"Why'd you pack a bag and run away, Quinn?"

"Why'd you invite her into our house, Hayes?" She squeezes her eyes shut. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. It's not my?—"

"You're right. It is your house too, and I should have said something to you. I thought…I thought we were on the same page."

"That we were breaking up? Um, no. I mean, can we even break up? We're not really together."

"Are we really still feeding each other that bullshit? We're together. We've been together. You know, I know, and apparently Flora knows it too."

Quinn gasps, sitting up and looking over at me for the first time, and fuck . Could I have really missed her hazel eyes so much in such a short amount of time?

Yes. This is Quinn we're talking about. Of course I did.

"Flora knows?"

"Flora knows. I guess we aren't as slick as we thought. She slipped out of her room one morning for a pre-breakfast pickle fest and saw me leaving your room. I guess she's known for a while now and it never made a lick of difference to her."

"I… Wow." She rests her back against the wall once more. "She said something to me last week, but I brushed it off as nothing. Now it makes me wonder."

"What'd she say?"

"That you look at me, whatever that means. To her, it means you're in love with me. I didn't really indulge her because I had no idea what to say. But now…"

"She said the same thing to me, about how we look at each other. She said that's what tipped her off first before she even saw us kiss. That just sealed the deal."

Quinn laughs lightly. "All this time we've been worried about what she would think and how this would affect her, but she's been fine."

We've been more stressed about it than she has, or at least I know I have. The last thing I wanted was for Flora to think I wasn't putting her first. I have been since she came to live with me. The stuff with Quinn…it never should have happened. It was wrong the way we went about it.

But now, sitting next to her, I'm glad it did happen.

"She was right, you know."

"About what?" Quinn takes a bite of another cookie. I've lost count of how many that is now.

"About me loving you."

She freezes, cookie halfway to her mouth, then she gulps down her bite roughly.

"What?"

"Are you really that surprised? "

She turns to me. "Yes! How could I not be? You… We… This wasn't supposed to happen."

"No, but it did. I love you. I know it's not what we agreed on, but I lo?—"

Quinn is kissing me. She's kissing me and she tastes like butterscotch and sugar and everything good about life. She tastes like mine.

She crawls into my lap, crushing the cookies between us, and I don't think either of us cares. We're too busy with our mouths fused together, trying to get as close as possible, even though it'll never feel like enough.

When we finally break away, we're both breathing heavily, our chests brushing as Quinn peers down at me with a grin.

"What?" I ask in a whisper.

"Nothing. I…" She sighs. "I love you too."

"You do?"

She nods. "Yeah, I really do. I don't know when it happened exactly or how or why, but I do. I love you even though I'm not supposed to. Even though it's not what we agreed on. Even though I'll probably screw this up somehow too."

I pinch her side lightly. "Stop that. You're not going to screw this up. If anything, I probably will."

She pinches me back. " You stop that. You won't screw it up. "

"Uh, hello? Do you remember why you're sitting on the floor of George's eating two dozen cookies?"

"It was not two dozen. It was only like six cookies…or nine. I don't know. I lost count." She shrugs, then twists her lips. "Why did you bring another nanny over?"

"For you."

"Come again?"

"For you," I repeat. "You start school next month, remember? I told you I was going to take care of things when it came to Flora. That includes getting a new nanny so you can focus on school and follow your dream."

She stares down at me, her mouth slightly ajar. She blinks. Then again. And again.

"You fired me so I can go to school?"

"I didn't fire you. I was just hoping you'd take on a different position. A promotion, if you will."

"A promotion? From live-in nanny to what?"

"Live-in girlfriend . Like officially. I figured you could move into my room."

"You…" She shakes her head. "You want me to move into your room? To be your official girlfriend? After everyone already knows I was your nanny first?"

"Yeah."

"That's… That's ridiculous! They're going to know, Hayes. "

"So? Do you think I give a shit what they think? I don't, Quinn. I don't care because I love you. I fucking love you, okay? I've never done that before. I've never loved someone. I've never cared enough to love someone because why should I? People are shitty. But you… You're not. You're everything I didn't know I needed. You're smart, and you're funny, and you're so good to Flora. You wear stupid earrings that drive me nuts, and you eat way too much fucking butterscotch, but you have a big heart and an even bigger ass, and I just love you, okay? I'm just madly fucking in love with you. Can't you believe that?"

A slow smile curves her lips.

"What?" I ask softly, not sure I want to know the answer when she's looking at me like she is.

"You just somehow managed to insult me and compliment my big ass while also telling me you're madly in love with me."

"I'm…sorry?"

"Don't be. It was perfectly you. It's what I love about you." She sucks in a deep breath. "I think I might have fallen for you when you came over to my apartment and forced me to eat pizza."

"When I found your box of sex toys, you mean?"

"If I remember correctly, you're quite fond of those sex toys."

I smirk, remembering the last time we played with them when I fucked her from behind while torturing her clit with a wand. She was so spent afterward I had to carry her to the shower and wash her myself.

"Anyway," she says, "you barged into my apartment and helped me pack. You yelled at me for inviting strangers into my house, then you fed me pizza and I was so confused. I couldn't understand how you could be such a jerk one minute, then sweet as hell the next. But then I realized that's just who you are. You act like you don't care, but you do. You probably care way more than anyone else. You care about Flora, you care about me, you care for your teammates. You're a good guy with a big heart that you hide behind this fa?ade. You let everyone think you're just an immature, irresponsible moron, but you're not. You had a shit life. You were dealt horrible parents and possibly an even worse brother, and yet, you still made something of yourself. Yeah, you've made some mistakes along the way, but who hasn't? All through that, you've owned up to it. You've never shied away or pretended to be anything other than who you are, and it's admirable, really. You're just you , and that's what I love so much. Well, that and the way you whisper honey in my ear when you're deep inside me."

I laugh, loving that she had to ruin her speech like I ruined mine. That's who we are. We're both messes, and that's why we work so well together .

I slide my hand around the nape of her neck, pulling her to me and brushing my lips against hers in a soft kiss.

"I love you, Quinn Penelope Benson."

"And I love you, Adam Definitely Named After a Vampire Doctor Hayes."

I roll my eyes. "You're so annoying."

"I know. But you love that about me."

"I do. I really, really do."

She kisses me again. Hard and fast, then soft and slow. It's chaotic, but that's just how Quinn is. It turns out the thing I hated about her at first is the part I love the most.

"So…" I say when we pull apart. "I guess that means you're coming home, right?"

"What about Rachel?"

"Nah. She's not going to work out."

She looks surprised. "Why not?"

"Well, for starters, she kept calling Flora Florence ."

"You can learn a person's name."

"Sure, but Flora didn't seem that into her."

"No? I'm surprised. I'm surprised you weren't into her."

She mutters that last part, and I pull my brows together. "What do you mean?"

"She was hot, Hayes."

"I wouldn't know. "

"Oh, please." She rolls her eyes, her gaze dropping to my chest—anywhere but at me. "You can't tell me you didn't notice."

I grab her chin, pulling her face toward mine.

"I wouldn't know," I repeat. "All I see is you, honey."

I know in the deepest part of my heart, she's all I will ever see, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life proving it to her.