Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

QUINN

"Are you sure this is okay?"

Hayes lets out an exasperated sigh. "Yes."

I bet he is irritated. This isn't the first time I've asked the question. Or the second. Or even the third.

"But I'm not family. I'm just the nanny."

Just the nanny, I say like he didn't eat my pussy this morning before the sun even rose. I haven't been just the nanny for quite some time now, and with the look Hayes is currently giving me, he's thinking the same too. But going to a family skate day? That feels out of line, even for me.

"You're family, Quinn. Just deal with it."

I nod, following behind him through the parking lot as we walk into the arena. Halfway across, Flora holds her hand out for me, and I smile, catching up with them and grabbing it. She grins up at me .

Maybe Hayes is right because I certainly feel like family right now.

The last two weeks have flown by, and I swear Flora is becoming more and more like a kid every day. She's obsessed with Pickles and is doing so well with all the tasks that come with having a pet. And Hayes… Well, he's spent every night he can in my room, and I have no complaints about it. I should, but I don't. We've been having far too much fun for me to worry about any potential fallout.

We make our way into the rink, and it's so strange to see the building so quiet. The few times I've been here have been during games when it's bustling and filled to the brim with people.

"Hey, Gino," Hayes says, nodding at the security guy standing off to the side as he leads us through the building.

We get a short tour as we make our way down to ice level, where many players are already out skating around with their families.

"Hayes!" an older man with gray streaks in his dark hair calls out, waving us over.

A gorgeous redhead who must be at least ten years younger than him stands at his side, beaming up at him with nothing but love in her eyes.

"Hey, Coach." Hayes shakes the older man's hand. "Thanks for having us. "

"Of course, of course." He drops his eyes down to Flora, who is now hiding halfway behind my legs. "Hi, Flora. Good to see you again."

She smiles shyly, her cheeks turning pink. "Hi, Coach Smith."

She's clearly smitten with him, and all I can think is, Same, girl. Same. I've never really been into older guys, but I could certainly get into this man. He turns his attention to me, and I can't help but stand up a little straighter. I've met a few of Hayes's teammates, but this is different, and I'm admittedly a little nervous about today.

Will they be able to tell we're sleeping together? That he sneaks into my room every night and whispers dirty, dirty things into my ear? That he calls me honey and fucks me until I scream? I sure as hell hope not. I don't need their judgment. I get enough of that from my family, thank you.

"Which must make you Quinn. Heard a lot about you. All good, of course." He tugs the redhead to his side. "This is my Emilia."

Not This is Emilia . No. My Emilia. I want to be somebody's my .

I sneak a glance over at Hayes and am surprised to find he's already watching me. I can't quite decipher the look in his eyes, which are a shade or two darker than normal .

I swallow, then turn back to the coach and his partner, waving at them. "It's lovely to meet you both."

"We have skates here you can use." Emilia points to a rack holding several different pairs. "Or if you brought your own, that's fine too. We also have snacks and drinks over there." She points across the way. "We just ask that you don't bring them onto the ice. Other than that, have fun!"

We thank them and move to the rows of skates. Hayes explains the sizing and picks out the best ones he can find, then directs us to one of the benches they have set out. Hayes gets his skates on, then works on Flora's while I lace up my own, having been out skating with Brody several times. I'm no expert like Hayes is, but I know enough.

"You ready, kid?" Hayes asks Flora once she's all laced up and ready to go.

She looks out to the ice, her lips turned down. "I don't know…"

She's scared. I try to look at it from her perspective—this big arena with bright lights and loud music and people she doesn't know. Not to mention she's never done this before. I would probably be scared too if I were her.

"Your uncle and I will be right there with you the whole time, okay? We'll even hold your hands if you need us to. "

"You promise?"

I tuck my lips together to hide my smile and nod. "I promise. Right, Hayes?"

He nods. "Yep. We'll be right there. Promise."

"Then okay," she says, rising from the bench. "Let's go."

I look over at Hayes, who has pride shining in his eyes as she shoves her shoulders back and shimmies out toward the ice. She slips when she takes her first step, but Hayes is there to catch her, and she gives him a wobbly smile.

"See? Told you I got you. You okay?"

She nods. "I'm good."

She tries again, making it a few feet this time before stumbling. I skate slowly beside them as we make it halfway across the ice, Flora getting braver by the second.

"You're doing great, kid," Hayes tells her. "I'm proud of you."

"Th-Thanks," she says, still a little shaky.

We do this for about ten more minutes before she asks to try by herself.

"Are you sure?" Hayes asks, frowning slightly, and I love that he's so worried for her.

She bobs her head up and down, her tongue poking out the side of her mouth as she concentrates on skating. "I'm ready. "

"Then go for it. I'll stay nearby in case you need me."

She takes off, her little legs moving as fast as she can get them to. She's not smooth by any means, but she's doing it. Hayes hangs back with me, watching her closely.

"She's horrible," he says, and I laugh.

"We can't all be professional skaters, you know."

He moves toward me, and for a second, I think he's going to wrap his arm around my waist and tug me to him, but he stops, almost like he catches himself, and I exhale sharply. I glance around, making sure nobody just saw that, but instead of being relieved they're not paying attention, I'm hit with jealousy because that's what they're all doing—touching. Laughing. Playing with one another.

The only person I want to touch me can't.

"Dude, is that the kid?" asks a mammoth of a man as he skates up to us. He's scowling like he's angry, but I have a feeling that just might be how his face is. "She's as bad a skater as Lawson."

"Hey! I'm not bad!" the man in question insists, skating to an abrupt stop and throwing snow up on the other grumpy-looking guy. "Stop being a dick, Keller."

"Stop saying dick . There are kids around," Keller throws back.

I laugh, and all eyes turn to me .

"Ah." Keller grins roguishly. "You must be the nanny ."

I'm not sure I love the way he says it or how Hayes's shoulders stiffen when he does.

"Kells…" he warns.

"What?" The guy shrugs. "She is, isn't she?"

"I am." I stick my hand out. "But I usually prefer to go by Quinn."

He slips his hand in mine, and the only thing I can think is It's not Hayes. It's not bad, but it's not the same either.

"Nice to meet you, Quinn ."

"You too."

Hayes steps forward, his shoulder brushing against mine, and I drop Keller's hand instantly.

"Who did you bring?"

Keller points to the corner where an old man stands talking to Coach Smith. "My neighbor Harry. He's a big hockey guy. Probably having the time of his life right now."

"Holy shit. Did you, like, do something nice for somebody?" Lawson gapes at his teammate.

"Shut up," Keller grumbles, and I have a feeling this is highly unusual for him.

"I think it's awfully nice you brought him along," Fox says, skating up to the group. "Ma'am." He tips his hat at me with a shy grin .

" Awfully nice ," Lawson mocks. "See? I told you you say shit like that, country boy."

"Be nice, Lucas." Rory stops next to Lawson, her arm looped through Auden's. I've never seen them together before, and even though I know they're twins, I still didn't expect them to look so much alike.

"Hey, Quinn." Auden smiles at me. "You having fun listening to these idiots bicker?"

"They're…something."

Hayes looks down at me. "I'm sorry. I should have warned you."

"Brody Benson is my brother, remember?"

"Holy shit," Hutch says, wrapping his arms around Auden's middle and tugging her back against him, and I try not to let myself be envious of the simple action. "You're Benson's little sister? From Tennessee? No way."

I shrug. "That'd be me."

"That guy is amazing. Sucks to play against him because he's so fast, but damn is he fun to watch."

I smile, loving how they talk him up. Brody, of course, would let their praise go right to his head, but he's just like that. Always loves having his ego stroked.

"Dude, look at Flora, Hayes." Lawson points across the ice. "She's fitting right in with Locke and his ten thousand nieces and nephews."

We all look over and yep, Flora is having the time of her life, skating around with Locke and a whole horde of kids.

"Man really took family day to heart," Keller remarks with his arms crossed over his chest.

"You're just sad your mom didn't want to be your date, huh?"

"Actually, I was more upset your mom turned me down. She was busy?—"

"Don't finish that sentence, Keller!"

Lawson charges after him, but he skates away. Hutch and Fox take off after them.

"Dammit," Coach Smith says. "Boys!"

Then he joins in on the kerfuffle. It's chaos, but that's the beauty of hockey. It's wild and rough and certainly never boring.

Hayes looks down at me. "I should probably go help. You good?"

I wave him off. "I'll stay with the girls. Go rescue Keller. He might need it."

"Oh my god. Don't let Lawson hear you say that. He'll never shut up if he knows you like him." Rory rolls her bright green eyes.

"I don't understand how you put up with him half the time," her twin says with a shake of her head.

"Honestly, me either. But he's Lawson, so…" Rory smiles as she watches his teammates try to wrestle La wson off Keller, completely smitten with the exhausting man.

That same bitter taste from before climbs its way back up my throat. They're so free with their feelings and looks and touches, and I want that too. I look over at Hayes, who has given up on helping keep Lawson and Keller separated and is now over with Flora, teaching her how to skate backward.

He's changed so much since I first met him. He's not so on edge all the time, relaxing into his guardian role. He's become patient and gentle. Watching them, you'd never think they're uncle and niece. They're more like father and daughter, and it warms my heart to know he's loving Flora like she was always meant to be loved. She deserves it, and he does too.

"How is Flora doing with Pickles?" Rory asks as we begin a slow lap around the 200-foot rink. "Everyone adjusting okay?"

"They're both great," I tell her. "The cat even sits on the edge of the tub with her while she showers. They're infatuated with one another."

"I love that. My cat, Hades, is the same way. And of course, Lawson takes Daisy everywhere, even places he's not supposed to."

"Still cannot believe he snuck her into a movie theater," Auden says .

Rory just shrugs like she expects nothing less, and I'm sure she doesn't at this point.

"So, how are you liking working for Hayes?" Auden asks. "It's been what, two months now?"

I nod. "Yeah. It's going great, actually. I wasn't sure at first because I've barely babysat, but Flora is like the easiest kid ever."

"Wait. If you hadn't nannied before, how'd you get into this whole thing with Hayes?"

"Actually, it was my mother's doing. She knew Hayes because he's a regular at her bakery, and when she found out he needed a nanny, she sort of volunteered me. I happened to be between jobs at the time, then one thing led to another, and…well, here we are." I shrug.

"Wow. That's amazing. You like it, then?"

"I do. It's the best job I've ever had."

The words tumble out of me before I even realize what I'm saying, and the craziest part is that they're completely true. This is the best job I've ever had, and I don't just mean because of the money and the sweet, sweet benefits. I genuinely like nannying. I like playing with Flora and I like teaching her. Those little moments when everything clicks for her… I don't know. They make me happy, make me feel like I've accomplished something. This truly has been the best job for me, and I've had a lot of jobs .

"Have you thought about taking that and doing something else with it? Maybe teaching?"

"Auden," Rory scolds out of the side of her mouth. "Geez."

"What? I was just curious. She's got that spark in her eye, the same one you get when you talk about animals or when Hutch talks about hockey or me when I talk about building something—passion."

Is that what she sees? Truthfully, I hadn't given the job much thought beyond what I've been doing. Yes, I like spending time with Flora, but becoming a teacher? I don't know. Could I even do something like that? It's a big responsibility, and we all know how irresponsible I am.

But the thought doesn't scare me as much as I thought it would. In fact, it sounds like fun. Like something I might actually be able to do.

"I don't know. We'll see," I say noncommittally, but the idea still spins in the back of my mind.

We do a few laps around the rink, then when I see Flora is still busy with Locke and Hayes has his eye on her, I skate off to find a bathroom. Auden's words stick with me the whole time.

Is there really passion in my voice when I talk about taking care of Flora? Is teaching really an option for me? It would require me to go back to college for a third time, something I'm sure would please my parents but would give my siblings more ammunition if I fail. Is that something I want to really do? Could I even do it while still being a nanny?

I like to think I'm handling it all quite well between Flora's school schedule, Hayes's hockey schedule, and now taking care of Pickles too. Heck, I've even managed to clean out half of my storage unit over the last few weeks, and I haven't even spent any of the money I've made from selling it all. Would adding a few courses really be that hard?

I finish up my business in the bathroom and pull open the door only to step right into a brick wall that smells distinctly of cedar.

Hayes.

He catches me as I stumble, moving us back into a darkened corner and crowding me against a wall.

"Fancy meeting you here."

It's all he says before he takes my lips in his, kissing me hard until I'm gasping for air. When he pulls back, my knees are shaking, my breaths just as unsteady.

"Well, hello to you too." I smile up at him, and it's a long way given he didn't take his skates off and now stands even taller than usual. Why is that so damn hot?

"Sorry. I couldn't resist. Haven't gotten a chance to do that yet today."

I want to remind him we usually don't do that until he slips into my room under the darkness of night, but I can't be bothered. Not when I want to kiss him again so badly.

I do, pushing up to my tiptoes and sliding our lips together in a soft, slow kiss. His tongue moves into my mouth, slick against mine as he explores, making me moan and writhe against him. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know this is a bad idea since we're so exposed, but then he presses his hard cock against me, and I lose all ability to think properly.

"You feel so fucking good," he murmurs into my neck. "Wish I could fuck you right here."

"Me too."

"Last night wasn't enough."

"It wasn't," I agree as he nips at my neck and I run my nails over his scalp, loving how soft his auburn locks are between my fingers.

"I can't wait to get you naked again."

"I can't wait either."

"Can we leave the lamp on tonight? I want to take you in front of the mirror. I want you to see how good you look when you're stretched around my cock."

"We can do anything you want," I promise him, meaning every word.

"Anything, hmm?" He slips his hand into the back of my jeans. "Even have a go at that sweet, sweet ass of yours?"

I hum with pleasure. I've never done any ass play, always been too scared. But with Hayes? I trust him so much I'd be willing to try just about anything.

"Did you wear this on purpose?" he asks, fingering the hem of the Serpents jersey I'm wearing, the one with the number 18 on the back. "Just to tease me?"

I lift a shoulder. "Maybe."

"Fuck, you don't even know how hard I am seeing you in this."

I giggle. "Considering your cock is poking me in the stomach right now, I'd say I have a good idea."

"It's going to kill me staying away from you the rest of the afternoon, you know that, right?"

The feeling's mutual.

But I don't voice that out loud. It makes me think of all the times I've had to resist reaching out for him. All the times I've had to stop myself from kissing him when he's extra gentle with Flora. All the times I've had to walk away because I almost say something that resembles me liking him.

It's getting to be too many to count.

"We should probably get back out there," he says after kissing me breathless again. There's no way my lips aren't going to be swollen when we go back to the ice. "You go first."

"Me? Why me?"

"Um, because my dick is as hard as steel right now and I should probably think of horrible things to get it to go down?"

I laugh, shoving him away when he tries to kiss me again.

"I think if you stopped kissing me, that would help."

"Or," he says, stalking closer, "I could just kiss you again."

And because I'm weak, I let him. This time when he breaks the kiss, I swear it's the last.

"We should probably get back out there," I repeat his words.

"Or…" His eyes spark with mischief.

"Adam," I warn.

I realize my mistake instantly as his eyes darken.

"Oh, honey…" he whispers before reaching for me again, and I can't help but giggle, excited for what's to come.

But it's not at all what I was expecting.

A throat clears. We freeze. Hayes stands in front of me, keeping me hidden as best he can, craning his neck to see who's there.

"Hey, Hutch," he says calmly, like he doesn't have his hand up my shirt. "What's up?"

"Flora's asking for you," the Serpents captain says.

"Okay. I'll be there in a second."

"And Quinn too. "

I gulp.

Fuck. I got so carried away with Hayes just now, I forgot all about Flora for a moment. This is why I couldn't be a teacher. Not because I'm incapable of doing the schooling, but because I'm too unreliable, too flighty. Too irresponsible. Just like everyone's always said.

"Be there in a second," Hayes repeats.

He doesn't look back at me right away. He's too busy watching Hutch as he retreats back toward the ice, and there's no mistaking the panic in Hayes's eyes. He lets me go as soon as Hutch is gone, putting far more distance between us than we have in a long, long time. I miss him instantly.

He hitches his thumb over his shoulder. "We should probably…"

There's no playfulness behind his words anymore. He means it this time. Our stolen moment is over, and it's back to pretending we're strangers, pretending he doesn't know every inch of my body or how to turn me on with one simple look.

"Yeah." I nod, pushing off the wall and running my hands through my hair. "Let's get back out there."

I breeze past him, ignoring the look he's giving me, the one that says he wishes he never followed me back here. I drop down onto the bench, reaching for the skates I abandoned. I'm slowly lacing them up when Hayes goes marching past me, ignoring me like I'm not even there.

I might as well not be. I don't belong here. I'm not family. I'm just the nanny.

And that's all I'll ever be.

"Pickles!"

I whip my head toward the ice and watch in horror as Flora flails around, chasing after a small black kitten that's slipping and sliding across the ice.

What the fuck?

"What the fuck?" Hayes voices my thought out loud, skating after them both.

Everyone scrambles to get out of the way, all watching the frenzied scene in front of us unfold. I run to the edge of the ice, snatching up the kitten just as it tries to run off.

"Pickles, what the hell are you doing here?" I ask, snuggling the frightened animal close.

"Flora, what the…" Hayes says, catching up to her as she stops in front of me. "Where did Pickles come from?"

"My pocket." She points to the front pocket of her hoodie.

"You had her in there the whole time?"

She nods. I thought her pocket looked heavy, but I just figured it was stuffed with snacks or toys or a book, not a damn kitten. I guess I should have known, though. She carries the little thing everywhere with her. Of course she'd want to bring her to the rink today.

"Where did you…" Hayes shakes his head. "Where did you even get the idea to bring her with you?"

Flora points across the ice, right at the guy standing with his arm around Rory. "Uncle Lawson told me I could!"

"Lawson!" Hayes growls, skating after him, and for the second time during family skate day, the guys have to wrestle someone off Lawson, Coach Smith getting right in the middle of it.

I stand on the sidelines watching it all go down.

Just like I always do.

Just like I always will.